The Great Mistake of Severus Snape
by ArwenFairTinuviel
Summary: After calling her a Mudblood, Severus struggles with his intensifying desire for Lily Evans. But his fight to regain her friendship and earn her love is hindered not only by James, who takes up Dumbledore's special defence class with Lily, but also by himself. Can he succeed as the tension heightens between Lily and her two admirers? Or will Severus' mistakes spiral out of control?
1. A drop of luck

_**Author's note:**__ This is my first fic set in the Marauders' era so I would be grateful for any feedback or comments you could give! I have the bulk of several chapters already written but I would be happy to take on board any suggestions you have for improvement. Just so you know I'll be sticking to canon as much as possible, but I am not going to give away the final pairing until near the end._

_This initially started off as a parallel story to A Trickery with a Twist to give some depth and background to Snape's reactions, but it's morphed into a piece that easily stands well alone. I hope you enjoy this as much as I'm enjoying writing it!_

**The Great Mistake of Severus Snape**

_**After calling her a Mudblood, Severus struggles with his intensifying desire for Lily Evans. But his fight to regain her friendship and earn her love is hindered not only by James, who takes up Dumbledore's special defence class with Lily, but also by himself. Can he succeed as the tension heightens between Lily and her two admirers? Or will Severus' mistakes spiral out of control?**_

**Chapter 1. A drop of luck**

Severus was practically hopping outside the dungeons by the time Professor Slughorn appeared at the doorway to let the sixth years in for their first NEWT lesson. Having arrived a full ten minutes early with the hope of catching Lily beforehand, Severus had once again been forced to suffer her poignant absence and sink back into his miserable reflections over his own wretched situation.

All summer long he had yearned for the chance to speak to Lily and apologise for his hurtful behaviour after the OWL exams at the end of last year. He had wished for all he was worth that he could admit he had been wrong and rid the horrible picture of her face contorted in hurt and betrayal from his mind. But in all their weeks at home, when they were so tantalisingly close to each other, Lily had refused point-blank to see him and he had been denied any chance to plead his guilt and win her back as his best friend.

So he had counted down the slow torturous weeks, waiting with mounting anticipation for yesterday, the First of September, when they had taken the Hogwarts Express… only to find that Lily had chosen a seat in a compartment with Potter and his gang, and there was _no_ chance Severus could express his mind in _their_ company.

And all since then Lily had been streaking around the castle from one place to another as if the wind was behind her and he was entirely invisible to her. Even in Charms that morning she had not once looked at him – Severus knew, he had been unable to resist twisting round to glance at her every few seconds - at least until Potter had noticed and subsequently teased him that he had ants in his pants… Severus grimaced at the memory. The four Gryffindors' howls of laughter had attracted Professor Flitwick's attention and since he had not been concentrating on his charm and could not perform it, he had been delayed from leaving on the bell. So he had had to patiently wait there, itching to catch up with Lily while he was laboriously given extra homework and took what was rightfully Potter's scolding… and was once again denied the chance to make his apology to Lily. He recalled how swiftly she had exited the classroom.

It then occurred to him that Lily was acting as if she very much wanted to avoid him… A frown settled on Severus' face as he leant back against the cool, hard stone wall and balled his hands into tight fists. This was unbearable…

Knowing she was here, in this very same castle, about to be in the very same room, made Severus beside himself with a potent mixture of highly-strung nerves and excitement. His heart was jolting about inside his chest as if he had all the energy in the world, but the rest of his body felt so weary from all the nervous adrenaline that had been overpowering his blood for the last few days that he didn't know what in the name of Merlin to do with himself; he paced backwards and forwards in front of the door; he stood still; he went and sat on the steps; he leapt up and fidgeted on the spot; he tried leaning against the wall again… and by the time it was two minutes until the lesson was due to commence and other students began arriving, swiping from him his chance for confronting Lily in private, Severus thought he might just explode with the impossibility of the situation.

As soon as the door was open he rushed past a baffled Professor Slughorn into the cool dungeon and set up feverishly at his usual table, feeling immediately at home laying out his various books and ingredients in his favourite classroom. A devious smile formed over his lips – he and Lily always worked together in Potions so this time he was sure to be granted with her company. He felt the most cheerful he had for some time as he arranged the roots and herbs on the table in the precise order he knew that Lily liked them to be in. It felt good to know that soon she would join him and he would lift the suffocating weight off his chest.

After a minute spent with bated breath, Lily entered the classroom.

Severus lifted his head hopefully, striving to catch her eye. But with horror he saw that Lily did not even glance over to him. Lily lifted her chin and marched pointedly in the opposite direction, taking up seat with Remus Lupin instead.

Severus' jaw dropped open in hurt and betrayal. He knew he had offended Lily, but he had not expected _this _show of spite. He found himself still gaping when Peter Pettigrew bobbed into view. He also seemed to find this change of situation incomprehensible and was revolving in the aisle like a spinning-top, unsure of where to go or what to do. Finally his shoulders dropped despondently and he wound his way over to Severus' table, snatching up the only free stool and scooting to the furthest inch of the table as possible. A growl of annoyance escaped Severus' mouth and provoked a squeak from Pettigrew, who promptly toppled off his stool and was forced to grapple with the table to stay upright.

_Great_, Severus thought angrily, slamming his knife down onto the table so hard that Pettigrew flinched and he made a dent in the wood, _Lily hates me and now I am lumbered with this idiot._ As Slughorn called everyone to attention, his eyes moved sullenly over to Lily, who was seemingly in deep conversation with Remus. But as if she felt Severus' burning gaze upon her, her eyes flicked suggestively to meet his. She saw the ferocity of the emotions in his intense stare and she dropped her gaze, blushing. Severus' eyes narrowed as he analysed the frown forming on her face. Was this a little sign that she was ashamed of her cruel behaviour? Or was she scolding herself for even just _looking _at him? Severus sighed, answerless, and his eyes turned to mere slits.

Lily was now looking very distracted. She seemed to be struggling to give Remus an adequate answer but at that moment James Potter leaned over from the adjacent table and saved her the embarrassment. Severus saw with repulsion that his eyes were bright, clearly triumphant that Lily had finally discarded her Slytherin friend and joined the other Gryffindors. He said something that caught Lily's attention and she turned instead to listen to him, removing her face from Severus' scrutiny.

Severus glared at James murderously, hating him for stealing Lily away. He refused to listen to a word Slughorn was saying and was trusting that his Potions instincts would get him through this class with the winning potion as usual. He couldn't help but resign to the conviction that it would now be incomprehensibly difficult to get Lily to accept his apology - if he could even offer it to her at all with her shunning him like this. For a while Severus took out this vicious frustration by imagining what it would be like to force a poison down Potter's throat and watch him squirm and writhe at his feet; but then James' eyes shot from Lily to him and a smug little smile ignited on his face, forcing Severus to look away scowling bitterly.

He was then distracted from his dangerously morbid thoughts when he saw Lily's hand rise into the air. As her voice filled the echoic dungeon Severus cottoned on that she was answering a question from Professor Slughorn.

"…I think it's Felix Felicis, sir."

At the sound of her voice an involuntary sigh eased itself out of Severus' parched lips, momentarily anaesthetising his pain. Slughorn's words slowly filtered through his drugged consciousness.

"…Indeed that is right, Lily! And this is the prize I am offering at the end of this class for the pair who can brew the best Draught of Living Death. For those of you who do not know, this is a prize well worth striving for – but no students have yet brewed me a perfect draught. Nevertheless, turn to page ten of your new textbooks and we'll see how rusty your potion-making has become over the summer. Off you go, and good luck!"

Now Severus was sitting bolt upright, no longer festering in a foul mood, his thoughts running quickly. Felix Felicis, he knew what _that_ was. It was liquid luck, and if he needed any luck, it was now… He knew that it would take far more than luck to get Lily to change her mind about him, but if she was hesitating – if she felt something for him – a little drop of luck might be all he needed to push her over the edge…

Severus smirked, feverishly fingering the correct page of his textbook. A couple of feet away, Pettigrew copied him and fumbled with the pages of his book, too. Severus nearly felt like laughing when he scanned the list of ingredients for the potion. Only two days into his summer holiday he had bought their book for sixth year potions, and with the aim of impressing Lily he had proceeded to practise as many potions as he could during his time at home and even toy with improving them. And the Draught of Living Death… _Aha!_ This was easy. The only problem was… Pettigrew.

"Do exactly what I say," Severus snarled at Pettigrew, who quivered as if he had just been slapped, and Severus immediately set to chopping up his Valerian roots with refined haste. "Crush these beans with the side of my knife."

There was an odd stifled sound and Severus spared the podgy boy next to him a withering look; he seemed to be struggling between the urge to say something and his fear of being snapped at.

"What?" he demanded.

Pettigrew's eyes flicked across the classroom to where his friends were, clearly further away than he found comfortable. "It says here we should cut up the beans…" he mumbled, fumbling timidly with the knife.

"If you want that Felix Felicis, you will have to crush them!" Severus said dismissively, sprinkling the first few ingredients into their shared cauldron.

Pettigrew gave another squeak and promptly dropped the knife, narrowly missing his own foot. Severus rolled his eyes. At this rate, Pettigrew would _only_ be crushing Sopophorous Beans this lesson, but perhaps that was a good thing. Severus admired his purple potion and then cast an inquisitive glance over to the Gryffindors. To his pleasure, James was bickering with Sirius and Lily looked quite stressed as Remus stirred their potion feverishly. For a second, Severus was overcome by the sorely tempting impulse to go and reveal to her his secret of the beans… but then he remembered the Felix Felicis and a cunning smile tweaked at his lips. No, if she wouldn't work with him, he would beat her to the prize and earn her respect that way… he would make her regret her choice to abandon him.

When Slughorn called time up Severus was trembling with undiluted excitement. Having avoided having his little finger chopped off by Pettigrew and elbowed him out of the way just in time to stop a disastrous addition to their concoction, everything had gone smoothly. He had checked and double-checked his little notes in the margins, but for the most part he remembered his improvements to the recipe, having last made this potion only a few weeks ago. He was sure the contents of his cauldron were perfect.

Slughorn began perusing the class, tentatively peering over the rim of each table's cauldron and sniffing the curling vapours. Severus watched him intently and noticed with anxiety his expression change from impassiveness to eagerness as he looked into Lily and Remus' cauldron. Before he knew what he was doing, Severus had a lapse of faith in his own ability; he slipped out his wand and muttered, "_Confundus!"_

"Hmm…" Slughorn smiled pleasantly but moved on from Remus and Lily without further comment. Lily's hopeful expression fell and Severus smiled smugly, the tension easing from his muscles. Any moment now…

"Oh my!" Slughorn exclaimed. "Oh my, oh my! The clear winner! What a perfect lilac colour, just as if I had brewed it myself. Here you are, Severus. Well done, as always." While he fumbled around in his pocket to find the vial of Felix Felicis, Slughorn looked to Severus' side to also praise his partner. However, upon seeing Peter Pettigrew, not Lily Evans, he merely gave a weak smile before whole-heartedly shaking Severus' hands and bestowing upon him the golden vial. Severus grinned voraciously and looked at James, who quickly turned away, his shoulders sagging with disappointment. Severus licked his lips and, checking that nobody else was paying him any further attention, unstoppered the vial and took a brief swig.

Beside him Pettigrew gaped, but Severus chose to ignore him and packed up his things, finding an uncharacteristic feeling spreading throughout his body and mind. All of a sudden he was feeling as happy and encouraged as if he was already halfway there in persuading Lily to reconsider him. He had to restrain the urge to skip out of the classroom and then he bounded up the stairs, seconds later catching up with Lily and Remus.

"Lily, could I have a word?" he said, uncharacteristically brightly. She and Remus both turned hesitantly as if surprised at Severus' audacity to confront her. Lily looked like she wanted to give an excuse but before she could come up with one Remus smiled amicably at Severus and carried on up the stairs, joining James and Sirius and abandoning Lily on her own. She lowered her eyes to her feet, clearly unhappy at being deserted with Severus, and stubbornly refused to even meet his unmoving gaze.

"You should come back to our table next class," Severus suggested, keeping his voice soft in an attempt to ease her into conversation.

Lily remained scowling and watched the rest of the class file by. "Why would I want to do that?" she said acidly. "Our draught was just as good as yours. I don't need your help in Potions."

Her words were sharp but the hopefulness Felix had brought on refused to be stung by them. "But you need your friend," Severus said softly as they were left alone on the stairs. "I know how lonely you were over the holiday, with no one but your muggle-sister for company… Admit it, you missed me Lily."

"Have you been spying on me?" she demanded accusingly, flicking her eyes angrily onto him and then away once more. "I thought I made it quite clear that first week of the holiday when you waylaid me in the park, I didn't want anything more to do with you. James is right, you can be creepy."

Severus sighed, feeling hurt that Lily was professing to be as repulsed by him as he had always feared. He even avoided slating off James in an attempt to persuade her he wasn't the twisted dark creature she seemed to believe he now was.

"I just wanted to check you were okay…" he pleaded. "I thought you might be feeling down after what happened at the end of last term…" He was thinking of the breaking of their friendship.

Lily glared at him. "You mean when you called me a Mudblood?"

"Oh." Severus quickly gathered his thoughts, startled by the intensity of her gaze. "Yeah, Lily, I'm sorry. I really am."

She looked at him scathingly. That apology had been rather lame after all, he realised.

"No, wait! Lily, please listen, I honestly am sorry!" He held her beautiful green eyes unwaveringly. "I really am so sorry for calling you that name. It's been haunting me all summer long and it's been torture not even having the opportunity to apologise to you. I wish you could forgive me…" He wondered how he could live without those emerald eyes ever settling upon him again.

Lily's lips were pursed in a thin, tight line, which for the first time made Severus think of her sister Petunia. She was analysing him sceptically. "If you were really sorry Severus, you would tell me why," she decided eventually.

He winced. "Lily, I never meant to hurt you! I was just scared and angry, and so humiliated that I panicked and the word slipped out! But I regretted it instantly–"

"You refused to apologise!" she cut in.

"Well, _almost_ instantly," Severus corrected himself. "But after the whole summer… I've barely been able to think of anything else… I am so ashamed of what I did, and I have been so afraid of losing you, Lily… You're not a friend like any other… You mean everything to me, surely you must realise that…?" His voice dropped to a haunting whisper.

Lily was staring at him, her eyes round and searching.

"Lily? What is it?" he whispered. Severus now realised that he had revealed a little more of his feelings for her than he had planned. Fear suddenly seared through him. It was so unlike him for his tongue to be loose and betray the emotions he carefully concealed deep within… perhaps it was Felix taking control of his words.

"I-" Lily stuttered, seemingly stunned. Still staring she swallowed. "I thought you would say you were sorry that you've been hanging out with the wrong people and that you felt remorse for all your dabbling in the Dark Arts! Not…" she trailed off and blushed.

"Oh…" Severus watched the rosy colour spread over her cheeks and smiled seductively. He liked seeing Lily behave this way his presence. "Well?" he finally said softly. "Will you accept my apology?"

Lily glanced up and he looked directly at her, striving to read her thoughts. There was something fragile shifting in her eyes but he couldn't quite read it. "Okay, Severus," she murmured finally, putting great weight on each word. "But this is your _very_ last chance."

However nothing could dampen the aching happiness that was radiating throughout Severus' body now.

"I won't disappoint you," he said swiftly and sent her a meaningful glance. Lily smiled shyly and glanced away. They began to walk together up the stairs towards the Great Hall for dinner, Severus trying very hard not to spring up the steps three at a time and leap for joy.

"I was really disappointed not to win the Felix Felicis you know," Lily admitted as they climbed together. "I'm kind of used to being the best in the class, when I'm with you." She granted him a little smile. "And actual _luck_…" her voice trailed off wistfully.

Deep in thought, Severus looked at her… He had won her back, and that was what he had prayed for, wasn't it? He had got everything he wanted. He didn't need the Felix Felicis any longer.

"Here, take it." He came to a standstill at the top of the stairs and held out the vial, three-quarters full.

"What?!" Lily looked at him as if he was mad. "I can't take it, Sev!" _Ah, she had used his nickname; she was not cross with him any more!_ "Slughorn chose you; you deserve it."

An uneasy trickle of guilt slid down Severus' spine. Who knew who would have won it, had he not had a lapse of faith and confounded their teacher? Perhaps Lily _should_ have won it – she was incredibly skilled at potion-making after all.

"I want you to have it. You deserve it, Lily. I promise. It's the least I can do."

He stretched out his hand, the gold leaping at his fingertips. Lily slowly opened out her palm and Severus pressed the vial onto it, savouring the heavenly touch of her soft fingers brushing his.

He looked up into her eyes and she smiled, all suspicion and coldness gone. Instantly Severus felt that he had done what was right to get Lily back on his side by trusting his instincts.

After a dumbfounded silence, where Lily checked she was actually holding the vial of Felix Felicis once more, she spoke breathlessly. "Wow… Thank you so much, Sev!"

She stowed the bottle carefully into the depths of her robes and Severus smiled. At that point over her shoulder he saw James walking towards them across the Entrance Hall, seemingly having left his friends at dinner. Normally Severus would have felt full of hatred and, if he confessed it, threatened by this rival's approach in his constant crusade to prise Lily away from him, but today he felt merely amusement at the Chaser's attempt to blight his reconciliation with Lily.

Lily followed his gaze and turned to acknowledge James. "What is it?" she asked. But James' eyes were fixed on Severus only.

"Aren't you going to give Peter his fair share of the liquid luck?" he addressed Severus, frowning.

Severus sniggered. "I did."

"That's mean," said Lily quietly.

"No!" Severus hastily explained, "All he did was try to cut off my fingers with my own knife! I brewed the entire potion, no thanks to him. He doesn't deserve any of it."

"Nor do _you_, bullying my friend like that," said James defensively. "I don't wonder why he tried to cut your fingers off. He deserves the liquid luck even for _that!_"

Severus menacingly took a step closer to James and James whipped out his wand. Instantly Severus did the same. Just as the heated atmosphere was about to boil over, Lily stepped between them and forcefully separated them.

"Look, it doesn't matter!" she said. Both boys instantly flagged at her contact and willingly let her push them away from each other, as if eager to do anything so long as she touched them. "James, Sev gave me the Felix Felicis. You don't need to be so bitter that he beat you."

James looked like a little puppy that had been hurt. "I'm not bitter, I'm glad you've got the potion!" he said keenly, his eyes pleading her to understand. Lily ignored this and instead flashed Severus an appraising smile that made him swell with pride.

"But I don't know why you're both so friendly again, you hated each other at the end of last year!" James whined.

"Sev has apologised," Lily said neatly.

James gave him a once-over and then gaped at Lily in disbelief. "What – and you _accepted_? After all he's done? After what he's still doing? Are you _mad_? What made you do that?"

Lily pouted. "Thank you, James, for giving your views on the state of my mental health. But Sev has been very kind. Would he have given me this if he was as horrid as you imagine?" She held up the little vial containing the coveted golden liquid. "Come on, Sev, let's go to dinner."

Severus smirked, elated that Lily had praised him in front of James. He made to follow Lily across the Entrance Hall, but then he saw the look on James' face. His eyes were moving rapidly from the vial Lily was currently stowing back in her pocket, to Severus, and back again.

"You had some!" James breathed, gazing at Lily's retreating figure. Severus stopped and raised his eyebrows. Finally as Lily disappeared into the Great Hall without them, James dragged his eyes back to Severus, filled with animosity. "You tricked her!" he accused.

"No I didn't, Potter," Severus hissed. "It's not against the law to take liquid luck, only in competitions and examinations. So don't accuse me of doing anything wrong."

"But you _did_ drink some, didn't you?" James pressed heatedly. "That vial's not full anymore." When Severus chose to stay silent, simply smiling craftily, James nearly exploded he was so incensed. Severus laughed.

"You won't get away with this, Snivellus!" James snarled. "Lily's too clever to be duped by your trickery."

"You're talking rubbish again, Potter," Severus replied airily, casually heading towards the light and delicious smells spilling out of the Great Hall. His eyes picked out Lily, whose face was filled with delight as she showed a gleam of gold to one of the girls she shared a dormitory with. Severus smirked.

"Wait!" Severus looked down to see James' restraining hand on his arm.

"What _now_?" Severus growled, annoyed. James pulled him roughly back into the shadow behind the doorway.

Severus looked up to see that James was looking him squarely in the eyes, a hard look on his face. "Don't you dare look at her like that."

Severus cocked an eyebrow. "What _are_ you on about?"

James was unfazed. "You know what I mean. Don't look at Lily so… _greedily_. It's sickening. She's not simply a possession you can win like the liquid luck. She's much more than that. She deserves someone far better than you."

Severus blinked. "You shouldn't look at Lily as if you want to grovel at her feet and worship her. _That's _sickening. There's nothing more pathetic than that. Besides, you're no more than a desperate, brainless show-off, and Lily knows it. So quit acting like a prat, Potter."

And with that last sharp quip, Severus slid free of James' slackened grip and sauntered into the Great Hall, nearly singing for the joy of his extraordinary ordinary day. From now on, it seemed to him, things could only get better with Lily.

**xXxXx**

**Please review!**


	2. Dumbledore's letter

**A/N: **_Thanks to everyone who's reviewed or added this story to their favourites, I'm glad you're already enjoying it! This chapter is also from Severus' POV but some of the next ones will be from Lily's and James' POVs too _:)

**Chapter 2: Dumbledore's Letter**

"Severus!"

His lips curled into a smile of their own accord. Lessons had just finished and Severus was walking back from Defence Against the Dark Arts when he heard a girl call his name. This was by no means the most direct route down to the dungeons but he always liked to come this way when he could slip away from his fellow Slytherins, past the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, just in case he saw her…

He carved his way through the bustling crowd, most of who were swarming over to the portrait of the Fat Lady, towards Lily who had just come out and was flourishing a letter in her hand. He noted that she smiled brightly when she saw him.

"How was your class?" she asked as they reached each other. Severus took advantage of the fact that the noise from the crowd was so loud that it was difficult to hear Lily and drew close to her. Then he casually leaned against the wall and swept the long dark hair out of his eyes – after all, Potter was always swanning around and ruffling up his messy hair, and girls swooned behind him, didn't they? Perhaps he should steal a leaf out of that unknowing Gryffindor's book…

"Pretty eventful, Mulciber got put in detention," Severus replied airily and examined his fingernails.

Lily narrowed her eyes. "What for this time?" She sounded like she didn't really want to know.

Severus smirked. "He put a non-verbal hex on one of the Ravenclaw girls and she wouldn't stop screaming, he said it was her fault for not doing a good enough Shield Charm to stop him."

Lily looked appalled.

"He deserves more than detention," she said. "Listen, Sev, I wanted to show you something…!" The excitement returned to her and Severus couldn't help gazing hungrily at her face.

"Yeah?"

"Look," Lily thrust her letter into his hands. "It's from Professor Dumbledore, he wants to teach me some really advanced defensive magic, it's a charm called a Vallatus."

He took one glance at it and snorted.

"You don't need Dumbledore to teach you that rubbish, Lily," he scorned, thrusting the letter back at her.

A frown creased her brow. "Why not?"

He looked over his shoulder to check they were not being overheard, then leaned in and said quietly and impressively, "I can teach you far more powerful things."

She looked up at him and he smiled softly. "Where have you learnt that kind of magic?" she asked warily.

"From books… from friends… but I've also been inventing my own spells…" He spoke in an offhanded manner, but out of the corner of his eye he saw her expression turn to one of awe and he smirked.

"That's really dangerous…" she breathed, gazing up at him with her eyes wide.

"Only if they go wrong," he said, his tone demonstrating that he was not such a dunderhead to have that eventuality waylay him. "I've found some really useful ones. I can teach them to you - just you - if you like…"

"Okay…" Lily said vaguely, "but I still want to learn how to create a Vallatus, it's a private class, only for a few students."

A scowl flew back onto Severus's face. "He's only asked you because you beat Potter for once in that last Defence Against the Dark Arts test," he said. It was a low shot.

Lily looked hurt. "I doubt it's just because of that…" she began hesitantly.

"What he should do is an advanced potion class," Severus mused, cutting over her. "Then you and me could do it together. You know we're both top of the class by miles." He flashed her an appraising look but Lily didn't seem to notice or care.

"I don't care about extra potions, Sev! I want to learn this defensive magic!"

"It's a waste of time!" Severus snapped. "You could do so much more brilliant magic Lily if you didn't spend your free time learning such petty, useless spells. I wouldn't bother with what Dumbledore's got to offer even if he asked me."

Lily stared at him for a moment, her eyes narrowed. "Fine," she said coolly, folding up the letter and making to leave. "I won't even waste your time asking."

Severus's heart skipped a beat.

"Asking me what?"

Lily turned and looked at him coldly before answering. "You didn't even want to read it, did you? _Did you_, Severus? To make a Vallatus charm you need _two_ people, and I thought I would ask _you_, but clearly you have _far_ more important things to be doing than _'wasting your time'_ on learning petty magic with me."

The sarcasm sounded so unnatural coming from Lily's lips that Severus was chilled by it. He dived forwards and seized the letter from her hands. He opened it out and his eyes raced through the lines, picking out odd words… _powerful protection… broomsticks… a close friend… Saturday evening… Dumbledore… _His body froze as he instantly realised he'd made a mistake…

Lily snatched the letter back.

Fear and panic pulsed through his veins… Lily had needed a close friend… she had thought of _him_… and he had dismissed the idea… even insulted her… "I-" he began.

"Don't bother," Lily retorted, turning her back on him. She marched straight over to the portrait of the Fat Lady. The corridor was a lot quieter now, and her voice echoed along it, haunting him and making him shrink inside.

"Wait!" Severus cried, picking up his bag and hurrying after her. He checked that there were still no Slytherins nearby to watch him plead and then hissed, "_Lily!_ I didn't mean…"

But she was ignoring him. He ran after her, desperate to catch her, to change what he had said, but she had already spoken the password and the portrait hole had swung open. It was only as Lily put one foot inside that she turned to face him once more. With alarm, he saw that there was not only anger on her face, but also hurt. Her eyes were shining, but this time it was definitely not with excitement.

"Save your breath," she said, and her voice shook as spoke. "I'll find someone else. You missed your chance, Severus."

**xXxXx**

It was a long night. Severus was so annoyed with himself for acting like such an idiot that he could not relax for one moment. Even his eyes refused to linger shut for more than a few seconds before snapping back open wide. He stared idly up at the dark hangings around his bed in the grey gloom, wallowing in the wake of his mindless behaviour that afternoon.

He hoped to hell he hadn't blown it with Lily already. What in Merlin's name had he been thinking? His ploy to show off in front of her in true Potter style had totally backfired. He had come off far worse than he'd bargained for and perhaps even lost her in the process… and he had only just clawed her trust back! Severus clenched his fists tightly, scrunching up the sheets. Then he turned over roughly onto his side, trying to get comfortable but failing spectacularly. It was impossible to rest when his friendship with Lily hung in the balance; instead he lay as taut as a rigid board, his muscles tensed as if ready to spring up at any second.

The heavy breathing of the other sixth years in the dormitory diffused through the air but had no effect in coaxing his subconscious into sleep. After another hour Severus resigned himself to the fact that he would not be able to rest until he had come up with a plan – some kind of peace offering. Lily deserved more than just an apology, and he knew it well.

**xXxXx**

When he found Lily at lunchtime outside the Transfiguration classroom Severus was so relieved that she didn't immediately shrug him off that he felt quite faint. He tried to smile at her as he joined her by the window overlooking the school grounds but he felt so ill that all he could manage was a one-sided wince before casting his gaze down to the lake. Crowds of students were sitting by the water and talking, enjoying the end of their lunch break, but Severus felt as detached from them as if they were in another world.

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Lily turning her head to look him over but he couldn't trust himself to meet her eyes. A sickening feeling was gradually clawing its way up his gut, making him regret lunch… He gripped the edge of the stone windowsill, hoping the coolness would help to soothe his body. He had a pounding headache after snatching only one or two hours sleep last night and was doused in an unyielding sense of dread. He had come so close to losing Lily that he was afraid to even say anything in case one more word ruined it all. He could barely dare to even glance at her.

"Are you alright?" In the millisecond he let his eyes waver he saw the anxious look Lily was giving him.

He quickly resumed his vigil out of the window and concentrated on the wind rushing past the castle walls and rattling the windowpanes, wishing it could carry some of his leaden nausea away with it.

"You're… you're not cross with me?" he chanced tentatively.

Lily crossed her arms and analysed him thoughtfully. Then she pursed her lips and slowly shook her head.

Severus' eyes fell shut as he succumbed to an overwhelming sense of relief. He was so light-headed that he could feel himself beginning to sway. Then he heard a soft laugh and his eyes opened suspiciously. He found Lilly smiling at him fondly, a knowing look in her eye. In his heart Severus wanted to thank her for being so generously forgiving, but under that intensely shrewd look he spluttered and inclined his head gratefully.

Lily made the first step in initiating conversation and they proceeded to talk about their first few classes and how the homework was already piling on as the teachers walked by to set up their classrooms for the afternoon lessons. When Lily mentioned the first Hogsmeade visit of the term and the possibility of them going together, Severus experienced a flutter of excitement and felt himself beginning to feel more at ease in her presence. Then, when they reached a lull he seized the opportunity to voice something else that had been bothering him as he had twisted restlessly in bed that night.

"Who else is going to these special Defence classes?" he asked, attempting to assume an air of casualness. Amid his dark thoughts of the night before, it had occurred to him that there was a fair chance that Potter and his irritating friends had also been invited to learn how to cast a Vallatus charm, and consequently he had been driven into a state of panic for some while as he imagined Lily have private classes with _them._

Lily, however, was not fooled by his façade. She glanced at him suspiciously and there was a pause.

"Nobody you're very friendly with, Sev," she answered carefully, reaching down into her bag to bring out a book, no doubt to appear preoccupied. "Look, I probably shouldn't have even mentioned it to you in the first place-"

Severus' arm shot out and he caught her wrist, stopping her. His eyes hardened. "What does that mean?" he bit out.

Lily reluctantly looked up at him, clearly trying to choose her words judiciously. But Severus could read her easily. "You mean that no Slytherins got a letter, _don't you?_" he said quietly, a threatening tone edging into his voice. Lily hung her head as he let loose his tirade. "You know that's not fair, Lily! How can you talk about fairness and rights and all that stuff for everyone with magical blood and then turn a blind eye to this? It's not treating everyone fairly!"

Lily sighed. "It was not my decision, Sev… you know I would have chosen otherwise…" Her green eyes trailed up to his, momentarily stilling his attack and sending another wave of guilt soaring through his insides. Oh, how he _wished_ he hadn't refused her…

Lily gently pulled out of his grasp and took the opportunity of his silence to school her thoughts. "But there are only a few of us…" she said, "I'm sure it wasn't random, Professor Dumbledore must have chosen according to some kind of merit."

"But we were both top of the year in our OWLs!" The indignant words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. "And I only lost two more marks than you in that Defence Against the Dark Arts test!" Severus paused, anxious that he had revealed too much of himself. He took a breath and spoke more calmly. "I only mean that Dumbledore has not picked fairly among the Houses, even according to skill and knowledge. Surely this class is for the best students?"

He tried to pierce her mind but Lily twisted away, realising from experience what he was trying to do. "I think he chose according to some other kind of merit too, Sev…" she whispered, unwilling to let the words leave her lips.

At this anger and pain flared in Severus' heart; he could feel it contorting his features and burning his skin. So Dumbledore deemed him not worthy enough of someone like Lily's company? The ever-present notion of self-worthlessness that he had been fighting off for all his life came crashing around his ears. He hated succumbing to it but he could not stop the gesture of exclusion from striking him piercingly right to the heart. The mixture of painful emotions must have played uncontrolled across his face because through his haze of hurt he saw Lily flinch.

"I see…" he said coldly through gritted teeth.

"Please don't look at me like that," Lily whined softly. "You know I wish it was another way."

"Hrmph." Severus crossed his arms haughtily and sought to look moody in order to hide his hurt. He despised the Headmaster bitterly for trying to separate him from Lily. He supposed the class would be full of _Gryffindors_ – the house to which the Headmaster had belonged – those foolish enough to believe what he taught them would be sufficient to fight back against the Dark Lord.

"'_Dumbledore's army'_," Severus muttered, unable to stop the scathing tone from lacing his words.

"What?" Lily raised her eyebrows incredulously.

Severus bored his eyes into her. "Is it not obvious? Dumbledore's trying to recruit you into an army of his. But – Merlin, can't you see? – it's futile. The Dark Lord is incredibly powerful, and he has many supporters of his ideals and policies… He will win, whatever Dumbledore's petty scheming endeavours… That foolish old man has picked the losing side…" He gazed out of the nearby window, his mind recalling their last meeting at Lucius' house over the summer… imagining the next one that was due to come in the next few weeks… a thrill of forbidden excitement rolled through his body. He wished so dearly that Lily would not be so foolish as Dumbledore… yes she was Muggle-born, but if she changed sides now, while there was still time, and expressed loyalty and sympathy to the rebellion, then with her incredible magical talents that would be a valuable asset to their cause he knew the Dark Lord would bestow his favour upon her, as he himself had been most fortunate to experience…

"Don't say that!" Lily's stern voice brought his attention back to the hallway. She was staring up at him, determination fierce in her eyes. "Dumbledore is _not_ foolish and he is _not_ building an army! He is just preparing us… those of us who want to fight for our freedom and do what is _right!_" She glared at him and then sighed wearily. "Can we not talk about this? I was quite happy not arguing about the same old thing again and again."

Severus nodded. He hated it when they argued because Lily always refused to see his point of view, no matter how much sense it rationally made. The bell rang, signalling that classes were about to start soon, so they picked up their bags and walked slowly into McGonagall's classroom, having the first choice of seats. Severus was pleased to see that Lily didn't protest when he sat down next to her.

"So why do you want to join the Vallatus class anyway?" Lily said, her voice hushed so that McGonagall, who was sending out goblets to each desk, would not overhear. "I thought you said you didn't need this kind of rubbish? Don't think I haven't heard the rumours, Sev. I know you have plenty of spells up your sleeve, illegal or not, that ensure you can defend yourself exceptionally well as it is. What could you stand to gain from doing this?"

A slight crease formed between his eyebrows… How could he tell her? How could he explain that joining her in the class was how he wanted to repay her for her gracious forgiveness of his crudeness? He knew she wanted him to be with her in the ridiculous Vallatus class, for otherwise she would not have very nearly asked him, but if Dumbledore was not opening the door to Slytherins he would go and determinedly face the wizard himself. Besides, it would keep her happy, for sometime at least, if she thought he was open to her side of the war.

But he could not admit that it was for her, how it was always for her…

"I just… don't want to miss out on anything," he ended up saying softly, his words almost drowned out as the other students entered the classroom chattering noisily about their excursions down by the lake.

Lily looked at him pitifully, something which irritated Severus. He hated being pitied; he wanted to be stronger than someone in need of another's sympathy. "I'm sure you'll hear about it," Lily said condolingly.

"I don't want to hear about it from some gloater like Potter!" Severus snapped, scaring away another student who was about to sit next to him with a heated glare. "I assume that self-righteous git is at the top of Dumbledore's list of those with _worthy merit_?" he challenged.

Lily chose to ignore his last question. "Well, _I'll_ tell you how it goes," she said, trying to smile.

Severus pressed his lips together tightly.

"Look… please don't be sore about this, Sev," Lily said, moving closer. He could feel her touching his arm and goosebumps spread all along his skin, making his whole body tingle and his heartbeat quicken. "If it really matters that much to you, you could ask Dumbledore to consider you, just to check… I am sure his reply would be kind, but… well, there is a chance I suppose, but would it not hurt so much more to hear the refusal confirmed from him?"

Severus frowned. He was suddenly reminded very much of when they found the letter Lily's sister Petunia had written to Dumbledore, begging to be allowed to come to Hogwarts, but she simply did not have magical blood. He hated the thought of Lily thinking of him like that, so weak and desperate as to have to beg that old fool for something he didn't particularly care for anyway… But then he imagined Lily performing Joint Magic with someone else, with no one to keep an eye on them, and a horribly unpleasant sensation began to crawl up his throat. He could not stand enduring the thought.

"I – I thought you were always so keen for performing Joint Magic?" he murmured, his eyes betraying some sadness as he remembered the times when they dreamed of such wonders and were not separated by such terrible gulfs.

"Of course!" Lily breathed, enamoured. Her green eyes were shining bright… it moved Severus to see the emotions those memories stirred in her.

"But now the time has come – we cannot, for one reason or another, do it together?"

At his words Lily's expression fell dramatically. She looked utterly downcast, a mirror of how he felt deep inside. After a while she gave a nod. "It's worth trying Dumbledore, I suppose," she relented and smiled at him gratefully.

There. He had persuaded her to take his view, and already she was thankful for him even trying.

But when she looked up, he saw a funny, strangled expression on her face.

"What is it?" he asked.

Her eyes dropped down to hover on the silvery-green Slytherin badge on his chest.

"I just… I'm afraid of hoping," Lily murmured, her voice very small.

"Why?" It was not much more than a whisper.

Lily looked up at him, her green eyes quivering as Professor McGonagall began to explain the afternoon's lesson.

"In case it hurts even more to be let down a second time," she sighed.

**xXxXx**

**Reviews are most welcome!**


	3. The Ruling

_Moomoozee - thanks for such a lovely review! You don't have PM enabled but I wanted to say how happy I am that you're enjoying the story so much, and I wholeheartedly agree with you about young Severus!_

**Chapter 3: The Ruling**

Right now Severus felt his pride could not sink any lower. His blood was curdling as he steeled himself to crawl to Dumbledore and admit that the old Headmaster possessed something that he desired; it was totally against his Slytherin nature, but the look of Lily's delight at the chance that he might still be able to join her in the Vallatus class had not yet deserted his mind. Perhaps it was this loggerhead conflict that put Severus in such a foul mood rather than his lack of sleep; he found himself jumping at the slightest noise and snapping at anyone in case whatever harmless thing they said to him was somehow a covert mockery of his wretched situation.

He left the final lesson of the day and strode quickly along the corridors, determined to see the ordeal out before it got the better of him. He snarled at two second-years who made the mistake of not getting out of his way quickly enough and one promptly tripped over backwards with a squeak. Severus eyed the silly little Hufflepuffs with contempt before swishing past them threateningly, ensuring that they would not make the same error again and would give him a wider berth in the future. He marched up to Slughorn's office, took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Professor Slughorn's shiny golden buttons preceded him as he opened his door. "Ah, Severus m'boy!" he boomed, welcoming him inside with a wide gesture. "How can I help you?"

Severus hovered hesitantly on the threshold. "Actually sir, I wondered if you could tell me the password to Professor Dumbledore's office. There is an issue I need to speak to him about."

Slughorn's expression fell a little. "As your Head of House, surely I could not deal with such a problem of yours?" he said gently and dropped his voice. "Is it work, Severus? Have you been put in detention? I'm sure I could speak to whichever professor it is for you," he gave Severus a wink.

"No, thank you, sir, not this time," Severus said bluntly. "But if Dumbledore doesn't… If he can't help then I may come to you."

"Of course, of course," Slughorn smiled warmly and clapped Severus on the back, knocking his curtains of black hair in front of his eyes. Severus bit back his tongue and irritably shook back his hair while Slughorn heedlessly carried on. "Chocolate frog, that's the one this week, and don't forget to find me if you need, I won't have Dumbledore upsetting one of my favourite students."

Severus nodded tersely and made his way back the way he had come, leaving Slughorn bumbling on about his Potions excellence until he was halfway down the corridor. He wondered if he would indeed go to Slughorn, if as Lily speculated it was rather too much to hope that Dumbledore would let him join the extra Defence class. It was already taking a great deal of his pride to admit to one teacher that he had want of something from him. He didn't think he could bear to admit it to Slughorn too, who would no doubt broadcast it around all the teachers, who would then let it slip to a student, and blasted Potter would get wind of it… No, this had to be final. Why should Dumbledore deny him further education when he asked for it, anyway? Severus lifted his chin a little higher as he delivered "chocolate frog" to the gargoyle and aloofly stepped onto the spiralling staircase that took him up to the Headmaster's office. He knocked once on the door and then entered.

Dumbledore looked up from his work and an unconcealed expression of surprise broke over his face.

"Severus! What an unusual surprise. How did you get up here?"

Severus huffed. Clearly Dumbledore did not even think him worthy enough to be trusted with the password to his study.

"Professor Slughorn told me the password," he said curtly.

Dumbledore nodded slowly, his eyes narrowing as he surveyed him. Severus stared back, clearing his face of any emotion and bringing a veil over his eyes, determined to stop Dumbledore from trying to perform any kind of Legilimency upon him and prying into his thoughts.

"So… what may I do for you?" Dumbledore asked.

"I would like to join your Vallatus Defence class," Severus stated and, forcing himself to at least _try_ to present some manner of politeness, subsequently added, "_please_."

Dumbledore sat back in his throne-like chair, propping up his elbows on the wooden arms and pressing his fingertips together thoughtfully. Upon analysing him Severus thought that he looked slightly anxious, which he relished in. Perhaps the old fool had thought that the class would stay secret and now feared that he would run and inform the Dark Lord of Dumbledore's attempt at a defence against the growing number of Death Eaters. Well, he _would_. Just to spite the old man and teach him to be so ignorant in the face of inevitability.

"I do not know how you found out about that class," Dumbledore said slowly, "but why are you speaking to me about it? I think we both know that you do not want to do it."

_What ridiculousness! _Severus was astounded. Why else would he be here, saying he wanted to do the silly class? He wanted to do it with Lily! "Of course I want to do it!" Severus snapped. Was the Headmaster of Hogwarts really so muttonheaded as to not see something so obvious in his face? The man was an imbecile!

"Temper, Severus," Dumbledore reminded him mildly, subjecting him to a strict gaze. This riled Severus but he sucked in his breath through his gritted teeth before answering amenably.

"Yes, Headmaster." He looked back at Dumbledore surlily.

Dumbledore nodded and then proceeded to examine his fingernails. "I am afraid I cannot allow you to join unless you give up your other… _activities_ outside the classroom," he said in a mild-mannered tone, but Severus knew exactly what Dumbledore was alluding too.

Suddenly, something clicked; _Lily had set him up to do this!_ She had known that Dumbledore would try to persuade him to cease his playing with the Dark Arts and mingling with Death Eaters. No wonder she was so keen for him to go to Dumbledore, she was always complaining about his activities with his friends! Perhaps in vain she had thought he would listen to Dumbledore if not her. Severus felt utterly betrayed, his heart chilled. For a moment he was so in shock at the idea of Lily's hurtful deception and the notion that he had been obliviously blind to it that he could think of nothing else.

And then the heat wave of anger took over. What gave Dumbledore the right to dictate what he should and should not do? What kind of fairness was it to treat him so coldly when he knew the kind of soft treatment Dumbledore gave to Potter and his lot when they were always getting into so much trouble? The resentment at such blatant prejudice was too much to keep silent.

"Is that what you told James Potter?" Severus found himself blurting out bitterly. "I was under the impression that he got a direct pass. What about _his_ activities outside the classroom that always get him into detention?"

Dumbledore looked up. "Getting caught is one thing, Severus. The manner of the misbehaviour is another. I am of the view that Potter and his friends' escapades, while disruptive, are for the most part harmless amusement. Therefore I see no reason why I should deny him a place in my class."

Severus was so full of hatred that he could feel it clouding his eyes. How in the name of Merlin could Dumbledore call what James had done to him at the end of June, humiliation in front of the entire school _and_ Lily, as harmless? James was responsible for provoking the cruel incident that had nearly lost him Lily – the _one_ person who cared about him. There was nothing so absurd he had ever heard in his life. Severus couldn't even speak.

"I know who you are associating with, Severus," Dumbledore continued. "Lucius was never good at lying… even if you are." Dumbledore gave him a faintly appraising smile but Severus just glowered even harder. "If you were to give that up I give you my word that you would be most welcome in my class."

"Part from my friends?" Severus said incredulously, fighting furiously to keep his anger from breaking through his voice. Instead he glared fiercely at Dumbledore. "I will do no such thing."

After a moment Dumbledore's eyes began to twinkle and a soft laugh broke over his lips. "_Ah_," he murmured, apparently having figured out something. "I see. I presume this is all about your friend Lily Evans?"

The laughter made something snap in Severus. Being laughed at for his attempt to win over Lily was something he would not tolerate. His eyes flashed like lightning.

"Don't you _dare_ presume anything," he snarled and with that turned on his heel and strode smartly out of Dumbledore's office, too incensed to care about the consequences of his actions. Lily was _his_ private territory. His pride would not be slighted.

**xXxXx**

"So… are you glad to be back at Hogwarts?" Remus asked.

Remus and Lily had just finished their prefect duties – patrolling the corridors after lessons when the students' exuberance was usually at its wildest – and were now walking together to the library to claw their way through the mounting pile of homework they had already been swamped under.

"You look happier this term," Remus added, giving her a warm smile. Lily was glad she had Remus as her friend. She had noticed over the last few years that, out of the four Marauders, she and Remus seemed to understand each other best. He had never been particularly welcoming or open, preferring to keep to his three solid friends, but he was always polite and incredibly thankful for any help she offered to enable him to catch up on work after he had been home to visit his mother or ill himself in the hospital wing. She was pleased that they had been pushed together as prefects since she now had many opportunities to get to know him better in the absence of James and Sirius and their loud grandiosity, and she hoped that now they were becoming friendlier he might divulge more about his private life so she could help him more than simply explaining how to perform mundane charms and spells – too frequently than she was at ease with she had witnessed the pallor and dullness in his eyes that indicated he was ailing from something grievous, and she longed to give some comfort to this softly spoken, studious, well-behaved boy.

But his words, thought kindly meant, made her stomach clench uncomfortably. Lily was forced to look away as her mind travelled back to the end of last term and the painful memories made her shudder involuntarily.

It had been bad indeed. The incident with Severus and James by the lake had been her worst experience in all her time at Hogwarts, even despite all the other dreadful goings-on in the castle as the war in the wizarding world stealthily slunk its way through the walls of Hogwarts. Nothing had upset her as much as finding that her best friend had been corrupted even unto the extent that he was turning away from her, after all the good and bad they had been through together and the myriad of times she had stuck up for him despite his dubious malpractices. Lily had always upheld the belief that there was some good to be found in everyone and Severus had been such a steadfast friend to her over the years that she was quite willing to excuse his meddling in the Dark Arts and associations with the children of known Death Eaters, in spite of how much it grieved her to know this was what he was spending his time doing.

She had also been distracted by a strange fire glimpsed on occasion in Severus' black eyes as he gazed intently at her. She had ventured to hope for some while that this was a sign of something stronger than his passion for dark magic and power… that she might be able to win his heart over before the Dark Lord…

And she had been devastated when she realised that she had failed, when Severus had finally revealed who he was truly loyal to by calling her, _Lily_, a '_filthy little Mudblood'_.

The little flame in her heart that had tentatively been flourishing had then been battered and buffeted in the suffocating backwash of Severus' demeaning words and stifled under the haunting memory of such iciness in his eyes as he had looked at her. Yet her yearning for Severus' warmth and affections could not be quenched entirely. It lingered, tormenting her daily, ever reminding her of what could have been, of what thing more wondrous than friendship had been disastrously lost.

But it was when she went home for the summer and was cut off from the wizarding world, with not even Severus her lifeline to keep her company, that Lily had really felt the sting keenest. The chasm in her chest was too heavy to carry and she had begun to doubt if her stark refusal of Severus' apology had been the right thing to do. Possibly her grief was distorting her memory of that day, but she began to consider whether Severus had only lashed out at her because of the intensity of the pain he was suffering himself. What if it was the humiliation and anger that she had seen him ridiculed at the hands of James Potter that had made him behave so vehemently towards her? What if, therefore, her decision to turn her nose up at his truly heartfelt apology had been wrong? What if he desired her friendship as much as she did because he too had felt the bond tightening between them, urging them to recognise that something deeper and more intricate was at stake?

And so Lily was more relieved than she could express in words that Severus had once again presented her with an apology that she could this time accept. Her heart's tremulous flutterings were soothed the moment she gave him a final chance, but really she was giving herself one last chance to save him in time. This was the hope she still clung on to. Everyday now, when she woke in the morning, instead of dropping her into a pit of emptiness and loss her heart soared with the whimsical notion that this might be the special day when Severus revealed that he secretly felt something for her…

Lily shook her head to clear such silly, girlish thoughts from it. She knew her emotions were meddling with her perception, but for now she was simply content to have her dark, silent friend back by her side and to live quietly in hope that the beatings of his heart would begin to echo hers.

Lily sighed and smiled at Remus. "Yes, it feels much better to be back here, with friends," she answered. Then she paused, reflecting on how isolated Remus must have felt when away from Hogwarts, looking after his ill mother while he suffered himself, with no friends present to cheer him. "I'm sure you feel the same way?"

"Yes, definitely," Remus agreed quietly. He hesitated before commenting, "You're friends with Severus Snape again."

It was a statement, but Lily knew Remus had meant it as a question. She was taken aback. "Ye-es…?" she replied suspiciously. Though Remus was not as full of hate for 'Snivellus' as James and Sirius, she would not put it past any of the Marauders to view her reinstated friendship as fraternising with the enemy, particularly after they had welcomed her into their group so wholeheartedly at the end of last term.

"…Just friends?" Remus proceeded timidly.

Suddenly Lily realised what he was getting at. She stopped in her tracks and firmly planted her hands on her hips. "_James_ set you up for this, didn't he?!" she cried exasperatedly.

Remus approached her uneasily. "Look, he just doesn't want to see you getting hurt again," he said gently.

Lily snorted with derision. "Yeah, right! I don't think sympathy is one of James' most obvious qualities."

"You should give him more credit than that, Lily," Remus urged her quietly. "James has been a very good friend to both me and Sirius."

Lily looked at him thoughtfully. It was true that Remus had been through some very tough times and James had stuck by him ceaselessly. She could not deny that James was very loyal and protective of his sick friend, always keen to recount to him the material he had missed while being in the hospital wing or visiting his mother and ready to defend him from the Slytherins' callous remarks on his ailing appearance.

Furthermore she had heard that Sirius had suffered much grief at the hands of his pureblood parents for choosing to stand up against the Death Eaters' and their cause, so much so that it was rumoured that his own mother had disowned him and thrown him out of their family home. James' family had welcomed Sirius into their house for the latter part of the summer holidays; that much was clear. Perhaps there _was_ an element of truth in what Remus was claiming.

"I'll try," Lily assented. "But you can't deny that James looks silly sauntering about, winking at all the girls and recounting his heroic Quidditch moves day and night," she said with a wicked smile. Remus laughed and his eyes twinkled. "If he didn't act like such a prat and stopped boasting about his exceptional Transfiguration skills, his better qualities might become more apparent."

"I won't deny it," Remus replied, "yet it makes him no less lovable. Nevertheless, I will tell him what you've just said and maybe that will help."

_Help what?_ Lily was thinking as they rounded the corner, but she did not have a chance to ask because there lounging at the entrance to the Library was James himself, flanked by Sirius and Peter. Remus called out to them jovially, clearly unfazed by what they had just been talking about, but Lily felt awkward approaching James so soon after criticising him. She fell behind Remus and hoped that she could slip into the Library unnoticed.

"Hey Moony," James said, leaning his head back casually against the doorframe. Then as he realised Lily was with his friend he gave a start and stood to attention.

"Oh, hi there, Evans," James called out to her, ruffling up his long hair and sending Lily a disarming smile. "Looking forward to the secret Defence class?" His brown eyes looked at her pointedly. "Is there someone you would… like to go with?" A self-assured smile started to form upon his lips. Beside James Sirius was grinning at the interchange, fuelled even further by Lily's flustered silence.

At James' hint Lily found herself blushing madly and avoided his gaze, hastily pushing past the boys into the library to circumvent the need to formulate an answer. She didn't know why James had made her all flustered, but it was with profound relief that she flopped down into a chair at a desk hidden out of sight by the bookshelves and she was decidedly glad that his knowing stare would leave her at peace here. Lily sighed deeply, opened her textbook and allowed her mind to be filled with innocuous Transfiguration as she set to work on McGonagall's essay.

Lily had been writing for some time when a pile of books was slammed down roughly on the table only a few inches and startled her. But when she saw that it was Severus, she smiled.

The lithe teenager grabbed the chair opposite and sat down brusquely, crossing his arms and staring malevolently at her essay. Lily quickly detected the tension emanating from him like a tightly wound coil about to spring out, unleashed. She wondered what had fired him up like this, and could only hope that James and Sirius had not waylaid him outside the library – they were so often to blame for Severus' bad moods nowadays.

"What's wrong, Severus?" Lily asked cautiously, laying down her quill and trying to examine the scowling face framed by hanging curtains of dark, silky hair.

A tangled snarl leapt out of Severus' lips and his eyes flashed at her briefly.

"Oh… Dumbledore said you couldn't join the class, didn't he?" she said with realisation and her voice softened. Disappointment welled up within her but she fought to keep the selfish emotion out of her eyes and instead concentrated on how dejected Severus must be feeling, having been told he was unworthy by the Headmaster to learn Joint Magic in his private defence class. Lily was flooded with pity and stretched out to squeeze Severus' hand that was resting unguardedly on the table. But when he saw what she was doing Severus quickly snatched it away out of her reach.

Lily tried not to feel offended – after all, he usually shunned her compassion. "Look… I've been thinking, we could still do something together…" she said, but then saw Severus' eyebrows knit together in a heavy frown. "…Well, if you would like to…" she ended tentatively. He didn't reply and she sighed. "I'm really sorry, Severus."

"Don't give me that, Lily," he suddenly bit out coldly.

Lily sat back, affronted. "I'm sorry?"

"You knew exactly what you were doing, sending me off to Dumbledore!" he hissed, leaning forward over the table and rapidly closing the distance between them. Lily was captured by the narrowed pair of dark eyes piercing into her sharply. "You knew he would try to persuade me to change sides!"

Lily's mouth dropped open and she shivered under the harshness of his stare. "I did no such thing!" she protested, glaring back at him defiantly. How in the name of Merlin could he dream up such an absurd idea?!

"Don't lie to me, Lily!"

At this Lily's green eyes flashed dangerously. "Severus Snape!" she hissed, "don't you _dare_ accuse me of lying to you! I only hoped you would go to Dumbledore because I wanted to be with you in the defence class! But _fine_, take it that way! Believe what you want. I know you don't trust me!"

Her voice broke and Lily roughly crossed her arms and sank back into her chair, trying to appear very cross in an attempt to conceal just how much she was hurting inside. It was horrible being accused of deceit she had not carried out, and it was made worse by Severus believing her capable of executing it. Why was it so infuriatingly hard for him to understand that he meant so much to her? Did he regard himself in such a low opinion, or did he dislike her affections so much that he pretended that they did not exist?

"That's not true, Lily," Severus whispered. But his face was unreadable and his eyes guarded, so she didn't know what to believe. All she knew was how saddened she was that they would not be able to be partners in the Vallatus class. She had hoped that even if that was Dumbledore's ruling they could at least do something else together, just the two of them. But now it seemed that Severus would be averse to even that.

"I thought that, if we could not be together in the Vallatus class, we could learn some other kind of magic together," Lily murmured morosely, unable to contain her dejection any longer, "something like the Patronus charm."

Severus did not immediately dismiss the idea so Lily desperately tried to coerce him into agreement. "I know it's not Joint Magic, but it would be better than nothing, wouldn't it? We could even try tonight, as I will probably not have much spare time once the Vallatus classes begin…"

"A Patronus?" Severus repeated doubtfully. "Why would that be useful?"

"It can be used as a shield against Dementors and other Dark creatures."

"Yes, but you could just use Occlumency to stop the Dementors from affecting you," Severus said impatiently.

"Not everyone is as talented as you in the Mind Arts, Severus!" Lily reminded him and paused. "The Patronus charm is really advanced magic, but I thought, as you're so good at learning new and complicated things, you might be able to help me…"

Lily saw the corners of Severus' lips twitch as he fought a smile when he heard her praise him. Lily pretended not to notice.

"Dumbledore said it would be great if we were all able to master the Patronus charm as we will need to do it in one of the later Vallatus classes," she explained. "I tried learning it at the end of last year after the exams with some of the other Gryffindors – James Potter had suggested it would be useful to master it with so many Dementor attacks occurring now – but all I could manage at best was a flimsy shield. I thought that perhaps if we tried working together we might be able to manage corporeal Patronuses… I'd love to see mine, they're all meant to be different animals you know…" she ended wistfully.

Yet Severus still seemed unconvinced, most probably because she had made the colossal mistake of bringing Potter's name into the matter. But Lily would not give up so easily. "There is another reason," she continued, lowering her voice captivatingly. "If we can create corporeal Patronuses, I've heard that we could use them to send messages to each other!"

This engaged Severus' attention. He was silent, his expression calculating, while his dark eyes penetrated her as if he was trying to uncover her real motives. Lily trembled but did not look away. Then Severus gave the tiniest nod.

"Yes, I would like that very much," he said softly, holding her gaze with a hint of contrition in his expression. The contrast to his previous harshness was so stark that Lily felt a light blush creeping up her cheeks. The strange, burning look in his eyes made her quickly lower her gaze to the papers scattered in front of her.

"I don't know where we could go, though," she whispered, fiddling distractedly with the corner of the nearest piece of parchment. "We ought to finish this essay for McGonagall first, but by that time it might be nearly curfew so we might get caught in one of the classrooms…"

"I know where we can go…" Severus' voice was low and beguiling. She felt her eyes drawn to his. A little smile curved his lips upwards and his eyes held that same strange flame within their depths. Lily's breath caught in her constricted throat.

"…When we're done with this," he added, pulling his Transfiguration textbook towards him and laying out a roll of parchment. After a moment his eyes flickered knowingly back up to hers and Lily felt her cheeks grow even hotter. Had she really been so obvious in her sudden, impatient desire to get up and pull Severus into this secluded classroom he spoke of right that instant, so that she could bask alone in his electrifying presence…?

Lily quickly picked up her quill and resumed reading the passage in her textbook she had been studying before Severus' interruption. A minute later, however, she had still not taken anything in. There was a burning sensation as if Severus was watching her and she looked up, but he was writing away innocently, his eyes lowered to his page. Was it the attention of his thoughts, then, that she was sensing? Severus was so good at concealing them… _No_, she must stop thinking about this again! Lily sighed and stared back at the same page once more. She had never wanted to finish an essay so quickly in her life. She gritted her teeth and laboriously began to write.

**xXxXx**

**Please spread the love by reviewing! :)**

**The next chapter will see a rather intense moment between Sev and Lily, and more interference from the Marauders!**


	4. The Doe

**A/N: **_Thank you to everyone who is following this story! I am feeling especially happy right now so here is an extra long juicy chapter _:) _I hope you like it…!_

**Chapter 4: The Doe**

"Here."

Severus led Lily round a corner towards a face of blank wall. She twisted back, scrutinising the painting of Barnabas the Barmy and his trolls, clearly expecting a secret room to be hidden behind it where they could practice the Patronus charm uninterrupted.

"No, _here_," Severus reiterated a touch impatiently, pointing at the bare stone. Lily looked at it, incomprehension clouding her face. "The door only appears if you wait outside for a few minutes," he explained.

"Really?" Lily's voice was filled with awe as Severus closed his eyes and began pacing down the hallway in front of the stretch of wall, trying to concentrate on the room he knew was hidden within, the room that he had found last June when he had been desperate to be alone, to find some comfort and solace away from prying eyes and incessant questions.

"What are you thinking about?" Lily's whisper jolted his eyes open as he walked back past her. "Is it the room?"

Severus nodded tersely and resumed his silent pacing. As he passed Lily again he snatched a glance at her and saw that her face was screwed up in thought; she was apparently trying to help but Severus didn't know how she could, for she had never seen the room, so how would she know what to think of?

Just then there was a sound of grinding stone and Severus turned to see a door materialising out of the stonework. Lily's face lit up and a flare of pride ignited within Severus' chest at having delighted her. He stood back to let her enter his secret room first, then, after checking that no one else was around to see, he followed.

The room was how he remembered it… yet it felt different, which was odd seeing how the previous few times he had visited it had remained exactly the same. Gradually he began to notice little alterations… The room was still dimly lit by a few torches flickering in brackets along the stone walls, creating the dark gloom Severus favoured wallowing in, but this evening there were three new windows lining one wall, veiled but admitting a sensitive, dusky light from the starry sky outside. There were the shelves full of gleaming bottles and labelled boxes full of potions ingredients, and cauldrons of every size delineating the edge of the room, but there was also a bookshelf laden with scripts whose gilt words 'defence against the dark arts' gleamed down at him from many spines. A fire was burning merrily as before, but next to it instead of a rickety work stool were two very comfy looking chairs and a large sofa, draped in a blue quilt. The room had changed!

"What did you do?" Severus challenged Lily. "The room's different! It's never done this before!"

She looked at him with an expression of pleasant surprise. "Oh Sev, have you not realised what this room is?" When he raised his eyebrows in cynical questioning Lily laughed out loud.

"Sev, this is the _Room of Requirement!_"

Now looking about him and realising that Lily was right, Severus felt like a right idiot and was incredibly irritated. He couldn't believe how narrow-minded he had been. Something caught his eye and he saw Lily struggling to stifle a laugh at his disgruntled expression. He crossed his arms and huffed. Lily bit her lip and made an attempt to pacify him.

"So how did you find it, Sev?" she asked, straight-faced.

Severus' mind fled back to that cursed day in June. After escaping Potter and his mocking friends, he had finally begun to comprehend the gravity of his actions outside by the lake. He had been so desperate to find Lily and try to apologise that he had lingered for hours on the seventh floor, but deep in his heart a horrible feeling had warned him that he would receive a cold answer and he had been so scared to acknowledge this that he had not dared to approach the entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room until long into the evening.

Instead he had felt a desperate yearning to be alone, to hide, to be disturbed by nothing but his own thoughts, and after milling around hopelessly he had quite unexpectedly come across the door to this room. He had found it homely, suited to his needs and tastes – it was dark and quiet, as he liked it in the dungeons, equipped with all the necessary potions ingredients for whatever potion-brewing he wished to distract himself with, and above all it was unknown to anyone else. It had become to him a sort of refuge, and it had been a big step for him to let Lily enter, especially seeing as it had been his private comfort when he had been upset over her. He really did not want to remind Lily of that horrid day and all the torturous emotions tied to it, but he felt he owed her an explanation for her brilliant flash of insight.

"It was… after our Defence Against the Dark Arts exam last year…" he admitted, barely able to speak he was so afraid of Lily's reaction. But as he glanced sidelong at her she did not outwardly show any discomfort. "I was… looking for somewhere I could be alone… somewhere I could gain some respite…" He trailed off.

Lily walked over to the shelves. "Yes, this room is very… _you,_" she observed quietly, running her fingers along a row and peering at the potions bottles.

Severus was eager to take her lead and move away from that minefield of conversation. "I can see your 'homely' touches though," he retorted teasingly, indicating the sofa and raising a sceptical eyebrow. "I dread to think what would have appeared if you had been the only one wishing for the Room. It would probably be full of fluffy animals and flowers and squashy cushions!"

Lily fought with a smile and stared at the blue sofa in mutinous silence. Severus felt his lips quirk upwards; she couldn't deny what he had said, no matter how much she wanted to, because she knew it was all true. He followed her unmoving gaze and saw that indeed there was a cushion… He was about to voice this evidence when he noticed how the way the large cushion laid across one end of the wide sofa made it appear more like a pillow. There was a faint blush upon Lily's cheeks and Severus felt his heart begin to race. _Merlin above_, it seemed as if his untoward feelings for Lily had meddled with his desire from the Room. He quickly turned away, wishing Lily would do the same before she concluded that the suggestive bed-like object had resulted from his input.

Severus got out his wand and scowled at the silence.

"Well? Shall we begin?"

**xXxXx**

"Impressive," Severus murmured, walking round Lily to take a better look at the silvery shield spilling out of the end of her wand. They had not been working long, Lily demonstrating to him how perform the Patronus charm while he calmly observed, yet already the faint silvery wisps streaming out of Lily's wand were amalgamating into a very functional defence. Severus had heard of the power of the charm, but having never witnessed it he had dismissed its capabilities; now, however, he could see that for Lily at least it was an incredibly valuable form of protection. His eyes gleamed hungrily as they reflected the bright light and he yearned to perform the same exquisite magic.

Lily looked up in surprise at his compliment. "Oh! I wish it was a corporeal Patronus though… But it is a lot easier to produce the charm this time round," she explained offhandedly.

Severus' eyes moved to her, but the hunger there did not subside. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Lily fiddled with her rolled-up sleeves. "You have to think of something happy and… well, it was a lot harder last time when I was feeling upset…"

_Was she implying what he thought she was?_ Severus analysed her face, wishing he could perform Legilimency upon her but she was stubbornly refusing to meet his eyes. Could it be that she was using her reinstated friendship with him as her happy thought? The idea that he could bring her such joy sent a ripple of excitement pulsing through his body.

"I think that you can produce a corporeal Patronus, Lily," he said softly.

"Yes but… Oh it's no good!" she complained frustratedly. "I need to do this properly, I need to _feel_ like I'm fighting off a Dementor!" Severus merely raised his eyebrows but she continued to look at him thoughtfully. "I know! Put up your hood and stand there!"

"Pardon?"

"You heard me!"

Severus' eyes narrowed in doubt but the eagerness shining on Lily's face coerced him into doing as she had requested, pulling up the black hood of his robes and covering his head. "What is this about, Lily?" he asked wearily and crossed his arms as if enduring the games of a wilful child. Lily was hurrying away from him until she was about ten yards away.

"I might be able to produce a corporeal Patronus if you look like a Dementor and I really feel the need to defend myself…"

Severus rolled his eyes. Here was one of Lily's wild ideas again! "Lily, this is ridiculous! I'm not pretending to be a Dementor!" he cried.

"Shh!"

Lily waved her wand to dim the lights then pointed her wand right at him and screwed up her face in intense concentration. It was clear from how hard she was squinting that she was trying to imagine him as a Dementor. Severus scowled and sank into a moody silence. He recoiled further under the shadow of his hood, hoping to shield most of his face from Lily's view so that she would not learn to associate him with such a foul creature. Honestly, why was Lily so keen to perceive him as a repulsive, frightening Dementor? There could only be one answer, he reflected bitterly: Lily already thought him unattractive and daunting, and the transition from a tall, skinny, dark-haired sallow-faced hook-nosed figure to a towering, cloaked, shadowy and imposing Dementor was easy in her mind.

Severus' eyes glinted in irritation. He wanted to make Lily experience happy memories in his presence, not her worst memories of pain and fear! He was so cross that his arms, folded tightly, were nearly crushing his chest, and he stood rigid as a tower.

Meanwhile Lily seemed to be succeeding even more than before in her attempt to morph him into an illusion of a Dementor. He could see the anxious frown forming along her brow and the quiver of her lips. Severus was just about to bewail the pointlessness of the charade when Lily flourished her wand and her steady voice filled the room.

"Expecto Patronum!"

Right before his eyes the body of an animal morphed out of the molten silver light pouring from Lily's vibrating wand. It was a young deer, which at first ran towards him but then paused with one hoof raised, and gazed at him with large, unblinking, penetrating eyes. Severus was stunned. The corporeal Patronus seemed so real, so sentient, and so reminiscent of Lily herself that he was paralysed by its stare. Only when Lily's outburst of joy was unleashed and the deer vanished was he released from its spell.

"I did it! And it's a _doe!_" Lily squealed, her face alive with pride and her eyes coloured with such a vibrant lustre that Severus could not refuse a smile. Lily seemed even more delighted by his response and skipped up to his side, laughing heartily and dancing around. "That felt brilliant! Oooh… it's your turn now, Sev!"

Severus took a few deep breaths and held out his wand. "Concentrate on a happy memory," Lily reminded him, once more demonstrating the wand movement. "Then have a few goes!"

Severus made an effort to remember something that had made him happy, but _happy _was not an emotion Severus Snape was particularly accustomed to experiencing. Now, take angry and resentful instead, _they_ were a different matter altogether. The majority of his childhood in Spinner's End had been riddled with such bitter, hurtful emotions, and so Severus concluded he must seek a more recent memory. Perhaps knowing he would leave that hellhole of his parents' house and live at Hogwarts, where he could freely practise magic away from the glower of his jealous father, would be a happy enough memory. Severus decided to try.

"Expecto patronum!"

Dismayingly nothing much better than a wisp of smoke wafted up out of the end of his wand and Severus' face hardened sourly. But Lily dismissed this and reminded him that she had initially failed many times.

Severus then remembered the peculiarly warm sense of belonging and pride that had radiated through him when he had been sorted into Slytherin, his mother's House. To be with like-minded people, who shared the same fascination in ancient Dark Magic and who had welcomed him into their activities when they'd witnessed his accomplished talents gave him the comforting sense of a family he had never felt in his cold home. He supposed it was some form of happiness.

But several tries later at the Patronus charm and Severus had been no more successful than eliciting a transient fountain of silvery, disorganised vapour.

"What were you thinking of?" Lily queried. But Severus remained tight-lipped and elected that it was best not to answer. He had last been concentrating on his excitement at his upcoming initiation into the Dark Lord's select group of faithful, empowered Death Eaters, where at his young age he would be recognised as someone powerful and worthy of respect – something he had always longed for but had been denied or unrecognised… up until now. Disappointingly he knew that Lily would indubitably disapprove of his use of something as terrific as that to cast the charm, and as he had not yet revealed to her the Dark Lord's plans for him she would certainly be horrified by such news. Yet his feelings on the matter were incredibly intense; which left Severus unsure as to why the charm had failed.

Then, as his eyes swept over Lily, absorbing her glowing beauty and the brightness of her green almond-shaped eyes in the half-light, a small voice in the back of his head supplied him with the reason: the Patronus charm was altogether and integrally a _force of light_. Not just any happy memory would do; it was imperative that it be void of any darkness, just as Lily was, standing there smiling innocently before him. Severus pondered her for another moment, and then blinked and looked away.

"I know you can do it, Severus," Lily said, mistaking this for a sign of resignation. As he tried to dredge up a pure, happy memory, she began to walk round beside him. _Damn it_, he _knew_ he needed to use a memory with Lily in, but he felt uncomfortable concentrating on it in her presence, as if the magic he drew from it would reveal too much of the pleasure it granted him. What was more, he was not sure if focussing on it would leave him with enough control to resist his urges. He frowned and glared at the opposite wall, watching his wand tip quiver indecisively in the edge of his vision.

Suddenly Severus felt the warmth of breath close to his ear and his skin crawled with fire. Lily was behind him!

"I believe in you, Severus…"

The words whispered so close to his ear were irresistible, hypnotising. His eyes fell shut and Severus swallowed, fighting to regain control on his thoughts which were rapidly growing more lascivious by the second.

And then he felt something snaking around his waist. No sooner had he realised that Lily was wrapping her arms around him and resting her silken head against his back than an involuntary shiver racked through his body. He felt a thrill of mingled panic and pleasure. Lily was so close! _Too_ close! His muscles tightened, straining to resist, but the blood was already rushing through his body, making him react in a way that was far too inappropriate for the dangerous proximity of her hands. He was scared that from touching him she would soon realise, if she did not already from his shiver, how _alive_ he felt with her touching him, how much his flesh desired her, how very close he was to pulling her round and crushing her lips with his… but her touch felt so exquisite that he could not summon up the will to pull out of her gentle embrace. For a brief moment he allowed himself to admit just how good it felt, to have the arms of Lily Evans encircling his body… and in the instant he slackened his defences and granted himself one second of pleasure, all his beautiful memories of Lily gushed into his mind… He could feel the tingling of magic engulfing the entirety of his body – whether due to the potency of his thoughts or Lily's touch he was not sure – but before he knew what he was about to do, he cried _Expecto Patronum!_

Severus felt something course through the blood in his outstretched arm and his ebony wand began to vibrate violently. There was a flare of light – he could see it even though his eyelids were closed – but he was so curious that he opened his eyes just in time to see a four-legged animal streaking out of the end of his wand in dazzling silver light. Severus didn't even turn to look at Lily as he felt her arms unravelling from his waist; his eyes were fixed on the creature racing over into the darkest corner of the room. Then its ears pricked round and it turned, its head aloft, to look straight at him with eyes gleaming like molten silver.

Severus' breath caught in his throat. _It was Lily's doe_.

His hand began to shake so much that, a second later, the corporeal Patronus had vanished and the room dimmed once more.

**xXxXx**

Lily felt Severus' body shudder beneath her and her eyes snapped open.

_What in Merlin's name had possessed her?_ What was she _doing_ embracing him_?_ She _knew_ Severus absolutely detested physical contact of any sort, with _anyone_. Why should she be any different? Hadn't his jerk just demonstrated how repulsed he was by her touch, her invasion of his private space? She had just gone full steam ahead and acted without thinking like an instinctive Gryffindor, simply recognising how natural it had felt to lean against Severus and comfortingly wrap her arms around his lithe torso.

But Severus' shudder had brought her back to her senses – and she was suddenly very aware of how intimately close they were. Her arms were tingling where they rested against his body… She could feel his hard muscles underneath and she took in a sharp intake of breath, accidentally inhaling Severus' heady scent… The smell of wood-smoke, dried herbs and simmering potions ingredients was so intense here on his robes, brushing against her face… And though her voice of reason told her to _pull away now _before her thoughts spiralled any further out of control, of its own accord her body drew her even closer to his, attracted by his familiar, alluring scent. Lily was so veryglad that Severus could not see her flushed face and the secretive smile upon it at this covert moment of pleasure.

Then suddenly something happened. She felt it before she saw it; a thrumming rhythm from where she was touching Severus – was it coming from her or from him? And then a brilliant white light spilled into the room and Lily pulled away, knowing what she would see and desperate to learn what form Severus' Patronus would take. As she moved to his side she looked up into his face, which was shining with the silver light from his wand, and he looked totally enthralled by the advanced magic he had just produced. Lily smiled, savouring the ardent expression upon his face, and then tore her eyes away to the Patronus. No sooner had she set eyes on it, than it vanished.

But Severus had produced a corporeal Patronus!

"You did it! Sev you did it!" she exclaimed, jumping up and down and grinning. She _knew_ he could do it! She should never have doubted him. She had known he was truly good at heart, regardless of the rumoured dark activities he got up to. She had _felt_ it. Lily overflowed in her own joy and relief, and the sound of her laughter filled her ears.

And the next thing she knew she had launched herself at Severus and was hugging him.

Lily realised what she was doing with a pang of dread. _Damn it, she had done it again! _She needed to _think_ before she acted! Severus was very tense and uncomfortable, she could feel it in his muscles.

Lily very slowly pulled back. The room seemed incredibly dark and silent after the appearance of the Patronus and their laughter ringing around them. Her eyes drifted upwards and they were suddenly met by Severus' vivid inky eyes staring penetratingly right back down at her from within the masking shadow of his hood. Lily trembled nervously and made to step back hastily, but long, cool fingers closed tightly about her wrist, stopping her.

A soft gasp broke from her lips and she saw a strange black flame kindling deep in Severus' eyes. He was gazing at her with such intensity that Lily dared not move. She found herself noticing just how much taller he was than her, how he was bending over slightly to search her eyes, how very close his face now was from hers. A frightening but exhilarating thought struck her and Lily's eyes flickered instinctively to Severus' slightly parted thin lips, betraying her desire… or so she thought.

As soon as she wondered if Severus was about to kiss her, the strange burning fire in his eyes extinguished and a hard, set look formed upon his face. Lily's heart plummeted as he pursed his lips tightly and stood up straight, distancing himself from her. An overwhelming sense of disappointment, quite disproportionate to how she should have felt given what Severus had achieved the minute before, settled over her like a cold wet sheet. Her eyes roved his face, searching for the reason why he seemed to have changed heart, but Severus gave no sign of what she had supposed was about to happen. He pushed her away from him, making Lily glance down at where his hand was still gripping her wrist. She suddenly realised how fast her pulse was racing and Severus quickly let go as if he had felt it too.

Lily swallowed guiltily, keeping her eyes lowered. Somehow she had scared Severus away, she knew it. He must have realised what she had thought – no, _misinterpreted_, she corrected herself – and recoiled from the foolish notion. If he hadn't known before, he must know now the way she felt about him. And he clearly was averse to this… repulsed by the mere thought of kissing a _Mudblood_. Lily cringed. There was no way she could bring herself to look back into those obsidian eyes now. Severus would _know_.

Her heart raced even faster.

"Did you see it?"

Severus' voice was low and soft, but it startled her all the same.

"S-see what?" Lily stuttered, petrified, as she quickly glanced up at his face and away again.

"The Patronus?" Severus said, with a tone to his voice that did not need words to say '_what else did you think?'_

"Oh," Lily felt herself blushing heatedly. "Ye-yes. I think so. But…" She looked up at him, picturing the image of the silver animal she had glimpsed before it had vanished. "But it looked like mine…"

A frown cast Severus' eyes into an even deeper shadow. "I know. That's what I thought. It was a doe."

"But–" Lily looked back over her shoulder, as if she could make the Patronus reappear again. "I don't understand… Everyone's meant to have a different Patronus."

Severus walked forward a few paces, staring at the same spot too.

"Are you sure?"

Lily nodded. "Yes. I'm almost certain."

She watched as Severus heaved a deep sigh. "Perhaps it _was_ your Patronus, Lily."

"What do you mean?"

He paused and then turned to look at her with those piercing eyes. "Because you were… you know…" A faint blush coloured his pale cheekbones as he pointedly avoided putting down in words the way Lily had draped herself around him. Once again Lily berated her inherent rashness. "…Maybe it was your magic that passed through my wand," he ended softly.

"I- I don't think so…" Lily stuttered, cowering under his gaze. She knew how they could find out for sure but she felt so emotionally drained that she didn't think she had enough strength to will Severus into trying to cast the Patronus charm again. She checked her watch.

"Crikey, Severus, it's after eleven!" she shrieked, staring up at him in alarm as she gathered up her bag and ran to the door. "Filch'll put us in detention for this!"

Severus however appeared unfazed. "Don't worry, we won't get caught. I'll take you back."

Lily turned round incredulously, her hand on the door. "Take me _what?_"

"Back to Gryffindor Tower."

Severus ushered her out and they quietly hurriedly along the dimly lit corridor, Severus checking behind them for sounds of Filch or Peeves every few seconds. Lily was too busy wondering what had brought on this peculiarly chivalrous behaviour to worry about being caught; her heart felt somewhat lightened after her earlier disappointment, and she found herself almost wishing that they _would_ hear Filch coming so that she had to squeeze into a tight broom cupboard with Severus… or even that they would get detention together, so that she would be assured to spend some time with him…

However the entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room was on the same floor and in only a couple of minutes Lily found herself rounding the corner with the portrait of the Fat Lady in sight at the other end of the hallway.

But the Fat Lady was not the only one waiting up for her.

"_What the HELL are you doing with Evans?"_ A boy's voice hissed loudly, carrying down the hallway. Lily saw Severus stiffen next to her as James Potter lit his wand. Seconds later Sirius Black emerged behind him, carrying a heavily folded piece of parchment in his hand. Lily stopped a few feet from James and crossed her arms defensively.

"It's none of your business, Potter," Severus growled, eyeing up Remus as he also clambered out of the portrait hole.

James was not to be easily dissuaded. "What were you doing _alone_ together in the Room of Requirement so late?" he demanded, his eyes slits as he glared at Severus. Lily felt herself blush as she realised what James was implying… Little did he know how close they had really come to kissing…

"Have you been spying on us?" Severus spat viciously, taking a step forwards and gripping his wand tightly.

"No," replied Sirius airily, stepping forward in line with his best friend. "We've been here all evening." Lily saw Remus nodding too. It did seem as if they had been in the Common Room – after all, how could they have got back before them? But then she wondered how they knew where she and Severus had been and fidgeted uneasily… the squint in Severus' eyes indicated that he was suspicious too.

"Oh, go away Potter, I haven't time for your silly games," Severus said tiredly, turning to face Lily. James thrust out a hand to stop him.

"You haven't answered my question," he said tightly.

"And I'm not going to!" Severus retorted, his eyes flashing.

"What were you doing in there?" James repeated and Lily saw his eyes dart back and forth between her and Severus, exposing his nervousness for the first time. "You weren't… He didn't make you… Surely you didn't…?" he spluttered incoherently.

Lily felt her cheeks grow even hotter but Severus marched in front of her, coolly holding James' petulant gaze. "And what if we _were_?" he whispered, the corners of his lips twitching upwards.

Lily's eyes expanded like saucers – Severus was bluffing! But James was clearly fooled – he was absolutely _incensed_. He whipped round his wand to brandish at Severus, but Severus was quicker. Lily made to dash forwards but Severus put out his left arm to keep her back. Perhaps he thought she would admit nothing had happened in the Room of Requirement. Lily bit her lip. That was not strictly true… she had definitely _felt_ something happen. Well, maybe Severus thought her face would belie the truth, he always said that she wore her emotions on her sleeve, while he in contrast could pull of the perfect act with not so much as a flicker of doubt. He seemed to be enjoying holding the wool over James' eyes, so much so that he was unruffled by the angry sparks spitting at him out of the end of James' wand.

Remus rushed forwards and stood between them, blocking Severus' view of James. "Hey, let's not use wands!" he said, holding up his hands in placation.

"Yeah, I bet the bastard's lying, Prongs," Sirius chipped in. Instantly Severus' wand twitched round to point threateningly at the good-looking Gryffindor instead.

"Don't you dare!" James snarled, attempting to push past Remus in defence of his best friend.

"No, don't!" Lily cried, grabbing hold of Severus' wand hand to stop him from cursing James. For the first time Severus seemed uncertain and he lost the tension from around his eyes, which dropped down to meet hers. She felt her heart skip a beat.

She was touching his hand again.

Lily quickly withdrew her hand and looked away at Potter, whose wand arm was also being forced down by Remus.

"Yeah, Evans doesn't want me cursed, Snivellus!" James taunted, clearly trying to make up for his inability to jinx Severus.

Lily snorted. "Whatever, James," she said scornfully. "It might knock some of the cockiness out of you." She heard Severus' soft laugh at her words. James' expression wilted into one of apprehension. Lily struggled to hold back the smile from her face at the stunned silence pulsing from the three Marauders.

She turned to look up at Severus. "It's okay, Sev, I'm off to bed now," she said. Then she glimpsed the worried look on James' face and was spurred on with the whim to play along with Severus' little façade… what harm could it do to tease him a little? Turning to Severus and revealing to him the devious smirk upon her face, she moved forward to give him a hug goodnight. No way would she normally have dared do this, nor would Severus have usually been so receptive, but it seemed that they both felt the same thrill from leading James merrily down the garden path.

Lily buried her face into Severus' smoky robes, prolonging the moment for as long as she dared. She felt Severus' hand move up to stroke her hair tenderly and she could barely conceal her shaking, which was both from her laughing at what the Marauders must be currently deducing and from the intimacy of Severus' touch. They may only be playing a game… but Merlin she secretly loved it. And as she gently prised herself away, she caught a twinkle in Severus' eye, and she knew he was dying with laughter inside too.

Suddenly she felt encouraged enough to do something even bolder – she stood up on tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Night, Sev," she sang brightly, and swirled round to skip straight past James, who was gawping as if he could not believe his eyes, and both Remus and Sirius who were wearing looks of utter astonishment. Lily only got through the portrait hole and into the Common Room just in time. She ran over to the staircase up to the girls' dormitories and burst into a fit of giggles.

Lily could not sleep for some time.

**xXxXx**

**So, did you enjoy the chapter? :) Please leave a review! - especially if you haven't so far on this story! I'd love to know how you're finding it and what you would like more of in the next installments!**


	5. Questions and Consequences

**Chapter 5: Questions and Consequences**

Severus had never been so happy in his life. The memory of the last few hours was like a big, bright, unstoppable burst of sunlight breaking free from the dark clutches of his heart. Bring on the Dementors, he felt as if he could conjure up the greatest Patronus in the world!

He had been kissed by Lily Evans! On the cheek, yes, but that was made up for by the fact that she had done it _in front of James Potter!_ She had done it willingly and joyfully – he had seen the sparkle in her emerald-green eyes barely inches away before her lips had consumed his sallow skin. She had felt so soft and gentle but his skin had burned like the fiercest fire, as if his body knew that this was the electrifying moment his heart and soul had been yearning for for nigh on seven years. Even now Severus could feel the raptures of excitement bubbling through his veins… And the place where her lips had touched still tingled like he had been scorched, and he half-expected to see a pink mark blossoming there when he examined himself in the mirror. He inspected his reflection, wondering if something in his appearance had altered to enable Lily to draw so close to him, but the white skin, hooked nose and hanging black hair still stared back at him; only the twinkle in his dark eyes suggested that something was different.

And _Merlin_ how life was different now. The look of horror on Potter's face had been absolutely priceless… Severus was never going to let that stuck-up Gryffindor Quidditch hero forget about this. Lily had handed him the perfect weapon next time Potter decided to pick on him. From this day forward, Potter would not _dare_ mess with him now he knew that he, Severus Snape, was the esteemed object of Lily Evans' affections.

Severus could barely suppress a snicker at the glorious thought. How could it be any other way? The air in the Room of Requirement where he and Lily had been alone had been so thick with emotion, and his act for Potter had not only delighted Lily but also enticed her into kissing him on the cheek, as if she had wished that what he had been alluding to had indeed taken place in that secret room. He had come so close to kissing her there in the Room of Requirement and he had only managed to restrain his urges when he had witnessed a flicker of what he had taken to be apprehension cross Lily's eyes. He could never force himself upon Lily – Severus held to his principles, and besides, Lily deserved better than that. He knew that he should go about this in the right and proper way. Only when he had asked her out on a date, and she had accepted, could he allow his lips to claim hers.

And now it seemed that he knew what Lily's elusive answer would be… so perhaps this was The Day when he could pose that special question to her.

Before him in the mirror his black eyes shimmered with the heat of his emotions. Excitement, desire, disbelief that this moment had arrived… and Severus vowed to seize it with both hands. Soon the girl he had loved for so long would be his.

With one last significant glance at his reflection Severus swept out of the bathroom and purposefully headed from the dungeons to claim the morning as his.

**xXxXx**

James slumped down on the end of his bed and stared dejectedly at the ends of his undone tie, which hung loosely in his hands. He wasn't sure if he could face getting ready for today knowing how unbearable Snivellus would be, and he was sure to encounter him - that devious Slytherin would make sure of it. He could picture Snape with that triumphant gleam in his black eyes and the sneer on his twisted lips just as crisply as if he was here in their Gryffindor dorm. Instinctively James recoiled from the scarring image and grabbed his bedside book on Quidditch in an attempt to distract himself before he vomited.

However today was one rare occasion where even Quidditch in all its exhilarating glory had lost its powerful hold over James. Today was the day he realised that nothing mattered more to him than Lily Evans, and unfortunately it also happened to be the day that he had realised he was on the very cusp of losing that beautiful girl to a student he already hated above all others: one sneaky slimy Severus Snape.

It was a bad morning.

James tossed his copy of _Quidditch through the Ages_ into his open trunk and instead rummaged around in his schoolbag for his Potions textbook. He didn't care for the subject himself, by far preferring Defence Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration, but Lily seemed to have a penchant for the '_subtle science'_ (as Snivellus so eloquently put it when gloating about his superior marks). Perhaps if he could descry something worthy of interest in potion-making he could find the motivation to do some extra reading and impress Lily with intriguing details, as Snape did regularly with such arrogant ease…

James had glimpsed Snape's copy of _Advanced Potion Making_ and it was coated in the most annoying scribbles, ink soaking every page so the leaves became as battered as if the book was hundreds of years old. James flicked through his copy. Aside from the cover being scratched from lack of care and Sirius having thrown it at Snape's head once, it looked quite new, with the pages unblemished and likely to be passable in Madam Pince's beady eyes. The only doodling James had performed was an elaborate winged snitch that embellished the inside cover, inscribed with the initials L.E.

…As was his heart.

James sighed heavily and hunched over forward as if he had been kicked in the stomach. He winced and closed his eyes in an attempt to force out the pain. He would eagerly endure Lily's sharp reprisals and wearied expressions in exchange for her keeping firm distance from Severus Snape, even if she did not show any more warmth or promise of a date to him than that; but such an outcome was about as unlikely as Chudley Canons winning their next match. It felt rather too late to hope that Lily did not carry affections for Snape rather than him, and yet while the activity was futile James could not resist dreaming on… Lily meant so much to him that he could not accept that she liked Snape instead so hands-down… But nor could he erase the memory of the way the two of them had embraced last night so suggestively…

The mattress wobbled and blearily James broke out of his inner-torture and peered round. Sirius was sitting there, concerned grey eyes surveying him from under his sweeping mane of black hair.

"What's up, Prongs?"

The illustrated textbook fell from James' lap.

"Snape," he whispered hoarsely.

Remus joined them, finishing tightening the knot in his neat Gryffindor tie, followed by a sleepy-looking Peter. "You shouldn't worry about Snape and Lily," Remus told James kindly, "I'm sure there's nothing going on between them. Considering the recent circumstances, I'm sure they could only be friends at most."

"But- she- she hugged him and- and gave him a _kiss!_" James gasped, gripping the collar of his shirt as if the memory was strangling him.

"He was just trying to get to you… he probably persuaded Lily to play along, knowing that it would aggravate you like this," Remus advised him.

"But she KISSED HIM!" James bellowed. "Don't tell me that Snivellus was responsible for that!"

"Unless he slipped her a love potion," suggested Peter. Remus glared at him for his tactlessness.

"I wouldn't put it past him," James muttered darkly.

"Come on, Prongs, it was just a kiss on the cheek," Sirius sang jovially. "It doesn't mean Lily's in love with him." As he said that phrase James made a gagging noise, but Sirius pressed on. "What's there to love about Snivellus anyway?"

James eyed the Potions book glumly, trying to picture Severus through Lily's admiring eyes. In his depressed mood it was not so difficult. "Well… I s'pose he's dark and silent and mysterious… girls tend to like that, don't they? And he's smart… he's a dab hand at Potions, the subject Lily loves… And he's been her best friend ever since I've known her, so she's probably grown attached to him by now…"

"Gah!" Sirius cried, seized James by the arms and shook him vigorously. "James, just listen to yourself! Snape is nowhere near as good-looking at you, how can you write off his greasy black hair and that hooked nose, not to mention the cold glares and sneers permanently fixed to his ugly face, as if they _don't matter?_ There's no way she could fancy him when he looks like that! As for 'dark and mysterious'… he's bloody in league with You-Know-Who, that's what! He's too devious and nosy for his own good, and Lily's awesome at Potions anyway, she doesn't need him! And how can you _forget_ how he treated her last term? They might appear to be friends again, but there'll always be that rift between them, he'll never be her best friend again. He hurt her too badly; you saw. You were there for her through all of that pain. You won't betray her. She knows that, deep down. She's just taking time to understand all that."

"But Lily's forgiven him!" James whined. "And she doesn't seem to care about appearances like all the other girls!"

"Oh James," Sirius sighed. He clapped an arm around James' shoulders and brought him into a firm hug. "Listen; Lily's a bright girl and a great judge of character, she hasn't fallen for mouldy old Snivellus. How, in any remote way, could he appeal to her? He's a repulsive git, who's betrayed her and hurt her, and gets up to all sorts of Dark Magic with his Slytherin friends. You know Lily both hates and is scared by the Dark Arts. Even if she _could_ by some miracle see past his prominently unsavoury looks, she couldn't ignore what he's done… what he's still doing… what he's hoping to be. We all know it. And Lily would _never_ fall for a Death Eater."

Slowly, James nodded. His friends always knew the right thing to say to make him feel better. "Thanks," he whispered hoarsely.

"That's better!" Sirius barked and jumped up from the bed. James couldn't help but smile at the wicked gleam in his eyes. "Now let's make a plan to get revenge on Snivellus for doing this to you!"

"Yeah!" Peter cheered eagerly, clapping his hands.

"Woah, let's just take this one step at a time," Remus said cautiously. "How about we start with breakfast." Sirius grinned eagerly.

"But I'm not ready!" Peter whined, plucking his pyjama top dolefully.

"We'll see you down in the Common Room, Wormy," Sirius said dismissively, walking past him and ruffling up the small boy's hair. "Come on, Prongs, we've got marauding to plan."

The three boys clattered down the staircase, but as he neared the bottom James was suddenly accosted by dread of encountering Lily in the Common Room. Panicked by the sudden risk of the situation he shrank behind Sirius and hurriedly glanced around, straining to discern Lily's glossy red hair in the circular room. But she was absent.

The relief after such intense terror was exhausting. James slumped into the nearest armchair, his limbs draping over the armrests as if leaden. His eyes drooped to the floor while his mind sank back into deep thought. How would he cope if he stumbled across Lily? Or Snape? How should he behave? -When that Slytherin was so good at lying that he'd never know whether what he'd implied they had been up to in the Room of Requirement was true or not, even if he had been toying with him. And it was too humiliating to bring up the sticky subject with Lily, who would probably shout at him to mind his own business again. He would just have to get used to the unsavoury idea that he would never know the truth, as well as the certainty of Snivellus taunting him about the kiss Lily had given _him_, Severus Snape, over him. Oh, the misery… how he would live down his wretchedness in the face of Severus' stomach-churning triumph he did not know…

"…James?"

"Huh?" He looked up to see Remus looking down at him. He had clearly missed out on what his friends had been talking about.

"Have you _still_ not got a partner for the Vallatus class?" Remus repeated, eying James sternly.

James shook his head. "I told you, I'm waiting for Lily," he said instantly.

Sirius and Remus exchanged looks and Sirius sighed. "What if she won't go with you, Prongs?"

"She will," James replied sullenly.

"Look…" Remus pulled up a chair close to James and leant forward to engage his attention. "There's not much time left. If you don't get someone soon… well you won't have much choice. And you know what old Dumbly said – the better the friends you are, the better the Vallatus will work." James remained silent and scowled back. Remus plodded on. "How about you and Sirius go together? I know Peter isn't able enough for this advanced magic, but I can go with that Ravenclaw girl Flora Fortesque, we share Prefect duties so I know her pretty well-"

"No," James cut across stubbornly. "You and Sirius can go together as we planned. You're not losing out because of me. Anyway, I'll be going with Lily."

Defeated Remus buried his head in his hands. "Oh, James…" his pitying voice diffused through his fingers. "What if she refuses to do it with you?"

James glared at Remus viciously but the boy wasn't looking so he sent the full force of his animosity towards Sirius. "Then I will not go to the Vallatus class at all!" he retorted, with a hint of a snarl. He ruffled up his hair so that it was wilder than ever, then twisted round in his seat so that he could hang his legs over the arm of the chair, crossed his arms and turned his head distinctly in the opposite direction.

Remus opened his mouth as if to protest, but that moment there was a shuffling sound and Peter's appearance saved the two boys from a tetchy argument.

"If you were any slower they'd be serving lunch in the Great Hall by the time we got down there!" Sirius quipped, trying to lighten the atmosphere. Peter grinned sheepishly as his stomach rumbled noisily and Remus smiled, rising up from his chair; but James took no notice. His attention had just been captured by the appearance of Lily at the bottom of the girls' staircase. He watched as she scanned the room and when her eyes fell on his, his heart emitted an almighty pang. He hurriedly tore his gaze away, trying to appear nonchalant but deep down trying to save himself before he crumpled right in front of her, which he knew he was on the brink of doing. Lily had that knack of unhinging him at the best of times.

"Coming, Prongs?"

Dazedly James looked up at his friends. "You guys go on, I'm not hungry," he answered. Sirius looked down at him anxiously and rested a hand on his shoulder.

"You okay? D'you want me to bring you some food to Herbology?" he asked. James shook his head.

"No thanks, Padfoot. I'll see you down at the Greenhouses."

Peter was the first to leave and Remus and Sirius soon followed, leaving him on his own. James was very much aware of Lily watching him; she still hadn't gone to breakfast as he had expected. He endeavoured to defiantly ignore her but in the fuzzy field of vision outside his round glasses he could see her hazy outline growing larger and it was too much for him to resist looking at her for very long. His eyes drifted upwards, and all the while he prayed that she would not say something about last night that would make how he felt even worse. It was already bad enough.

James met her expressive green eyes and his heart thudded in his chest. And then Lily smiled, but with no trace of the teasing motive from the night before. Now, as she slowly approached him, she was smiling gently and remorsefully, her green eyes imploring, and James felt the breath pulled right out of his lips. Lily had never looked so beautiful in his eyes.

**xXxXx**

Lily woke up with a start. At first she wondered why, and then all the lively events of the night before came crashing back into her mind, jolting her into full consciousness. With everything whirling round in her head it had been dreadfully hard to fall asleep in the first place, so she knew she'd never manage to go back to sleep now. In resignation Lily slowly sat up in bed and drew back part of the red hangings, letting in a shaft of sunlight that informed her that she hadn't awakened too early. She leant back into her pillow and sighed. They said that everything looked different the next day, and she realised that the saying was true: in the clear light of morning the heat of emotions was lost and she found herself looking back on her memories of the night before from quite a different viewpoint.

Lily had seen the hurt in James' face as she had sauntered past him last night, and while at the time she had thought it hilarious to give his arrogance a good knock and remind him that she was free to do whatever she wished with whoever she pleased, now a knot was gradually tightening in her stomach. She knew how much James cared for her, and that his fears of what Severus was capable of doing to her were not unfounded considering his history of dark magic… and it was one thing to turn down his pleas for a date lobbed across the common room, but quite another to taunt him so cruelly by pretending to bestow all of his desires on his most hated enemy. James might be a little too full of his own brilliance, but he meant well. He didn't deserve that.

Lily cringed, filled with compassion and guilt. Now feeling utterly ashamed of her behaviour she made herself a promise to set the board right. Her conscience would not rest until she had in some way given an apology to James Potter… no matter how embarrassing that would be for her.

She slipped out of bed and after tiptoeing to the bathroom began to dress quickly and quietly without disturbing her roommates. As she was doing up the buttons on her shirt she remembered another awkward issue from last night: Severus was unable to partner her in the Vallatus class. Her mood dropped despondently, for she knew she had no good a friend as Severus. But the Vallatus class was too vital to miss. She was determined to make a stand in this war and she would do all she could to be prepared. Even if she did have to work with someone else…

And then the answer came to her clearly – although it was not a simple solution. While James could be an arrogant little mischief-maker, she was forced to admit that the hairy pranks he and his friends successfully pulled off required a lot of careful scheming and showed just how clever and talented a wizard he was. James also shared her adamance that Voldemort and his Death Eaters were nothing more than inhumane, bloodthirsty murderers with a hunger for power through suppression, and that it was imperative that they stood up to the revolution to fight for Muggles' and Muggle-borns' right to a good, free life. Furthermore, she thought with her heart fluttering, James certainly bore very strong feelings for her, and even though she did not quite feel the same way, she expected that this could only help to fulfil the need for a 'strong bond held by close friends' as Dumbledore had explained in his letter. Besides, Lily was also a bit uncomfortable with flying on brooms, and she knew James would be more than eager to give her advice and catch her should she become unsteady.

So James was the perfect choice.

Then why did she feel so uneasy contemplating asking him to be her partner?

Lily moved to her mirror to do her hair and found herself blushing. James' adoration was always tripping her up nowadays whenever she came into his presence. It was even worse now than when he was constantly asking her out. She knew it was there, the unspoken question hovering pleadingly between them as his eyes searched hers so affectionately. She knew he was waiting.

If she didn't care about him, would the cessation of his questioning have resulted in her forgetting all about his infatuation with her? Lily fiddled with her hair nervously. She wasn't sure, but she knew he wouldn't be on her mind as much as he was now, surely…

So was it her own feelings then that were _really_ the issue here? -_Of course not!_ a voice of reason shouted in her head, but simultaneously images of a tall, handsome James Potter smiling dazzlingly at her with sunny brown eyes, casually windswept black hair and valiant Gryffindor robes not quite concealing his toned muscles below, entwined with unfamiliar warm emotions of attraction, care and a willingness to trust crashed down into her startled mind as if the tight defences keeping them tucked away out of sight in neat boxes had been blasted apart and collapsed, spilling their contents everywhere. Lily shivered and looked back at her mirror-image, her green eyes searching their very reflection for answers. How could she feel this way for James Potter when her heart thudded so passionately in the steamy, intimate presence of his polar opposite, Severus…? It didn't make sense. She couldn't fancy them both- _FANCY!_ Lily nearly shrieked. _Don't be ridiculous!_ she chided herself. _I do not fancy Sev and I most certainly do not fancy James Potter!_

Lily brusquely picked up her comb and began raking up her hair into a high ponytail that meant business. _Fancying James… _the notion was foreign and obviously false! He was an arrogant toerag who needed keeping in line, and it was her job as a Prefect to do just so.

But then once more the image of his fractured expression swam into her mind… those eyes bleeding pain after witnessing her heart apparently thrown into Severus' open hands… Lily cringed. She truly hated herself at this moment.

She dropped her hair and started again, picking up her favourite ribbon she kept hidden safely in the back corner of her trunk and tying back only the front few locks so that the rest rippled down gently in red waves around her face, overall giving her a much softer appearance.

James was not the careless boy she had judged him to be all along – although he gave a very good impression of it – Lily had witnessed that underneath was a heart just as easily injured as hers. And she was the nail in his wound.

Sighing she put down the comb and picked up her schoolbag. Her friends were only now stirring and calling good morning to each other. She quickly slipped out of the door before they could detract her from her course of action and walked down the stairs with deliberation. As she emerged from the stone archway she paused, anxiously scanning the Common Room for James. She had expected him to be down at breakfast with his friends by this time, but she saw Peter drifting over to a cluster of armchairs and spotted James sprawled in the nearest one.

He had been watching her.

As their eyes met Lily was overpowered by a rush of adrenaline and she hesitated, severely tempted to head straight across the Common Room before he could call out to her in his usual cheery greeting and force her to make her apology there in front of his friends – maximum humiliation, considering they had been present at the scene last night.

But almost instantly James had looked away. Lily was shocked. She couldn't remember the last time James had _ignored_ her. Come to think of it, she couldn't put a finger on a time when he had _ever_ ignored her. Had her behaviour with Severus really hurt James this badly?

As Lily was fretfully pondering this shameful idea, she heard James urging his friends to go on to breakfast without him. Obediently they acquiesced, although Sirius did so somewhat reluctantly, and left through the Portrait Hole. He was giving her the opportunity she needed.

Cautiously Lily walked over to the chair James was slumped in, but he continued to look in the other direction as if she was not even there. It was only when she was a yard away that he finally looked up at her with those imploring hazel-brown eyes and she realised that his feigned indifference had all been an act to protect himself from being hurt again. Once more Lily was overwhelmed with regret.

She gazed down at him, silently begging him to understand more than she could put into words, and tentatively she smiled.

"James, I – I'm sorry," she whispered.

The boy regarded her for a moment longer through his round glasses and then climbed to his feet.

"Evans," he replied softly, "you don't need to say anything." But the hint of a smile around James' lips told her that her words had the extraordinary power to heal his hurts and she was spurred on to carry out her plan, whatever he said.

"James?" she began shyly. "Could I – can I ask you something?"

**xXxXx**

Severus was fortunate enough to have a free period before morning break and he decided to employ this to his full advantage – he lay in wait for when Lily would come out of her Charms class. At the ringing of the bell his escalating feelings of nervous excitement flew up a few notches and he shakily headed through the crowd pouring out into the Charms corridor, searching for the face he knew so well. When his eyes caught hers Severus was barely able to call out to her, his breath was so stolen away by the vibrancy of emotions that those green eyes recalled from the night before.

"Oh, hi Sev!" Lily called as she neared him, her voice breathy. Some of her hair was prettily tied up in a green ribbon and the rest cascaded voluptuously over her shoulders. If it was possible, Lily seemed to have grown even more attractive overnight. She gave him a stunning smile and Severus had to exert all his willpower to stop himself from launching himself onto her lips.

"Nice work last night," he said appraisingly, flashing her a knowing glance, "you left Potter right in a tangle…!"

"What? Oh…" Lily bit her lip and stalled. "I feel a bit guilty about that now, I think it may've really hurt his feelings…"

Severus' jaw dropped open. "Since when did you care about Potter's crush on you? Honestly Lily, it'll have just bounced off him, you know how big his ego is. Besides…" He lowered his voice to a seductive whisper, "wasn't it fun…?"

Lily's eyes trailed up to his and she blushed acutely. He gazed back at her, willing as if through some reversal of his Legilimency powers to convey the rush of pleasure and excitement their intimacy had brought him. A soft smile danced upon her lips. Severus felt drunk with anticipation; his heart was thudding so thunderously he felt it would knock him to helpless pieces any moment now.

"Listen, Lily," he pressed on after a deep breath, "there's something I would like to ask you."

"About James?" she asked. Severus frowned and shook his head, his silky black hair bouncing around his face.

"About you…" he answered. When Lily's eyes turned questioning Severus was electrified by the flare of his nerves. He breathed in shakily. "I thought perhaps… Would you like to go on a date with me?" he whispered tremulously, his eyes searching hers for a reaction even as he spoke.

His question hung in the air, billowing out silence despite the distant buzz of students pushing past on their way to the courtyard for break. The damned suspense was bringing Severus to breaking point. If she hadn't known his heart before, his feelings for her were now as clear as glass… and his situation was just as at risk of shattering to absolute destruction.

Severus watched anxiously as Lily's almond eyes grew rounder and became saturated in a whorl of feelings he could not for the life of him decipher. He gazed deep into those green pools so rich in emotion and memory, trying to pierce their surface and tease out the answer he longed for so dearly. A becoming blush was flowering over her cheeks but Lily did not look away, seemingly entranced by his intense stare. He was just beginning to fancy that a shadow of a smile was creeping over her face when a scornful voice penetrated their fragile moment.

"Are you actually asking Evans out, Snivellus?"

James Potter appeared behind Lily, followed by Sirius Black whose face was alight with glee. "Who'd want to go out with you?" he continued, and they both laughed. Lily jumped aside skittishly as if caught doing something naughty and Severus felt a pang of regret.

"Yeah, I wouldn't go too close, Evans, you might catch something dangerous," Sirius crowed.

Severus reddened and tried to ignore them. "Lily…?" he persisted, attempting to meet her lowered eyes.

But under James' presence Lily seemed unwilling to give him an affirmation - or was undecided – and would not look either of them in the eye. "What is it, James? What do you want?" she asked, turning her attention away from Severus' lingering question. He could not hate James more than now, for ruining his one chance to ask Lily out, for stealing his limelight…

"Only that Dumbledore has said the class will begin at eight o'clock tonight, not nine…" As James spoke a smile crept up his face and he glanced over at Severus, before winking to Sirius. "Come on Padfoot, Snivellus wants some _private time_."

"Oooooh!" Teased Sirius as they sauntered away. Severus was incensed but Lily seemed too trapped in her thoughts to be bothered by James and Sirius' interruption.

"So Potter _is_ learning about Vallati too?" he demanded, causing Lily to glance up at him momentarily.

"Yes…" she replied softly. "I asked him if he'd do it with me…"

Severus gagged on these words. "You-" he spluttered, and Lily looked up at him in surprise. "But… me… Why Potter?" he spat. "Why not someone else?"

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Well, he is good at flying and defensive magic, and seeing as that is what we shall be doing, he seemed to be a reasonable choice."

"But-" Severus didn't care about that, he cared about the _other_ condition, and he was afraid of whether it applied to James. "But you needed a close friend…" he implored Lily, "you asked _me_," he finished sulkily.

"And as I remember, first you expressed significantly more than mere disinterest in the matter, and then you bluntly refused Dumbledore's negotiation," Lily surmised frostily. "So don't criticise me, Severus."

He stared pleadingly at her. He couldn't hold his fear in any longer. "Lily, please don't say no!"

Lily flushed and her eyes flicked shyly onto him and away again.

"I need time to think, Sev…" She gave him a sad smile and Severus began to feel panicked. Something about James Potter had affected her. He had noticed that she was using his first name more and more now. What was worse, Potter had seemed so certain that she would turn him down – of course he could be bluffing, but Severus bore such heavy qualms over the whole matter that he was enveloped in feverish palpitations.

But then, after a moment's hesitation, Lily stood up on tiptoes and tenderly gave him another precious little kiss on the cheek before she hurried away to find her friends.

Hope inflated in Severus's chest like an ever-expanding golden balloon and he very nearly bounced along to his next lesson.

**xXxXx**

**Please leave a review, I really appreciate reading your comments and it honestly encourages me to write faster! Thank you!**


	6. The Golden Vallatus

**Chapter 6: The Golden Vallatus**

Severus Snape was on edge and in an altogether unsavoury mood that could not be outstripped even by comparison to a ravenous Blast-Ended Skrewt.

In dire opposition to his fiercest wish, Lily had not found him later that day to tell him whether or not she would go out with him, but had left him hanging in a wretched position - in spite of the fact that he had most definitely caught her looking at him several times during dinner! Her silence made him very uncomfortable.

Then, further worsening Severus' temper was the fact that he had been unsuccessful in his attempted plan to spy on her Vallatus class. It was as he had walked back agitatedly from dinner that it had occurred to him that he had no idea where the class was meant to happen; all he knew was the time. He had reasoned that because flying was involved it might take place down on the Quidditch pitch, but it was possible that learning theory was important for this magic and so they may spend the first lesson in a classroom. Severus knew it could only be self-torture to watch Lily partnering James Potter, but after duping himself into believing that he was on his way to the library, he found himself loitering in the shadow of a suit of armour near the top of the stairs that led up to the Entrance Hall just before eight o'clock.

He had expected that if he did not see Lily and whoever else was in Dumbledore's 'chosen few' exiting through the great doors to the grounds, they would be meeting in a classroom that he could later find by listening out for voices, but in reality he saw them all trickling into the Great Hall. At first Severus was excited – he knew where the class was! But then he realised the problem – there was no way he could creep in past what looked like two stern-faced Aurors and watch Lily unnoticed. And then – he heard a sealing charm being placed on the closed doors. He was snubbed.

Irritated Severus had abandoned his pretence of heading towards the library and marched straight back to the Slytherin Common Room, where he was now sitting and staring moodily at the flickering fire. However much he disliked it, his mind kept drifting back to hypothesising how Lily and James Potter were getting on, either resulting in a scenario where everything went disastrously wrong, it was all James' fault for dimming Lily's brilliance, and Lily demanded that James be kicked out and permanently replaced with Severus – an ending that Severus' shrewd mind judged to be too wonderful to be realistic; or resulting in a scenario where Lily and James excelled at creating their Vallatus and were amazed at each other's flair for the magic, enabling James to secure a foothold in Lily's heart and coerce her into falling for him, ending in a climactic kiss…

Unfortunately Severus' fear of Lily's rejection was so profound that he found himself once more imagining this second scenario, seeing Lily encircled in the strong arms of James Potter, his fingers woven into her streams of red hair fluttering in the breeze, his face smeared with a triumphant smirk as he pulled beautiful Lily towards his hungry mouth, while her bright eyes fluttered shut and a little smile danced upon her parting lips…

"Urgh!" Severus jerked his eyes away from the festering fire in frustration, only to find several faces curiously looking up at him. Severus promptly glowered at them and set about smoothing out the creases in his black robes in an attempt to soothe his heart and lower his blood pressure, for he could feel that all the stress had heaved it way above the healthy level.

Then Severus noticed a sliver of light gleaming on one of his black sleeves. He examined it and probed it gently with a long finger. It was a strand of hair – but it was certainly not from his ebony head. He carefully prised it off the clutching material and held its trailing length up to his sharp eyes. It was very long. And a golden-red colour like autumn leaves.

Lily's hair.

Severus froze. He was a potioneer. And he knew that one hair opened up a thousand possibilities.

And the possibility of one particular potion had been in the forefront of his mind recently…

"Is that – a _girl's hair?_" said an incredulous voice. Severus spun round, his heartbeat pounding in his ears; it was Avery, peering over his shoulder.

"What have _you _been up to, Severus Snape?" Mulciber joined him, raising his eyebrows threateningly. "Who's the lucky girl who has managed to lay a hand on the _dark and mysterious_ Severus Snape?" He reached out to snatch the hair.

Severus pinched the hair more tightly and thrust it with his left hand into his pocket, pulling out his wand with his right. "I have no idea," he said coldly. "Leave me out of your bantering. This is ridiculous. Some girl must've just brushed past me." Actually, it must have been left from when Lily hugged him late last night, in front of the appalled Marauders… but he wasn't about to admit that incident, either.

Severus' knew his lie was sound, but he cursed himself when Mulciber eyed the tell-tale brandished wand and then smirked at him. "Some girl, huh?" A wicked smile contorted his lips.

Severus' eyes narrowed. They were gaining an audience, much to his distaste.

"What colour was it? Did you see?" several people over on the sofas were calling out and craning their heads to look at him. And it wasn't just girls. It appeared as if everyone was intrigued by the notion that he, Severus, had a secret liaison with a girl within this very castle. It was incredibly irksome.

"It looked blonde to me," Avery was calling out loftily.

"You idiot!" Severus snarled and found himself gripping the front of Avery's robes tightly before he could stop himself. It was _red_ for Merlin's sake! Avery gaped back, obviously startled by Severus' overreaction. Generally annoyed with the boy, the attention, the stupid conclusions that were magnifying like wildfire, and even himself, Severus threw Avery back at Mulciber and stormed through the crowd, who parted listlessly at his feet. He knew they were staring but he didn't care. The situation was ridiculous. He had to get away – get out of the Slytherin Common Room –

But not before he had heard the gossip starting up again in his wake…

"Who's blonde in sixth year?"

"Was it straight or curly?"

"Who would _fancy_ Severus?"

"_More to the point, who would Severus Snape fancy?"_

_Oh please kill me now,_ Severus murmured to himself. The world was full of fools. Even the wizarding world.

**xXxXx**

"I told you!" James sang, his eyes alight with glee as he walked down the corridor with a spring in his step, accompanied by Sirius and Remus. Beyond the mullioned windows, the sky was turning a dusty purple as the sun sank below the horizon.

"She _what?_" Sirius choked on his own disbelief.

"Evans wants to be my _partner_…!" James sang the last word and sent Sirius a beaming smile.

"But she actually asked you?" Remus asked quietly. James eyed him up, a little affronted.

"Yeah?"

Remus shook his head, struggling to get to grips with Lily's change in behaviour. Perhaps she had discerned one of James' better qualities as he had suggested to her. He smiled. He was glad she had done so.

"Congratulations, Prongs!" Sirius was saying briskly. "It would seem you're making headway!"

James threw back his head and laughed. It did rather feel as if at last he had made a big step towards persuading Lily to go on a date with him; she was beginning to show him considerably more warmth. Besides, he suspected that Lily could not have chosen to pursue Severus' affections over his because otherwise she would never have apologised and she would be refusing all contact with him in an attempt to please that loathsome snake, rather than actively seeking to perform an activity with him. This hope gave him the same thrill as if he had just landed on the Quidditch pitch after Gryffindor had triumphantly won the game and he had scored many of the points for his cheering House. Yes, life was starting to feel good again.

"Ah, it feels wonderful to know we'll soon be flying," James sighed as they descended the great marble staircase. Hogwarts was his home, and with his broomstick slung over his shoulder and Lily Evans waiting for him ahead, the anticipatory thrill of soaring up amid the rafters of the infamous Great Hall was already searing through his pulsating blood. James increased their pace when they reached the Entrance Hall.

Sirius gave him a nudge. "Who do you suppose they are?" he asked, indicating towards two wizards who were standing like sentinels on either side of the doorway to the Great Hall, with wands at the ready and eyes that followed their progress suspiciously. James looked back at the nearest one defiantly until they had passed through and then turned to Sirius and shrugged.

"I think they're Aurors," Remus whispered, glancing back over his shoulder. "I recognise them from the Daily Prophet, they were at a raid a couple of weeks ago."

"What are they doing here?" Sirius asked looking baffled.

"Perhaps they're here to help teach the defensive magic with Dumbledore," James speculated. "It must be really useful if Aurors are using it…" his voice succumbed to awe.

Enthused the three Marauders hurried through the pools of light cast by the flame torches, which made the flagstones gleam a pale golden hue. The four long House tables had been pushed to the sides of the Great Hall, and up at the top end, with the silver stars glinting on his purple hat, was Dumbledore, looking even more excited than the few fresh-faced students pressing round him. They were all from the fifth, sixth and seventh years, and in one sole sweep James discerned that no Slytherins were present. Hardly surprising, he reflected. Aside from Lily, there was Alice from their year in Gryffindor, who appeared to be partnering Frank Longbottom - a boy who James was sure should have asked Alice out long ago given the intensity of red and propensity for bumbling speech he succumbed to whenever tripped up by her presence. There was also a cluster of Hufflepuffs, including Edgar and Amelia Bones, as well as a handful of Ravenclaws, among whom James recognised the McKinnons. But by far the majority was made up by Gryffindor, and Slytherin House was conspicuous by its complete absence.

So old Snivelly hadn't met the grade then? James couldn't resist a gratified smirk as he joined the elite group. It was high time Snape realised his alliances were costing him his friendship with Lily, he had only been saved thus far by Lily's incredibly forgiving nature. At least Lily recognised that he had to offer something of value that Snape did not…

James caught Lily's eye and gave her a wink. She pursed her lips and looked away, but a few moments later James could see the corners of her mouth twitching, just as if she was resisting a smile. Encouraged he approached her, with the aim of tempting her into conversation while they awaited the last few students.

"Alright, Evans?" he asked light-heartedly.

Lily crossed her arms and silently kept her eyes fixed on Dumbledore, but beside her Alice looked round eagerly and gave Lily a nudge. Lily glowered at her friend and then reluctantly gave him a terse nod.

James chuckled. "Looking forward to the Hogsmeade trip tomorrow? Perhaps we can arrange to see you in the Three Broomsticks and I can buy you and your friends a drink…?"

Alice grinned at James' kind offer and looked at Lily suggestively, fully appreciative of James' hints, but Lily remained perfectly cool. She looked at him sidelong. "No, thank you, James. I may not even be going tomorrow."

James felt his jaw drop open. He turned to his friends and saw the same look of utter horror on Sirius' face as he felt on his own. "You're – you're not _going?_" he gasped. How could anyone forgo a Hogsmeade trip? That was _insane!_

Lily shrugged and picked some flecks of dried mud off the school broomstick she held.

James stared at the sight wide-eyed. Surely this girl was not _so_ studious as to want to stay cooped up in the deathly quiet library surrounded by boring, lifeless books instead of touring the brightly-coloured shops with her friends and hanging out in the bustling pub with a sweet Butterbeer and a bunch of good-looking guys like him and Sirius?

"Merlin, Lily, is Snivellus really rubbing off on you that much? I honestly can't believe you want to be such a bore. Now give me a _real_ reason for not coming, or I'm afraid it'll be my honourable duty to carry you there myself."

Lily glared at him, her green eyes blazing, but before she could shoot him her headstrong retort (as she so clearly wanted to) Dumbledore clapped his hands loudly and a hushed silence fell among the huddle of expectant students. With a sniff Lily turned her back on James. He grinned and leant in to whisper to Sirius.

"You up for lugging Evans to Hogsmeade? I'm sure we could handle her collection of hexes together…"

"Sure!" Sirius replied, shaking the hair out of his eyes and raring to go at the sound of executing a plan with his best friend. "I can't wait to see the look on Snivellus' face when you're marching down the stairs with Evans slung over your shoulder, I'll bet two sickles he'll wet himself in fury…"

The boys sniggered away until Remus shushed them.

"Good evening all!" Dumbledore boomed at them, his white beard twitching into a smile. "I am sure that by now most of you will have realised why you have been invited to my special class." Dumbledore paused, looking at them all knowingly. His blue eyes fell upon James and the boy's attention was utterly captivated. As the Headmaster's gaze pierced his mind, James was suddenly fully aware of what he had come here to do. A surge of magic began to tingle in his wand arm, itching to make a start in this great journey.

Dumbledore moved on and continued to address the twenty or so students, who were quieter than the soft evening breeze as they listened with bated breath: "You all know that the wizard naming himself Lord Voldemort is preparing for war against the free wizarding world, and it has come to my attention that the select few of you standing here this late summer evening have expressed a desire to prepare yourselves to fight back alongside the members of my Order once you leave the safety of Hogwarts.

"It is my aim in these lessons, with the aid of Professor McGonagall and these here Aurors, to teach you the singular Vallatus charm – a form of Joint Magic that I myself discovered in my youth, and that I have found to be most advantageous. I hope that by enabling you to be proficient in this magic you will be well equipped for the coming war and I will be able to rest assured that you will have strong protection, whether you choose to fight with us against the Death Eaters, or whether you find yourself fleeing and in need of defending your loved ones."

"Wow," breathed James, turning bright-eyed to Remus and Sirius. "This magic must be really powerful…!"

"Especially seeing as the Aurors use it and are willing to share their expertise with us," Remus whispered.

"I can't wait to use it against the stuck-up Slytherins," Sirius breathed, enamoured.

"Not just the Slytherins," Remus added eagerly, "even Death Eaters! After learning this, we'll be able to fight them properly once we're of age and leave Hogwarts!"

The three boys' faces lit up and they turned back to lap up Dumbledore's words.

"And now, as to what a Vallatus is," Dumbledore continued. "A Vallatus is created by uniting the powers of two witches or wizards, using the combined magic of the wand and the broomstick, allowing you to be doubly strong and well-protected. When under an outnumbered attack the benefits are immeasurable. You will soon see how the charm is not only a defensive shield. There will be a two-way link between you, enabling you to draw on the strength of your companion if you are weak, so that your companion can protect you, and this will also allow your strategies to be co-ordinated. The Vallatus charm is complex magic, and it is just as important to master the unspoken connection between the two of you as it is to master the spells you speak."

Now everyone looked around at their partners nervously, no doubt wondering if the bond of friendship between them was strong enough for the Vallatus charm to work. James regarded Lily and she quickly looked away. He certainly regarded her highly, but he still was left in the dark as to her feelings for him. If she'd only asked to be his partner out of guilt for hurting him last night, maybe the balance would be too one-sided and their Vallatus would fail… On the other hand, perhaps if they _did_ cast a Vallatus it would indicate that she bore stronger feelings for him than she had cared to admit. James smirked and turned to announce this discovery to his friends, only to find that Sirius' eyes had been drained of much of their usual energised lustre and that he was gazing at him longingly.

"What is it, Padfoot?" James asked anxiously.

"N-nothing," Sirius muttered, shaking his long hair and smiling weakly. Then James saw him glance over at Remus, who was a few feet away straining to watch the teachers and Aurors mounting their brooms and taking off into the dimming sky displayed on the ceiling of the Hall.

"It's just… you're my best friend," Sirius sighed, careful not to let Remus overhear. James gulped. He thought he knew what this was about. He'd never thought about how Sirius would feel if he partnered Lily.

"Oh Merlin, I'm sorry Padfoot," James whispered, his face contorting in anguish. He gripped Sirius' shoulder. "You're my best friend too, you know that. But you'll be fine, Remus is a star in Defence Against the Dark Arts and we're both his best friends."

Sirius nodded and shrugged off James' hand. "Yeah, I'm just being stupid. Ignore me."

"What's stupid?" Remus had come back. "Hey, have you seen Dumbledore on a broom before? See how funny he looks!" He pointed over the heads of the students in front and James was relieved for a distraction.

"Blimey," he muttered, for both teachers were rising into the air just a few feet above their heads, Dumbledore with his purple robes billowing majestically and McGonagall rather hawk-like as she leant forward on her broomstick. They came to hover opposite each other, and the two Aurors did likewise.

"I will now run you through a demonstration, along with Professor McGonagall," Dumbledore called down to them, his long white beard fluttering like tendrils of clouds in the breeze. "I would also like to introduce to you the Aurors Moody and Fenwick, who will also show you how to produce a Vallatus Charm. They have sealed the Great Hall tonight so that no unfriendly eyes may learn of our activities, and once we progress to the Quidditch Pitch, they will set up Illusion charms to conceal us."

James looked across to Moody and Fenwick on their brooms. Moody, a sturdy wizard who looked as if he could wilt curses with a mere glare, muttered something to Dumbledore impatiently, while Fenwick, a younger wizard, inspected them all sceptically. James held up his chin defiantly, willing to prove himself.

"Please watch carefully," Dumbledore instructed. He and McGonagall clasped each other's left hand, then with their right hand they pointed their wands at their linked hands. They held each other's gaze before casting the charm in unison:

_"__Vocamus vallatus!"_

A bright light the size of a marble had erupted from where their wandtips touched and within seconds it had burst outwards to surround them in a perfectly spherical cage of deep, cobalt blue flames, between which were panes of shimmering, shifting light. James was dazzled by another explosion of light and moved his eyes to see that a protective bubble also surrounded the Aurors, but theirs was a rich red colour interlaced with rivulets seemingly of blood. Both Vallati, blue and red, glistened like glass, suggestive of their hidden powers.

Then the two pairs began to move off, flying never far apart but constantly circling each other within their shining orbs. The charms followed them on their circuit around the Great Hall, always equidistant from the epicentre of their circling. When they had completed their loops and succeeded in blowing away all of the enlivened students below, Dumbledore and McGonagall raised their wands above their heads as if to touch the shell arcing over them.

"Finite incantatem."

The colour drained out of the sphere, like blood leaking out of veins, until it was nothing more than a shimmer, as if a film of water surrounded the two teachers – and then it was gone. Seconds later the Aurors did the same.

"That was awesome!" Sirius cried, cheering with the other students as their four demonstrators landed on the ground. James grinned; he couldn't agree more whole-heartedly. He couldn't wait to have a go himself!

Dumbledore beamed at them all. "Now I would just like to run through a few things before you have a try," he said. "As I mentioned in my letter to you all, it is important that you have a good bond with your partner because you must work closely with them to create a successful Vallatus. You need to open up your mind and deepen your awareness of each other. At this stage, I would say holding eye-contact will help you a great deal. And do not forget to concentrate _all_ the time, or the charm will fail." He momentarily surveyed them all very seriously, and then he clapped his hands briskly. "Now, off you go in your pairs! And remember, the charm is _vocamus vallatus_."

"Cool!" murmured Remus. "Let's go, Padfoot!" James saw Sirius give him one last, sad smile, full of longing, before trailing after Remus. With a sigh James turned to fetch Lily. As he drew nearer he heard her conversation with Alice.

"You don't think this means you can read each other's minds, do you?" Lily was questioning Alice fretfully. The other girl seemed far less fazed as she joined Frank.

"I don't know, but that would be awesome! Anyway, good luck, Lily!" Lily hesitated and was still staring after her friend deep in thought when James joined her.

"Lily?" he asked, wondering what dark thoughts Lily was afraid he would see… Perhaps she secretly fancied him! A pleased smile crept over his face as he stared at her penetratingly. Lily blushed and nodded. James led her over to a space where he leapt onto his broom and whooshed up into the air, lapping up the spectacular feeling of weightlessness and freedom. He pulled his broom round sharply, hoping to impress Lily with his nifty manoeuvres. Obliviously, she followed rather more slowly and yet still came to hover perfectly in front of him.

"This is the part where you take my hand, Evans," he said, offering her his left hand.

Lily's green eyes rose to his. "I think this is the time you should call me Lily, James, seeing as we will be partners for some while," she threw back.

It was James' turn to flush. A hard lump formed in his throat and he nodded unquestioningly. He had long dreamed of the time when he was close enough to Lily to carve her name with his humble tongue and hear the beautiful sound tumble like music from his mouth. He stared as she tentatively extended her hand; she must be either fearful of losing balance on her broom, or unwilling to make contact with him, skin upon skin. How many times had he dreamed of holding hands with Lily Evans? - Enough to now make his heart race wildly in expectation.

When Lily finally slipped her fingers around his, James believed that he might actually slide off his broom, he was so overcome with erratic elation that he became quite lightheaded. He fought to steady his hand's tremors so that she would not realise how much effect her soft, enchanting touch had on his nerves, but restraining his body only served to heighten the thrill. Instinctively he was drawn to her eyes, but their green hue was so rich and full of understanding that his stomach did a back-flip and he regretted exposing a piece of his mind to her. He hurriedly glanced away with the pretext of checking on how the others were doing – Sirius and Remus were already surrounded by a faint purple pink ring that kept constricting and expanding unstably, and many of the other pairs were trying to cast the spell albeit without success.

All the while James could feel Lily's gaze burning upon him. He knew she was a less confident flyer, so she was probably afraid of having a lapse in concentration and accidentally knocking into him now that their broom handles were less than a foot apart. He in comparison was used to having one or even both hands off his broom when handling the Quaffle.

"Lily," he said, savouring the sound of her name for a moment, "try to relax, you're making your broom judder by gripping it so tightly. I won't let you fall." He gave her hand a little squeeze.

Lily smiled and seconds later her broom had stilled. "Sorry."

James shook his head as if to say it was the least he could do to help her. "Ready?"

"Ready," Lily breathed in affirmation.

Slowly they brought their wandtips together so that they were touching and resting on top of their linked hands, a fact that James was still marvelling at. He couldn't wait to see what happened when they cast the Charm, but he was anxious that sparks might shoot out of his wand by accident and burn Lily's hand. He made sure to meet Lily's eyes so that they could cast the spell simultaneously, but this was the closest they had ever been and James was startled by such intensity in those emerald pools that he was sure if they had been on the ground and not about to attempt Joint Magic he would have kissed her without another thought.

Lily looked at him strangely, stirring James from his imagination.

"On the count of three?" he suggested hoarsely. This was it, this was the moment when they could be united by Joint Magic! The coolest magic ever, with the most beautiful girl ever, and the best chance at ever deciphering Lily's feelings for him… James could hardly speak he was _so_ excited.

"One… two… three…

"_Vocamus vallatus!"_

**xXxXx**

There was a spark of light so brilliant that Lily was momentarily dazzled; all she could feel was her wand vibrating violently against James' and an urge to focus on James as if it was of vital importance – it was like she could see him, even though she was blinded, or perhaps she could feel him, even though they were not touching. All she knew was that despite her fear of how much James would know about her thoughts and feelings if the Vallatus Charm worked, she dearly wanted it to. Right now nothing would stand in her way in her quest to create Joint Magic, neither her feelings for James nor her feelings for Severus.

Her eyes became accustomed to the brightness and Lily found herself becoming absorbed into James' molten brown eyes. Just as she felt she could not concentrate on him this intently any longer without succumbing to the curious whim of kissing him, she felt a warm, glowing feeling spreading out over her clasped hand and trickle down past her wrist. Unable to resist looking, she dropped her gaze and saw a very faint gold ball of fire encompassing their clasped hands and growing slowly, inch by inch.

"Woah!" James gasped and Lily could feel the pulse racing in his sweaty hand. There was some cheering from Sirius and Remus and she could hear Dumbledore praising them exuberantly.

Fearful that their tiny Vallatus would fail under the heavy stare of so many people, Lily glared at the globe of light with all her might, willing it to expand like the teachers' and Aurors' had. But it seemed to be more like a balloon on the point of bursting under too great a weight, rather than one with a will to inflate.

"Lily!" James hissed, and she looked up, finding him staring avidly at her.

"Sorry," she muttered bashfully, embarrassed that the importance of eye-contact had slipped her mind. As soon as she gazed into his eyes the sphere began to swell unheeded and the heat spread outwards, engorging her whole arms, washing over her face, and it even passed through her body, so that at the edge of her vision she could see a pale gold shimmer. Then the realisation hit Lily; their Vallatus had worked!

But more than this, she sensed a change… from within her very core, as if it was the source of the golden light, she felt the kindling of a gentle fire that emitted an exhilarating combination of strength and assurance, of heightened awareness, and of blinding happiness, and above all this warmth filled her with a wondrous sense of comfort and ease. Lily was astounded. There was so much more to James than she had realised, such depth and power that she could feel now as if it was her own! And here he was, giving it all to her. She felt so privileged and exhilarated, Lily couldn't resist beaming - especially when there was such joy in James' endearing face. Then Lily noticed how his eyes, which had not moved from hers once, were sparkling seemingly with tears. Did she _really_ mean _that much_ to him…?

Just as she was beginning to comprehend this, Dumbledore called up to them. "Wonderful, wonderful!" he was clapping below whole-heartedly. "Now, let go carefully… and hold that connection you feel in your mind. Then you should be ready to break eye-contact and move around in the Vallatus, as long as you still focus on that connection between you."

James released his grip, only to make Lily realise how tightly he had been holding her hand and that he had meant it when he had promised he would not let her fall. As the blood flooded back into her muscles she tried to hold that link to James in her mind by continuing to look into his eyes, framed by those round glasses that made him look so clever… Perhaps he really was clever – she was finding it hard to co-ordinate so many things at once, yet James seemed to be taking up the challenge quite happily. But Lily was determined not to be outdone; she managed to slowly draw her broomstick back a couple of feet, and though she was afraid of popping the Vallatus it simply inflated a little to compensate for her movement.

Lily nodded to James to signal the time to look away, and when they did so cautiously, Lily tried to keep James in her mind and keep hold of that lovely, contented feeling he somehow set in her heart. She glanced around and saw yellow flames, like melted sunbeams, shimmering and swirling around them. She had expected them to obscure her sight, but as she peered down to the teachers below, she found her vision sharpened as if she were looking through a particularly powerful lens.

_Lily_, James called her.

His voice shook her. Lily realised that she had been losing concentration and now found that the colour was draining out of the flames, striking her with panic. But she could feel James reaching out for her, and as she sought their connection again the colour flooded back into the Vallatus. She sighed.

"Yes?" she answered.

James didn't say anything so she looked round at him.

_Lily!_

She stared at him in shock. It had sounded as if he was speaking inside her head, his voice saturated with laughter, but instead he had his lips sealed in a soft smile as he drifted around anticlockwise, still watching her. Instinctively Lily found her broom also drift anticlockwise to mirror him. His smile quirked upward as he detected her shock.

_You can hear me?_ Lily wondered in astonishment, gazing at James with round eyes.

He nodded, dropping lower, and Lily rose up.

_Amazing, huh?_

Lily had to agree; it truly did feel amazing to be able to communicate without even speaking… every thought passing seamlessly between them, each balancing the other's movements, each feeling the other's presence as they circled the air, testing out the strength of the gradually intensifying Vallatus. It was like some form of balanced Legilimency, but where both parties gleaned the other's thoughts and the process strengthened them both.

Soon James was laughing and a boundless happiness was radiating from Lily too. They cycled in the air and gently headed around the Great Hall in a slow circuit, bringing the Vallatus with them. No matter where they went, as long as they never strayed far from each other, the gold protective shell remained around them, a few feet from Lily's head as she rose upwards, a few feet from her toes as she now dropped down.

Both Dumbledore and McGonagall were now applauding, wearing expressions of pride as they saw their two pupils excelling on their first try, and many more students besides Sirius and Remus were watching in admiration and calling to them, asking how they had managed to do it, how it felt.

Lily smiled. It felt like nothing before. Such power formed from unity, a unity formed from friendship… This power, born out of goodness in its entirety, was stronger, purer, and worlds apart from the dark lustful power Voldemort was seeking for himself through cruelty and deceit. A bound of joyous hope leapt in Lily's chest as it began to dawn on her just how much she and James could achieve should they keep going, when they had achieved this much in their very first try…

_You are really good at this, James,_ she admitted shyly, knowing this time to simply let him hear her thoughts rather than speak aloud.

_No I'm not, it's you! _James sent back jovially, catching her eye as they fluidly flew about and gathered speed with confidence. Lily laughed and they both raced each other through the air. As her screams of laughter mingled with James' their Vallatus turned an intense gold colour, with a sheen that suggested just how impregnable it was, and Lily began to understand just how the Vallatus magic worked.

Lily already knew she had fallen in love with Joint Magic. It felt so glorious, so strong. The only thing that was missing was… _Severus_. Her heart sank slightly. If she had only been given the chance to do this wonderful magic with him, she wondered just how much more incredible it would have felt – for somehow a gut feeling told her it would have been, it really would. She had already witnessed flashes of Severus' immense power and it was breathtaking to behold. The Vallatus she had made with James was beautifully golden as the sun and born of strength true to his heart, but Lily could not help speculating how much better it could have been with Severus…

And though her and James' success in producing a full-blown Vallatus Charm and the praise they were now being inundated with was more than she could have ever hoped for that evening, Lily still felt a little sad, as if she was still missing something special and irreplaceable.

**xXxXx**

Severus perched on the blue arm of the sofa, leaning his chin on one hand ponderously. His black eyes focussed on the empty cauldron set in front of him above a crackling fire. He had taken refuge in the Room of Requirement, but he was now caught in a sticky debate with his conscience over what to do next.

Severus wanted more than anything to rid the salacious rumours about him having a relationship with a girl, which he _knew_ were currently proliferating faster than the hottest gossip, from every miniscule corner of his mind. The ridiculousness that something so great could be deduced from a single girl's hair on his robes had initially overthrown him so much that he had not been careful with his actions as perhaps he should, for surely his housemates would take his defensiveness as confirmation of their suspicions. And Slytherins were cunning; they would have noticed, and they would use all the information they had to work out which girl had embraced him – he who spurned any form of physical contact and gave glares more weighty than snarled expletives at whoever invaded his personal space. Who could Snape possibly permit to embrace him? It was only a matter of time before they realised it could be none other than the Muggleborn Lily Evans…

Severus groaned and his curtains of hair fell forward to occlude his face. The best remedy to such an unbearable state as this was potion-making, but he was seriously unsure as to whether to allow himself this comfort, for he knew the potion he would be sorely tempted to brew now that he was in possession of a hair from Lily. This potion he had been driven insane for want of during the summer months he had spent parched of Lily's fruitful company. He had missed his best friend _so much_ that would certainly have dared to brew it even with the severe risk of being caught by his mother, had he not been bereft of one crucial ingredient.

No, he would never stoop so low as to slip Lily Amortentia; this potion was to soothe his own dreadful longing _without_ coercing her into loving him. It would permit the nighttime to be a spell of respite, where he would be released from this living nightmare of torture, and free to live his dream for a few precious hours.

A Dreaming Draught.

Severus' fingers twitched and he glanced towards his schoolbag, containing his potions kit. He could so easily brew it now…

Severus grimaced, hating himself for being so weak. But it was so tempting to just give in, to know what a heavenly dream he would have, to experience the pleasure of Lily's vivid eyes gazing lustfully at him, of her lush lips scalding the sensitive nook of his neck as they murmured his name, of her soft hands sliding beneath his robes like no one's had before…

A cracked sob broke from his lips. It felt too much like cheating! He knew everything the potion would bring him would all be a lie… _but such a beautifully sweet lie,_ a voice in the back of his mind whispered persuasively.

It felt too much like Amortentia – as if he was making Lily love him falsely, Severus reflected guiltily. _But you're not really changing Lily,_ the voice whispered again, _you're only imagining her as you want her to be…_

Severus's fingers were itching to caress the aromatic ingredients – crushed mint leaves, honeysuckle nectar, ground Mermaid pearls, a phoenix feather – everything he had in his possession, or provided by the Room of Requirement he was sitting in. He craved the satisfaction of brewing a new potion, of experiencing new smells and new colours… the release, the distraction, the exotic pleasure… It felt too much like an excuse, and Severus knew it well, but he did not _have_ to drink the finished potion, he could merely keep it for if (God forbid it) he was ever overwhelmed by the same despair as in the hateful summer…

Having thus excused himself, Severus launched into preparing the ingredients for a Dreaming Draught with an almost crazed fervour, allowing himself to be enveloped in the pleasures of the craft he loved to erase the unease that had accumulated over the difficult day. He gathered the ingredients and dived into cutting, crushing, grinding, measuring, pouring, sprinkling and stirring, led more by instinct (for he had devoured the instructions for this potion out of desperation for some bittersweet relief during the summer months) than the tattered page he had opened before him. At last when the air was filled with summer fragrance and the surface of the small volume of liquid was a pale blue like the sky at the beginning of a perfect summer's day, Severus extracted Lily's hair from his pocket and let it fall onto the potion. There it lay temporarily before melting and transforming the contents of the cauldron to white. The Dreaming Draught was complete.

Severus bent over the cauldron and inhaled the pearly-white shimmering vapour, trying not to do so too deeply for fear that it would be too potent. His dark eyes, barely visible through the twisting steam, momentarily fell shut. A shudder racked through his body as a hundred vibrant sights filled his mind and a hundred sweet sensations broke through him, and Severus gripped the rim of the cauldron with both hands, so tightly that his knuckles were white, striving to keep a cool head and stop himself from drinking in the mesmerising scent as his instincts were begging him to do. Sweat beaded on his forehead but eventually Severus' willpower conquered; he shoved himself away, staggering, and knocked himself backwards onto the sofa.

That one small breath had thrust his imagination into overdrive. Visions of Lily, with her red hair spilling over her slender shoulders and trickling down the contours of her pale skin to end at the curve of her waist, where she sat astride him and moaned for him to pull her closer, her green eyes luminous with lust, suffused his entire mind… this potion was FAR more dangerous than his textbook gave it credit. Severus eyed the milky white potion incredibly warily, and then sucked in a deep lungful of air. As quickly as he could without spilling any of it, Severus decanted the snowy-white potion into a small vial and firmly pressed the cork in. The heady vapour was contained and Severus exhaled with relief. The temptation was, for the moment, removed…

…However the images it had conjured up remained. Tempting, teasing, taunting. He was one sip away from purest, nerve-juddering pleasure.

Severus struggled to uphold his self-control all the way back to the dungeons, and he was so preoccupied by this choice that he did not even give the other Slytherins a glance as he passed them in the hallway to his dormitory. That he could fall into a magical realm where Lily loved him and unleashed all her angelic qualities upon him in the exact ways he desired was a seduction greater than any other he had yet had to face. It seemed that all he had dreamed of having for so long was within his grasp – for one night at least. He had given up trying to guess what the chance was of Lily granting him his dream in real life after doing Joint Magic with James – because after the intimate experience she might be completely changed, for better or for worse.

But as Severus finally drifted into the province of sleep, the little white vial remained untouched on his bedside table, full.

**xXxXx**

**Thanks for your comments!**


	7. Advances and Setbacks

_Here's the __next instalment! I hope you have all been enjoying the Olympics so far - I for one am loving it!_

**Chapter 7: Advances and Setbacks**

At first Severus thought he must have taken the dream-eliciting white potion at some point in the night when befuddled by sleep – he could hear Lily's sweet voice calling him and he could see her bright silver doe, radiant with her beauty. Severus was mesmerised but so perplexed at how he had managed to take the potion with no recollection of it that he was suddenly able to interpret what was going on – he wasn't dreaming – his eyes were open!

Miraculously, Lily had sent him her Patronus, which was now filling all the space within the heavy green curtains of his four-poster bed with dazzling white light that made his unaccustomed eyes water. Even more amazingly, she had somehow discovered how to use her doe to convey a message. Once the doe had seen that Severus was alert and aware of its very real presence, it blinked at him omnisciently and then began to speak, using Lily's own voice.

_Sev, can I see you before the Hogsmeade trip today? Meet me in the Entrance Hall at 7:30. I'll bring breakfast. Oh, and sorry if I woke you up._

Severus was startled by the sound and shot up in his bed, terrified that the Patronus would wake his roommates before he had a chance to find his wand and cast _Muffliato_. Just as he cursed the silly doe, it vanished with a pop like a bubble and everything lapsed back into the dim gloom of the dormitory, made even darker by contrast to the brilliant light seconds before. Rubbing his eyes, Severus peered out between his curtains, scrutinising the other beds for any sign of disturbance and listening out for any growls of irritation or mutters of confusion.

But the room was quite still and silent. Severus withdrew back into his bed, his heart racing. Perhaps the Patronus could only be heard for the person for whom it was intended. That was useful. He shouldn't have doubted Lily's sense, he thought guiltily. He had always known she was an admirably clever witch. He hoped he could work out how to send the Patronus to her too, for the secret but direct communication would be invaluable. He would have to try when he had a moment on his own.

Severus lay back down, but by now he was wide-awake and had no intention of going back to sleep. He reflected on Lily's message… He was secretly pleased and very grateful that Lily was offering to meet him so soon, to put him out of his misery. He was yearning to hear what had happened at her Vallatus class last night with Potter, and praying that it was not good. It then occurred to him that Lily might instead be calling him to give him her answer – to say whether or not she would go out with him. A shower of cold tendrils slid beneath his nightshirt and made him shiver. He was dying to know but he had no idea what her answer would be… His blood was filled with the exhilarating mixture of fear and excitement, meaning he would never have been able to get back to sleep even if he had wanted too. Severus now felt as if he could run manically round the castle, swim mightily across the lake, and have a super-fast shower all before meeting Lily, still with enough pent-up energy to make him hang tensely on her every word like a coiled up spring, ready to bolt away or leap in the air at any second.

Alas, it was already seven o'clock, so he would have to give the run and the swim a miss. However Severus took up the super-fast shower, lathering up the soap and rubbing it all over his body with lightning speed, and for once he made the effort to wash his long black hair. It turned greasy so quickly, but for the day at least it would be clean and silky… Severus nearly laughed mockingly at his attention to his appearance, but then the thought of Lily's refusal quickly silenced the laugh in his throat. This was most definitely not a laughing matter.

Dressed in (what was for him) casual clothes – dark trousers and a long-sleeved shirt – Severus returned to the dormitory to collect his wand. Everyone else in the room was still asleep – it was Saturday morning, and most students took the opportunity to sleep in late. Severus was one of the very few who was not in the habit of indulging in this luxury, and he knew full well that when the house-elves set breakfast in the Great Hall at 7:30 there would be barely any students around. Filch would most certainly not permit students to leave for Hogsmeade at least for another two hours. So why was Lily desperate to meet him this early?

Severus didn't care. He was just pleased that she was. He exited the dormitory, strengthening himself with the thought that in an hour or two, he would have his answers.

**xXxXx**

The morning sun poured golden light down upon Lily as she leaned back and shook out her long red hair, and spellbound Severus' dark eyes drank in the sight. Instead of preparing to hurry down the lane to Hogsmeade with most of the other students, he and Lily were sitting alone, cross-legged on Severus's cloak covering the damp grass by the edge of the lake, savouring the last of the beautiful summer sun. It was still early so the grounds were quiet and tranquil and the bushes concealing them from the castle were glistening with dewdrops. The bright sunshine was dazzling in the cool morning air and it gleamed on the mirror-like surface of the lake. Severus once again felt as if he had tumbled into a fantasy evoked by the Dreaming Draught potion, if it was not for the wealth of unease seated in the pit of his stomach.

"So, how was it?" he asked as Lily took off her shoes. There was a sense of urgency in his voice that made a look of puzzlement form over Lily's face as she looked round, finding him studying her curiously and expectantly.

"How was what?"

"The private lesson last night!" he said exasperatedly, shaking his head in disbelief. "What else?"

"You already asked me as we walked down here, Sev," Lily laughed, moving to the edge of the bank to dangle her feet in the water. "I said, it was good."

"In what way?" Severus quizzed her, anxious and afraid – particularly of how much of an influence James Potter had had on the evening. "What did you do? What did you learn?"

"Calm down, Sev, it was just a lesson!" Lily smiled. "Dumbledore did a demonstration with McGonagall and then we took it in turns in pairs to try."

"Was it easy?" Lily was by far the best at Charm work in their year; he hoped that James with his careless attitude would have floundered with something as complex as the Vallatus Charm.

"I was a bit anxious… it's not the same performing magic in the air to when you're standing safely on the ground… so it wasn't easy, but it somehow felt natural even though it was the first try. And James was really good – you know how confident a flyer he is – and he was really reassuring which helped significantly, so we got the hang of it by the end of the evening."

Lily looked at him brightly, as if about to divulge something else that pleased her, but she closed her mouth and turned back to face the lake when she saw the scowl that had formed over Severus' face. He hated any form of praise directed towards James, even if he had helped Lily… _he_ should have been the one helping her. If truth be told, he was intrigued to know what the Vallatus Charm looked like once it worked, but he was not in the mood to pretend to be interested in something that involved James Potter.

"Is that it?" he demanded, "or have you got another cosy session?"

Lily looked back at him over her shoulders and raised her eyebrows. "There's loads more to do, Sev! We only learned the basics of a Vallatus. Now we've got to practise doing different spells whilst maintaining it, and then move on to duelling people. We're going to practise again tomorrow… Dumbledore said we might do it outside… I think he's worried our spells might miss each other and cause a lot of damage to the Great Hall!"

Lily laughed to herself, unaware of Severus murderously shredding blades of grass. It was only after his festering silence had continued for some time that Lily turned and realised he was in a temper.

"Oh come on, Sev," she said warmly, splashing her feet on the surface of the water. "It's not as if it's just me and James, and that you're missing out on something really special. There's quite a few of us, almost twenty I believe…"

"Yes, I am," muttered Severus. Being paired with Lily, and working as a team with her, was inextricable from being special. He discarded the shreds of grass and sniffed.

"Who else is there?" he asked.

"Well, Sirius is, although he looked a bit miffed that he couldn't be with James, but he and Remus were just as good."

Snape gave a snort. "Not that dunderhead. Regulus may be younger but he shows infinitely more promise, no wonder he's in the Slug Club."

Lily took her feet out of the water and edged back to sit next to Severus on his cloak; she didn't seem to have heard what he said. "Pettigrew wasn't invited though," she continued, "hardly a surprise. I think he'd faint in fright if he was more than a foot off the ground."

Severus smirked. He liked it when Lily mocked the Marauders.

"But honestly, Lily," he said in a low voice, encouraged by her closeness, "be careful of Potter."

"What do you mean?" she asked. "At least I know he's not about to jinx me like some of _your _friends. Don't deny that it's Avery's current fad."

"I know, but… Lily…" he spluttered, unable to find the right words. "You know what Potter's like…"

Lily looked at him intently but didn't say anything.

"He might take advantage of the situation!" he blurted.

"Excuse me?"

Severus averted his eyes, his face contorted with misgivings; he was so unsure of how to proceed.

"Lily, you know how I feel about this," he said.

"I know you dislike Potter," she affirmed.

"No… _about you_." He spoke barely above a whisper. Lily's gaze dropped to the ground uncomfortably and she remained silent, but Severus still stared at her. "Have you decided yet?" he breathed.

Lily plucked a flower from the grass and even as Severus looked at it, its petals began to roll up and unfurl again, something Lily hadn't done since he had first met her. A pang of reminiscence burst through him as he was inundated with the fresh, vivid emotions for Lily he had experienced when he had first caught sight of her at the age of nine.

"You're my best friend, Sev," Lily whispered, staring too at the captivating opening and closing little flower. "I don't want to lose your friendship. It means so much to me. Either way I answer, I'm afraid… _so_ afraid…"

She looked up at him, and there in her shimmering green eyes was such a profound depth of fear that Severus felt his heart nearly leap out of his chest in compassion.

"Why would you lose my friendship?" he said, the softness of his voice mirroring hers. "You will always be my best friend, Lily - whatever happens. Always."

Then Severus looked up at the swaying green curtains of the great willow tree nearby and with that one glance an armful of tiny winged leaves flew off in a summoned wind and hurtled towards them in dives and spirals, encompassing them in whirl of colour. He had not done this either since they had first met, when he had intended to demonstrate how his magic echoed hers in skill and beauty, hoping that this spectacle would earn her admiration and regard – for he been in love with her even then.

The flurry of silvery-green leaves fell away, leaving Severus gazing into Lily's even greener eyes. He cautiously tried to probe her mind, curious to see whether she understood how his affections had remained steadfast over the years, changing only in intensity. Did she realise that she had occupied a special place in his heart like no other from the moment he first laid eyes upon her and that he was so vulnerably at her mercy? The fierceness of his love burned like dark fire in his black eyes and made Lily turn away, blushing intensely.

Yet after a moment of consideration, Severus' keen eyes detected her giving him the tiniest of nods.

"Whatever happens, I could never hate you, or forget about you, I swear," he told her softly.

Lily nodded again. Her eyes slid up to his, round with a wealth of innocence. "So… if I were to say yes, what would it change…?"

Severus' heart skipped a beat at her barely perceptible words. "Well…" he spluttered, taken aback; for him it would change _everything_! To know that Lily Evans loved him, to be able call her _his_, claim a place by her side, kiss her… it would change the course of his entire life. How could he explain this in words – and to the very threat to the stability of his world herself?

"We already study together in the Library several days a week…" Lily said. "What else would we do?"

Severus' mind began to race into unknown territories – what was it girls liked to do? Going on his fantasies, he would be happy with anything so long as it was just the two of them, preferably in dark, cool places where he could inch unnoticed across the distance separating them, and where the touch of their warm skin burned with heightened passion, and their eyes glinted as if with fire in the flickering candlelight.

"Much more than _that_," he said vehemently as his mind became lodged on an image of him kissing Lily fervently in a dimly-lit disused Potions classroom, pressed against a damp stone wall dripping with sweat. He coughed and his curtains of hair fell down over his face. "I s'pose we could slip out after curfew… go for walks together or spend time in the Room of Requirement," Severus stuttered, thinking wildly and ruling out the more uncensored ideas, which unfortunately seemed to be in the majority. "And on weekends we could go to Hogsmeade together," he added, unwilling to expressly mention 'dates' again.

There was a pause. Severus looked at her questioningly but Lily was staring down at the flower still lying on her palm. It was now quivering unintentionally and it was also joined by one of Severus' winged willow leaves.

"Shall we go to Hogsmeade today?" Lily finally asked. "Together?" she added shyly, a hint of a blush suffusing her cheeks. "Just to see…" Her eyes were drawn up to his.

Time stood still. Everything else melted into a state of Non-Being as the chance of redemption glimmered so enticingly real before Severus. There was no way in hell he could walk away from such a coveted result when he was thirsting for her love with every shuddering breath. Steadily Severus held Lily's distinctive green eyes and attempted to regain his calm composure after expressions of shock and fierce desire overran his face.

Merlin she looked so beautiful as she gazed at him like that, so apprehensively offering him a glimpse of a very real and very unwavering love that was pure and fragile as glass.

"That would be perfect," he conceded huskily.

**xXxXx**

"Tell me again!" Peter squeaked, and promptly knocked over the milk jug in his excitement.

Over a lengthy breakfast James, Sirius and Remus were verbosely relaying to the small boy a colourful account of Dumbledore's private lesson last night, which by itself was riveting enough without any need for exaggeration. Peter, who already looked up to his three friends, seemed even more in awe of them as he heard what extravagant and rare magic they had learned to create. His unwavering gaze grew more and more appraising with each word he clung on to, as if in his eyes his sixteen-year-old friends were becoming the greatest wizards of their time, even on as lofty a par as with Albus Dumbledore.

The three boys had returned to their dormitory late last night to find Peter snoring away, his lips blue and smeared with sugar while his hand was slumped in a bag of Ice Mice which he had obviously resorted to in a poor attempt to stay up waiting for them. Anyway, they had felt so worn out from the exhilarating lesson that within a couple of minutes they had all toppled into bed and fallen straight to sleep without much more talking than a murmured goodnight. In compensation for this, the four Marauders had been chattering away non-stop ever since they woke up wide-eyed that morning, as excitable as if they had eaten their way through the whole of Honeydukes sweet shop.

"…And when we cast the spell, it was the most incredible feeling," Sirius was now telling Peter stirringly, and clearly revelling in the other boy's rapt attention.

"What did it feel like?" Peter asked breathlessly. By the wonder in his eyes, he seemed of the opinion that the sensation was almost orgasmic. Sirius winked at James.

"It was like a heightened awareness," Remus tried to explain as Sirius lapsed back into grinning as much as if he had just been subjected to a Cheering Charm. "It's not as if I could always read Sirius' mind, but I could often see images he saw, and I had notions of things that I guess he was thinking about."

"You did? What did you see? What did you read in each other's mind?" Peter pressed him.

"Let's see," Remus mused thoughtfully, "the first thing I remember is seeing James holding Lily's hand, even though I was facing away from them – I realised I must be able to see what Sirius was seeing – and then I heard Sirius going _woooaaaah_ even though he hadn't actually spoken."

Sirius chuckled and Peter's lips silently carved the word '_woah'_ as if he was living the experience himself in his head.

"Yeah, and I heard you congratulating James," Sirius went on, laughing with Remus. "_Good on you Prongs_, that's what you were thinking."

"Really?" James said, surprised.

"Merlin James, we know how much you adore that girl!" Sirius cried. "If you'd got that close to her in any normal situation, you'd have been bouncing off the wall in joy and transforming into Prongs and back every few seconds!"

James smiled. He was ever so relieved that Sirius didn't mind how he had ended up with Lily, and it gave him such joy to see how well his two best friends had got on together. The night had gone so swimmingly he could barely fault it at all.

"What was it like being with Lily?" Remus asked, turning to him. "You two were amazing together."

"Even Dumbledore said he'd never seen anything like it!" Sirius agreed. Peter's eyes were nearly popping out of his head by now; but for once James didn't feel like praise.

"It felt bloody brilliant," James admitted. "It was just, at the end…" he trailed off, unsure whether to voice his doubts. He couldn't quite summon up the joyous enthusiasm he knew he should be feeling, having created such a wonderful Vallatus with Lily Evans. A flicker of unrest had taken seed within him ever since Severus Snape had suddenly erupted unbidden into his mind while the Vallatus Charm had connected him and Lily. And it was definitely not by his doing; he had been perfectly content thinking solely of Lily and reaping the rewards as their Vallatus gleamed like a bubble of gold. So it worried him very much when Lily had begun thinking about Snivellus. He had _no_ place in that lesson. So why was Lily preoccupied with that git, and not with him?

"What happened at the end?" Peter questioned him.

James sighed. "I saw an image of Snivellus in my head. It was after that when our Vallatus failed. I think… I think Lily might like him after all," he confessed, wrinkling his nose in distaste.

"Don't be silly," Sirius dismissed this with a wave of his hand as if buffeting away an irksome little fly. "Your Vallatus was bound to break at some point soon, it was your first try after all. It was fantastic up until then – and as Dumbledore said, it could only work so well if the two of you have a great bond between you. Surely that's enough evidence that Lily feels something for you, something more than what she shows?"

"She's been spending time around Snape recently, her mind probably just drifted off," Remus added.

"Yeah, she asked you not him, didn't she?" Peter reminded him.

James began to smile. "You're right." His spirits rose a little, but they soon slid down again as his eyes roved the emptying Great Hall. Lily was nowhere to be seen and she had not been there when they first arrived either. He had been so sure that he wouldd be able to wrangle her into joining them at Hogsmeade – but he couldn't do that if he couldn't even _find_ her.

Sirius spotted what he was doing. "She's still not here," he said promptly, clearly having checked the Gryffindor table over already.

"I _know_," James growled irritably at Sirius' unhelpfulness. "And she wasn't in her dorm, I asked Mary this morning when she came down. I haven't got a clue where she is. What could be so important?"

"Maybe she's in the Library," Remus said.

"Who would be able to work when the weather is like this?" James indicated the cloudless blue sky portrayed above them by the enchanted ceiling. "Anyway, we've got tomorrow to catch up on homework. Nah, she can't be there…"

"Maybe she's hiding," Peter suggested brightly, clearly proud of his success with the logic of deduction.

"Oh great," James said sarcastically, wilting Peter's smile.

Sirius suddenly turned to Remus, having had a thought. "Hey, Moony? Aren't all the Prefects meant to patrol Hogsmeade, to make sure everyone behaves themselves and gets back to the castle for supper?"

Remus nodded. "That's right. I was going to patrol with Lily, but maybe she's going to be late…"

"Wow, she must really dislike you, James, to not do her Prefect duties in order to avoid you," Sirius said, amazed.

"Thanks, Padfoot," James grumbled.

"It's not _mandatory_," Remus said. "I doubt McGonagall would mind if Lily's studying instead."

"She _can't_ be," James repeated. "She must be around here somewhere."

Sirius sighed impatiently. "Look, James, we love you and all, but I'm dying to go to Zonko's, and a nice chilled Butterbeer wouldn't go amiss on a day like this. Can't we just go, and deal with Lily later? I know it'd be hilarious to carry her along with us, but I'd rather miss out on that instead of wasting precious time wandering around here with no idea where she is. The number of places where she could be is endless."

"We could get the map," James suggested.

"We're going _now_," Sirius said firmly. "We haven't been to Hogsmeade for months and I don't intend to spend all of today queuing because we're so late. Besides, Honeydukes will have sold out of all the good sweets."

At this Peter leapt to his feet. Remus looked at James resignedly.

"Perhaps it's best to give it a break, Prongs," he said softly. "Lily hated you fretting over her the other night, and that ended up with her calling you cocky and giving Snape a kiss on the cheek. Let's go and enjoy ourselves in Hogsmeade."

James grimaced, feeling glum. He'd had such high hopes for today after the success of last night. But he wouldn't abandon his friends. After all, Remus was undoubtedly right. In an hour or so's time, he would be laughing away at their new Zonko supplies over drinks in The Three Broomsticks and they would be munching their way through some of Remus' new chocolate frogs. He couldn't miss a Hogsmeade trip, in the end. He'd still have a great time, even if Lily wasn't around.

But where _was_ she?

His sense of unease grew as James paused in the doorway and scanned the Slytherin table, realising that Severus Snape was also nowhere to be seen. He just had to hope that the Slytherin's absence was a mere coincidence and meant nothing more threatening.

**xXxXx**

**Please leave a review! Thank you for reading!**


	8. The Argument and the Kiss

_Things really start to heat up in this chapter! I hope you enjoy it _;) _Many thanks to Moomoozee and The Jet for your kind reviews!_

**Chapter 8: The Argument and the Kiss**

The day was rapidly showing itself to be a last rebirth of summer, with glorious sunshine blazing down onto the dusty lane and shimmering in Severus' eyes. He was utterly dazzled by the swift turn in events, now finding himself walking along the deserted road to Hogsmeade with no one but Lily. It seemed they had just missed the rush of students and even the stragglers were some way ahead. Severus was glad. It reminded him of summers gone by, where the thing that he looked forward to most about being back at Spinner's End was being able to savour Lily's company – all to himself. He did not have to share her with anyone else – not even Potter.

But today was different… Or was it? Severus squinted as their feet kicked up the dust and Lily hummed distractingly beside him. He was struggling to work out if the fact that they were now going to Hogsmeade together meant that he and Lily were on a date, but it was futile. That he still did not know the answer to this irritated him profoundly. Lily appeared pleased that she had persuaded him so effortlessly to join her in the village and unconcerned at whatever she took this to infer; yet Severus was still unable to decipher what she had concluded, particularly as the heat was meddling with his wits and slowing his mind. He regretted wearing so dark a shirt – but he was not fond of dousing himself in colour. Lily, with her red hair falling past her bare shoulders and her pretty knee-length white dress decorated with little green flowers on the bodice, was colourful enough for the two of them. In fact, he could hardly take his eyes off her.

They passed beneath the shadows of the towering Hogwarts gates, flanked by the winged boars, and Severus was momentarily unable to see in the relative darkness. At that moment he knocked into Lily and their hands brushed each other.

"Sorry," he muttered, recoiling. But Lily just looked up at him and back in the sunlight her upturned face held a smile.

Severus quickly looked away, his heart racing. He wished he had the courage to just ask her whether they were on a date but he was not a brash Gryffindor. Instead he was a Slytherin, and by his devises of careful questioning and analyses of Lily's behaviour he had not yet managed to deduce a conclusion. Did her smile mean something more? Had her stumble into him been intentional – or had she simply been blinded by the shade as he was? Was Lily hoping he would take her hand – and therefore was she viewing this as a real date…?

There was only one way to go about finding out… but as Severus edged closer to Lily he wished he still had some Felix Felicis, for his stomach was twisting with nerves and he craved the self-assurance and notion that everything would go his way which that lucky potion brought to the drinker.

And then a thought popped into his head.

"Have you taken the Felix Felicis yet?" he asked Lily, with a hint of urgency. She looked up at him.

"No, I was… saving it." A soft rosy colour suffused her cheeks. "Why?"

Severus ignored her question. "What are you saving it for?" At Lily's hesitancy he tried to penetrate her eyes to find the reason, wondering whether she could be waiting for an opportunity to arise between them. But Lily blushed clearly now and before he could delve into her mind she looked instead at the first few houses of Hogsmeade appearing further down the road.

"I just don't want to waste it," she replied uneasily. Severus watched, his head tilted curiously, as Lily turned her face away in a failed attempt to hide the redness burning there. It was difficult to stop his lips from quirking upwards.

"You won't waste it," he said reassuringly. "It will turn _any_ normal day into a most exceptional one."

Lily's eyes flickered up to his and he looked back at her knowingly, willing her to understand that he was ready to do whatever she desired, even without the need for liquid luck. Her eyes darted down to the half-smile on his lips and away, and began to twinkle.

Filled with hope, Severus inched as close to Lily as he dared, waiting with bated breath for the moment when there would be no space between them at all. He stared at the higgledy-piggledy houses that were coming closer so as to not give his intentions away and was relieved when Lily began to chatter about all of the places in Hogsmeade they should visit.

She was pleasantly maundering about the astonishing assortment of inks and parchment they could apparently buy in Scrivenshaft's quill shop when they nudged shoulders and his hand grazed hers. A warm tingle trickled up Severus' arm, heightening his strung-out nervousness, but just before they pulled apart he daringly slipped a finger around one of hers. Out of the corner of his eye he concentrated fiercely on Lily, fearing that any second she would look down in shock and snatch her hand away; but except for a hitch in her chattering she gave no sign of having noticed anything.

Encouraged, he slowly curled his other fingers one by one around hers. By the time they passed the first house, Lily's hand was gently enclosed in his. They had descended into a companionable silence, Severus far too engrossed in the comforting sensation he experienced holding Lily's hand to go to the effort of finding anything relevant to say. He had never felt anything like it. On the rare occasions Lily had hugged him his heart had rocketed through the roof, but the way her small hand fitted easily within his was far more intimate and personal. He felt all tension and anxiety abate, his muscles relaxing and all traces of a scowl melt away from his face. He couldn't remember a more loving gesture he had ever received. For the millionth time he realised that Lily was the one person who had truly, and honestly, from the heart, cared about him. And he knew he would never want to let her go.

**xXxXx**

Lily's face was glowing, and it was nothing to do with the heat from the golden sunshine. She was soaring on such a high that it was hard to resist the impulse to skip down the lane, laughingly tugging Severus along with her and breaking into an all-out run, arms outstretched as if ready to fly through the air as she used to when she was so much younger. Instead she was biting down hard on her bottom lip, fighting to contain the feverish energy Severus had ignited within her.

As they had left the lake Lily had been most amused by Severus' obvious confusion; it was rare indeed when she held the upper hand and it was with a rather impish pleasure she had watched him struggle to discern whether they were now going out and what the rules were. She had not thought he had ever reached a conclusion, so she had been shocked when he had taken her hand in his – and even more so not because of the manner in which it was done, but because she had never believed Severus capable of displaying such intimacy.

Was this really the austere Severus she had known for seven years, fiercely independent to the point of being defensively private and reluctant to show any affectionate dependency on any other person? It made the gesture _all_ the more meaningful.

And the slow, teasing way he gradually done slid his fingers around hers, seemingly frightened of scaring her away like a skittish deer, only served to heighten the flutters of excitement that his touch aroused in her. To most others like Sirius Black who must of held hands with dozens of pretty girls, she suspected the act would have been nothing more than a cursory gesture performed without much thought or care. But for her… knowing Severus as intimately as she did, it felt as if he had laid her down on the ground, drawn back her clothes tantalisingly slowly, and laid kisses on every inch of her trembling body. It was moments like this when she wondered why she ever resisted the undivided advances of the dark and mysterious Severus Snape.

She glanced sideways at him, feeling so touched by the happiness openly shown on Severus' face. It had been long indeed since he had last looked anywhere near as happy, and as such his emotion was extremely infectious. He was like a different person, walking brightly beside her with a spring in his step. Lily even thought he looked rather suave with his black shirt rolled up to the elbows, two buttons undone, and his long silky black hair half hiding his eyes, and a playful smirk creeping over his lips. Her heart thumped even faster. It was like indulging in a deliciously forbidden pleasure.

Lily's excitement escalated as they reached the buzzing centre of Hogsmeade. It thrilled her to imagine what people would start to think when they noticed her holding hands with Severus Snape. The only person she was concerned about seeing them together was James… and for a second she felt incredibly guilty, even though she reminded herself she was by no means going out with him. Instinctively she looked to Severus for reassurance, but the glow had been extinguished from his face. Instead his expression was twisted, as if pained by some internal battle. Intuitively she squeezed his hand; the light in his eyes dimmed.

"Err, Lily," Severus said slowly, appearing to be carefully weighing his words. "I'm not sure if this is a good idea."

She looked up at him, frowning, feeling his reluctance to go any further pulling on her hand. She let him bring her to a standstill.

"What do you mean?" she asked, unable to stop her unease from infiltrating her words. The fear that he was suddenly regretting his advances on her was overwhelming, but though she tried to search his face an unyielding shield had descended over his dark eyes. A burst of panic rippled through her body and she shrank closer to him.

Severus looked down at their entwined hands, hidden from outsiders' view between their bodies. His voice was barely audible. "I just… I think it would be wise if we kept this secret – that is, if you're saying that we are together," he added hastily. "I don't think we should be seen as being, you know, just yet…" His hollow eyes rose to fix upon hers. It was unbearable.

Lily tore her eyes away and she caught sight of a cluster of Slytherins eying them mistrustfully from further down the high street. Her expression of bewilderment turned to one of horror as she suddenly realised what had initiated Severus' change of heart. Lily tugged her hand out of his grasp and clapped it to her mouth in shock.

"You don't want your friends to see me with you!" she shouted accusingly. "I can't believe you, Severus!"

Something like alarm flickered in Severus' eyes as he lost control of the situation, but Lily didn't care, she was so upset. "No, listen Lily; _listen_. It's not what you think," he insisted, annoyance clear in his tone of voice.

"You're embarrassed at what they'll think if you go out with a _Mudblood,_" Lily snapped bitterly before he could explain.

"How could you even _think _that?" Severus murmured quietly. "After I asked you out?"

Lily turned away, hiding from him the tears springing into her eyes. Everything he was saying was just making the pain worse.

"I don't want Avery and Mulciber victimising you even more than they do already… You know they cannot understand why I am even friends with a Muggleborn in Gryffindor," Severus said quietly, but with a hint of hurt still lacing his voice.

"Then defend me! Explain! Tell them to stop doing it!" Lily pleaded, staring up at the blue, swimming sky in an attempt to blink back the unstoppable flood of tears. "I'm not ashamed to stick up for you to my friends!"

"Of course I tell them to leave you alone!" Severus answered angrily, striding round to face her. "They are just too dense to see like I can that you have so much magic in you."

"Then if I have so much magic in me as you say, clearly Blood Status makes absolutely no difference!" Lily stormed and glared at him. "So you can stop grovelling at You-Know-Who's feet and extolling his policies – they're all just a pack of cruel lies!"

"_Don't speak about the Dark Lord like that!_" Severus hissed, casting a fearful glance behind him at the Slytherins; but they had ominously disappeared. "Your hotheadedness in speaking out so disrespectfully about things you don't understand will cost you severely, Lily!"

"_I don't UNDERSTAND?_" Lily repeated incredulously. "_You_ don't understand what a tight web you're winding yourself into, Severus! In the end it will cost you more than it costs me!"

"You're foolish, Lily," Severus hissed, his eyes flashing. "You _must_ show your loyalty _now_ or your magical talent will mean nothing…!" he warned.

"Don't you _dare_ speak of loyalty to me, Severus Snape!" Lily replied, hot tears streaming down her red face. "One minute you say you want me to be more than your best friend, and the next you are telling me I'm foolish as if you don't care two hoots about me!"

"Don't _care?!_" Severus spluttered, seizing her arms. "Lily, I'm telling you this to ensure your own safety once the War is over! Every night I am plagued by nightmares full of horrible scenes where you end up dead and I'm left knowing I could have saved you." A haunted look filled his eyes. "I can't let that happen," he murmured.

Lily gazed up at him, her eyes shimmering. "Then _save me_," she whispered pleadingly. Her hands gripped his shirt tightly and she found her heart rising in her throat as she drew nearer, compelling her to do the one thing that could persuade him to choose her over Voldemort. Her eyes fell shut and a wave of desperation lurched within her.

She pressed her wet lips to his.

Lily had wondered so many times what it would be like to kiss Severus, cold and secretive and irresistibly elusive, but those dreams were not even the faintest shadows of what it felt now. She was surprised how his lips were not at all cool and unreceptive as she had expected, but so very warm and soft. The intimate moment revealed to her just how human he was, whatever his usual frosty, insensitive countenance – deep within he felt the same pure emotions as her. And how raw and immensely powerful they were, as she had always suspected, simmering beneath a fine surface of well-practised control!

At first Severus seemed paralysed, but after he got his head round the shock of what she had initiated Lily felt his slender hands slide up to cup her face and he gently began to kiss her back. She willingly parted her lips and he let out a moan of utmost pleasure. As he tilted his head his tongue moved slowly and precisely over hers, stimulating a fluttery, thudding feeling within her chest. He kissed her more beautifully than in any fantasy she had secretly imagined – so tentatively and so reverently, as if he was handling the most precious and fragile thing in the world.

Lily's heart swelled with aching emotion… she had _so longed_ for this kiss, longed so profoundly to _feel_ the love she had distantly sensed was burning hidden deep within him… and now that she was here she thought she might pass out with happiness.

Just as she was on the brink Severus slowly pulled back, still holding her face in his trembling hands. As his rough thumbs caressed the contours of her cheeks, his burn-scars grazed her soft skin, sending out a shiver that raised the hairs on the back of her neck and all the way down her arms.

Lily sighed and opened her eyes, immediately falling into the depths of Severus' dark velvety eyes inches away from hers in which a bright fire had awoken. They were unusually soft as he gazed down at her, unwaveringly, pouring into her an awed love so overwhelming that she could barely breathe.

And then he stole her lips as he kissed her again, this time more passionately and hungrily, conveying to her the flaming desire that consumed his soul with every second. He pulled her closer and deepened the kiss even more, enveloping her in a fierce heat as their tongues melted together. Lily strove to show him just how much she cared, just how much he stood to gain from leaving his dark path.

And the more Severus kissed her, the further the tingles of excitement spread throughout her body, ultimately concentrating in a ceaseless tingling between her legs. He kissed so wonderfully, so artfully, as she had always thought he would… but Lily had never felt its power until now, as it teased such agonisingly beautiful emotions out of her desperately thumping heart…

"Lily! Lily, is that you?"

At the sound of the shout, Severus stiffened and suddenly pulled away, wrenching a whimper of yearning from Lily's throat. She opened her eyes and looked up at him imploringly, wishing she could coax the dreamlike moment of before to come back, but Severus' expression had hardened and he was looking at someone behind her, a steely blackness in his eyes concealing everything within as if it had never existed. Yet those emotions had to be real – she had _felt _them after all – but the only sign of what had just passed was in the uncharacteristic flush on his sallow cheeks.

Lily's heart sank with disappointment and she turned around to see who was calling her.

"_Lily!_" Remus' voice was full of relief as he saw her face, but then as he drew nearer and his eyes travelled between Severus' flushed face and her stinging eyes, his expression became wary. Lily hastily wiped the damp tear-tracks from her cheeks and sniffed, hoping that her eyes weren't too red from crying, for there was nothing she could do about that now. Remus stopped a couple of paces away, looking at her anxiously.

"Are you alright, Lily?"

She nodded mutely, not meeting his eyes.

"What do you want, wolf?" Severus snarled. For once Lily felt some sympathy with Severus' animosity; though he had not meant to, Remus had interrupted her best chance of coercing Severus over to her side. That moment was now lost; she felt as if she had been set back right into the middle of their heated argument once more. Tears pricked her eyes once again.

Puzzled Remus looked between the two of them. "I just… We've got our Prefect duties to do, and I was trying to find you to see if you had come after all," Remus said to Lily as she wiped her eyes. "Are you _sure _you're alright?"

Lily nodded. "Yes, of course, sorry I forgot about the rounds," she said quickly, casting an apologetic look to Severus. "I'm sorry, Sev…"

But Severus' eyes were closed to her; only a pang of regret flashed in their bottomless depths before he turned on his heel and strode away, with not so much even as a goodbye. Lily choked on a half-sob and quickly tried to change it into a cough; Remus was analysing her every move again.

"We'd better go," she said shakily, tearing her eyes away from Severus' retreating form.

"I think you need to sit down first," Remus said, leading her over to the other side of the road. "Let's get a drink in The Three Broomsticks with the others."

Lily did not argue. She was too drained. She just followed senselessly, her mind reeling with her explosive argument with Severus over his Death Eater friends and Voldemort, culminating in their fiery kiss… their _first_ kiss! And Severus had just walked away, as if he didn't even care, while she felt utterly confused and lost, as if there was no further emotion she had not felt in the last half hour! It was all too much for her to process.

"He we are." Remus opened the door to the pub and Lily found herself walking into a crowded room, filled with the bubbly chatter of excited students. It was rather overpowering on the senses.

"Over here!"

A boy called to them over the hubbub of noise and Lily looked round to see James sitting a table surrounded by at least ten chairs, filled with Gryffindors. There was barely room to move what with some of the Hufflepuffs from their year and a cluster of Ravenclaw girls lustfully eying James and Sirius pressing around, but James leapt to his feet and squeezed out, apologising to Alice for spilling some of her drink. Sirius' eyes were trained upon Lily as James approached her, his face full of surprise.

"Lily, what are you doing here?" he asked, stunned.

Lily frowned. "It's Hogsmeade weekend," she retorted crisply.

"But you said you weren't coming! And you weren't even at in the Common Room or at breakfast all morning so we thought you were trying to escape coming…!"

Despite her mood, as James was speaking Lily felt more and more inclined to laugh and a mischievous twinkle sparked in her eyes. James noticed something was up and paused, becoming suspicious.

"I just felt like a walk in the grounds before coming…" Lily explained innocently. The twitch of her lips suggested otherwise.

James heaved a groan and raised his eyes to the ceiling. "Merlin, you're such a tease Evans!" he sighed before joining in with Sirius and Remus, who were chuckling away at his gullibility. Lily couldn't help but smile too.

"Would you like to join us?" James asked.

Lily's eyes drifted to the window. Not long ago, she'd had such high hopes of spending the beautiful day in someone else's company. Now the prospect looked quite different. But after Severus leaving her like that, she was glad she was not alone, or she would probably succumb to sobbing her heart out. Her smile fell.

"Actually… I think I'll have to take you up on that offer of a drink…" she said weakly.

"Sure," James replied, looking perplexed at why Lily was not expressing more eagerness when agreeing to spend the day with him. "Here – take my seat. I'll get you and Alice another drink from the bar."

Lily gingerly squeezed past him, stepped over the Marauders' heaped bags from Honeyduke's and Zonko's, and settled in the vacant chair. She had expected Alice to greet her but the girl's attention was currently engaged by Frank Longbottom, who was standing beside her and recounting a recent escapade in Herbology class with much alacrity. Lily could not really blame her friend – she knew Alice had a soft spot for the earnest Hufflepuff – but she was not even aware of her spilt drink, which was now dripping slowly onto her lap. Lily took out her wand and thoughtfully vanished the pool of Butterbeer before turning despondently to face the remaining Marauders.

"Are you okay, Lily?" Sirius asked, his grey eyes watching her anxiously from underneath his long mane of shining black hair. "Did you have to walk here all on your own?"

A horrible, hard lump rose up to lodge in Lily's throat and for a moment she could not speak.

Remus began to answer instead. "You came w-"

Alarmed, Lily shot him a warning look. Fortunately Remus took the hint and dropped his gaze mutely. "Remus saw me coming and came to join me," she summarised instead, skimming the details. She didn't feel like bringing Severus up, especially when Sirius was bound to relay the news to James. She was not sure of how much Remus had seen, but she hoped he would have the sense to keep quiet if he had seen Severus kissing her.

She stared out the window with glazed eyes, wondering where Severus was now. Probably joining up with his Slytherin friends, she thought morosely, buying the more sinister potions ingredients from the apothecary or getting up to Merlin-knows-what illicit activities while they were free from the teachers' beady-eyed surveillance. Lily sighed. Though she hated it, and constantly hinted at her distaste for his friends, she could not blame Severus. They were the few who showed Severus the respect he so desperately craved. After a lifetime of neglect from his parents, the two people who should have loved him unconditionally and appreciated his talents above everyone else, his sharp mind and wealth of knowledge had finally been recognised. It just happened that the only people who recognised this were budding Death Eaters.

For the first time, Lily perceived a flaw in Albus Dumbledore. How could he, the _head_ _teacher_, have failed to notice Severus' cleverness and propensity for advanced magic? All of their subject teachers knew Severus was an exemplary student who excelled astonishingly. How could Dumbledore have ever thought it was right to withhold the accolade Severus so clearly deserved, just because he was a Slytherin? Surely Dumbledore should have known that a little appreciation could go a long way? Lily felt sure that if only Dumbledore had praised and not shunned Severus' talents, they could have been nurtured for good purposes, and her best friend would have not felt the need to turn to Voldemort…

Lily tuned out the conversation going on around her, wishing that the affection she gave to Severus was enough… but the way he had left after their kiss was ambiguous. Severus had high ambitions, and if Dumbledore stood in his way down one path, he would take the other. Lily couldn't give him power he so clearly coveted. After such bitter repression, both at home and at school, he wanted to become the one in control, the one who commanded respect, the one who proved that he was worthy. And she couldn't give him that.

But she could give him _other_ things… She was a girl, after all, and as Severus had taken the kiss into his own hands she had felt the teenage lust that drove most boys mad rear its fiery head… Even though Severus had always maintained an unaffected exterior, clearly something carnal festered deep within… and she had had the fortune to appeal to it – most strongly. Now that she had awoken the fire, she hoped that it would linger interminably on the edge of his mind, an insatiable desire that would begin to dominate his thoughts and unbalance his priorities. If she really meant as much to him as he had indicated… well, it would only take a little more temptation to lure him over to her side…

Lily blushed as she realised what she was thinking - and in the presence of so many others…! But Sirius, Remus and Peter were currently admiring the latest Zonko product and were blissfully unaware of her unusually salacious thoughts. Lily subconsciously traced a finger over her lips… She felt so naughty, contemplating Severus in this way – especially when she knew now something of what she truly felt for James. Last night, when the Joint Magic of the Vallatus had joined them, it had felt so right, so comforting, so innately _good_. James might be a little annoying at times, but he did not have a dark streak in him. Lily had the notion that she could achieve so much with James, even have the power to change the course of the War, if only she gave him the chance…

But if she wanted to save Severus too… she would have to tread a very fine line indeed…

"Here you are, Lily petal," James said, nudging a tall, frothy glass towards her before handing out a round of drinks to his friends. "A cocktail made with Butterbeer, some Muggle rum, Honeyduke's finest chocolate liquor, and ice-cream. I thought you needed a pick-me-up." He gave her a wink. Lily stared awestruck at the cocktail.

"Here's your seat," she murmured, standing to let James sit down in his chair. He sat down but began to laugh, finally drawing her attention.

"Don't be daft, Lily," he said and gently pulled her onto his knee. "You're not going to stand here all afternoon. Besides, lunch is on its way. Cheers, everyone," he said, raising his glass.

"To the golden couple," toasted Sirius, echoed by Remus and Peter. The four boys drank heartily without hesitation.

But Lily felt her insides twist with guilt. She knew the Marauders were alluding to her and James' golden Vallatus, but she couldn't hide from the feeling that she and James were being drawn together to become far more than just training partners. It was not that she didn't like it – she felt so content leaning back in James' arms, surrounded by the fun, easy chatter of his friends, far from the strain of conflicting politics and the Dark Arts – it was that she knew she was not the golden girl which they all saw her to be.

In the pit of her heart, forever burning, was a black flame.

**xXxXx**

**Next time: what Severus and the other Slytherins are really getting up to in Hogsmeade, Severus' true response to Lily's kiss and more Lily-James moments :) Thank you to all my readers and please leave me a review! THANK YOU!**


	9. An Audience with the Dark Lord

_Many, many thanks to all of you for your lovely reviews on the last chapter – I was so delighted! I see Lily and Sev's kiss was very popular… I shall have to write more juicy scenes like that! Several of you expressed frustration at Lily's belief that James isn't cruel – sadly in canon Lily does seem to overlook (or at least justify) James' behaviour towards Severus – I think her strict aversion to the Dark Arts must strongly colour her perception._

**Chapter 9: An Audience with the Dark Lord**

Severus stalked down the road, struggling to evict all painful thoughts of Lily from his mind… but it was terribly hard to dislodge the memory of Lily's precious kiss that still lingered longingly upon his lips. He had been so furious at Lupin's rude interruption and determination to drag Lily away from him that he had left her with the wolf in quite an unsympathetic manner; he regretted his harsh actions, knowing that it would probably have confused Lily, but he would make it up to her later. This time he knew she would let him. To think that she had actually _initiated _the kiss… that spoke volumes…

As did her final plea '_Then save me_…'

It was at that moment, as her green eyes had looked at him so beseechingly, that in his heart Severus had promised to do just as she asked. It had hurt him more than he had showed when Lily had accused him of being disloyal. If there was _anything_ Severus knew about the future, it was that his love for Lily would always remain steadfast. Even if they had just been angry words shouted carelessly in the heat of the moment, Severus was determined from now on to prove to Lily that _whatever_ else happened, he would _always_ love her and do everything in his power to protect her from Voldemort's assault on Muggleborns.

But he was not dense – he knew that Lily meant for him to join her and the rest of the fools under Dumbledore's wing – yet that was not the right path for him to take if he was going to fulfil his unspoken promise to her. Given the chance, Dumbledore would instantly strip him of all his powers, he was sure of it. He discerned the mistrust and wariness the old man eyed him with, and Severus would not allow himself to become powerless.

No, he was rapidly assuming a respected role among the Dark Lord's associates, where his talent and expertise in many fields was recognised and encouraged, and he would work hard to keep it that way. Soon he expected he would secure a position from which he could speak highly of Lily's magical ability and ensure she was at least left unharmed by the more short-sighted Death Eaters. And once he entered the Dark Lord's inner circle… it would only be a matter of time before he brought her an offer from the Dark Lord that even Lily could not refuse.

By now Severus had reached the street corner where he had last spotted his Slytherin classmates. A disquieting thought struck him as he reflected on their strange behaviour earlier. Had they been invited to a clandestine meeting while he had not? Anger and defiance flared in his chest. What had he done to deserve that? He had certainly showed just as much, if not more, enthusiasm and dedication to the Dark Lord as his associates at their last breathtaking encounter with him in Malfoy Manor. There the Dark Lord had impressed upon them the importance of youth in the War and the necessity to 'spread the word' among their classmates, and already this year had felt different because of the unrest that had been stirred up; most students were now on edge, anxious not to speak out about their alliance, obsessed with the propaganda leaflets being passed around in corridors and common rooms. If only Lily had been as easily affected…

Well, perhaps it was because he was a half-blood that he was being relegated, Severus thought sourly. He supposed he should have realised earlier that something was going to take place this weekend, when they were allowed out of the excessively protected school, but thoughts of Lily and her Vallatus class had distracted him. Well, now he knew what was going on, he was _not_ going to be pushed aside without a fight.

Surveying the area austerely, Severus located the quarry of his thoughts. A cohort of students tumbled out of a run-down building further up the side-road; he recognised the grimy sign hanging above as the Hog's Head. Filled with purpose he strode up the road towards the pub, observing his approaching friends' barely-suppressed glee with resentment. As if careful to not be overheard discussing what they had just witnessed, they were conversing in hushed but excited voices, although when they noticed his proximity they descended into a reticent silence. Severus eyed them superciliously as they hurried past him. For what reason had he been excluded from the gathering?

Grouchily Severus turned to enter the pub, only to find someone standing in his way. He took a step back in surprise, having thought that all of his friends had passed. And then he saw who the obstructer was.

"Severus," Lucius Malfoy said pleasantly, inclining his head in greeting.

So this was who his classmates had been meeting with.

Severus couldn't help but feel somewhat let down, for he had thought Lucius had rather taken to him during his first few years at Hogwarts, before the Prefect had left. Perhaps that had all been a guise for his own ends, in true Slytherin fashion.

"Lucius," he replied tersely. He analysed the young man's appearance, noting the fine black robes he wore, adorned with gleaming silver clasps. He was certainly dressed unusually smartly, considering the location and weather.

"I am glad you have arrived," Lucius said. Severus raised a cynical eyebrow.

"Really? I was of the opinion I was no longer worthy for your cause. I see I have been left out of your cosy gathering this morning."

Lucius laid a taming hand on Severus' shoulder, but Severus stiffened irascibly. This only served to make Lucius smile more broadly.

"What?" Severus demanded testily.

"Surely you are aware that your blood status somewhat besmirches your reputation?" Lucius said. Severus reacted to his words with distinct haughtiness but Lucius laughed lightly.

"Do not worry so, Severus! I know your talent and the wealth of knowledge you have acquired in such fascinating realms of magic, and I have spoken of this to the Dark Lord. He values my opinion and propensity for spotting talent, and as such I have secured you a private audience with the Dark Lord. He has recognised your fealty; he expected that you would make your way here of your own volition," Lucius cajoled.

Severus found his heart thumping eagerly. It seemed that he had been subjected to a test unawares, and had already passed it. Thanks to Lucius, he was being treated even more highly than his classmates. A twinge of guilt struck him as he realised he had thought wrongly of Lucius.

"Thank you," Severus admitted curtly.

Lucius bowed his head and showed him into the Hog's Head. "He is waiting."

Severus stepped over the threshold into a dark, gloomy room. It was fairly empty at this time of day, but there were some very shifty looking characters sitting in a corner, poring over some manuscript hidden behind a stack of empty glasses, and a dishevelled pair of wizards were playing cards for a pile of galleons mounted between them on the table while swigging Firewhisky.

"We shan't be much longer," Lucius called to the barman as he steered Severus over to an archway at the back of the pub. The grey-bearded man looked Severus over before nodding them through and going back to chasing a pair of unruly goats out from behind the bar.

They ascended a rickety wooden staircase and reached a landing off which several doors opened. Lucius indicated the furthest one, to which Severus slowly walked, aware of his every breath and every movement. He wondered just why the Dark Lord had taken the trouble to wait for him, a mere half-blood sixteen year old, unpopular and with neither the looks nor the wealth to put to his name. For sure the Dark Lord had many important matters to attend to… There had to be a very solid reason why he would bother to wait for him, when there was a chance he may never even have arrived… Just what had Lucius said about him? But it was too late to ask now; Lucius was reaching in front of him to knock lightly on the door. He just hoped he could live up to the Dark Lord's expectations, for he most certainly did not want to invoke his wrath. Whatever he'd had in mind when he had marched self-righteously towards the Hog's Head, it had most definitely not been a private audience with the Dark Lord himself!

The latch on the door gave a sudden click, as if someone inside the room had removed a locking charm upon it, and Lucius pushed the old door open. Though Severus was proud that he had been singled out specially, he was not yet big-headed enough to assume he was exempt from the Dark Lord's rage, of which he had heard many horrifying accounts. Severus knew also that the Dark Lord was a highly adept Legilimens – and he was determined not to let the Dark Lord find anything in his mind that might incriminate him, or worse, Lily. Wary, then, he decided to clear his mind and sink into the dark, cool state of Occlumency, in order to forefend his thoughts and memories from the Dark Lord's pervasive Legilimency.

It was just in time. Lucius had already entered the room, intent on commencing the introductions. "My lord," he said, bowing low subserviently, "Severus Snape."

Severus moved into the dim room, his eyes falling on a tall figure silhouetted against the fireplace. Shutters covered the windows, preventing any daylight from filtering through the grimy glass; the only light came from two flickering sconces and the dying fire. Even when shrouded in shadow, the Dark Lord commanded an imposing, intimidating presence that was instantly recognisable. Severus stared at the motionless figure, waiting breathlessly for any sign of recognition, but there was none. His silence was even more unnerving than his voice.

However Lucius was unaffected by this reception and turned to close the door, sending a sharp glance at Severus as he did so. Severus bowed stiffly. "My lord," he said cautiously, announcing his presence.

After three uncomfortable heartbeats, the Dark Lord turned. His red eyes alighted on Severus.

"Ah, Severus…"

His voice was so electric that the hairs on Severus' arms stood on end. Drenched in a feeling of complete awe and gratitude to be in the presence of the most powerful wizard alive, Severus felt himself sink to the floor into another, low bow.

"Lucius tells me that you are very interested in the work I am accomplishing with my Death Eaters."

Severus looked up. "Yes, my lord," he replied, wondering where this was leading to.

"He also informs me that you have a wealth of unusual and exceedingly delightful curses at your fingertips, that even he has never come across before. Is that correct?"

Severus glanced over at Lucius, who nodded encouragingly.

"Before I came to Hogwarts I learned numerous rare curses from one of my mother's old books on Dark Magic, written by my grandfather I believe. The others are of my own invention."

"Really?" The Dark Lord's voice rose; he was clearly intrigued. "I see you have a sharp and inquisitive mind, Severus… Yes, despite your Muggle father, you have inherited the Prince family line's infamous aptitude for Dark Magic, and you have great talent," he said softly, staring unblinkingly into Severus' eyes. Those red eyes were entrancing in their vividness, but also slightly frightening in their relentless quest for information. Suddenly, Severus realised that the Dark Lord was trying to subtly practise Legilimency on him. Severus instantly slammed his Occlumency barriers in place, clearing his sidetracked mind to leave a blank, black slate.

After a moment the Dark Lord lifted his chin high and looked at Severus appraisingly. Severus' heart rate sped up, fuelled by his excitement. Here was another Legilimens who recognised his skills for what they were… and _valued_ them, rather than attempting to quash them.

The Dark Lord continued to gaze at him, his mind clearly working quickly. "And you are practised in the _Mind Arts_," he purred softly, more to himself than Severus. "Remarkable, especially at your young age…"

Out of the corner of his eye, Severus saw Lucius looking utterly stunned.

Earnestly Severus said, "I greatly admire your own work, my lord, I have heard tell that you are the greatest Legilimens alive."

"So you believe it is I, and not that meddlesome fool who unhappily runs your school? You have judged well." He briefly smiled, but it did not reach his eyes.

"Now, I shall propose something to you, Severus. If you would like to show your support for me and my Death Eaters, in a more _active_ way, I ask that you share your esoteric spells with your housemates. I have set your friends their own tasks, and I think they could put your spells to good use."

Perhaps he could sense Severus' unwillingness, for the Dark Lord added, "I shall know they are _yours_, Severus, I am not seeking to wound your pride. And I am not asking _you_ to use the curses on blood traitors and Muggles – although you are most welcome to do so, if that is your desire. I ask only that you allow me to best exhibit your talent and use it in the most profitable manner."

Severus had to admire the Dark Lord's cunning – with sympathetic understanding and careful flattery he found his heart being won over, in spite his in-built scepticism and mistrust of others. Yet the Dark Lord had offered him hope of recognition, and implied that should he prove himself, he might even be given a position within the Dark Lord's order. It was an offer such as one he had only dreamt of.

"As you wish, my lord," he replied.

A satisfied smile twisted the Dark Lord's lips.

"Now, I shall not discourage your practice of the Mind Arts; _however,_" the Dark Lord said warningly, his eyes glinting like blazing fires, "I see no need for you to employ Occlumency here, Severus. We are both supporters of the same cause, are we not? You need not hide anything from me. We all share our areas of expertise here in order to achieve our common goal."

Ensnared, Severus felt a flutter of panic as if he was a trapped wild animal. With well-chosen words the Dark Lord had ensured that refusal was not an option. Tentatively he released his tight hold on his Occlumency barriers, grimly reflecting as he did so that though the Dark Lord had talked about 'sharing', he was hardly likely to allow Severus to see into his own mind after exploring his.

Quite suddenly Severus felt the Dark Lord's indomitable presence pervade his mind, thirstily seeking out those things he always strove to keep private, absorbing every little thing that coloured his waking thoughts - impressions, values, desires, and, above all, memories. It was not long before the kaleidoscope of images gave way to the upside-down scene under the beech tree last summer, where Severus had never felt such extreme hatred and fury at Potter's continual quest to humiliate him. The pain still rankled bitterly as he was forced to relive the public humiliation and Lily's interference.

Severus tensed, realising his error. It was too late to hide Lily now… and all of his most recent thoughts and memories were riddled with her. But he made sure to shut away his most sensitive memories, particularly the second half of the scene under the beech tree, and Lily's kiss…

The Dark Lord regarded a few more fleeting images and then pulled out of his mind, leaving Severus feeling distinctly naked. He had been stripped of his best defence and he felt strangely weakened. He looked up at the Dark Lord apprehensively, afraid to speculate about what he had noticed.

Voldemort pressed his fingertips together and watched Severus gloatingly, drawing out his unease for a little longer. Then he tipped his head to one side curiously.

"Tell me, Severus… Who is this little red-headed girl who has been occupying your thoughts lately?" Voldemort analysed him as though he found him both peculiarly interesting and surprisingly amusing.

Despite his plans to convince the Dark Lord and his followers of Lily's worth, Severus could not help but quail fearfully; now he was here in the Dark Lord's presence he sensed that Muggle blood was something too incriminating to overlook and that he would have to tread very carefully to avoid revealing Lily's background before he had explained her magical talent.

"Her name is Lily Evans, my lord," Severus answered, trying to keep his voice level. "She is a witch in my year. We both come from the same town."

"Ah yes," Voldemort affirmed, nodding to himself and flexing his fingers. "I have heard of this particular girl. She is Muggleborn, is she not?"

Severus was taken aback. The Dark Lord really _did_ know everything. How was it he was aware of Lily? Had Mulciber and the other Slytherins told tales about the two of them, hoping to stain his reputation even further, or was the Dark Lord purely omniscient? Severus had a suspicion it was a frightening mixture of both. He couldn't find the breath to speak, he was so anxious as to what would be the Dark Lord's response to his confirmation that Lily's parents were Muggles, but there was no way to back out now.

He gave a terse nod.

"So, _enlighten _me, then," the Dark Lord said contemptuously, "what do you find so interesting about Miss Evans? Other than her obvious beauty, of course…"

Severus flushed. He took the plunge, trying to appear emotionally detached and keep all private thoughts of Lily out of his mind.

"Evans is an incredibly talented witch, my lord. All of the teachers praise her - she has been by far the best in our year at Charms ever since we started at Hogwarts, and she is top of the year in Potions, alongside me. If you were to ask, no one - whether they approve of her blood status or not - could deny how proficient at all branches of magic she is. I was curious as to how that could be so, given her bloodline," he improvised, appealing to Voldemort's obsession with magical blood.

After a pause Voldemort nodded and Severus sighed in relief. "Yes, I can understand your curiosity, Severus. We still do not know a great deal about wizarding family trees and how Muggleborns acquire their talent. Disappointingly little research has been carried out into the complex occurrence of Muggleborns and Squibs. But this is a surprise to hear how uncommonly talented she is… I wonder why?"

With that his penetrating red eyes flicked to Severus', and before he could bring up his defences Severus found the Dark Lord forcibly entering his mind, searching for evidence. The suddenness was shocking, and though Severus could not shun the Dark Lord from his mind, he was able to carefully control what it was that he saw. He let the Dark Lord have the impression that he was rifling through his memories at his own adjudication, but Severus kept locked away his more precious, potentially compromising memories of Lily. Other images of her raced before his eyes; Lily aged nine flying off a swing; Lily sitting next to him in the Potions dungeon being commended obsequiously by Professor Slughorn; Lily producing such stunning work in Charms class that Professor Flitwick was weeping and begging her to take up a career in Charms; Lily a few days ago casting a dazzling corporeal Patronus before his very eyes. Severus willingly supplied these favourable memories, keen for the Dark Lord to bear witness to Lily's worth.

He felt the Dark Lord withdraw from his mind and Severus staggered back, reeling from the flying glimpses of images despite his subtle control on the situation. Panting slightly, he looked up to see Lucius watching anxiously – clearly the man had realised that Severus had been subjected to Legilimency once more and was unsure of what the Dark Lord had pulled forth – and then he focused on Voldemort himself, who was idly stroking his yew wand, lost in thought. Silence filled the room. Severus waited with bated breath.

At last the Dark Lord turned to address him. "I see that you are not one to give praise without good cause, Severus, and your complimentary judgement here is certainly deserving.

"I would now ask of you that you open Miss Evans' mind to our cause… I do not expect that she will be willing at first, given her family background, but I believe that you are capable of demonstrating to her that, should she give her loyalty to me and offer up her talents in penance, her unsavoury blood status might be… _largely_ overlooked. Of course, in the new order she would not rank as highly as you Severus, but knowing the compromising status of her blood she should be thankful for this chance to have deliverance. I need as many wands behind our cause as possible and I cannot miss this opportunity to have Evans' talent on our side. And I must admit that I am intrigued as to how her magic has come to be so strong, and in particular her ability to fly unaided… I would like to see this girl, sometime, in the hope that it may shed some light on the mysterious magic of Muggleborns. I entrust this task to you, Severus."

"I understand, my lord," Severus said, bowing down graciously. He could barely believe this ray of hope the Dark Lord had offered Lily. As he straightened up, though, he saw a smirk curl on Voldemort's lips before he explained further.

"Given how long the two of you have been _friendly_, I expect that the girl will trust you, Severus. Therefore I believe that you alone are best placed to explain our beliefs to her and subtly coerce her into agreement. I think this is a time when you can use teenage lust to your advantage, Severus… I expect that you would not be adverse to such liaisons, given the girl's good looks…?"

"Th-thank you, my lord," Severus stammered, quickly lowering his eyes. He wondered how much Voldemort had deduced or guessed about the tense emotions between him and Lily, even without witnessing his fresh memory of Lily kissing him… His speculations made Severus' cheeks burn in embarrassment, yet the Dark Lord seemed pleased with the situation.

"Well, if that is all, Severus, I shall let you get on with planning your tasks, and I shall resume mine. Thank you, Lucius-"

Severus recognised this as a conclusion to the meeting but he suddenly remembered something he had wanted to inform the Dark Lord of – originally out of spite for Dumbledore's injustice, but now he had a far more important reason – to impress the Dark Lord and prove just how worthy a follower he could be.

"My lord – I have some information that I thought might interest you."

Voldemort turned around slowly, eying Severus austerely. He then realised he had brazenly spoken out of turn, something the Dark Lord would not tolerate lightly in the future.

"Indeed?" Voldemort replied askance, brushing dust off his robes. Severus detected a hint of impatience in his voice, which gave him misgivings over whether the Dark Lord already knew about Dumbledore's Vallatus lessons, for he seemed to expect some trivial gossip to be produced. Well, he had put his foot in it now. Severus sucked in a deep breath and steeled himself for the response.

"Dumbledore is teaching a select group of students a rare form of defensive Joint Magic," he began. "I believed you may not be aware of this and sought to rectify this at the first opportunity…"

Instantly Voldemort's countenance changed; he ceased feigning interest in the dust sprinkling his robes, he trained his eyes avidly upon Severus, and he silently motioned for him to proceed.

Severus continued with great eagerness, overjoyed that he was the first to inform the Dark Lord. "It's called the Vallatus Charm. I have not seen it produced, but I know that the two witches or wizards must be in flight on a broom, and that the charm offers some kind of protection. Those Dumbledore has recruited are all OWL or NEWT students, who are either already in accordance with him or who he would like to join him."

"I see." Voldemort ran a long finger over his thin lips pensively. "Thank you for telling me this, Severus. I already see that you will make an invaluable spy. I must request that you keep up the good work. You say you have not witnessed this Vallatus Charm? You must try to observe the class and relay to me exactly what you see. I have not heard of this form of Joint Magic; I expect it is some experiment of Dumbledore's own design. Relying on two wizards or witches working together… The old fool always claimed love was the most powerful form of magic; but he is wrong. It only brings weakness and as such it can always be overcome. In the meantime I will reflect on what we can do to challenge this shield – for it is clearly to be used in combat against us – but I shall keenly await your update, Severus, and any ideas you yourself may devise."

"Yes, my lord."

Severus found Voldemort analysing him intently. Then a smile hovered upon his lips.

"Well done, Severus. I see that you are determined not to let your Muggle father stand in your way any longer. Your thirst to prove your worth is admirable. You will go far.

"You have done well, Lucius," Voldemort now said, turning to Malfoy who immediately bowed so low his white-blonde hair nearly brushed the floor. "You have a sharp eye. You have brought forth a valuable ally."

"You are too generous, my lord," Lucius simpered ingratiatingly.

"You may inform Aberforth that you have finished with this room. I shall leave now. You will see me tomorrow evening, as arranged."

With that the Dark Lord turned in a swirl of black robes, threw a handful of glittering powder into the fireplace, and vanished in a flare of green flames.

Severus' chin dropped forward onto his chest and he allowed himself to close his eyes for a moment as a huge wave of relief washed through him. He had not only survived. The Dark Lord had praised him on several occasions and even expressed a strong desire to use his many talents. The Dark Lord had set him tasks with the assurance that, should he perform them well, he would be well on the way to entering the Dark Lord's illustrious circle. And above all – the Dark Lord had given him a chance to save Lily.

Severus could now see ahead of him the way to fulfil his promise to Lily and show her – not just with words but with solid deeds – that he would never stop in his vow to protect her. Once Lily realised what he had done, what he had risked in praising her to the Dark Lord, she would begin to comprehend just how much he loved her, from the very root of his soul.

Lily would never again be able to accuse him of not being loyal to her.

**xXxXx**

**Next time: more Lily-James and Lily-Severus moments beside the lake, and Severus' attempt to spy on Lily in the next Vallatus lesson. Thanks for reading and please do review – I will reply to you as soon as I can! :)**


	10. When the Heat Rises

**Chapter 10: When the Heat Rises**

Severus sat in the cool shade of a large willow tree, his copy of _Advanced Potion Making_ lying on his lap in the pretence of doing something constructive. In all truth though, deciding which of his precious spells he could bear to share with the other Slytherins was far too taxing when a warm wind was playfully toying with his hair and bringing with it the distracting laughter of many happy students. He looked up from the dip in the bank where he was sitting, mostly concealed by the long rushes and rise of the banks on either side, over to where the annoyingly loud screams of delight were coming from.

What seemed like most of the students of Hogwarts were either stretched out on the grass, lapping up the sun, or swimming in the refreshing waters of the lake. But Severus' eyes were drawn to a group of students who were being particularly loud, due to both yelps of pain and howls of laughter. Potter, Black, Lupin and what looked surprisingly like Longbottom and a few other Hufflepuffs were throwing around some stupid new Zonko's product – a Frisbee that appeared to bite at anyone who tried to catch it. Severus' eyes narrowed as he watched Black, who seemed to have discarded his shirt at some point, throw the snapping Frisbee towards Potter, who sprinted over and made an exuberant leap in order to catch it, coming to land near where a cluster of girls sat admiring the game.

_Show-offs._

Severus scowled as he saw Potter glance hopefully at Lily, who was (mercifully) paying more attention to her friend Mary at that moment.

Irked Severus returned to staring at his book, but he was still smarting from Potter's behaviour. He suspected that ever since Lupin had whisked Lily away Potter had been trying to win her over with his stupid tricks and soppy smile. And yet, while Severus found this incredibly irritating, he was not _so_ worried. Lily was far too astute to fall for such trivial devices. And, only a few hours ago, she had kissed him…

Severus' hands trembled and the book slipped through his fingers. He still found it hard to believe. He had no more need for the Dream-Inducing Draught he had concocted – everything he had ever wanted was beginning to weave its own way into reality. Severus only had to tempt it and life would _finally_ shape itself into what he wanted. No spectacled Gryffindor or arrogant Purebloods were going to get in his way this time. The Dark Lord had given the go-ahead and that was all the encouragement he needed. Nothing could hold him back now.

**xXxXx**

The warmth of the sun was so wonderful. Lily was lying down on the grass, letting it wash over her skin and closed eyes, and hearing her friends' chatter drift distantly over her consciousness. She felt so relaxed, so at one with the world, that she felt as if she could hear every creature, smell every plant, even fly on the slightest breath of wind.

It had been such a lovely afternoon, spent surprisingly in the company of James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. It was such a welcome change to find herself sinking into easy conversation without constantly finding awkward barriers separating them – no locking horns over whether Voldemort was good or evil, no quarrelling over the way Hogwarts was being run, no flares of fiery heat or passion. No silly talk over which boys everyone fancied, no pettiness over latest fashions and music, no criticisms of who she hung out with. No over-the-top behaviour, no bullying, no pranks. Just simple, natural smiles and laughter.

The boys were so easy going, so welcoming, so intent on having a good time, that Lily began to seriously reconsider her previous prejudices against them. It seemed that some of Remus' calm ambience had made an impression on James' previous exuberance, allowing the two of them to talk away as if they had been friends for years. And how he and Sirius had made her laugh! There wasn't anywhere else where she had wanted to be instead. Her mind had not even drifted to Severus… That is, not until now…

Lily squinted around, her previous tranquillity disturbed by a funny fluttering of her heart. Now in Severus' absence, she was able to reflect on what had occurred between them that morning from a less hot-headed viewpoint. She knew why she had done it at the time, but now she started to realise with a worrying sense of guilt that throwing herself at Severus like that had not been the wisest thing to do. It was not that she hadn't enjoyed it, she confessed – and _enjoying_ was as much of an understatement as saying that dragons did not make great pets – the way Severus had kissed her back had evoked such a divine sense of pleasure that she had never formerly known it was possible to feel.

But with a gathering sense of unease Lily was very much aware of how her foolishly rash actions had probably given Severus a mightily strong impression that she was saying _yes_, she would go out with him – that is, if he still wanted her to, given the cold way he had departed after she had kissed him…

However after their rather disastrous test-date to Hogsmeade Lily could not bring herself to risk a proper relationship with Severus, irrespective of her gathering desire for _just that_. She needed Severus to warm up to her convictions about the War before they dated or she was sure that they would lose their friendship altogether in explosive arguments and hurtful abuse shouted to each other in the heat of the moment. And Lily wouldn't risk that. She couldn't. Severus meant too much to her to risk their friendship falling into a ruin from which there could be no resurrection…

She sighed. Whatever mortification she felt, however much she wanted to just scream 'YES!' at Severus, she would have to apologise for her impulsive behaviour and pray that he did not take the letdown too badly… After all, she wasn't _refusing_ him, just asking for more time…

She sat up and crossed her legs, trying to ignore the frustration that had built up in her in such a short time. Beside her, Alice and the other girls from her dormitory were all talking about how fit the guys looked, running around playing with James' new Fanged Frisbee, which was apparently the height of interest. Lily, who shared none of this interest, looked over to Remus who had just swapped out with Frank. Remus went to the nearby bank, found a long stick, and began stirring the water's surface in the hope of tempting out the Giant Squid.

Lily contemplated her friend thoughtfully, wondering how much he had seen that morning. As they had walked back from Hogsmeade, checking that all the other Gryffindors were leaving the village, she had attempted to suss out what he saw of her and Severus; Remus had admitted to seeing her crying with distinct unease but had not revealed anymore. Lily had not wanted to probe him any further; it would have suggested that there was something more, and if he did not know that she and Severus had been kissing, it was better to keep it that way. Though she regarded him as a good friend, she did not know whether Remus would keep a secret of hers if he deemed it in his best friend's interest to know it.

Remus was now using his stick to tickle the Giant Squid's tentacles. Mary crawled over to Lily and noticed her line of gaze.

"I'd so love to go swimming, but the Squid does scare me a bit," she sighed. Lily smiled.

"So… have you been watching the game?" Mary asked.

"Not really," replied Lily indifferently.

"Oh come on, Lily, you must!" said Alice, joining them. "It's such fun! James is really good at it."

"Exactly," Lily replied, as if that finished the matter.

Alice looked at her severely. "Don't act as if you don't like him. I _know_ you do. I saw you two together this afternoon."

"And he really likes you," Mary added, watching James appraisingly. "He's so smart, he doesn't even have to work at it, and he's so good looking… just like Sirius…" She trailed off, going starry-eyed.

In spite of this pronouncement Lily stubbornly refused to look over at James and instead glared at her friend in the hope it would scare the colour in her own cheeks into going away. "I'm not interested in that department," she snapped. "He's just a friend."

"Oooh, that's more than you admitted to last week!" whooped Mary delightedly, tearing her eyes off Sirius' bare chest.

"I doubt it will last as just friends for much longer," said Alice, winking at Lily. She had seen just how well they had got on in the Vallatus class and seemed determined that this would finally push Lily and James together. It was incredibly irritating.

Lily was just about to declare this when James' voice rent the air.

"Oh shit!"

The girls glanced up to see what had happened; a gust of wind had lifted the Fanged Frisbee out of reach and was carrying it right out over the lake, finally dropping it with a soft plop onto the surface some way out. It bobbed up and down, sending out rings of ripples and snarling irritably.

"It's okay, James," Remus said, clambering to his feet and abandoning the Squid. "You can just Summon it back."

James turned to retrieve his wand from his bag, but suddenly the surface of the lake began to seethe madly with frantic swirls of ripples and a long tentacle burst out, waving in the air, before wrapping around the purple Frisbee and dragging it under.

"Oh no, not the Giant Squid!" James moaned, tearing at his hair and dancing about on the beach. "I'd only just bought that Frisbee!"

Lily stood up. "Why don't you swim over and take it back?"

James stared at her, his eyes popping. "Are you crazy?"

Lily shrugged. "It's just the Giant Squid. It's perfectly harmless."

"You can't be _serious?_"

Lily kicked off her shoes. "Is that a challenge?"

"Well-" James spluttered, looking at Sirius for help. Sirius just grinned.

"Sounds like an irresistible bet to me, you're going to win hands-down, Prongs," he told James, who still looked undecided.

James opened his mouth to protest but Lily cut him off as she walked down the grassy slope to the water, aware of her friends watching her avidly. "What's your bet?"

James hesitated. "Okay; if I win – you let me kiss you."

Lily's head jerked up. James grinned nervously. "And if I win…?" she asked softly.

"You can kiss whoever you want," he replied airily. "But you're not going to win."

"Really now?" Lily asked, smiling deviously. She checked the conditions. "One kiss? One only?"

James nodded. He began to wade into the water.

Lily frowned. "What are you doing?" she said.

"Getting ready to rescue you," James answered promptly.

Lily's eyes flared. "We'll see about that!" And she dived straight in.

The water was shockingly cold as it closed over her head, shutting out all sound from the world above. For a second her body protested at the sudden, frightening change in temperature and she felt an instinctive drive to kick back up to the surface for air; but somehow Lily managed to control her limbs and swam onwards in strong, smooth strokes. She opened her eyes to a blurry, shimmering world faintly tinged with green, where winking pebbles decorated the lakebed and streamers of weeds waved dreamily in a weak current. And then a vivid purple colour, hovering not far away, disrupted the gentle hues of the underwater world – the Fanged Frisbee!

Intent on retrieving it as soon as possible before she ran out of breath, Lily swam closer, her dress billowing around her legs like a pale green jellyfish. Out of the gloom an eye the size of a dinner-plate appeared, wide in pain as its owner flailed around with the teeth of the Frisbee sunk into one of its long tentacles. As Lily neared it, the Giant Squid's eye turned onto her. For a moment Lily was struck by terror, but it did not seem intent on eating her, perhaps having mistaken her for another underwater creature. Relieved, Lily held up a calming hand and took out her wand, wishing that the Squid would somehow understand to keep still. Whether by luck or by intuition, the tangle of writhing tentacles parted, leaving the one remaining tentacle with the attached Frisbee proffered towards her. Lily pointed her wand at it and prayed that she had finally got the hang of non-verbal spells, for she did not fancy wrestling with those snapping teeth.

_Immobulus! _she thought.

The snarling Frisbee stilled instantly and the Squid visibly relaxed. As a current of water flowed past, brushing Lily's hair over her eyes, it peeled off the Frisbee as easily as if it was nothing more than a Muggle plaster. Lily caught the purple Frisbee before it floated upwards, thankful that it was no longer snapping away, and made to swim up to the surface, intent on getting some air.

Suddenly she felt something cool and slippery winding around her arm. Startled Lily looked down to see the Giant Squid grasping her, but as she looked to its eye in terror she saw gratefulness, not menace. She smiled at the sea creature's token of thanks.

Then something disturbed the water to her side, sending silt flying up in spirals, and through the haze Lily saw the remainder of the Squid's tentacles waving at this new intruder. The half-light glinted off some rounded spectacles and told Lily all she needed to know.

Cross, she tried to tell James to _leave her alone_, but all that escaped her mouth were a few remaining small bubbles. Spluttering and now desperate for some air, Lily began to struggle and fixed her eyes upon the glassy white surface above. There was a commotion next to her and the tentacle around her arm quickly withdrew; Lily kicked out wildly and shot upwards; next thing she knew, she was bursting into brilliant sunlight and a world full of noise, coughing and gasping heavily.

A head popped up beside her a few moments later.

"Lily? Are you alright?"

Luckily Lily was saved from James by the arrival of her friends, who had decided to follow suit and join her in the lake, fully clothed. They swarmed around Lily, forcing James to retreat, and congratulated her excitedly on her retrieval of the Frisbee.

"You got the Frisbee!" Mary squealed excitedly. All of her friends seemed astounded and impressed by her 'daring' confrontation with the Giant Squid and keen to play around in the lake now that it had been proved to be safe. It made Lily laugh and she happily joined them in swimming and lounging about in the water, the Frisbee still clutched in her hand, her white dress swirling around her as if she was a ghost.

It was not long after, while her friends were diving for pretty stones, when a funny tingling crawled up her spine. She spotted a winged willow leaf spinning on the surface of the water, inches away.

Lily's eyes fled to the bank, her heart racing… Severus was not here, was he?

She searched the lawns and the wooded lakeside path with a kind of mad desperation – why, she was not sure. And then, out of the depths of the shadow of a willow tree, she met a pair of sultry, black eyes, fixated unwavering on hers. Lily's breath escaped her lips shakily. Severus was staring at her with such intensity that even across the distance she could feel the fierce desire roaring inside him as if he was devouring her lips once more – and instinctively she knew that he had not regretted their kiss as she had dreaded. He had not left her so coldly because he had not cared; quite the opposite. He had left so abruptly because he had cared _so much_, because he had been so furious at the interruption. At this comprehension a sudden ache jerked at her heart; she was overcome with the sudden desire to be kissing him again…

Lily closed her eyes, trying to calm her thoughts. When she opened them again, breathing shallowly, she saw the corners of Severus' lips were tugging up into a soft smirk.

_Oh Merlin, why did he have to do this to her?_

Furious with herself for being so readable, Lily dropped down beneath the surface of the cold water in an attempt to stop a visible blush rising to her cheeks, and swam a few good strong strokes underwater back towards where Mary and the other girls were splashing around, trying to slow her heart rate down. When she broke the surface once more, she swept her dripping hair off her face and quickly joined in with her friends' game, wondering how they could be so oblivious to the dark figure watching from the bank. But surrounded by her chattering, giggling friends, Lily felt safer and more confident, glad to be doing something; relieved to be creating the illusion that she thought nothing of the fact that Severus was sitting there watching her every movement.

Yet she could still feel his gaze burning upon her. And it was exceedingly difficult to resist.

It was only a matter of time before Lily felt her eyes drawn back to the dark hollow in the bank. She dipped her face low in the water, trying to make it less obvious where she was looking. Sitting so still, and dressed in such dark colours, Severus was so well camouflaged in the pool of shade there that it was no surprise that she had not noticed him earlier in the afternoon. But he was still there; his eyes sought her out, magnetising her to them. As their depths grew smokier the atmosphere between them seemed to constrict, as if fighting to pull her closer. She spluttered and slowed to a gentle drift following her friends.

Something different about Severus' appearance had gripped her attention. The book he had held before was now lying discarded on the grassy bank, and she noticed a triangle of toned, white flesh between his black shirt. It seemed that the heat had even affected Severus; Lily could never remember a time when he had undone a button that low before. The sliver that had been revealed was suggestive of such firm muscles that Lily felt dizzy and confused as to why her imagination was running off with such untoward images of her best friend. She quickly looked away and then barely stifled a scream. She found James' face inches from hers.

"Sorry, did I startle you?" he asked, as she splashed about and sculled backwards a foot.

"It's fine, I was just lost in thought," she said, her eyes travelling to her friends who had continued on without her and were now racing each other. She berated herself for letting herself get separated from them.

"In that case, I think it's time you gave me something."

"What?" Lily said.

"Our deal? I believe you owe me something. And I don't mean the Fanged Frisbee, although I'd like that back sometime today."

Panic began to rocket through Lily's body. "I don't owe you anything, James," she said, aiming for the cool tone but hearing a quaver in her voice.

"You didn't reclaim the Frisbee from the Squid on your own, therefore-"

"Excuse me, I did not need help! You just decided to give it, whether I needed it or not, to win the bet!" Lily said vehemently.

"The Squid had hold of you!"

"It was just saying thank you!"

James rolled his eyes. "You and animals…" he muttered. "It was going to eat you!"

"No, it was not!" Lily protested. "The Squid is perfectly harmless. You interfered and confused the poor thing!"

James snorted. "Well, can I have my Frisbee back now?"

"No, not until you admit that I won the challenge."

"You did not win!" James whined. "Besides," he added, "who would you want to kiss if not me?"

"I told you before, I'd rather kiss the Giant Squid than you," Lily teased, her eyes twinkling.

"Oi!" James splashed her and made a lunge for the Frisbee. Lily held the Frisbee up above her head, rubbing the water out of her eyes.

"You owe me, Lily," James growled. "The Frisbee or the kiss."

"You're not having either. Not until you admit I won. Then you can have the Frisbee back."

"Stop making up the rules! That wasn't part of the deal when we made the agreement!"

"Well, nor was your cheating."

"I didn't _cheat!_" gasped James, apparently hurt that she would think he would stoop to such low, Slytherin tactics to secure his goal.

Lily opened her mouth to retort, and then stopped. Perhaps James really had thought the Squid was pulling her down to eat once it had been freed from the Fanged Frisbee, and he was innocently trying to help her. Even though she didn't actually need the help…

James seemed to detect her indecision. "Lily, please…" he murmured with pleading brown eyes.

It would take much more than that to get her to kiss him! She took a well-aimed strike at the water and James was hit face-on with a huge wave of water that left him spluttering and bereft of his glasses.

Laughing Lily took her chance and swam to the shallows, hastening through the warmer water and up the bank. James had disappeared under the surface, no doubt fumbling around for his glasses. Lily hesitated.

With the force of a jet-like fountain, James burst out of the water, much closer to the shore than where he had disappeared. His glasses were back on and his brown eyes searched for her furiously.

"_Lily!_" he growled when they alighted upon her. He began to wade purposefully towards her, as he did so raking a hand through his soaked black hair so that it stood up in all directions even more untidily than usual and showered drops everywhere, pattering on the surface of the lake like rain.

Like a startled deer Lily darted off around the bank, running on the warm, springy grass, unaware of where she was going, her only thought to get herself and his prized Frisbee away from him as quickly as possible. As she neared the trees, she glanced back over her shoulder to see James struggling to get the water off his glasses as he went by rubbing them on his soaked shirt, but failing abysmally.

She hoped he wouldn't see where she had disappeared to. Lily dashed into the trees, feeling the warm dust from the path cling to her damp feet, thinking only of eluding James and what fun it would be. Her laughter rang out before she could stop it and she checked behind her to see if James was gaining –

All of a sudden a cool hand gripped her wrist, stopping her. Lily cried out and spun round, alarmed.

Her heart stopped. She found herself face to face with Severus.

**xXxXx**

He gazed into her bright, wide green eyes, framed by little trickles of water that ran down her forehead from her wet, dark red hair. Then his eyes moved over her, realising just how drenched she was, how flushed her cheeks were, and how quickly her breaths came between her parted lips.

"Oh…" Lily murmured. She was staring at him, stalled. It would appear that she had forgotten exactly where he had been sitting quietly and his unexpected appearance had offset her plan to evade James.

His lips twitched wryly. "Hello Lily."

Her cheeks, already flushed from running, turned even pinker.

There were thuds on the path behind. Severus' eyes flickered towards them, and then he sprang to his feet and tugged her up the bank.

"Quick – under here!"

He pulled her under the long trailing branches of the willow tree, letting the silvery curtain of leaves fall back just in time. They heard the footfalls grow louder, and heavy breathing. James was feet away.

"Stay still!" Severus whispered. Immediately Lily began to giggle.

"Shh!" But apparently the warning look in his eyes only made Lily want to laugh even more. Severus glowered at her as she bit her lip and her body shook with silent laughter. He seized her other wrist, too, in an attempt to still her as a blur of colour passed by the tree; but for once, he could not help a hint of amusement from entering his dark eyes.

Long seconds elapsed as their ears strained for any sign that James had found where they were hiding. Right now, nothing seemed funnier to Lily than the fact that they were both hiding from James. He could tell that she was surprised but secretly pleased that he had joined in with her. And as her wet body shook against his, he was _very _pleased that he had, too.

As James' footsteps continued on down the path and receded into the distance, Severus became incredibly aware of Lily's appearance. She was so wet that her chestnut-coloured hair was continually dripping water onto her nose and cheeks, and even her pink lips were gleaming wet.

Silently Severus let go of one of her wrists and raised his hand to wipe the drips of water off her forehead to stop them from going in her eyes.

"I think we're safe…" he murmured, taking his fingers away. He met her eyes.

They laughed.

"Thank you," Lily whispered at last.

Severus bent forward to brush his lips against her ear, teasing back her wet hair as he did so. _"You're welcome,"_ he whispered.

Unable to stop himself, he moved down to touch his lips to her pale white neck and felt a tremor run through her body. She gave a moan and tilted her head away as he gently began to suck on her throat.

"Sev…"

Severus ignored her weak protest. "God you're beautiful, Lily," he purred. His eyes followed the rivulets of dark red hair that trailed down over her slender shoulders onto her soaked white dress. It was now utterly transparent and clung tightly onto every part of her pale pink flesh, revealing every secret of her body as if she was standing there naked before him.

Severus swallowed, his throat dry, feeling as if he had suddenly been dropped into a very private fantasy – but where someone was watching him. His eyes gravitated to the gentle swell of her breast, where her lacy bra showed through opaquely white, and then ran down over her narrow waist before coming to linger on the darker area between the tops of her thighs.

_Stop!_ his brain screamed. _NOW! Before she sees!_ But he couldn't tear his eyes away. Instead he shut them, listening to the racing pulse thrumming in his ears and feeling the heat rise to his face as the blood seethed through his body.

When he opened his eyes, they were saturated startlingly with lust. At the same moment, Lily's eyes fluttered open like butterflies stretching their wings. She gazed at him, seemingly entranced, unaware of what he had been staring at. And then, as he made to descend upon her again, something else crossed her eyes – something like fear. Severus gave her a small, reassuring smile and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. She shivered.

"Sev…" she tried again, struggling to find her weak voice. "_Sev_, I need to apologise for this morning."

Severus drew back and hung his head. "No, Lily, it's my fault," he corrected her, sadness overwhelming his words. "I shouldn't have said those things. I'm sorry for upsetting you." He looked up at her pleadingly.

A puzzled expression had formed over Lily's face.

"I- I meant I'm sorry for kissing you, Sev…" she said quietly.

"What?"

Lily gulped. "I- I shouldn't have done it when I haven't given you an answer."

"Oh." Understanding gathered in Severus' eyes, interspersed with pain.

"I'm sorry," Lily said hurriedly. "It wasn't my intention to give you a false impression – I didn't want to hurt you-"

"You didn't," Severus said tightly.

"– I just need more time before we – you know – go any further…" There was a pause where Lily looked at him anxiously. "Are you alright?" she said apprehensively.

"I'm fine," he said, his tone annoyed. Lily's eyes filled with tears.

There was a rustling noise. They both turned around to see James standing there, looking on curiously at the interchange.

"Sorry to interrupt, but – _woah!_" James ogled Lily, staring shamelessly at the way the soaked see-through dress clung sensuously to her every curve.

Anger pulsed its way through Severus' veins. How _dare_ James stare at Lily like that?! He glanced quickly at Lily and saw her looking frightened. Her eyes moved to his, hurt. _Why didn't you tell me?_ they asked, panicked.

Wordlessly Severus seized a fallen branch and transfigured it into a grey-green towel, before passing it to Lily without meeting her eyes. Then he whirled around and marched to the furthest limits of the willow tree, determinedly not looking at her in order to give her some privacy. But what little good would it do, now that she knew what he had been staring at earlier? She must think he was nothing more than a hormonal teenager, intent on devouring her body lasciviously, just like James… Consumed by fierce contempt for the disrespectful Gryffindor, Severus jerkily crossed his arms to stop himself from strangling him.

After a minute his breathing had slowed down and his temper had cooled to a calm hatred. Severus cautiously turned round, his eyes moving to Lily, who had wrapped herself in the towel and was staring at the ground, her cheeks blazing in shame.

James, however, who had not turned away courteously like Severus, continued unabashed. "Lily, you still owe me."

"I don't owe you anything," she mumbled, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"We made a _deal_," reminded James.

"Just take your stupid Frisbee and go, James!" Lily said shrilly and hurled the Fanged Frisbee at him. He caught it before it struck him in the nose but stayed where he was, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

"I won the bet. And I _can't_ give you what you want!" Her eyes flicked nervously to Severus.

"What is it you want from Lily?" Severus asked James, a warning tone distinctly underlying his words. He stepped forward protectively.

"She owes me a kiss," James replied smugly. _What insolent cheek!_

Lily's expression turned furious but Severus blurted out an answer before she did. "Well, it wouldn't be her first."

"What? What are you saying?" snapped James, his eyes narrowing.

Severus smirked. "I'm saying nothing. One of your little friends might, though." That all depended on whether or not Remus had seen him kissing Lily…

James glanced back over his shoulder to where Sirius, Remus and Peter were by the lake, confusion, doubt and fear clouding his eyes.

Lily took the chance to excuse herself before James figured that Severus had kissed her and a fight broke out. "Listen, I'd – I'd better go now," she announced timidly, drawing both their attention. "It's cold and I need to get changed before dinner… I'll see you both around…" She took one last fleeting glance at the two of them, avoiding their eyes, and then ducked under the willow's branches and hurried back up the path to the school, almost breaking into a run. Moments later, James followed.

Severus lifted up the curtain of leaves and slowly walked back to his spot on the bank to collect his book. He hadn't failed to notice the look of terror Lily had cast at him before she left. By failing to inform her of her compromising appearance, instead absorbed in savouring her dazzling looks for his own pleasure, he had unwittingly scared away the girl of his dreams. She would probably keep him at arms length from now on, scandalised by the lustful way he had treated her. Severus sighed resignedly. Perhaps it was for the best, as Lily obviously did not want to go out with him right now. It seemed that he had read her all wrong – he must have repulsed her with his kissing.

Severus grimaced and began his solitary way back to the school, feeling that he should have known this would happen all along. So what, if the Dark Lord gave him permission to make advances on Lily? That was no use now. From now on, he would have to keep his emotions under tighter control where she was concerned. If she was frightened by his intense feelings for her, he would have to hide them well; he still needed to persuade her to come over to the Dark Lord's side.

**xXxXx**

**Thanks for all your reviews, each one is greatly appreciated!**


	11. Rumours and Speculations

_I hope you enjoy this next instalment. Thank you SO MUCH Victoria and Anon - your reviews made me so happy! _:D

**Chapter 11: Rumours and Speculations**

Over the course of Saturday evening and Sunday, Severus became uncomfortably aware that his kiss with Lily was not as secret as he had once hoped. Some infernal person had seen them kissing in Hogsmeade and then blurted it out to the whole school. It was not long before the other Slytherins put two-and-two together: _Lily Evans_ was that elusive girl with whom Severus Snape was having a secret affair.

Severus had never known gossip like it. Not even when he had cursed Potter and Black with something not one of the teachers knew how to remedy had the news made an impact like this. Everywhere he went, girls began fervently whispering, staring as if beholding him in a new light, while boys smirked knowingly or threw annoying comments about his activities with Miss Evans. Their appetite for the details seemed insatiable and it was driving him mad. He didn't know _how_ many times he insisted that _NO he was NOT_ _going out with Lily Evans_, but nobody seemed in the slightest bit put off. They just laughed and winked.

And it wasn't just the Slytherins swamping round him in the Common Room; at meals he wasn't left in peace for one second. Students from other Houses, and other years, people he barely knew, were flooding over to ask, was it true? Had he really kissed Lily Evans, a Gryffindor? He doggedly refused to give any form of affirmation, believing that Lily would not want him to fuel the rumours even further given that she had already expressed regret at kissing him. This depressing belief lurking in the back of his mind made him even more furious when someone dared to ask about his relationship with Lily, dared to _presume_ that she was perfectly happy kissing him. But his renowned tetchiness could not dissuade anyone today, much to Severus' annoyance. Their desire to know about his 'love affair' had made them all immune to it. Even Professor McGonagall had raised her eyebrows at him meaningfully as he had passed her in the Entrance Hall, a look that said _I know what you've been up to with one of my students, Mr Snape…_

Exasperated Severus had retreated to the Library in an attempt to be left alone so that he could get on with his homework: researching facial transfiguration for Professor McGonagall. But the oglers, clearly with nothing better to amuse their dim-witted minds, had followed him in like the plague, and the usually silent Library was hissing with excited whispers to such an extent that Madam Pince was continually shooing out students and getting increasingly more irate as the day wore on.

Severus resorted to stacking all the relevant Transfiguration books he could find around him like a barricade to avoid being put off by the staring eyes and let his curtains of hair fall around his face in the hope of not being spotted. He managed fairly well until mid-afternoon, when Mulciber sought him out, flanked by a few other Slytherins.

"What's this I hear about you and that Mudblood Evans, Snape?" he hissed, knocking Severus' defensive pile of books out of the way. Severus put down his quill and slowly stood up to face Mulciber, shaking with barely suppressed anger.

"The term is _Muggleborn,_ Mulciber, and it's none of your business who I am friends with," he said, his voice menacingly quiet.

"Everything you do is my business, Snape!" Mulciber snarled. "You wouldn't know, because _you_ were not invited to our meeting, but the Dark Lord appointed to me the task of keeping an eye on his hopefuls, and believe me, he will not be happy to hear about your liaison with such filth!"

Severus' eyes narrowed. "So that is what you believe?" he whispered softly. "You did not know that I met the Dark Lord _in private_ after all of you?"

"You lie," hissed Mulciber.

Severus' eyes flashed. "Don't speak of what you don't know, Mulciber! The Dark Lord desires Evans' talents. So be careful of what you let slip from that sharp tongue of yours, because if you scare her away the Dark Lord will be far more than _not happy_."

Mulciber eyed him disbelievingly, but his complexion had gone significantly paler. At that point, Madam Pince sized him up as her next target and began marching down the aisle towards him, full of purpose. Mulciber threw Severus one last look of intense dislike, then he and his following Slytherins sought a quick exit.

Severus smirked; clearly Mulciber had not liked being trumped by a half-blood and was off to find out if he had indeed met the Dark Lord in private. Well, he was a fool if he thought the Dark Lord would tell him all of his plans! The notion was ridiculous. It was good to put Mulciber bluntly back in his place. And as his thoughts travelled to the upcoming Vallatus class that evening, Severus resolved to take in every single detail. He was going to show just how good he was to the Dark Lord, and then Mulciber would no longer dare to treat him like a worthless inferior.

Mulling over this satisfying thought in the back of his mind, Severus returned to his reading. Occasionally he looked out of the window down to the lake and found himself reminiscing about the suggestive words Lily had spoken to him down there, the feel of her lips upon his, and how utterly stunning she had looked standing in his arms, dripping wet… But then he remembered how she had voiced her regret at kissing him and a bitter coldness clamped around his heart. These people, frivolously talking about him going out with Lily – they didn't know how much it hurt that he wasn't, that she had not accepted. He was angry; not at Lily, but at himself, for having her just within his grasp only to let her slip again. It only made him want her more.

**xXxXx**

James threw down his Transfiguration textbook in frustration and decided to give up on his homework. He couldn't concentrate, and anyway, Transfiguration was his best subject so he figured he would be able to wing it in their next lesson. Besides, some annoying person had taken out all of the relevant books from the Library.

He cast his eyes away from the bustling Common Room towards the window, where he could see the Quidditch goal hoops gleaming in the sun. Quidditch training would start soon, but even sooner was the next Vallatus lesson. Flying, defensive magic, and Lily – three of his most favourite things.

But something was bothering him about Lily. They'd had a great day together in Hogsmeade, but she had also seemed very upset both when Remus had brought her into the Three Broomsticks and when he had found her under the willow tree with Snape. It didn't appear to him as likely that Snape's absence from breakfast yesterday morning had just been a coincidence. He had a horrible feeling that something was going on between Snape and Lily – and it was not that they were going out. Whether there was Dark Magic taking place or Severus was taking liberties, or a sinister combination of the two, James wasn't sure, but what he was certain of was that Snape was upsetting Lily, and he didn't like it one bit.

James grimaced. What could he do with niggling feelings and suspicions? Was his fear that Lily had feelings for Severus so strong that it was now clouding his perception? Was this all in his head?

"A Knut for your thoughts, Prongs?"

James looked around at Sirius, who was sitting across the table, and realised that he had been wearing a troubled expression. He smiled weakly and then sighed. "I'm worried," he confessed.

"What about?" said Sirius. "The Vallatus class?" At this Remus and Peter also looked up from their reading.

James shook his head. "I know you all told me not to be overprotective of Lily, and I'm not, I swear; but I am worried about her." He met Sirius' eyes, and he was deadly serious.

"How so?" asked Remus slowly.

"It's just a feeling I've got – from a combination of things – that – that something is going on between her and Snivellus – against her will_._"

"You think he is forcing himself upon her?" Peter squeaked, his tiny eyes popping. Sirius raised his eyebrows cynically.

"Just – just hear me out," said James. "Yesterday afternoon, I found the two of them together under this tree, like they'd been up to something, and Lily looked as if she was about to cry. When I spoke about our bet where she'd agreed to kiss me, Lily got really nervous, and she didn't say _'I won't',_ she said _'I can't' – a_s if Snivellus wouldn't let her. And when she entered the Hog's Head that morning she seemed really worried and out of sorts… Snivellus hadn't been at breakfast either… What if he'd caught her that morning, and that was why she was late?"

There was a brooding silence. Sirius looked to Peter, and the two of them looked to Remus, who heaved a huge sigh and laid his hands flat on the table, as if ready to make a confession.

"Listen, James, I should tell you… You're right about yesterday morning – I saw the two of them together, when I was looking for Lily in Hogsmeade."

James' eyes rounded. Sirius and Peter stared at him too.

"Were they – you know…" James gulped. He couldn't bring himself to say 'kissing'.

"I honestly can't say," admitted Remus. "I was intent on finding Lily, not seeing what she was up to. They moved apart before I got that close. But Snape looked so angry, and I knew without a doubt that Lily was terribly upset. He was so sharp with her."

James tore at his tousled hair anxiously. "Merlin…" he whispered. "Padfoot, you know we caught Snivellus asking her out? Well – I'm sure she wouldn't have said yes. What if he flipped out when she told him no…? What if he decided to force himself upon her anyway…? Does that seem reasonable to you?"

Sirius growled, indicating he full well believed Severus capable of such maltreatment. Peter nodded vigorously. Remus sighed. "On what I saw… yes, I believe that could be the case, though I sincerely hope it isn't."

Suddenly James froze. Lily had appeared at the bottom of the girls' staircase and was walking across the Common Room, joined by her friends. They all waited until the girls had left through the portrait hole. Then –

"Let's go to dinner," said James, rising to his feet.

"James, you can't just ask her!" said Remus reprovingly. "You don't know how bad it is, you might scare her!"

"I won't, I won't," said James. "But let's go to dinner anyway." He wanted to keep an eye on Lily, just in case Snape ambushed her again.

Yet there was no sign of Snape lurking in wait anywhere en route to the Great Hall, and it was with a sigh of relief that James spotted Lily's gleaming river of red hair at the Gryffindor table as soon as he stepped into the chattering hall.

The relief did not last long. As they passed the Slytherin table, James heard snatches of such astounding conversation that his eyes nearly popped out.

"…Can you believe it? Severus is actually going out with someone? And a Gryffindor at that…!"

"…It's a pity that she is Muggleborn, but then Snape is only a half-blood, and she is very pretty…"

"…You don't know who Snape is going out with? I'll tell you – it's Lily Evans…!"

James felt paralysed. He could see the shock on his friends' faces too. _Keep walking_ Remus mouthed at him. James obliged with great difficulty; it felt as if he was walking through knee-deep mud.

"Merlin's beard!" exclaimed Sirius, as they finally moved out of earshot of the Slytherins. "Did you hear what they were saying?"

"I know," said Remus, looking worried. "Come on, let's sit down." They went to a deserted end of the Gryffindor table and settled down, checking that no one would overhear their conversation.

"Well there you are," James spat savagely. "Snivellus has hoodwinked all the Slytherins into believing that he is going out with Lily! I bet he did it to save his pride, in case they ever found out that she said no. And now they won't think anything of it if they see him – kissing, or – or touching her," he stuttered to a halt, too overcome with a sickening sense of injustice.

"What should we do?" whispered Remus. "I know it really seems like Lily's being forced into a relationship against her will, but I still don't think we have enough evidence to take it to a teacher."

"Let's jinx the slimy git to smithereens," snarled Sirius, his grey eyes gleaming as he stared viciously at the Slytherin table, poised for the attack. As satisfying as hexing the life out of Snape would be, though, James knew the sly Slytherin would never admit to any of their accusations, and later he would probably blame Lily for telling the four of them and take out his fury on her. James shivered. That would be dreadful.

"How about we spy on them?" suggested Peter, rather eagerly. It almost seemed like he _wanted_ to see Snape manhandling Lily. Before James could even begin to reply, however, Remus had already given his approval to the idea.

"We should see what happens over the next few days," he said. "We might have got this all wrong. And Prongs – you might learn something during the lesson tonight."

James nodded. He would pay extra attention to Lily's thoughts tonight. And he would also apologise. If Snape really was forcing himself upon her, then pestering her to kiss him as insistently as he had yesterday had been a _really_ bad thing to do. He fingered his glass worriedly. The last thing he wanted was to scare Lily too.

**xXxXx**

Sunday evening descended over the school grounds with a chill northerly wind that signalled a change in the weather. Clouds lined with gold hung low in the sky, obscuring the setting sun and throwing a pale pink light over the ceiling of the Great Hall. After supper Severus managed to shake off the remainder of pestering Slytherins by pretending he had left something in the Library, then hid himself in a broom cupboard off the Entrance Hall, quite glad to have a moment of peace. At a quarter to eight, Severus heard Potter's dulcet tones reverberating off the stone walls and he cast the Disillusionment Charm over himself. He had decided that this was the safest way to assure him a view of the Vallatus lesson, for he expected (given the selectivity of Dumbledore's invitations) that an audience would not be welcome – and especially an audience that Dumbledore suspected was in direct correspondence with Lord Voldemort.

Checking that he now resembled a chameleon, Severus slipped out of his hiding place and crept down the front steps behind Potter and his two friends. All Lily had told him was that the class would take place somewhere outside, but as he had expected the three Gryffindors, unaware that they were being tracked, headed down towards the Quidditch Pitch. Severus carefully maintained a safe distance, checking that no one was close behind him either to notice the tell-tale ripple effect as he moved.

It was only as the Gryffindors neared the seemingly empty Quidditch Pitch that Severus encountered his first problem. The pair of stern-faced Aurors he had seen guarding the Great Hall two nights ago were now standing at the nearest end of the pitch, which appeared to be shimmering strangely. As they neared, Severus noticed a kind of doorway between them that was not shimmering like the rest and he realised that the Aurors must have cast some kind of Illusion charm to conceal the goings on in the stadium.

Well, it was only a minor issue. All he needed was a distraction and he would be able to slip through the doorway unnoticed. Severus cast around and espied the tip of what looked suspiciously like a purple Dr Filibuster's Original Firework protruding temptingly from Sirius Black's pocket – excellent. He pointed his wand at the firework, sent it rocketing skywards and then muttered _Incendio_.

"Wh-what?"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Severus took his chance. As Potter, Black and Lupin were gaping confusedly at the purple showers erupting noisily above them and Aurors descended upon them furiously, Severus whisked through the gap in the Illusion charm and found himself in the Quidditch Pitch which, contrary to its appearance from the outside, was quite full. As he listened with satisfaction to the Aurors berating Black for being so stupid as to alert the whole school to their whereabouts, Severus stealthily crept over towards the stands and examined the bizarre kind of obstacle course Dumbledore had laid out. On the ground there was a pile of cushions, a line of old, heavily graffitied wooden chairs, and several heaps of twigs, while in the air above hung many large, faintly glowing rings, roughly the size of the Quidditch goal hoops. Severus frowned. Well, he had always thought the Headmaster was a bit mental.

Clambering over the barrier into the stands and seating himself in a row halfway up – a good viewpoint of both the air and the ground – Severus watched Dumbledore's 'chosen' students trail through the doorway and join the growing group at the side of the pitch. They were near enough that he could still hear Sirius droning on as he was finally allowed in.

"I swear to you, Prongs, I didn't set it off! There wasn't any need to! Anyway, I don't know why Moody got so uptight… if his Illusion charm is good enough there shouldn't be any problems…"

"Don't worry about it," James muttered, his eyes travelling around the stands. Severus breathed in and stayed very still.

"Ah…" Something had distracted James. It was Lily.

Severus felt his pulse quicken as he watched her draw nearer. There was something strange, and yet indulgently exciting, about being able to watch her without any fear of being caught. His eyes followed her and her friend Alice as they joined James and the others. A threatening growl rumbled from Severus' throat as James made to move closer to Lily, but luckily Dumbledore chose that moment to explain the activities for their second lesson. James was kept at bay – for now. Severus relaxed and listened to Dumbledore's rambling speech, but still kept a watchful eye trained on Potter.

From what Severus could gather, Dumbledore's students would be casting their Vallatus Charms again (while remembering to do a baffling amount of things all at once), and would then take it in turns to fly through the hoops or cast various spells on the assortment of props – _Accio, Incendio, Wingardium Leviosa _– all of which would test communication and co-ordination. At the end of it though, Severus still did not have much of an idea what the Vallatus Charm consisted of. He would have to wait and see.

Everyone was peeling off into pairs and flying up into the dimming sky. Irritatingly, James finally succeeded in reaching Lily. Severus listened out keenly, trying to catch their conversation.

"Lily, I'm sorry I was a bit stupid yesterday."

There was a pause before Lily replied. _"What?"_

Severus could hear the incredulity in her voice, and he wholeheartedly agreed with it. When had Potter apologised before? This sounded suspicious.

"I- I'm sorry about playing around down by the lake. I don't want you to feel like you're pressurised into doing something you don't want to do." Severus saw James look up at Lily anxiously.

"Okay…" she said warily. Her eyebrows had lifted in surprise.

"Lily, you would _say_ if something was wrong, wouldn't you? You would tell someone? Please don't suffer in silence. You should know I'm happy to listen if someone – or something – is upsetting you." James seemed to be trying to give Lily a meaningful look, but what he was trying to suggest was left unclear.

Lily now looked thoroughly confused. "Thank you, James," she said slowly. "But there's nothing the matter."

James seemed to take her confusion for guardedness. "Well… I'm always here, for when you're rea- for when you need…" He continued to watch her, a little sadly.

"I think we should get going," Lily said firmly, busying herself with her broomstick.

_What was THAT about?_ Severus couldn't fathom out what was going on in Potter's mixed-up head, but he knew it was something very bizarre. What did he think was bothering Lily so gravely that he felt compelled to apologise and reassure her? He would have suspected it as some kind of trick or guise to gain Lily's trust, were it not for his deadly serious tone and expression. Severus did not like this new behaviour much more than the fooling around. It was _his_ place to look out for Lily and comfort her, not Potter's!

…At least, it had been when they were best friends… Had Potter taken over that place last June, when Lily had needed someone to comfort her over the loss of her best friend? Unease wriggled uncomfortably in Severus' stomach. He still felt so intolerably guilty for what he had spat at Lily under that beech tree. And though Lily appeared to have forgiven him (whether he deserved it or not) until now he had not considered how their falling out might have affected her relationship with James… He had no idea what role James might have taken in consoling her and whether Lily's feelings for the 'toe-rag' had subsequently been changed while he, Severus, was out of the scene…

Unsettled, Severus focussed his attention back on Lily, hoping for some sign that she was still aloof towards Potter to ease his jangling nerves. But what he saw did nothing of the sort…

He had been living under the impression that he was spying on Dumbledore's class for the Dark Lord, a task perfectly simple when taking a clinical and emotionally detached approach.

Severus was entirely unprepared for the pain that stabbed him when he saw Lily and James drawing near to each other, smiling, taking each other's hands, gazing deeply into each other's eyes… He leapt to his feet, filled with the sudden urge to swat James' hand away from Lily and shaking with rage. He wanted to howl out loud in fury! It was so WRONG, seeing Lily so intimate with James, and not being able to do anything to stop it! His insides clenched and churned nauseatingly as he stood there trembling, unable to tear his eyes away, but hating every second. He didn't know how he could bear to stay there all evening, but he _had_ to do this task – for the Dark Lord. Severus' hands curled into tight fists and he clamped his teeth together to stop himself from jinxing Potter straight off. He wasforced to stand by and let it be, to see what magic the idiot could produce with Lily… but the pain he was enduring was impossible… it all felt _so intrinsically wrong_…

Through shimmering eyes Severus saw a spark of golden light. It seemed to erupt from where their wandtips touched their clasped hands. A whimper broke from his lips. _They were performing joint magic together._

Severus blinked rapidly, determinedly forcing himself to attend to the magic so that he would be able to deliver an accurate report to the Dark Lord. The golden light was expanding around Lily and James, forming a protective sphere composed of hundreds of interlinking veins, flowing with liquid gold. Between them were windows with a faint pearly sheen and the magical light played upon Lily's face, only enhancing her angelic beauty. Severus' heart gave a painful tug. Why couldn't _he _be there with her, bonding his power with Lily's beautiful magic? Why did it have to be _Potter_ instead?

Severus intently watched the pair of them flying through the purple rings, caught up in an ever constricting tangle of polar emotions – hopeless adoration for Lily and bitter resentment for James. With every fibre of his being he wanted to ruin James' magic, but one look at the delight on Lily's face was enough to hold him back. He could not bring himself to send a curse that might shatter their golden Vallatus and bring disappointment upon Lily's face. And he was not even sure how the curse would affect them… Would it just break their protective bubble, or would it harm both of its creators? No matter how much Severus hated James, he would not hurt the boy if there was any risk of Lily being hurt too…

While explosions of light and fizzling spells periodically broke out above the Quidditch Pitch and the chairs on the ground burst into flame, like some bizarre version of bonfire night, nothing could detract Severus' gaze from Lily and James. They performed each task seemingly with effortless ease, with not even a word spoken between them. Together they summoned a cushion through the permissive wall of their Vallatus, set fire to a three-legged chair, and levitated a stick in perfectly straight ascension. They were able to soar about all over the colourful night sky while continuously cycling about each other, never going too far, never straining the glassy walls of the Vallatus, weaving around the other pairs and gliding through the purple rings without once diverging. How did they manage it?

The Vallatus Charm was somehow linking their minds, Severus deduced grimly. Lily had not mentioned that the charm was a branch of the Mind Arts, but perhaps she hadn't known as she did not have his kind of knowledge in the field. Though he immensely disliked the idea of Potter having free reign in Lily's mind, Severus concluded that this could be the only explanation for their seamless performance. He would never have banked on Potter having enough astuteness to excel in the Mind Arts, but unfortunately the fact that Lily was his greatest obsession seemed to have enabled him to succeed in the Vallatus Charm. Severus watched him enviously. It wasn't fair – the Mind Arts were _his_ domain! As was Lily!

Severus was incredibly relieved when Dumbledore called all of the students together once more, desperate for the class to end so he could end this self-inflicted torture. He was clambering shakily over the barrier when he heard Dumbledore and realised that it was not quite over.

"…I asked you to practise casting the Patronus Charm. The reason is that this will form the basis of our lesson next week. I believe it paramount that you are well prepared to face Dementors, with so many running riot under Lord Voldemort's command. Have you all done this?"

There were some rather awkward faces. "Well, you have time to master the spell before next week. But, for those of you who can, would you like to try casting it together now?"

Severus froze, staring at Lily. If she dared to try, this would be the first time that she had cast her corporeal Patronus in front of anyone other than him…

She was conversing with James; apparently he had not known that she could produce a full-bodied Patronus, for suddenly joy broke out over his face and he leapt back up onto his broom, whooping and encouraging Lily to join him and try together. She followed.

Severus hesitated. He knew he should leave before he got trodden on by the imminent stampede of students, but he was fascinated to know whether Lily really would do it. Would she betray their private secret – show to everyone the beautiful doe that the two of them could both produce?

Lily had taken hands with James and the golden Vallatus was materialising around them. She was going to do it – Severus knew it, with a horrible leaden feeling in his stomach. He wanted to leave; now; before he saw it actually happen.

But the memory of that doe swam in front of his mind's eye, along with the sweet sensation of Lily's arms laced around his waist… That moment had been so amazing… He just couldn't resist seeing her doe once more…

Suddenly the golden veins of Vallatus were flooded with a brilliant silver light. Severus squinted, and out of the silver glow cantered two four-legged animals. His breath caught in his throat.

_James Potter's Patronus was a stag._

Severus was filled with horror as the cheers of the other students rang hollowly in his ears. What the hell was Potter playing at, making his Patronus the mate of Lily's? …Never before had he felt so worried about Potter. He didn't know enough about the meaning of Patronuses but he felt sure that this was a threatening sign. Especially when the huge stag was flirtatiously prancing about Lily's doe, proudly holding its antlers high! _Merlin_, he felt so sick. His eyes travelled to Lily's doe, desperate for some saving grace.

The beautiful sparkling creature darted away from the stag, inadvertently heading towards Severus' side of the pitch where he drank up the sight thirstily and once more admired just how wonderful Lily's magic was. And then the doe's head turned and… it saw him.

_Shit!_

The Disillusionment Charm didn't fool Patronuses! The doe's molten eyes were fixed upon him calculatingly and Severus stared back, rooted to the spot. _What could he do?_ Everyone was watching the Patronuses, if he moved now he would be noticed! Surely the doe would lose interest soon…

_Nooo!_ It was coming closer! Slowly but surely the doe put down one leg down in front of the other, heading directly towards him. Severus began to panic. What was Lily's Patronus doing?! His eyes darted to her; but she was watching the doe, utterly perplexed – clearly she didn't understand what it was doing either. The silver doe reached him and trembling Severus held its unwavering gaze.

Suddenly, he understood. The Patronus had recognised its other master and come to greet him. As this thought crossed his mind, the doe moved loyally to his side and turned to face Lily and James. Severus followed its lead and looked over to Lily too. His heart skipped a beat.

Lily was looking right at him, her eyes widening in shock. _She could see him._

The doe vanished. The silver Patronus light faltered. The Vallatus collapsed. The blackness of night enveloped them all, tempered only by the dull purple light from the rings above.

**xXxXx**

He had to get out, _now_. Quickly, before Lily thought he was anything more than an apparition brought on by her Patronus, before he got caught and landed into trouble… Severus turned and ran back across the grass to the gap in the Illusion charm. There was a thump as he knocked into something and tripped, falling awkwardly on the ground. He quickly jumped up and stared around for the object he had missed.

There was a frightened squeak and muffled footsteps. Severus knew who it was before he saw the scared face of Peter Pettigrew, hovering strangely in the air.

"Don't you dare – !" Severus growled threateningly, making a lunge for Pettigrew. However the boy seemed to realise that Potter's Cloak had slipped off his face and quickly buried himself under it, vanishing from sight. He was gone.

Severus swore, seething. If Pettigrew _dared_ tell on him…

He needed to get as far away from here as possible. There was a rumble of chatter; the class had finished. Severus took one look at them and bolted.

**xXxXx**

Across the lawns, through the front doors, into the Entrance Hall, up the staircase, along the corridors, up, up, up he fled, hoping he would reach the Library before he was seen or caught by anybody, and then he could pretend he had been working there all evening. The Disillusionment Charm had worn off but he hadn't bothered to recast it – what was the point when his footsteps rebounded loudly off all the walls? He turned the last corner and saw the entrance to the Library up ahead – but to his dismay the irascible librarian took that moment to extinguish all the lights and leave the Library, closing the door firmly behind her. She turned and her beady eyes alighted on Severus, who had paused halfway down the corridor, unsure of his next move.

"Mr Snape?" barked Madam Pince sharply, "the Library is closed. I have a message for you. The Headmaster would like to see you in his office. Now." And she shooed him away with the book she was carrying.

Severus found his feet obligingly carrying him away, up the various staircases to the seventh floor, fuming that he had been caught out. He didn't know how Dumbledore had already managed to talk to Madam Pince, but he was sure he knew why Dumbledore wanted to see him: Pettigrew had ratted on him. He'd bet his potions kit that Dumbledore wouldn't punish a Gryffindor – but that _he_ would be in deep trouble.

Furious Severus stamped up Dumbledore's unguarded staircase and into his office. The Headmaster turned from his vigil by the window and gestured to the chair in front of his desk. Severus sat down stiffly, glaring at the sleeping portraits lining the room. He heard Dumbledore moving about behind him, closing the door.

"Would you like to tell me what you have been doing this evening, Severus?" Dumbledore called out lightly.

"Surely you already know, otherwise you would not have summoned me here, _sir_," Severus replied testily.

Dumbledore returned to his side and fixed his eyes down on Severus, who defiantly glared back. "James Potter informed me of an interesting story a few minutes ago," Dumbledore continued after a pause, settling himself in his throned chair. "He said that he saw you on the Quidditch Pitch."

"So _that_ is the story, is it?" erupted Severus angrily. "I note he failed to admit that it was in fact _Pettigrew_ who saw me. Clearly he is quite happy to tell on me, and yet he takes great care to conceal the fact that his friend did exactly the same 'crime' as myself!"

Dumbledore's eyebrows lifted up. "Forgive me, Severus, I was not aware that little Peter was also there tonight. I shall ask to speak to him after I have spoken to you, as you wish. But I must say… I am surprised, what with our Aurors' protection in place, that the boy managed to slip through."

"You are not surprised that I did?"

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "I know you are clever, Severus. You will succeed at anything if you put your mind to it."

Severus eyed the compliment sceptically… He would not be fooled into revealing information that easily… "Anyone could have slipped through, if in possession of an Invisibility Cloak," he explained dismissively.

"Ah, yes, James is always keen to look out for his friends," mused Dumbledore. _And raise hell for his enemies_, thought Severus bitterly.

"Now, I must say I find it curious indeed that you were _so_ determined to watch a class which I explained you could not be part of that you risked being caught by two rather menacing Aurors. I am intrigued to know your reasons, Severus." It was not a question, but from the way Dumbledore sat down and rested his chin on his interlinked hands expectantly, Severus knew he would not be allowed to leave until he had given an answer.

Yet what could he say? If he admitted to spying on the class upon the Dark Lord's command, Dumbledore would probably get Filch to chain him up in the dungeons right away to prevent him from ever going near the Dark Lord again and unleash many more punishments beside. In his heart, he knew he had gone to the class to see Lily, to see how she was when she was performing Joint Magic with James. But that was no good – if he admitted to being so infatuated with Lily that he couldn't stay away from her, Dumbledore would probably be so appalled that he was stalking one of his favourite students that he would give him a year's worth of detentions and forbid him from ever talking to Lily again. And if he claimed it was all for the advanced magic, for his desire to learn such a complex charm, to further his education in the Mind Arts, he would look like some desperate, grovelling weakling who was begging for the Headmaster's reconsideration. And his pride would _not_ allow him to sink to that.

As Severus was contriving a rather evasive reply under Dumbledore's watchful stare, the sound of rapid thumps disturbed the awkward silence.

CRASH! The door to Dumbledore's office flew open and Severus whirled around to see Lily bursting into the room.

"Professor Dumbledore, please don't punish Severus! It's my fault he came to watch the class this evening, I persuaded him to do it!" Lily ran up the room and stopped at Severus' side, her face bright pink and breathing heavy. He stared at her in disbelief. _What in Merlin's name was she talking about?_

For a moment only the sound of Lily's gasps for breath filled the room.

"You have no reason to fear, Miss Evans, I have no intention of punishing Severus," said Dumbledore, smiling. "However, as you are here I would like a word with you. You may leave now, Severus. Kindly close the door behind you."

**xXxXx**

"You are a loyal friend, Lily," said Dumbledore, "I know why you said what you did."

Lily blushed. She knew she had been caught out, but Dumbledore was being nice about it so she wasn't too worried about being told off. Now that she was here, though, and they were discussing Severus…

"Please, sir, I know why Severus came," she said urgently. "He's desperate to join the Vallatus class. Please, won't you reconsider?" She sank into Severus' vacated chair weakly. "He's dying for some recognition, can't you see? All his life his parents have never taken the slightest bit of interest in him, and now he's listening to the people who are giving him attention because they want to make use of his talents! Won't you help him? Severus is so fascinated with rare and complex magic, it's what makes him tick – if you only let him join, Professor – let him see what there is to gain – let him see that he can achieve the success he so desires on our side – he might not become a – a – a …"

Tears iced up Lily's throat and she couldn't voice her deepest fear. Instead she hurriedly wiped her eyes, staring longingly at Dumbledore – the one wizard she could trust to solve every problem, win every battle, keep everyone safe. He had to help her… he _had _to…

"My dear Lily," Dumbledore sighed finally, lifting his eyes to hers. They were sparkling with tears. "Your desire to reach out and save others is truly moving… But this is something I cannot assist you with. Only _you_ can help Severus now. Nothing I say or do, or any of the teachers at this school, will have even slightest effect of persuading Severus to leave the path he is on. You mean a great deal to him, Lily. You should remember that, even if you do not believe it."

Lily's heart sank. She was gutted. This was really his answer?

"Besides, you are working _so_ well with James. And Severus would work with none other but you. No, it is too late to allow him to join. I am sorry, Lily. But it would make no difference."

Lily nodded mutely, unable to look Dumbledore in the eye. She couldn't believe that he didn't seem to care. He didn't understand Severus at all! How could he just throw a talented student's life aside like that? Could she really take it upon herself to save Severus…? He was so stubborn… what on earth could she do to make him change his mind? Dumbledore was the one wizard Voldemort feared, for god's sake! If he couldn't do anything, what hope did she have? It seemed so futile…

Lily rose despondently. "Is that all?" she murmured emptily.

Dumbledore inclined his head. "Yes, Miss Evans. Goodnight."

**xXxXx**

Severus jumped as he saw Lily appear at the foot of Dumbledore's staircase, pink rings around her jade eyes. Merlin, she hadn't got into trouble, had she? He shouldn't have gaped at her like some stupid moron! No wonder Dumbledore knew she was covering up for him!

"I'm sorry!" he cried, gazing at her in anguish.

Lily offered him a small smile and began to walk back towards Gryffindor Tower. "It's fine, Sev… Dumbledore didn't tell me off…" she murmured.

Severus' shoulders sagged in relief. He hurried to catch up with her. "But why did you do that?" he asked hoarsely.

Lily looked up at him, with those questioning eyes so vividly green that being fixed under them set his heart drumming in excitement. "Because that's what friends do," she said softly. "They look out for each other in times of need."

A dull flush infused Severus' cheeks. "Th-thank you," he choked out.

Lily was so taken aback that she stopped walking. "I'm sorry?" she blurted, staring up at him as if she couldn't believe it was Severus Snape speaking. "What did you say?"

"I said thank you, alright!" Severus growled. Lily grinned. "Now wipe that ridiculous expression off your face!"

"Oh Sev, you're so funny!" Lily giggled, skipping to keep up with him as he marched brusquely down the corridor, scowling irritably. "But why did you come to watch without telling me?"

Severus felt as if he had just tripped over and somersaulted down the hallway.

He halted, swallowing a hard lump in his throat. His eyes drifted to Lily, who was looking up at him innocently. Did she _really_ need him to explain?

"God Lily, are you _trying_ to make this hard for me?" he whispered, rubbing a hand tiredly over his eyes, his heart aching with unfulfilled desire.

There was silence. He wondered if Lily had turned away from him, even left, having been so repulsed by the realisation that he wanted her _so painfully much_ that he just couldn't stay away from her.

Nervously he lowered his hand – and he fell into Lily's watching eyes; and all of a sudden he wanted to hurl her against the wall and cover her parted lips with his hot mouth, tangle his fingers in her silky long hair to pull back her head and lay burning kisses tortuously slowly down her shivering neck, nipping the skin and feeling her writhe as he forced her with his hard body to stay _right_ where she was, to make her _feel just how excruciatingly painful_ it was right now to restrain himself from fucking her to within an inch of her life when every cell in his body craved for her touch and he yearned to mark her as _his _and he knew nothing, _nothing_ could ever assuage that desire whining to be satisfied.

Instead he stared back, lips pursed tightly, laboriously dragging his mind away from the precipice as the world teetered dangerously towards Lily. He felt himself lilt to one side and he stumbled back against the cool stone wall, closing his eyes as his mind wheeled and his ragged breathing rasped in his ears.

A warm weight pressed onto his arm. Startled, Severus' eyes flew open and he scrambled up the hallway, firmly out of reach of Lily's hand.

"Don't!" he gasped.

Lily's face melted with concern. "Sev?" she murmured, making to follow him.

"_Don't test my limits, Lily!"_ he snapped harshly, freezing her in her tracks. He was panting now, his willpower stretched to its utmost limit with the effort of holding back when his body was so hot-blooded. "_Stay away_, or I may not be responsible for my actions."

Lily was gazing at him pityingly.

"_Don't!"_ he hissed furiously, snarling like some cornered animal being toyed with before being made into dinner. "If you haven't changed your answer, then don't play around with me!"

They waited, staring fixatedly at each other, the air stiflingly hot.

Lily remained there so long, Severus began to half wonder if she had changed her mind.

But then she lowered her eyes and moved backwards, carefully giving him the wide berth he had demanded as she quietly edged past to return to her dormitory.

Abandoned, Severus leaned back against the cold wall, gripping the rough stone with his hands to stop himself from sliding to the floor. His muscles were weak as rubber and his ears filled with such loud buzzing that he couldn't have heard himself think even if he'd had the strength to do so. Everything was hurting and wanting. If only he could dissolve into that cool, solid wall and leave behind for just one moment of blissful reprieve the agony that was his miserable, twisted life…

**xXxXx**

**So, I have a question for you: how much sexual intimacy would you like to develop between Severus and Lily as the story progresses? I was planning on keeping it as tame as it has been so far, but if you are up for more than just kissing and fantasising then I am willing to oblige... ;) Please tell me and review! The story is in your hands!**


	12. Blame and Doubt

**A/N: **_I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone for your huge support – I had never DREAMED of receiving so many reviews for one chapter and I am utterly amazed and so grateful to you all! Thank you for giving me your encouragement and your advice, which will be very useful for upcoming chapters. For now, I hope you enjoy chapter 12!_

**Chapter 12: Blame and Doubt**

The next few days passed in a whirl of strangeness and confusion for Lily. As term moved into full swing, the teachers had started lavishing on them a frightening number of pages to read, long trailing essays to write, and feverishly complicated spells to practise. It was difficult just to remember all they had been taught in one lesson, let alone everything from a whole day. Lily felt as if her head was fit to burst with so much information buzzing around. She had lapsed into the habit of retreating to the Library at lunch times in an attempt to keep on top of her mounting work, and still did not seem to have enough time for everything.

Yet her studies were not the height of her worries. Very odd things were passing around in conversation, and people had been asking her strange and very presumptuous questions. Fed up of being surveyed knowingly while she felt overwhelmingly baffled and was treated like a naughty child, she had begun to make inquiries herself. And shockingly it appeared that the majority of the school believed that she was now going out with Severus.

At first she was too stunned at what she was hearing to say anything back. How could this be? What in the name of Merlin's baggy underpants had prompted so many people's imaginations to go into overdrive in the space of a few days? For the life of her she could not begin to guess why everyone was so absorbed in what she got up to and she was absolutely clueless when it came to working out how this bizarre scenario had come about.

Even the Slytherins had begun to react differently to her presence – something she thought would never _ever _change with their Blood Status ideologies so set in stone. Avery had stopped splitting her schoolbag every time he passed her by and over the week she had not once been called a Mudblood. Instead of being met with the usual coldness and turned up nose, as if she was something smelly and really rather impertinent to even breathe the same air as them, she was treated with polite curiosity. Lily would have felt more relief at this astonishing alteration had she only known the reason behind it.

She had considered asking Mary, who was the biggest gossip in Gryffindor house, but it was not just pride holding her back. Yes, she was a little ashamed that she apparently knew so little about what was going on in her own private life, but she was a great deal more protective over it. She trusted her friends, but she found herself surprisingly afraid of talking about Severus to them. Perhaps it was because she knew Alice for one would get angry at just his name, the girls disliked him so much; or perhaps it was because she was unsure if she could trust herself to speak about him now without revealing something of what she felt for him… something she had begun to admit was far greater than just friendliness…

Lily was not blind. She knew her friends had realised something was up. Sometimes, when she made to speak to one of them about something, she saw a look of hope in their eyes, as if _finally_ they were going to find out the answers to all the riddles in the rumours. But she never brought it up. She was bereft of answers herself.

So they continued on, going to lessons, talking over dinner, this strange charade where they were all thinking and wondering about the same thing, but nobody dared make the leap. It was as if they were waiting for her to finally accept that she was ready to confess all and were practising their patience with goodwill, believing that she would very soon satisfy their thirst for explanations.

But as the days wore on, Lily grew more and more frustrated, wanting explanations of her own. It was not that she was adverse to the contents of the rumours themselves – although she was incredibly sensitive about the subject of Severus and would never dare to voice aloud any admissions about him, she knew that one day she would like very much to date him – no, it was that she did not like people bandying around the notion that she _was_ dating him as if it was gossip for the sake of entertainment and not someone's incredibly precious feelings. Did they have no idea how awful she was feeling, hearing them assume she was going out with someone she loved so very much when she actually was not–? Because she _couldn't_, not until he had given up all that horrible Dark Magic. It was testing every fibre of her restraint to not yell back at people _I am not going out with him – but God I want to!_

By the Thursday, her attempts at civility had petered out. She was so furious at a fifth year Ravenclaw for asking if it was true that she was meeting Severus at twelve o'clock every night for secret dates in a secluded, candlelit dungeon classroom, that she had docked five points off Ravenclaw house and shouted at him to not spread such fallacious rumours.

"I believe you mean _salacious_," he retorted cheekily. That was the final straw that sent Lily right up the wall.

"TWENTY POINTS OFF RAVENCLAW!" she screeched, half-entertaining the satisfying idea of hexing the rude boy even though she was a Prefect. She had been so incensed that she had marched straight off to the Library, and only realised some twenty minutes later as she seethed over her Charms work that it wasn't yet lunchtime and she was meant to be in Defence Against the Dark Arts class.

Lily had never approved of taking out her frustration on anyone else, but right now with such madness going on, fanciful comments flying around the corridors more often than the new Fanged Frisbees, and James and his friends tiptoeing around her as if they expected her to suddenly drop dead at any moment, she couldn't help it. The worst thing was, the one person she needed to talk to more than anyone, she couldn't. And why was that?

Now Lily reached total despair. She had not spoken to Severus since late on Sunday night, when she had left him pressed up against that cold stone wall, shaking from their heated encounter. It was from then on that this chaos has unfolded, and when she desired nothing more than to speak to him, to share her bewilderment and fears with the only other person who understood what it was like, he had begun to avoid her; unnoticeably at first – she had thought it was just chance – he was engaged in conversation with his friends, hurrying to fetch something from his Slytherin rooms, staying back to talk to a teacher, busy studying for his classes. But as time wore on, as his pace quickened to an edgy stalk whenever she neared him, and he distinctly refused to meet her enquiring gaze, she began to wonder if there was something more to this separation.

It made her sad, and feel even more alone. She could not understand what she had done to make him so cold to her so suddenly. Yes, she had asked for more time before their relationship trespassed anywhere further than innocent friendship, but she had not wanted to drive him away, surely she had made that lucidly clear? She had proven how much she cared about him when she had covered up for him in Dumbledore's office. She could not recollect anything that would have made him this angry with her.

Surely he was as mystified by these rumours about the two of them as she was? Or did he know something she didn't? She longed to just _speak _to him, to find out what he knew, what he felt, what was going on! And all the time, Dumbledore's words were haunting her – _'Only you can help Severus now…'_

They were wasting time! Every day was a lost opportunity, a missed chance to intervene before Severus got too deep into the Dark Lord's enthrals to ever come out again. She had not yet worked out what she was going to do, but she knew for sure that this distance was not helping. She wished they could spend just a little time together, even if it was just studying in silence next to each other in the Library, reassured by his close presence; but even those shared Library sessions had ended. Severus had not come into the Library all week.

It was during Charms that Friday morning, as she found herself gazing mesmerised in thought across the classroom at Severus, that she realised just how much she missed him. The gaping empty, swallowing sensation scared her; it felt as if they were slipping back into how it had been that terrible summer. She watched as he meticulously copied down the notes from Professor Flitwick's blackboard, his black hair falling forward over his face while his quill twitched and slid quickly back and forth across the parchment… she could picture his narrow, loopy handwriting… in the bottom of her trunk she still kept some of the secret notes they had slipped each other when they were younger, covered in that small, elegant script… something he had written… something he had touched…

Her eyes followed the movement of his long-fingered hands as he took up his wand and began practicing the day's charm – producing a bouquet of flowers. His movements were quick and precise, his charm moderately successful. The thin black roses were not exactly blooming with life, and a frown appeared over his pale face. Lily wondered what he was thinking, whether she was on his mind too… It had always been a kind of personal ambition for her to be able to read his thoughts, but whenever his black eyes fell upon her, she was subjected to his penetrating stare and the tables were wholly turned.

Today, though, she wished he would just glance at her – just once – not even so she could guess his thoughts. All she wanted was to know he still _cared_, to know she still meant something to him… Or had these stupid rumours ruined everything that had been slowly developing between them and driven him firmly away…?

Lily was so caught up in her worries that for the first time she was unable to cast the day's charm and she was given extra homework by a rather disappointed Professor Flitwick. By that time… Severus had vanished from the room.

Sighing, Lily decided to go back to Gryffindor Tower to give herself a few minutes of respite. Break time in the courtyard was now such an uncomfortable experience that she would do anything to avoid it and the pointed looks her friends sent her.

At this time of day the Common Room was quite empty. Lily leaned back against the wall, closing her eyes and savouring the moment of peace, no pestering questions or impolite remarks or homework to face, nor a maddening sensation of being feet away from Severus and unable to get him to even acknowledge that she was there… what did she have to do to get his attention, tear her shirt off and flash him her bra?! She suspected even that wouldn't stir Severus' resolute lack of interest in her…

The bell rang, and once again Lily felt that time was running away from her, leaving her running behind, too much to do, struggling to keep up. Wearily she made her way back to the Portrait hole, only to find it opening before her. There stood Alice, looking very irate, and behind her waited Mary.

"Lily, I am fed up with being left in the dark!" Alice seized her arm and pulled her through the Portrait hole into the noisy corridor. "What's this I hear about you _going out_ with _Snape?_" Lily was subjected to one of Alice's fierce, intimidating stares and she shrank back against the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"I don't know!" she whined, wincing as the stress from everything that was going on channelled itself into a pounding headache.

"_Lily_," Alice growled threateningly. "You are _not_ getting away this easily." She found herself being steered down the corridor, flanked closely by the two girls as if she was a criminal being carefully monitored and interrogated for information.

"I'm _not_ going out with him!" she replied, unable to keep the hint of a wail out of her voice.

"But there must be a reason why everyone thinks you are." Lily looked hopelessly from Mary to Alice.

"I don't know! Well…" she cowered under Alice's glare. "When we were in Hogsmeade… I may have accidentally kissed him…"

"WHAT?!" Alice bellowed, making everyone in the corridor look around for the source of the noise. "You actually kissed that ugly Slytherin?"

"Are you serious?" Mary gasped. She seemed torn between shock and awe.

Lily was rather cross at their reactions. "He's my _best friend_," she emphasised, trying to explain quickly before Alice let loose her tirade; her face was getting more and more coloured by the second. "I was so anxious that he might be – you know – getting involved with Death Eaters – and I couldn't bear to lose him – that it just… sort of… happened…"

"This sort of thing does not 'just sort of happen'!" Alice screeched. "How could you do this, Lily? He's a SLYTHERIN!"

"So?"

"SO…!" Alice was momentarily at a loss for words. "Lily, have five years at Hogwarts not taught you anything? Have you gone totally blind to the Slytherins' attitudes – the way they look down on everyone else, the way they are always out for themselves alone? You're a Muggleborn, I thought that out of all of us _you_ would be most repulsed by their Pureblood ideology and sickening belief that it's their _right_ to control everyone else, employing whatever cruelty they choose in the process! I know you were friends before you came here – but you've got to face it Lily, Snape is no different from the rest of them – he's cold, he's creepy, he's downright frightening, and he's _changed_."

"But that's why it happened! I just can't let him end up like the other Slytherins, and I thought that if I… Oh, I don't know what I thought anymore…" she whispered dejectedly, silenced by Alice's pursed lips that were so severe she could give Professor McGonagall a run for her money. Then Lily noticed that Mary was still gazing at her in wonder. She shook her head, apparently coming to a decision as to whether she should side with Alice's appalled approach or give in to her yearning for the exciting details.

"Wow…" she murmured. "I didn't expect you to be attracted to the dark and dangerous type."

"Nor did I!" said Lily. "–I mean, I'm definitely _not!_ Well–" Lily groaned and shielded her eyes with her hand.

"Oh Lily, whatever are we going to do with you…?" Mary sighed melodramatically, but a mischievous smile tweaked her lips. "What was it like? I bet his kisses are all slimy, like snogging flobberworms. Did his nose leave grease marks over your skin?" Mary gazed at her sympathetically, as if searching for tell-tale spots.

"No!" Lily cried. "It was nothing like that! It was… nice," she ended quietly, reluctant to say more.

Alice huffed and pushed past a group of dawdling first-years to get to the stairs.

"What is James going to think now?" she said chidingly.

Lily was flummoxed by her question. "What in Merlin's name has James got to do with any of this?" she asked, following her down the stairs.

"Don't play naïve, you know exactly what I mean," Alice snapped over her shoulder. "James is so much better for you, I can't believe you are throwing away such a good catch just to go out with that creep."

"I am _not_ going out with Severus! Nor am I going out with James, for that matter. So what's the problem?"

Alice spun around, hands on hips. "One day soon, James will be so broken-hearted that he won't be able to wait for you to see daylight Lily and he will give up on you! Then you'll be sorry you let him go!" She linked her arm around Lily's and hauled her down the hallway packed with students.

"Actually," interjected Mary, twirling a long of her blonde hair thoughtfully around her finger and catching up with them, "I think Lily's done the right thing. By randomly snogging Snape, she'll have made James only want her even more while cleverly ensuring that he believes he has a chance compared to that horrible Slytherin. In fact, every guy now seems to think that they have a chance with her."

"Wh-what?" Lily stammered, totally perplexed.

"They all want you. You haven't noticed…?" Mary grinned slyly. "Watch those guys over there when they walk past us." Lily hesitantly followed her lead and looked at the group of seventh-year Ravenclaw boys now passing them. Upon seeing that they had her attention, they puffed out their chests, or ruffled their hair, or winked at her. One even had the audacity to say, "Fancy meeting me in Trophy Room tonight, Evans?"

"NO!" Lily snapped firmly, affronted, her voice full of repulsion. She sped up, a fluttery panic leaping in her chest as she heard the boys' wolf-whistles following her.

"See?" Mary crowed delightedly as she and Alice ran after her.

Lily shared none of this enthusiasm. In fact she felt rather frightened at the thought of all the hormonal boys in Hogwarts chasing after her. She would have to polish up on her hexes at the soonest opportunity…

"So let me get this straight, Snape thinks you're going out now?" Alice barked.

"No, of course not," Lily said, remembering how she had made it quite clear to Severus down by the willow tree that the kiss had been an accident, that it had not meant that she wanted to date him… and all too well the pain that had constricted his eyes…

"Are you sure? Where have all these rumours come from, then?"

Lily hesitated. "Err…"

Alice cut across her. "He can't be denying it, no one with any sense would dare joke about Snape like this if they want to come away with all their limbs intact. He thinks that you two are now an item. You're in deeper water than you realise."

Lily bit her lip. Was Severus really not contesting these rumours about them being together? Or worse, had he initiated them himself? A horrible sense of betrayal pooled in the pit of her stomach. Why would Severus do this? He knew that they weren't going out. Was this his sly way of getting revenge on her for letting him down? She had guessed that he was more wounded than he had let on, but it was probably just his pride that had been knocked, and she had apologised for giving him the wrong impression… He had _no right_ to talk about her like this!

Feeling increasingly more confused and upset at her best friend's sudden deceit, Lily walked along silently beside Alice, who was still muttering furiously, and strove to ignore Mary's pleas for the delicious details. As they finally reached the Transfiguration classroom, the tension was palpable.

"It was just one kiss!" Lily burst out indignantly. "What's all the fuss about?"

Alice faced her sternly. "It is _never_ as simple as just one kiss," she said, her voice dropping to a whisper as they entered the classroom. Lily's green eyes met hers apprehensively. "And I don't think Snape is looking at it that way either. I suggest that you speak to that git before this whole dire situation gets any more out of hand."

"Okay, I will, but don't call him a git!" Lily hissed.

"Fine, but I still need a whole lot of convincing. Merlin, I've tried so bloody hard to see what you see in him, Lily, but I really don't know anymore. It's just one damned thing after another, and it always ends up with you being hurt. I can't lie, it drives me insane to see him upsetting you again and again."

Lily hovered in the aisle between the desks, feeling rather ashamed; it had not occurred to her that her friends would be so concerned about her well-being. It was comforting to know that they were looking out for her best interests…

There was a nudge in her back and Lily found herself taking a step towards a desk where there was one empty seat… next to James Potter.

"I am not sitting there," said Lily, backing away immediately. "I'm staying with you, Mary."

"No, you are not!" Alice hissed, grabbing her arm and propelling her towards the boys. "You are going to sit with James and make up for what you've done to him!"

That was how Lily found herself spending an hour partnering James. She was so flustered at sitting next to him after the girls' conversation about kissing Severus that she quite forgot about her headache.

**xXxXx**

"Right, so we can choose any from this section?" Lily said, running her finger down the list.

They had just spent the last half hour trying to follow Professor McGonagall's swift tour through the complicated theory behind facial transfiguration, a skill that was apparently very important for those who aspired to be Aurors – or _Witch Weekly _models sporting the latest fashionable haircut. Lily had been determined to take down detailed notes, knowing how important it was to get one's disguise exactly right in the career she hoped to go into, but James… her eyes slid across to his parchment. He had been listening, she was sure, but the only thing on his parchment was a drawing of two tiny figures on brooms inside a circle. James saw her looking and shoved the sketch out of sight.

"Yeah, I guess," he replied, without even glancing at the open page of her textbook. "I'm all yours." He twisted around in his seat and looked at her expectantly.

"Don't you want to go first?" Lily asked, with a tone of surprise. Surely James would not forgo a chance to show off his terrific Transfiguration talent, as he forcefully reminded the class every lesson?

He shook his head. "Ladies first. But do try to get it right," he added with a wink.

Lily hurriedly buried herself back in her book and began to peruse the page titled '_Transfiguring_ _Hair: Length, Colour and Texture'_.

"Okay, let's see…"

She practised the sweeping wand movement and then cast the experimental non-verbal spell on James' black hair. It promptly grew to shoulder length, looking marginally less messy than usual as it hung in gentle waves. Lily giggled.

"You know," she commented, sifting through the pages for what to do next, "if you are going to do any spying when you're an Auror, you will have to change your glasses."

"Does it have anything in there?"

"No; but let me see if the Disillusionment Charm works on them."

"You can do a Disillusionment Charm?" James asked incredulously.

"Yes, now stay still," Lily said indifferently, and with a flick of her wand James' round glasses all but melted out of sight, with no trace except for a slight rippling as he took them off and put them on again. Without them framing his eyes, he looked even stranger than Lily had expected.

"Do you have an idea how amazing you are?" James asked.

"Please stop annoying me, James," Lily said warningly, trying to ignore the glowing blush rising over her cheeks, "otherwise I might feel compelled to transfigure your face into something ghastly."

James grinned. "But honestly, you can produce a corporeal Patronus now! That's wicked!" He leaned in towards her and lowered his voice. "I'm glad you're feeling better than when we tried before."

Lily stared down at her hands, her heart racing. "Yes, well… things are different now," she murmured.

"What kind of things?" Lily could feel James' eyes burning into her but she could not bring herself to meet them. She felt so guilty just thinking about Severus in James' presence that she didn't think she could even bear to mention his name to him. Not when the very thought of Severus aroused in her such forbidden feelings, such uncontrollable memories of when their lips had touched…

"Do you mean things between us?" James asked gently, taking her nervousness to be directed at him. "Was it our Vallatus that helped you to cast the Patronus?"

Lily hesitated, and then nodded. But it was a horrible lie. Though he had tried, it was Severus had picked up the pieces of her broken heart and tenderly put them back together, not James.

"Talking about Patronuses," Sirius interrupted loudly. Lily looked round to see Sirius leaning over the desk behind, next to Remus who was currently sporting a long nose, a curled moustache and a vivid mop of crimson hair. "It did come to my notice that yours appear to be mates…" Sirius raised his eyebrows pointedly. "Is there something you two are not telling me?"

"It was probably just because it was a combined spell through the Vallatus," Lily said dismissively, uncomfortable with what Sirius was alluding to. "Your two Patronuses looked really similar as well."

Sirius gawped at her and turned to Remus, who slowly shook his head as if he thought that this was tantamount to a crime. "My Patronus is a big cuddly dog, Lily, nothing like Remus' wolf!" he explained condescendingly. "You can't have looked very hard."

Lily chewed her lip; what he said was true, she had been rather preoccupied with what her own Patronus was doing, striding off towards what she supposed had been Severus – she had been so stunned at what she thought she saw that she had believed she was hallucinating. Now she knew that Severus had been there all along, watching her with James…

"I think it's very interesting how your Patronuses are both deer," said Remus, sounding nasally with his new, elongated nose. "You should read up on it. I'm sure there is some significance to it."

Lily glanced nervously at James, who gave her a crooked smile. "Your doe is _exceptionally_ beautiful," he sighed fondly.

"Sit still and be silent, James," Lily snapped, not liking where this conversation was going. She brandished her wand at him in a business-like manner, determined to alleviate some of her vexation by endowing James with a feature he would distinctly not like.

"I think it's a si-i_gn_," Sirius crooned from the row behind, smirking infuriatingly.

"Shut _up_, Sirius," Lily said crossly and pointedly gave him a cold shoulder. She jabbed her wand at James' nose before he could stop her and there was a crunching noise.

"Ergh!" James clapped his hand to his nose. "What have you _done_, Evans?!" He scrambled off his seat and fled the desk in front, where McGonagall had left a mirror so that they could admire their transfiguration work. James seized it and finally removed his hand.

"_Shit!"_

"_Please_, mind your language, Mr Potter!" Professor McGonagall appeared at their desk, looking very angry. "I will not tolerate such profanities in my classroom! Now get on with your work _quietly_." Glaring at James, she swept down the aisle to sort out Frank Longbottom's latest catastrophe.

James sank into his seat, hissing, "You've made me hideous, Lily! I look like Snivellus…!" At his own words he became even more horrified and turned the mirror over with a look of revulsion as he caught sight of his huge, knobbly nose.

"Well maybe you will be more considerate next time you think about insulting Severus about his appearance," Lily replied loftily, "now that, as you say, you know how it feels to look like him."

James shivered but appeared too sickened to be capable of saying anything back. Across from them, Lily heard Sirius muttering to Remus, "This is seriously messing with my brain…"

She smiled and lay down her wand. "Well, it's your go."

James jerked out of his self-pitying torpor. "I don't know what to do to you," he said worriedly.

"Anything you like," replied Lily. "It won't be permanent so it doesn't matter."

"But I don't want to alter anything!" he whined, his gaze roaming over her face and her long golden-red hair. "You're already beau- Look, just tell me whatever you want me to do, and I'll do it," he ended huskily.

"Hmm… okay, turn my hair black… like_ yours_," she added sweetly as she caught Alice peering over to see if she was behaving herself. Lily was rewarded with a surprised but touched smile from James. He raised his wand and a strange heat flooded the roots of her hair as it darkened liked autumnal leaves being charred by fire.

He had performed it perfectly, but James winced unhappily at the result. As she examined her locks of black hair though, what sprung to mind was not James' hair; for some reason, all she could think of was _black… like Severus…_

"What next?"

"Ooooh, you could remove my freckles," Lily suggested, brightening up at the idea.

"But I like them," James murmured glumly as he flicked over to the page entitled _Switching Skins._

"I suppose you had better change the colour of my eyes as well, they're too distinctive to keep if I was a spy," she explained. James fixed her with a look of utter horror.

"If I must…"

As pained as if he was being forced to scar her permanently, James pointed his quivering wand right at her and swept it over her face, muttering and screwing up his eyes as he did so. Everything went blurry, and for a moment Lily could see nothing at all, not even blackness; and then she blinked.

James was staring at her, motionless, all colour drained from his face.

"What's wrong?"

James gulped and brusquely shoved the mirror across the desk, turning his head away as if afraid to look at her. Lily snatched up the mirror and was confronted with someone unrecognisable… and yet peculiarly familiar. She knew it was her, and yet the eyes that she met were stony grey, and her flawless white skin gave her a kind of aloof beauty, defined strikingly by the black curtains framing her face. Without her usual radiant colour and the freckles that softened her features Lily felt as if she had been transformed into someone cold and harsh; but someone she could very easily become… The possibility had hesitated on the edge of her nightmares for many years now, kept at bay by the fear of what would happen if she ever allowed herself to become corrupted by Severus' Dark Arts, turning into a dark Lily, someone she could not even recognise inside… Lily gave an involuntary shiver.

Another strange face appeared the mirror, and she swivelled around to see if she could find out who it was.

"Wow! Lily, you look terrifying!" said Sirius' jovial voice, coming from the boy with a sweep of sunny-blonde hair and twinkling blue eyes who was taking a good look at her new face. Remus had done a brilliant job; Sirius even had the tanned brown skin, he could effortlessly pull off the surfer look… As if he _needed_ to make more girls swoon at his feet.

"Thanks, Sirius," Lily said sarcastically.

"Jeez, don't give me that glare when you look like that, it's unnerving!" Sirius said. Then he caught sight of himself in the mirror. "Merlin, is that a spot? Hey Remus, can't you transfigure that off?"

Lily snorted as Remus read through the paragraph on adjusting skin colour.

"It says nothing here… Do you think we could curse them off with something?"

"Go on then, have a try," Sirius said, presenting himself to Remus' wand. "Curse the whole lot of my pimples off, while you're at it."

Remus had just opened his mouth when McGonagall appeared behind him, looking absolutely livid at what she had just heard.

"You FOOLISH boys!" she screeched. "I leave you alone for a few mere minutes and I find you messing around, attempting to curse each other's spots off! Have you any idea how dangerous that is? In all my time here I don't think I have had witnessed such irresponsible behaviour from sixth years within my very classroom! You can stay the rest of the day like that, for all I care. It would do well for you to appreciate the worth of _safe_ transfiguration."

"You mean – you're not going to teach us how to turn us back to how we were?" said James, a touch of panic in his voice. His hand was clutching his hooked nose again.

"I doubt your transfiguration will be effective enough at this stage to last for more than a few hours; but I think that should be sufficient to teach you all a lesson. Really Mr Lupin, I expected better from a Prefect of my own House."

"She's tetchy today, isn't she?" muttered Sirius as McGonagall marched to the front of the class and sent them packing, much to everyone's alarm. Remus was very quiet, his eyes lowered as he put away his things.

"She's mad," James grouched. "Totally mad, leaving us like this."

But Lily thought McGonagall had a point. Perhaps leaving James and Sirius looking as they were would teach them a valuable lesson. Besides, she didn't mind keeping her disguise for a few more hours. It was fun to pretend to be someone else for a while and imagine that she was a spy, infiltrating the Slytherins on Dumbledore's orders, finally doing something useful in this war…

**xXxXx**

It was lunchtime, but Severus did not feel like eating. His recent experiences at mealtimes had distinctly put him off food. Luckily, he had wrangled a deal with Regulus Black: he would help him with his homework if he brought him some dinner back from the Great Hall each evening. The arrangement was satisfactory for both parties.

He hurried up the marble staircase, his long robes rippling around his ankles as if he had great black wings. He had delayed going to the Library for some time, but he was intrigued to look up more about the Patronus Charm – intrigued and scared – and he felt so edgy not knowing what Lily and James' Patronuses meant that he had decided to go now – while the other students were going down to lunch. He would be in and out before even the most studious had finished eating and gone to work in the Library. It would avoid any sort of confrontation.

A multitude of students pushed past him, forcing him against the wall, and as he glowered at them irritably he noticed that some of them were looking very peculiar. At first he thought that they were sporting some Zonko wigs and false moustaches – but then he began to recognise who these students were under their disguises and it occurred to him that they must have just left McGonagall's class on facial transfiguration, which he had had earlier in the week with the Slytherins and Ravenclaws.

With a jolt, it dawned upon him that Lily was probably somewhere near at hand, and that the reason he had not noticed her already was down to her disguised appearance. Feeling strangely vulnerable, Severus veered back to slip behind the tapestry that concealed a secret passageway leading to the floor above. He was not ready to encounter Lily; not yet. Not after those burning emotions had threatened to overpower him on Sunday night…

The very memory made beads of sweat bloom on his brow. He had barely been able to contain himself when Lily was so close, so naïvely reaching out to touch him… He had firmly stayed away from her since then, employing all his willpower, in the hope that some space would allow him to cool down. He had also been using Occlumency more than ever, even in classes, striving to shut that roaring desire out of sight so that he could act unaffected in her presence. Of course, he had been shunning her for another very good reason: to convince everyone that they were _not_ going out. That part was not going particularly successfully… knowing him to be incredibly private, the other students all assumed that he was just being protective and secretly meeting up with Lily at night when no one would see…

Severus snorted, mocking himself. As if that was even remotely likely…! Lily had been revolted by the one time they had kissed, she was hardly going to repeat that in a hurry…

Just as he reached the tapestry, he glanced around to check that nobody was watching him disappear under it (for he liked to keep his knowledge of the hidden passageways in Hogwarts quite secret), and someone caught his eye.

He froze. At first he thought he was seeing something out of one of his dreams, mad dreams muddled with his vague, hopeful plans for Lily in the war and the abundance of Dark Magic flying around his head. It was Lily alright – but she looked so damned distant and aloof that he had to stare at her for a moment, just to make sure.

Her skin was such a pale milky-white, thrown into stark contrast by her long waves of hair, which were now the dark colour of burnt sienna or dried blood. Something about her reminded him of the cold beauty of the Black sisters – particularly Narcissa, whom he had known well in his younger years. He gazed at her, enraptured, and while she cast her eyes around searchingly, he saw that they had lost their beautiful emerald green lustre to a cool grey tone, a change that was almost as effective at shielding her thoughts as an Occlumency barrier. Lily had been transformed into someone cold, yes, but strikingly beautiful. When he had wondered how life would be when she finally understood the allure of Dark Magic and what she stood to gain by joining him in the throes of the Dark Lord's work, he had pictured her being something like this – beautiful, guarded and incredibly strong. It was as if all his hopes and longings had tumbled themselves into one. He had never seen anything quite so erotic.

At that moment, Lily's grey eyes locked on his. Severus' heart spasmed and he spun around, diving under the tapestry, out of sight.

"Severus-?"

_Damn!_ The tapestry fell back behind him, drowning the narrow passageway in darkness; perhaps if he moved quickly he could escape before Lily caught up with him…

A greyish triangle of light fell across the floor and against his better judgement Severus looked behind; Lily had lifted back the tapestry.

"Severus? Can I talk to you?" Before he could reply she was already joining him in the passageway and the tapestry had once again thrown them into gloom.

"As you are already doing so, I believe that question is now redundant," he replied coldly, displeased at his being trapped.

"Well, would you _mind_ if I talked to you? Please?"

Severus stared contemplatively at her slender silhouette. At least the two of them were alone, hidden from unfriendly eyes… "I suppose that would be tolerable," he answered drily.

As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Severus noticed a greyish light filtering in from underneath the tapestry, accentuating Lily's newly white skin and dark red hair. In the quietness of the passageway he could hear her breathing, rapid and shallow, and the pupils of her eyes were dilated invitingly. Severus gritted his teeth, trying to clear his mind of the memories that she had awoken in him. He wished Lily would get this over with quickly. "Well?" he prompted. "What did you want to say?"

Lily seemed taken aback by his harshness. When she answered, a tremor ran through her voice and she spoke down to her hands. "Look; I know I accused you of not standing up to your friends for me and letting them hex me, but I didn't mean for you to do something as drastic as tell them we were going out to get them to leave me alone. It's not that I am ungrateful that Avery and that lot have stopped jeering at me all day long, but I can't believe that you would say something like that when you know it is a _lie_ and you hadn't even asked me first!"

In the space of a heartbeat Severus felt his very core freeze with ice-cold fury. How could Lily think he would so base as to make up such stories about them, after all they had gone through? When she knew what she meant to him?

"For _fuck's_ sake, Lily, is your opinion of me really that low?" he said, his voice dangerously quiet.

Lily had stepped back at the frighteningly swift change in his countenance but she now crossed her arms, apparently trying to summon up courage and stand her ground. "Where else would these rumours be coming from, if not from you, Severus? I noticed that it was the Slytherins who were first talking about us."

He turned his head away and closed his eyes, breathing out a long-suffering sigh.

"And yet I _insisted_ that we were not going out." He sharply looked back at her. "Did you really believe I would be so conceited as to lie about something like that, without asking your permission?"

"You have been avoiding me all week, as if you knew I would be angry…"

"Honestly Lily, I was trying to put some distance between us in an attempt to dry up those obscene rumours! I thought that was what you wanted!" Severus hissed furiously – surely that much had been obvious?

"Next time, instead of assuming what I want, perhaps you could ask me first-!"

One of Severus' eyebrows slid up to his hairline. "Next time…?"

Lily bit her lip. It seemed that she had been implying there would be a second occasion when such rumours circulated again – would they be based in fact that time…? He could not resist a smirk as Lily began to look cross at what she had accidentally revealed. She cleared her throat, clearly wanting to change the subject. "So, if _you_ didn't make up that story, who did?" she demanded, her chin jutting out defiantly.

Severus rolled his eyes and assumed his most patronising voice. "Someone _saw _us, Lily. _In Hogsmeade_."

That was all the clarification he needed to give for her to realise what had happened.

"Oh," she murmured. The air was all of a sudden very tense. Though they did not speak, he knew that they were both remembering the same moment: when he had been kissed by the very girl currently standing shyly in front of him. The narrow passageway felt claustrophobic, as if it was forcing them into awkwardly close proximity. Lily nervously tucked her hair behind her ear, too ashamed to meet his eyes. "I didn't realise…"

Severus snorted. "Obviously not."

Lily glanced up and quailed under his stern gaze.

"I'm sorry," she said softly – and her voice was so rich with emotion that she seemed to truly mean it. Severus narrowed his eyes, trying to pierce her eyes as he towered over her. Did she really regret judging him so entirely wrong? Or was she apologising for touching her lips to his in the first place?

She edged closer to him, her flowery scent filling his nostrils. "I'm sorry for all of this, Sev," she whispered.

He looked down into her upturned face, reading her with unnerving accuracy. "It should be your so-called friends saying they are sorry," he said calculatingly.

A grey blush spread like a shadow over her cheeks and she moved away from him, fidgeting guiltily with a loose thread on the sleeve of her jumper.

"Surely you trust your own judgement enough to not need the opinions of others - particularly those who are severely less perceptive than yourself - in order to determine whether or not you and I should be friends?" _Or more than friends…_

Lily plucked at the thread, pulling a ladder along the cuff; Severus resisted the temptation to reach out and stop her. "They're my friends, Sev… They look out for me, they were only trying to help…"

Severus couldn't hold back a cold laugh, a sound that rang eerily around them.

Lily fired up defensively, finally dropping pretence of being absorbed in the loose thread. "They made one innocent mistake, and I made a mistake in listening to them!"

"It's not a one-off mistake, as you so generously phrased it," Severus snarled. "It's an ongoing _prejudice_. They are determined to see what they want to see, so that they can hate me in peace."

"Well, you don't make it _easy_ for them to like you," Lily said gently, raising her eyebrows meaningfully.

"Even if I was nicer to them, going against all my principles, I am perfectly convinced that Alice would regard it as nothing but a trick!" he retorted. "It would only make her mistrust me more, and augment my dislike for her."

Lily sighed. "It's not all their fault! I had no idea why you were avoiding me like the plague, either! It was very confusing…"

Severus felt a dull warm flush rise over his cheekbones. He could not admit to Lily why he had really been keeping away from her. His mind was already betraying him in the darkness, whispering to him how easy it would be to creep closer to her, to gently slide his arms around her slender frame…

"I thought you wanted us to be friends…" Lily was whispering, her eyes fixed upon a silver clasp gleaming on his robes, somewhere halfway down his chest.

"That remains unchanged," Severus answered stiffly.

Lily's eyes alighted on his, glimmering with something fragile like hope. "So might you stop avoiding me from now on?" she asked, her soft hand lightly closing around his arm as if she was trying to hold onto her wish before it flew out of her reach once more.

"Yes," he croaked, before he even knew he was going to reply. He coughed and pulled out of her grasp. "But that will not terminate the rumours that you so vehemently detest." He tried to mask the pain he felt with a bitter sarcasm.

"I think I can face them now I know we're in this together," Lily smiled up at him warmly, her eyes sparkling. She stood up on tiptoes and leant in to whisper in his ear. Severus stepped back against the wall, his body rigid as he braced himself and held his breath. "After all," Lily murmured, sending shivers down his spine, "I never said I hated them… quite the opposite."

**xXxXx**

**Next time: the Marauders decide to spy on Severus in the hope of obtaining enough evidence to finally turn Lily away from him. How will Severus react when he finds out? Who do you think will come off worse? ;)**

**In the mean time, if you've read, please review! Thank you :D**


	13. Tangled in Trouble

**A/N: **_Victoria: thank you for reviewing, I really enjoy hearing your comments and it's wonderful that you find the story so gripping! Everyone: here is an action-packed chapter, I hope you like it!_

**Chapter 13: Tangled in Trouble**

Finally – it was Friday evening. James threw himself down onto his favourite window seat in the Gryffindor Common Room and closed his eyes, savouring the blissful moment: no more work, the first Quidditch training of the year tomorrow. It was _the_ _weekend!_

A grin broke over his face as Sirius' whoops reached his ears, along with some clunks and screams of laughter – Peter was throwing the Fanged Frisbee for Sirius and Remus to catch, and the boys were launching themselves off the sofa and knocking over chairs in their attempts to get reach the Frisbee first. It had become a frequent game in the Gryffindor Common room over the last week and it was one that Sirius' doggy instincts could not resist.

James' thoughts began to wander and he sat up, looking out of the window and tuning out the ruckus going on around him. He had not seen Lily and Snape together at any hour of the day or night for the entire week – neither face to face, nor on the Marauders Map, which he had taken to checking compulsively. Given that, and what he had gleaned from the last Vallatus lesson, he was beginning to accept that perhaps Severus was _not_ forcing Lily into a relationship. James had devoted his attention to her thoughts while they had been joined by the Vallatus on Sunday, and he had to admit that he had received no impression that Lily was frightened by Severus. The git had not even crossed her thoughts until they had cast their Joint Patronus Charm.

And then… then nothing else seemed to fill her head as she noticed Snivellus morphing out of the darkness. He was quite sure that Lily was unaware of how the Vallatus Charm enabled him to feel her emotions as well as see her visions, or she would not have allowed herself to stare at Severus, let alone think about him in the way she had then… James had been too scared to enlighten Lily on this technicality; he did not want to have to deal with the fluttery ache he had felt echoing from Lily's heart into his. He guessed what it meant – but it was too painful to acknowledge, too dismaying to believe. He just couldn't take it. Denial was much easier.

But perhaps everything would be fine – after all, Lily had not met up with Severus all week, and she had chosen to work with him in today's Transfiguration lesson…

Latching onto this hopeful thought, James let his eyes wander from the waving treetops of the Forest to the grey lake, where many coppery leaves were settling on its surface. Then some movement caught his eye and James blenched.

Lily was down there – with Snape!

He was filled with disbelief. _Shit,_ his mere thought that Lily was finally free from Snivellus must have jinxed it!

"Guys, Snivelly's up to his tricks again-!" James yelled and was instantaneously squashed by the three others clambering over him to get a good look out of the window.

"I thought we had agreed that he was not in a relationship with Lily…?" Remus said, looking puzzled.

"He's a sly Slytherin, I bet he knew we were watching him this week and held off," Peter conjectured, staring at the couple walking down the lawn to the lake.

"I hate him," James corroborated. Nothing was truer. From his very guts, he despised everything about Snape – everything from his greasy hair and biting, sarcastic remarks, to the way he had clawed onto Lily – lovely, good-hearted and _trusting_ Lily, who couldn't seem to see the traitor for what he was…

Sirius finally climbed off him and crossed his arms, looking decisive. "I can't believe we _still_ haven't got Snivellus back for ratting on you, Peter," he growled. "It's high time he realised we will put an end to his meddling."

"Oh yes, please get him back!" Peter chirped. "It was so horrible of him to tell on me to Dumbledore! And now he's messing with Lily…"

Remus caught sight of the bitter resentment consuming James' eyes and said solicitously, "I'm not sure we should-"

"Hang on…!" James overruled him loudly, his mind whirring as a beautifully satisfying plan took shape in his mind… A devious smile crept over his face.

"What is it?" said Sirius eagerly.

James slowly turned to face him. "I think it's time Severus found his match in Padfoot and Prongs…" he murmured, his eyes twinkling wickedly.

"Oh yes!"

"No!" Remus laid a hand on James' arm. "You shouldn't do this, James. You can't risk getting caught! _Both_ of you! Severus already suspects that we're up to something. What if he realises that's you two out there?"

"Moony, we'll be fine," James said warmly, draping an arm amicably around the boy's shoulders. "He'll have no reason to suspect it's us. Sirius and I can sneak down under the Cloak and then transform in the bushes. Meanwhile you can walk down, with Wormy in your pocket, and coax the Giant Squid into the shallows. It'll look like it's just you, minding your own business." Remus winced, as if reluctant to take on this innocent role; but if he doubted James, he did not say anything. "It'll be _fine_," James insisted encouragingly.

"It'll be _brilliant!_" Sirius corrected. He shook his shaggy black hair out of his bright eyes and almost let out a bark of excitement.

"I can't wait to see Snivelly's face!" Peter cried, clapping his hands together.

"You are about to see just what good friends are for," James said, grinning. Peter shivered with excitement. "Let's go, quickly!"

**xXxXx**

Severus' eyes narrowed as they followed the path Remus Lupin was taking past them, nonchalantly heading towards the trees fringing the lake. Why did the wolf always have to trespass upon his private time with Lily? He had not spent time with her for a week until earlier today and now, here one of the Marauders was – it was as if they had a sensor on Lily: if he got within five feet of her they were alerted to his presence. Well, at least the entourage was absent, Lupin unaccompanied. Severus glared at his retreating figure once more before turning back to Lily. She was looking up at the castle, a slight crease lodged between her eyebrows. It was unusual for her to be so lost in thought that she would not greet Lupin…

"What is it, Lily?" he asked, raising an enquiring eyebrow.

Lily faced him anxiously. "What did Rabastan want with you just now, when we were in the Entrance Hall?" she asked quietly.

Now he knew why she was worried. Severus shot her a piercing look before answering, wondering how much she had surmised. He answered carefully but truthfully. "I have agreed to teach some of the Slytherins a few spells from my repertoire. Rabastan warned me that they are growing impatient."

Lily seemed mildly impressed. "_Really?_ Which spells will you teach them? Will they be the ones you invented, like you said you might teach to me?"

A closed expression descended over Severus' eyes. Even if he were to teach Lily some of his own inventions, he would certainly not dare to even _mention_ to her the kinds of spells the Dark Lord wished for the Slytherins to master.

"Regrettably, no; that is not their desire… They are after some of the spells from a book I own…"

There was a sharp intake of breath. In the space of a heartbeat all the colour faded from Lily's face. "Not – not that _horrid_ ancient tome you have on the Dark Arts…?" she asked quietly, her voice wavering.

Severus fiercely looked back into her fearful green eyes. "How can you _still _hate my Grandfather's book when you have not even read it since before we came to Hogwarts?" he demanded. "That was years ago, before you even _knew _magic, Lily. I hardly believe that is a sound basis on which to judge."

Lily's eyes trickled away. "Yes but… those illustrations… I didn't need magic to understand…" She stopped talking, her eyes taking on a hollow fear. "They gave me nightmares for months…" she whispered, shivering violently and turning away.

_Merlin_, Lily had never mentioned that to him before! For a second, he felt a warp of guilt twist his conscience as he imagined ten-year-old Lily, curled up in bed, shaking, with tears streaming down her face. He frowned and looked away from her, forcing his emotions aside. He had just been so keen to show Lily all the books on magic he could, when she had shown an interest in him… and perhaps to impress her… that was all…

"They only showed what happened if spells went wrong," he lied coldly, managing to clear all emotion from his voice. He was not sure which pictures Lily had seen, but he doubted that she would be able to remember the names of any of the offending curses or incantations, so it would be easy to coerce her into accepting his words. "It is wise to know what can happen, so that you can rectify it."

Lily glanced up. Severus noticed how rapidly her chest was rising and falling. "I s'pose," she murmured.

"So you do not recall any thing else? Any specific spells at all?"

Lily shook her head, looking confused. Severus exhaled, a long, drawn-out sigh, and his eyes flashed at her. "Honestly, Lily, I believed you had a more open mind than this… Surely, now that you are educated in magic, you might be able to look at Ancient Magic with an academic interest, rather than letting a vague, misconstrued memory warp your highly-judgemental opinion?"

If Severus prided himself in one talent, it was his ability of persuasion – how with prudently selected words and a soft, purring tone of voice he could coerce people into believing precisely what he wanted them to. And as Lily gazed at him, entranced, he knew that she was not immune to their effect. Quite to the contrary, the way she held his eyes unwaveringly suggested that she was captured under his spell. For the first time since she had alluded to a second wave of rumours about the two of them being together, he began to discern that Lily was not so impervious to his advances as he had thought. The idea was deliciously beguiling.

He slowly drew nearer, and as he bent down her eyes fell shut. "Why don't you wipe the slate clean and start again?" he whispered, letting his breath play upon her ear. He enjoyed hearing a faint moan of longing escape her lips.

"Okay…" she sighed.

**xXxXx**

Prongs pawed the ground impatiently, anxious to get going. Lily and Snape had been talking about heaven-knows-what for at least ten minutes already and he was _not_ going to let this auspicious opportunity to aggravate Snape pass him by. He knocked his antlers into the back of Sirius' legs and the boy promptly morphed into his great black dog, instantly dropping into a play-bow. Wormtail, sitting on Remus' shoulder, wiggled his whiskers in delight.

"Now remember," Remus whispered, grabbing the scruff of Padfoot's neck before he raced straight out of the undergrowth and bowled Snape over, "you must approach them _slowly_, and one at a time, James _first_, or they will be suspicious!"

Prongs bowed his head to let Remus know he had understood but Padfoot merely wriggled free, whining as some of his black hairs were pulled out by Remus' fingers, and paced around agitatedly. Prongs turned and slowly began to creep out of the thick undergrowth, methodically placing one hoof in front of the other in an attempt to pass as a cautious deer. Behind him, he could hear Remus settling down on the bank and the '_plop – plop'_ as he threw stones into the water, while Padfoot snuffled around behind him, crawling under branches and through brambles. Sirius was so scatty in his dog form…

Silently Prongs emerged, his head rising aloofly above the wilting ferns. He froze, staring at Lily and Snape by the water. It was a blessing to have such acute hearing when he was in his stag form. He could listen in on their conversation, without them even noticing that he was there… But wait – what was all this about an ancient book on the Dark Arts? And Severus giving Lily nightmares? – Well, that was not difficult to imagine. But something about this great book had really appalled Lily, even to the point of terror. He had never caught wind of this before. Was this real evidence of Snape's involvement in Dark Magic? – This had to be worth eavesdropping…

But James could only hold back for so long. He saw Severus practically smothering himself on Lily and no matter how interested he was in that book, it did not seem as if the two of them would be engaging in mere conversation for much longer. Lily was succumbing to the crafty Slytherin – by the looks of things, James suspected that something like the Imperius Curse was to blame. Here Severus was, persuading Lily to reconsider the Dark Arts! Obviously something was _seriously_ awry. Roused by a lashing of panic and excessive protectiveness, Prongs decided to stand by no longer and strutted out of the bushes, purposefully into Lily's line of sight. Her eyes shifted to his and he stopped dead.

"Oh, _look_, Sev!" she breathed amorously. For a second, James' heart pounded so heart he experienced the strong urge to bolt, in case Lily realised it was him – but he stoically held his ground. "Sev, it's a _stag!_"

Snape looked unimpressed. "Yes," he drawled, looking him over with a distinctly bored expression. Prongs ignored him and instead focussed on Lily, who to his joy appeared absolutely delighted.

"Shh, don't scare him away!" Lily whispered, her words carrying straight to Prongs' fine-tuned ears. Obligingly he stepped forward, twitching as Lily gave another gasp. Then he proceeded slowly towards them, warily eying Snape every so often. He came to a standstill a few yards away, reminding himself to play skittish if one of them spoke too loudly or moved too suddenly.

"He's beautiful, don't you think?" Lily murmured, never taking her eyes off him. James smirked inwardly and soaked up Lily's undivided attention. He carefully paused mid-step and proudly held his antlers a little higher, striking up a dramatic pose as the king of the forest.

There was a sound of thudding paws and Prongs' head snapped round, startled. _Sirius! _he groaned mentally. Padfoot was cavorting out into the open, clearly having forgotten that he was meant to look like a wild dog and _not_ a silly puppy. Only when he caught James' gleaming brown eyes did he stop and then turn to stare at Lily and Severus.

"Wow, look at the size of that dog! It seems like all the wild animals in the Forest are coming out this evening!" Lily exclaimed. Padfoot's ears pricked up at the sound of her voice.

"Careful, Lily, it could be dangerous," Severus warned, drawing his wand.

Prongs stamped the ground angrily. How dare Severus threaten his friend! But Lily conveniently came to his rescue. "No, don't hurt him," she said, pushing Severus' hand down. "He looks friendly."

_Oh Merlin, that was all the encouragement Sirius would need!_ James thought grimly. Sure enough, Padfoot bounded forward and began circling Lily and Severus, pouncing on the grass with his big furry paws and wagging his tail joyfully, clearly ecstatic at having made a new friend.

Lily giggled as Padfoot woofed and yipped, coming to sit on her feet.

"Lily, get away, he's got such big teeth!" Severus hissed. James felt pleasure at hearing a note of panic in the Slytherin's voice.

"Aww, you're lovely, aren't you?" Lily cooed, ruffling up Sirius' silky ears and totally ignoring Severus. Prongs felt a pang of jealousy as Sirius stole his limelight. Why was it that even as a shaggy hulk of a dog Sirius _still_ managed to win over girls' affection? Jealous, Prongs strode forward, determined to capture Lily's attention once more. Lily glanced up and then turned to Severus.

"Do you think they are friends?" she asked pensively.

Severus snorted but kept his eyes trained on either Padfoot or Prongs at all times. "They're _animals_, Lily. What do you think?"

Prongs did not need his heightened animal instincts to discern that Severus was unimpressed at having his private time with Lily interrupted, even if it was seemingly just by animals. Lily sighed as she also picked up on the sarcasm.

However Padfoot seemed the most discontented with Snape's dry tone. He leapt to his feet, startling Snape into stepping backwards towards the lake, and fixed him with a look that said _You dare insult me and my friend…!_ Without warning he jumped up and pressed his heavy paws on Snape's torso, pushing him right back into the lake. Severus fell in with a tangled yell and Prongs scuttled away from the almighty splash. He cantered around in a victory lap, congratulating Sirius for his ingenuity as he did so. Padfoot also seemed mightily satisfied with his performance. He barked happily and chased his tail, then ran to Lily and sat at her feet, looking up at her expectantly as if he was proud of what he had done.

Lily couldn't help but laugh, much to James' glee.

"Oh, Sev!" she giggled, running to the water's edge and watching Severus' arms floundering about. His head emerged from the water, black rats-tails plastered all over his whitened face. He looked positively furious, particularly when he saw Padfoot wagging his tail.

"That damned dog –" he began, stretching out a threatening hand towards Padfoot, who shrank behind Lily's legs.

Then quite unexpectedly, just as James had hoped, he saw a tentacle flying out of the water. Next second it had looped under Severus' arms and was hauling him down under the surface.

Lily shrieked, her eyes full of fear as she took in the flailing tentacles engulfing the Slytherin. "SEVERUS!"

His legs kicked madly but the Giant Squid maintained its tight coil around Severus' body and dragged him underwater, his yells morphing into muffled gargles. Padfoot gave another woof of accomplishment. Lily cast him a shocked glance and then stared back at the ruffled surface of the lake, clearly afraid.

And out of the blue, James had an idea – an _ingenious_ way to reclaim Lily's attention and earn her respect and affection! He bolted past her and Padfoot, into the shallows of the cold water, and bowed his head, using his long antlers to drive the Squid off Snape's helpless body. Indignant at such sharp, offending objects, the creature relinquished its grip and retreated back into the dark depths of the lake. Severus emerged spluttering and coughing, trembling all over as he staggered up the bank. Prongs turned proudly. Lily was gazing at him, stunned, and then her eyes flickered to Severus, who was absolutely drenched.

"Oh, Severus, are you okay?" Lily ran to hug him but he shook her off, clearly irritated that she had seen him so scared by the Giant Squid.

"That g-great dog _knew _what it was d-doing!" he snarled, shaking with cold as he fumbled around in his soaked robes for his wand. Lily tried to protest, pleading for him to understand that the stag had _saved_ him. But Severus was having none of it. He yanked his wand out of Lily's grasp and aimed it at Padfoot.

_Shit!_ They were in for it now! Prongs raced forwards and butted Padfoot out of the way of Severus' curse. The black dog rolled onto his back and Prongs leapt over him, breaking for cover and praying that Sirius would take the hint. As he entered the safety of the undergrowth, he heard a despondent whine and then the tumbling of paws on the earth. _Thank Merlin he was following…_

James crept back to where Remus was hiding in the reeds and transformed back, hearing Sirius do the same beside him.

"Phew, that was close!" Sirius whispered, grinning. "But what did you save Snape for?"

"You were stealing Lily's attention!" James replied indignantly. He turned and found Remus and Peter standing there, looking thrilled.

"That was incredible!" squeaked Peter. "What are you going to do now?"

James paused. "Did you hear about that book?" he said in a lowered voice.

"Yeah, sounds extremely dodgy to me," Sirius replied.

James bent down to pick up his Cloak of Invisibility, making a decision on the spot.

"I'm going to steal it," he said, and his friends' eyes all widened. "I'm going to follow Snivellus into the Slytherin Common Room, steal Snape's book on Dark Magic, and then show it to Dumbledore, so that git will have had it once and for all." And with that James shrouded himself in the Invisibility Cloak and ran back through the bushes, chasing after the dark figure storming back up to the castle.

**xXxXx**

James loped silently down the cool, dark dungeon corridor, barely able to contain the laughter threatening to reveal his presence. He kept his eyes glued to the unknowing Slytherin hurrying ahead of him, muffled curses and squelching reaching his ears. Merlin, marauding hadn't been this fun in months!

His excitement was building, tempered by little tingles of fear that only drove him onwards. He spotted the suspiciously blank wall that barricaded the entrance to the Slytherins' hole and broke into a light jog, determined to not miss out on gaining entry. Snape's head twitched around at the strange sound and James froze, just like his stag, holding his breath.

Snape's black eyes roved the hallway and then he turned back, muttering the password irritably. The rumble of stone offered James the opportunity he required – he broke from his freeze, ran up to the entrance and whipped through just in time. He was in enemy territory!

Curiosity nearly got the better of James as he studied the low, wide Slytherin Common Room, noting down every detail to relay to Sirius, Remus and Peter later. It was overwhelmingly tempting to hex a couple of those slimy Slytherins while their defences were completely down – he was sure that Sirius would not let such a perfect opportunity pass by – but James was afraid to risk this one chance he had to get that book of Snape's and he simply could not be caught. Perhaps he might send them a hex or two on his way out instead…

Sighing wistfully, James turned back and realised that he had lost track of Severus; he just caught sight of the boy's rangy form disappearing down a corridor. James swiftly dodged around some oblivious Slytherins in order to catch up with him, berating himself for losing focus. He was here to steal Severus' book so that he could expose the sneak's true character once and for all. Dumbledore would surely expel Severus once he had proof of his involvement in Dark Magic, and Lily would shrink away from any contact with the two-faced villain. _Nothing else mattered_.

James closely tailed Severus along the gloomy corridor. Now they were passing boys only and he realised that they were heading for Severus' dormitory. James felt sure it would be not nearly as cosy and homely as his lovely Gryffindor dormitory.

"What happened to _you_?"

Severus' twitchy walk came to a halt and James hesitated, unable to see who had waylaid him. He found himself tense; something in his Animagus instincts warned him of a potential threat.

"Piss off, Mulciber."

The shadowy figure did not move, and Severus muttered something. Mulciber gave a yelp and flinched. There was a cold laugh. Furious, Mulciber shoved past and James flattened himself against the wall.

"Fuck you, Snape!" Mulciber snarled angrily.

James glimpsed some nasty looking greeny-black boils erupting over the boy's face. Phew, it was a relief to not be on the receiving end of one of Severus' curses for once! If they kept going like this, perhaps Slytherin house would kill itself off, James speculated hopefully…

He tiptoed after Severus' squelching and peered into one of the rooms off the dark corridor. Inside the dormitory Snape was kicking his shoes off irritably, but a slightly smug smile hovered around his lips; clearly he had been hoping to get back at Mulciber for some time and was satisfied with his nifty curse. James wasn't surprised. Mulciber was a nasty piece of work and he would have also been proud of unleashing such horrific boils on the git if he'd had to live around the guy for over five years.

There was a wet thump as Snape's black robe fell to the floor and James recoiled into a corner between one of the other four-poster beds and the wall. Then the disturbing thought that he might have to see a naked Snape occurred to him– _eurgh_ – this was certainly _not_ what he had bargained for! Snape's long spidery fingers were undoing the buttons on his now see-through shirt and he peeled it off his pale skin, revealing a rather scrawny frame. He was very much bone and muscle, not an inch of padding, and his pallor made him look rather sickly. It made James feel rather good about his fit body, all nice and warm in his dry robes. Left in only his trousers, Snape threw open his trunk, grabbed some fresh clothes and stalked off through a smaller door, into what James presumed to be the bathroom.

The door slammed shut and James let out a low whistle. Phew, he had made it right into the very heart of the snake pit, and now he had a wonderful opportunity to snoop around! Grinning mischievously at his great fortune, he cast _Colloportus_ on the dormitory door for good measure before he turned and sized up Severus' den.

He wondered where to look for that book Lily hated so much. Severus' four-poster bed, draped in Slytherin colours of green and glinting silver, looked neat and untouched – although it was possible that a book could be concealed under the plumpness of a pillow. Then there was the bedside table – upon it was a teetering stack of books, a few quills and rolls of parchment, a jug of water, a glass, and a small corked vial, all meticulously organised. The books, albeit with questionable titles, did not resemble the ancient book Lily had described. And beneath the table was Severus' trunk – open and unguarded.

James carefully skirted the puddle Severus had left on the floor, casually wondering where to look first. If it was him, he would keep his most precious things under his pillow, although it was hardly likely that sleeping on a massive, brick-like and musty-smelling book would be a comfortable experience. He lifted back the pillow; but nothing was there.

The absence of anything – not even a note – was somewhat reassuring. It was only then that James realised he was not solely interested in finding the book. He was fiercely curious on learning what other secret things Snape kept – and if any of them would enlighten him on the Slytherin's relationship with Lily… Now he was here, he was too tempted to let the chance pass him by…

Fuelled with intrigue, James fell to his knees by Severus' trunk, driven mad with desire to see what was inside. He had half suspected that an anti-thieving charm would have been on the trunk, but Severus had graciously left the lid open, courteously revealing all his secrets.

As his eyes widened in delight, James threw aside his wand and plunged his hands inside, rummaging around. There were some carefully folded clothes – all in a colour scale of white to black – that he shoved into one corner, faded newspaper cuttings, litters of rustling parchment injected with Severus' tiny handwriting, and bottles upon bottles, of all sizes and shapes and colours, that tinkled as he pushed them aside disinterestedly. Somehow he knew that if anything lucrative was to be found, it would be carefully concealed right at the bottom.

Yet there was no old-fashioned tome to be found – only an old set of gobstones, still in its ancient cardboard box, and – James caught his breath. His fingers scrabbled about and closed around a small stack of papers, tied together with string. His heart thudded heavily – whether out of thrill or fear, he was not sure. But they looked like notes, written on varying sizes and textures of paper and parchment, in inks of many colours, but all in what James knew to be _Lily's handwriting_.

He would have recognised it anywhere. He'd gazed at her in classes for years, he knew her script as well as if it was his own. And how _alien_ it felt, to be seeing it here, tucked away in the depths of Snape's trunk in the bowels of the castle, as if wrongfully hoarded by an infatuated creep. James glanced around, checking he was still hidden under the Invisibility Cloak, and then tugged at the string. It wouldn't give. He thought for a moment, before decisively severing the cord with his wand.

Hundreds of notes fell about everywhere, like an armful of autumnal leaves tumbling all at once into the trunk before him. They were all Lily's – they were utterly redolent of her and the reverence with which they had been treated for so many years. James was astounded, and now most definitely nervous. Were these love letters…? Or simply harmless notes she had sent to Severus when they had been friends, blissfully unaware of how they would be cradled and treasured…? James' rational side suspected that it was the latter, but his ever-increasing paranoia yelled at him that they were the first. Oh Merlin, where to _start?_

Wiping the sweat off his forehead, James rifled around feverishly, glancing at Lily's words here and there, his heart aching as he saw her little drawings and doodles down the margins, wishing vainly she could have sent them to _him_ instead. He brushed some aside that bore only a few words, and then he saw it: a little hole in the floor of the chest.

Without thinking, James poked his finger into it. There was a space underneath… This trunk had a false bottom.

He eagerly scraped the jumbled-up contents of Severus' trunk away from the other corner, not caring at the mess everything was now in, and found what he had been looking for – another hole, just wide enough for a finger. He could sense it instinctively: something was hidden underneath.

James curled a finger into each hole and jerked the wooden base towards him. It rose up like a stiff book cover, and he peered over to see what lay beneath.

_It was the book._

Even without touching it, James could feel the ominous magic radiating from it. But Severus had survived after reading the nefarious book for years, so it couldn't be too dangerous… He gingerly picked it up from the hidden compartment, feeling just how heavy it weighed in his hands, and blew a thin layer of dust off the cover.

'_The Ancient Magical Lore of: THE DARK ARTS'_ glinted eerily up at him, shreds of the gilding having worn off over time, making the words look like they were tarnished with blood. The spine was held together with metal binding that was coated in a scaly green patina. James was tempted to peruse the book's leathery pages to find out just what horrors resided within, but something was giving him the shivers, so instead he wedged it into an inside pocket of his robes with his wand. It would be better to look at it in the safety of Gryffindor Tower, with his three friends around him…

Stiffly James stood up, noting how awkward the weighty book felt knocking against his hip. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled again. He slowly turned, sensing the reason why before he even saw the figure standing by the door.

Snape had returned.

_Oh – bugger!_ He should have just searched for the book, seized it and run while Snape was cleanly out of the way; not let himself get so utterly distracted by thoughts of Lily, like Sirius was with bunny rabbits when in his Animagus form! But now Snape was standing between him and the door, and the door was… _locked!_

James could hardly breathe for the tension emanating from Severus. The boy's hollow black eyes were fixated inches away on his ransacked trunk, and now James wished he had been less careless – though he liked to think it was not out of guilt, but rather to hide the evidence of what he done. Yet it was hard to be brutally impassive while he watched sharp emotions flash across the Slytherin's face as he realised his worldly possessions had been ravaged – paralysing shock, absolute horror, and deepest fear.

The muscles in Severus' face tightened and he suddenly ran forward and dropped to the floor beside his trunk, startling James. He scurried backwards but was so absorbed by Severus' reaction that he did not even take the chance to escape. James stared, half-fascinated, half-appalled as Severus trailed a trembling hand gently over Lily's scattered letters, pain flooding his obsidian eyes. For a moment, he shut them and swallowed, as if trying to calm himself. And then they snapped open, and they fell on the loose base of the trunk.

_Uh-oh._ James knew he was in hot water now. He began to sidle over to the door as Snape discovered what was missing, hoping that while his back was turned he would be able to unlock the door…

There was a deafening roar of fury and James leapt into the air in alarm. Severus stood up, his fists clenched, the most terrifying expression in his jet-black eyes. He glared shrewdly around the room with one single thought: to wreak _revenge_ on whoever had stolen his ancient book.

James gulped. He was only halfway towards the door… and the closed door had also come to Severus' attention. A mad, triumphant smile twisted his bitter face.

"You're trapped here now…" he purred dangerously, his eyes roving rapidly around the dormitory, hunting for the perpetrator. Twice they moved over James, and Severus saw straight through him. Yet Severus was not dissuaded. His eyes glinted portentously before he whispered, "_Homenum revelio…_"

A shuddering panic broke through James' body.

"POTTER!" Severus spat, releasing the control on his pent-up outrage. "I knew it! You _dare_ creep into _my_ dormitory, raid all my possessions and _steal_ my book! I'll damn you to hell before I let you get away with this!"

As quick as a snake striking he lifted his wand and brought it down in a wide slashing sweep, encompassing half the room. "_Crucio!"_

James only just ducked in time as blistering heat passed above him, where his neck had recently been. "Bloody _hell_, that's illegal!" he found himself gasping over the crashing of rubble behind him. He was so stunned that Snape had actually used one of the Unforgivables that he had accidentally given away his location…

"Aha!" Snape leered, moving his wand around to point at the source of James' disembodied voice. James hurriedly scrambled to get out of the way and slipped in the wet puddle of lake water on the floor. He felt himself trip on the Cloak as he fell backwards and was revealed for Snape to see.

"Impedimenta!" James panted from where he was lying winded on the hard floor, halting Severus just in time to give himself a few seconds to get up onto his feet.

"_Crucio!"_ Severus cried again.

This time the curse hit its target. James writhed in blistering agony and flung himself behind another bed, managing to break the curse before he let loose a scream. He opened his eyes, finding himself on his hands and knees and shaking, even though he had not yet realised he was scared, or quite so angry.

"Playing hide-and-seek are we Potter?" Severus sneered, his feet drawing closer from what James could see under the bed. "Are you too cowardly to face me? Why don't you return what you have stolen and save your precious skin?"

"Never!" shouted James furiously, leaping to his feet. "_Stupefy!_"

Severus darted out of the way and hurled back another rancorous curse. _"Expulso!"_

The end of the bed exploded, filling the air with smoke and dust. _"Expelliarmus!"_ James wheezed, waving his wand wildly as he ducked and ran across the hazy room. A cold laugh told him that his spell had missed; a purple flame shot out just in front of him and he stopped just in the nick of time. He quickly conjured a shield. _"Protego horriblis!"_

Severus leapt out of the fading dust cloud, firing hex after hex viciously at the shield. _"Confringo! Expulso! Reducto!" _James had never witnessed quite such sheer hatred on Severus' face as he saw now and the sight was terrifying. His intrusion into Snape's privacy seemed to have finally pushed him round the bend – and James felt convinced that it was more to do with Lily's letters than the book on the Dark Arts.

Severus sent another prolific string of hexes in quick succession and his reverberating Shield Charm began to weaken. Finally the onslaught was too much; James was struck with a huge force and he stumbled backwards, defenceless.

"_Sectumsempra!" _Severus cried triumphantly.

"AARGH!" James collapsed to the ground, clutching at his left arm which was burning excruciatingly. It felt as if he had been slashed with a sword; he was seeing stars and he could feel copious amounts of wet fluid pouring over his unaffected hand from the searing wound. He could barely stop himself from weeping, but he could feel Severus' looming over him rapaciously, and he would _not_ give way to him.

James weakly stretched out his wand hand, as if writhing in pain, and looked up at the wand pointing straight between his eyes. Severus was leering down at him, wearing a smugness that reeked of imminent vengeance.

"_Stupefy…"_ James whispered.

A faint streak of red light shot up and hit Severus in the chest. He was knocked backwards through the air, and though the spell was weak, he slammed into the end of the four-poster bed with a _crack_ of his skull and slumped to the floor, very much unconscious.

The snake was stymied.

But it was in reality a stalemate. James was in terrible pain. He lay his cheek back down on the cool flagstone floor, allowing himself a moment of rest while his heart rate slowed down in the aftermath of the duel. Though the book on the Dark Arts was lodged uncomfortably into his ribs, he was too knackered to get up and the stinging wound in his arm seemed to be sapping up his last ounce of strength. Nothing was more appealing than to just lie there, particularly as even the slightest movement sent excruciating bolts of fire up his arm. He could feel that this was a cursed wound inflicted by Dark Magic, he would have to go straight to the Hospital Wing… But what a long journey that seemed… If only he didn't have so much pain…

From his wonky position on the floor, James' eyes alighted on Snape's bedside table where a little bottle sat. As he realised what it was, he was inundated with overwhelming relief and he gathered enough strength to crawl over and take the bottle. Of course, everyone kept painkillers beside their bed. Remus even kept those Muggle tablets on his bedside table for when his scratches and bites got too painful during the night – but obviously Snape would have brewed his own pain-reliever potion! Without hesitation James wrenched out the stopper and took a swallow. It tasted so good… He wolfed down the rest, desperate to rid himself from the agony he was in.

He slammed the empty vial back onto the desk and clambered to his feet, keeping a wary eye on Severus; but the boy was leaning against the bed at a crooked angle, most definitely still Stunned. James borrowed one of his shirts from the jumbled trunk and wrapped it tightly around his arm to stop the bleeding until he got to the Hospital Wing. He was already feeling better from that potion…

Swinging the Invisibility Cloak back over himself, James cast _Alohomora_ and escaped from the wrecked dormitory, leaving Severus alone in there, still slouched awkwardly against the bed. The pain seemed to be lessening in his arm, but perhaps he was just getting used to it, he was beginning to feel lightheaded…

The sensation quickly increased. James stumbled as he reached the Common Room and did not even have the strength to jinx the unwary Slytherins lounging around. He wondered if he would even be able to reach Madam Pomfrey without passing out, for he was feeling more and more faint by the second. He struggled over to the exit, knowing only that if he was to pass out in here, he would never get out alive.

Everything began to swim dreamily in front of his eyes; James fell through the opening in the wall and out into the corridor, too exhausted to even feel any kind of relief at being out of Slytherin domain. He staggered up the brightly lit hallway, its walls swinging hypnotically from side to side. Reality was pulling unstoppably out of his grasp, and as his legs vanished into a realm of drowsiness and numbness, he did not feel a single thing as he fell headlong onto the floor.

**xXxXx**

Severus groaned. He felt absolutely awful. This had to be what a hangover was like. No; this was certainly worse. His head was splitting open and all the muscles in his body ached piercingly, as if he had been contorted into the most awkward positions possible. For a few moments, he failed to recall what had thrown him into such a foul condition. With great effort he blearily opened his eyes.

"Potter!" he spat out.

He wrapped an arm around the post at the foot of his bed and hauled himself up, wincing at the godawful protestations in his head. He gazed desolately at the ruins of the Slytherin dormitory, searching for the swine; but the door was hanging open and he was not there. Potter must have seized the opportunity and left while he was unconscious…

Severus' eyes gravitated to his trunk, at the carelessly crumpled letters from Lily that he had kept safe for so many years, scattered about as if they meant nothing… He couldn't hold back a soft whimper of pain.

Trying to ignore Potter's crimes, Severus looked instead at his bed and the bedside table, which seemed to have escaped Potter's unforgiving pillage. But wait –

He always put everything in the precise place where it belonged, so he knew exactly where it was; but one thing was wrong – just one. And it was lying down, on the edge of the table, its cork removed…

Consumed with dread, Severus descended like a vulture on the tiny precious vial, running his hands over the dry wood of the table and scanning the floor. There was no sign of a spillage anywhere, none at all. Shaking with the frantic thumping of his heart and struggling to decide just _how_ stupid Potter could be, Severus held the glass bottle to his eye to confirm his worst suspicions. But the horrific truth began to dawn on him before he saw that the bottle really _was_ empty:

James Potter had drunk the Dreaming Draught that contained Lily's hair.

**xXxXx**

**Ooooh what will happen to James? How will Lily find out what's gone on in the dungeons? All will be revealed next time! :)**

**Please please please let me know your thoughts and comments and REVIEW! Thank you :D**


	14. An Embarrassing Predicament

**A/N:**_ I want to give my heartfelt thanks to everyone who is reviewing, I'd dreamed of reaching 100 reviews and I am SO happy to have passed that mark, so thank you to every single one of you, you really fuel my inspiration to write!_

_Sorry this chapter was a bit delayed, work built up at the end of term and I'm terrible at concentrating on writing when I have loads of work I need to do… I apologise! More scenes were meant to be in this chapter, but they'll be posted shortly, and I hope this is entertaining for now - you can all laugh at James _:)

**Chapter 14: An Embarrassing Predicament**

"Oh Merlin…"

Severus staggered to the door of the sabotaged dormitory, expecting at any second to see Potter collapsed in the hallway with a cluster of very shocked and bemused Slytherins surrounding him. The moron had drunk every single drop of that Dreaming Draught, for crying out loud! Only one small sip last thing at night was quite sufficient for the drinker to drift off into beautiful dreams of their desire. But the whole lot – from such a heavy overdose Potter would have surely passed out by now, and that was not even the worst of it -!

However there was no disturbance in the dimly lit hallway, no sign at all of the idiotic Gryffindor. Spitting expletives in an attempt to assuage his floundering sense of panic, Severus swept down the narrow hallway and into the Common Room, prepared to find Potter sprawled out in there.

Yet everything in the Common Room also seemed perfectly normal. There were a few Slytherins mingling by the fire, but most seemed to have gone to dinner. Was Potter lying here somewhere under that darned Cloak of his? Severus meandered his way over to the exit, kicking around the floor a little harder than was strictly necessary to detect an invisible body lying there unconscious. He soon reached the door, his search fruitless. Perhaps he had made a mistake after all. Perhaps Potter had done something else with the potion and was already safely tucked away in Gryffindor Common Room with his book on the Dark Arts, plotting his imminent downfall…

Extremely aggravated by this thought, Severus decided he would have to make certain what had happened. If Potter _was_ lying about somewhere unconscious, he could simply take his book back. And if he wasn't… well, he would have to think up something quickly before that book ended up on the Headmaster's desk.

Severus hastened out of the Slytherin Common Room into the dungeon corridor, his eyes narrowing as they adjusted to the flickering torchlight. Shadows were darting about all over the floor, making it difficult to see… But then – Severus' heart launched itself up his throat and he nearly choked as it seemed to get lodged painfully somewhere just below his mouth – on the right side of the corridor, close to the stone wall, was unmistakeably a foot protruding from what could only be Potter's Invisibility Cloak. He had suspected it, but only now did it fully hit him –

"_Shit!"_

Severus cursed under his breath and let out an agonising sigh. Potter was clearly sprawled unconscious on the floor, and by now his secret was out – there was nothing he could do to stop Potter from realising that he had brewed a potion so that he could have perfect dreams of Lily Evans, where she layered him with passionate kisses and trailed her delicate fingers over every inch of his tingling skin, fulfilling every blazing desire and making sweet, nerve-shuddering love to him… But – Severus winced – he would _never_ find out just how well his potion had worked out, because stupid Potter had drunk the whole lot before he had given in to the temptation…

But even that lost opportunity paled in comparison to the comprehension that James would know. He would _know._

Severus' face contorted. He was not ignorant of how this would look to James. Of how this _was_.

He would be every bit the creep that James proclaimed he was – the sick, twisted creep who could barely keep his hands off Lily, let alone his watchful eyes, and, having miserably little hope of ever winning over a girl's heart (especially that of the prettiest girl in school), lived instead off his perverted fantasies – the most realistic fantasies physically possible. James wasn't to know that he had not tried the potion. He had made the Dreaming Draught with Lily's hair, fully aware of the consequences of drinking it. For all James knew, he could be entertaining himself every night with his own private, erotic role-play where Lily lavished herself upon his every whim…

A shiver of fear broke through his body, alerting Severus to the horrible reality of the situation. He had to do something, and _quickly_. Perhaps if he used _Levicorpus_ to take Potter down into one of the deserted dungeons, he could Obliviate his memory as soon as he showed signs of stirring…

Just as this plan occurred to him, Severus detected signs of movement at the far end of the corridor. Anxious not to be caught at the scene of the crime he quickly covered himself in the Disillusionment Charm, melting into the wall behind him. He strained to see who it was, hoping that it would merely be some Slytherins returning from dinner; but the people did not continue walking down the corridor. Instead, three heads were peering round the corner – three heads that belonged to Black, Pettigrew and Lupin.

_Oh, what fucking luck… _It seemed that the Marauders were in on Potter's _noble mission_ and were waiting for him to come out of the Slytherin Common Room at any moment… in vain. Severus stayed where he was, fully aware that if he moved they would notice the rippling effect. He could only hope that they would soon give up and leave…

But gradually the three Gryffindors gave up hiding at the end of the hallway. Lupin was pointing towards the foot on the floor and their astonished whispers carried down the corridor as they began to comprehend that it was their _friend_ lying there, mostly invisible. Severus groaned and banged his head back against the cold, hard wall. Trust this lot to meddle in his life as well as Potter!

Severus watched as the boys crept hurriedly down the hallway, all the while nervously checking that it was deserted. Then they sank to the floor around the lonesome foot marking where Potter lay hidden and shielded it from view as a few third year Slytherins passed by on their way back from supper. Keeping to the walls to hide his shadow, Severus drew nearer to the Gryffindors so that he could hear what was going on, all the while consumed with horror and at a total loss of what to do. When they thought that nobody else was around, the boys removed Potter's Cloak and revealed the unconscious boy lying there, just as Severus had dreaded. The three boys' faces were all taken over by shock.

"James!" Peter gasped as his eyes fell on the limp body of his friend.

"Hey, Prongs! Are you alright? _Prongs?_" Sirius hissed, giving James a nudge. James remained where he was lying on the floor, a faint smile on his face and his eyes closed, oblivious to the world.

"What's wrong with him?" Sirius said, his voice filled with panic as he looked to Remus for explanations.

"I don't know," Remus muttered, looping his arm under one of James' and beginning to heave him over to the wall. Sirius followed his lead and they set him up in a sitting position, his head tilting to one shoulder and his round glasses crooked on his nose.

"_James!"_ Sirius hissed again, as the three of them tried to rouse him – unsuccessfully. "Fuck! What the hell has happened to him? D'you think Snape cursed him?"

"It looks like it, doesn't it?" Remus whispered, and Severus could see that he looked scared. Merlin, that lot needed to pay more attention in Potions class, couldn't they see that it was an overdose that had rendered Potter in this state?

Peter had stood up and was scanning the hallway anxiously, clearly terrified out of his wits that an army of Slytherins, headed by none other than Severus himself, was going to suddenly erupt from the Common Room and curse them all with the same fate as James. Severus sucked in his breath and stayed very still, praying that he would not be seen and wondering how he had got embroiled in such a heinous predicament.

Suddenly Peter twisted round and Severus took a step closer to see what had happened.

"James…?"

Potter was stirring.

But he was not doing so knowingly. Severus cringed, fully aware of what was in the potion that Potter had taken, horribly conscious of what was making Potter behave this way in the draught-induced sleep. He watched, partly repulsed at the boy, partly repulsed at himself, as Potter twisted about and low moans began to break from his lips. Severus could only imagine what the boy was seeing… what he was _feeling_ at that moment… Just what was Lily doing in his dreams, the dreams that were meant for _him_…?

The other Gryffindors seemed none the wiser with Potter's movements and even more scared that he was not actually awake. They stared as James' cheeks grew increasingly flushed and his fingers awoke, moving as if to hold or stroke someone who wasn't there. His whimpers grew increasingly urgent and drove Severus to cast a Muffliato Charm around them all for fear of any passers-by hearing. As James was lost in Severus' deepest, most desperate fantasies of Lily, his lips began to curve up into a pleasured smile and he arched away from the wall, groaning loudly.

"Bloody hell!" whined Remus.

Severus shuddered, wishing he could turn away but finding his eyes glued firmly to James. The only thing he was thankful for was that the boy's robes were concealing anything further… But how it made him sweat – he felt as embarrassed as if _he_ was the one making an exhibition of himself there in front of the Marauders… after all, it was _his_ fantasies James was experiencing, _his_ potion that was doing this…

Finally, after much frantic debating and persistent shaking and hissing, the Marauders managed to rouse James into a semi-conscious state. His hazel eyes were glazed as he looked at his friends unseeingly and mumbled something incoherently.

"Go-way… 'M busy…"

"Wake up, James!" Sirius pleaded, "Please!"

"Leave me 'lone… Wanna sleep…" James slurred, turning his head away from Remus and emitting a sigh of gratification as his eyelids drooped down again. His hand began to drift towards his lap.

This finally seemed to give Remus inspiration. He suddenly whipped out his wand and pointed it right at James' head.

"_Rennervate!"_

At once all of the tension vanished from James' body and he sagged back against the wall, quite still. Then he started to blink. This time when his eyes found his friends' faces, he did not make any protests. He just looked at them for a moment, smiling softly, as if trying to figure out where he was.

"Oh thank Merlin," Remus sighed, so relieved at having finally woken James up that he seized his hand and squeezed it.

James began to look around and as he realised where he was his smile faded. Suddenly his eyes widened and fled back to meet Sirius and Remus', his cheeks reddening profusely. He hurriedly pulled his robes around him and scrambled upright, clearly afraid of what they had seen.

"Did I… Did I say anything?" James whispered hoarsely, chancing an anxious glance at his friends.

"Not exactly…" Sirius replied edgily, not letting on the whole story. James noticed him glancing shiftily at Remus and he uneasily tugged his robe over his lap again, moving a shaking hand to straighten his glasses. Sirius grasped his best friend's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him, but James did not look at all as if he had been put at ease.

"James, did Snape make you drink something?" Remus lowered his voice. "Or did he curse you with some kind of Dark Magic?"

James grimaced, a horrible expression of utmost regret on his face. "I thought it was a pain-reliever!" he wailed. "What else would it be on a bedside table?! Instead…"

He bowed his head and fidgeted with his hands.

"What?" pressed Sirius. "It was a sleeping draught, right?" he supplied.

James hesitated. "Yeah…" he said finally, though his voice was somewhat hollow. Severus knew he was lying – the boy wouldn't even meet his friends' eyes. "Yeah… that's right…"

"I think we should go back to Gryffindor Tower," Peter said. The others heartily agreed.

"Though I… I might need to go on a slight detour first," James said shamefully as his friends helped him to his feet. Severus noticed for the first time that one of his arms – the one that he had caught with his very own _Sectumsempra_ – was wrapped up in what looked suspiciously like a shirt of his. Right now though, he had far more serious worries to care about than that.

Paralysed against the cold stone wall, Severus watched Potter with trepidation, wondering if he was going to admit the details of the arousing dream to his friends. If Potter cracked and the other Marauders found out, he was convinced that the whole school would then know about his wretched Dreaming Sleep potion… and – Severus was now petrified – _Lily_ would know.

But then, he realised, it was bad enough that Potter knew what he had done…

Sure enough, as Potter regained more awareness, a look of comprehension began to dawn upon his face.

"Hang on…"

_No, no, NO! _Severus pleaded with fate to keep Potter silenced – but the situation had escaped from his control long, _long_ ago.

"What is it, Prongs?" Remus asked in concern.

James turned, looked back at the place he had fallen asleep, and then back at the entrance to the Slytherin Common Room. Then he looked like he was going to retch.

"Bastard!"

Severus barely heard it, but he knew what James had muttered under his breath, and he winced as he acknowledged that he deserved it.

James spun round to face his friends. "That's just sick!" he cried.

"_What_?" Remus urged.

Severus held his face in his hand, unable to look; he could hardly bear to listen to James' unbridled words.

"That was not _just_ a Sleeping Potion… It was made to give the drinker a _certain_ _kind_ of dream!" There was a pause where Severus could imagine James giving his friends a highly significant look. "A very _pleasurable_ dream."

There was such a loud intake of breath that Severus couldn't stop himself from looking up and he saw Peter momentarily clap his hands to his mouth. _Snape? _the boy mouthed, clearly astounded that someone seemingly so cold and unfeeling on the outside could have erotic desires simmering beneath.

Now James was shaking with barely suppressed anger. "It was about _Lily!_" he hissed, his voice seething with hatred.

There was a heated silence. Severus hardly dared to breathe. He peeked out from his curtains of black hair to deduce their reactions and could see Sirius wrinkling his face in revolted disgust.

Suddenly James let out a bellow, unable to contain his fury any more, and launched himself towards the Slytherin Common Room. "_I'm gonna kill him!_"

"_James!_" Remus and Sirius flung out their hands to grasp the boy wrestling madly in his fervour to get back to where he believed Severus to be. "Stop!"

Severus stood, frozen, utterly transfixed by the manic gleam in James' eyes as he stared in a direction disconcertingly close to where he was actually hiding, still concealed by his proficient Disillusionment Charm. James' friends were hushing his furious howls and they finally managed to quieten him before they got too many strange looks from the Slytherin students returning after dinner.

"Look… we can't do anything about this now… let's go and cool down," Remus suggested. James stopped fighting but Severus could see that the tension remained in his body, so much so that he was actually shaking. James took a deep breath and gave a terse nod. At last the four Marauders made their way down the corridor and then disappeared from view.

"Oh, what have I done…?" Severus whimpered, casting his head to the side in despair and letting his hair shield his face from the world. He wished to Merlin he could turn back time and had never even _brewed_ the blasted potion… what a mess he was in now. A chill spread up his spine as he realised the fate James Potter now held over him. He couldn't bear it if he broadcasted the subject of his dreams to the whole of Hogwarts… and what would Lily think if she found out? Would she be scared away? Would she turn her nose up in revulsion like Sirius had? She would have every reason to do so…

A wave of nausea pulsed through his body, very nearly succeeding in making Severus throw up. He had not even got his book back, he had been so distracted by the corrupting effects of the Dreaming Draught on Potter. But he felt too ill to try to wrestle it back off the Marauders now.

Wiping his brow with a clammy hand, Severus unsteadily turned about and made his way back to the Slytherin Common Room, careful to get back to his wrecked dormitory unnoticed. He felt far too sick to face dinner… and all those people… No, he wanted to be very alone. He sat down shakily on his bed and threw his face into his hands, digging his nails into his skin with the hope that the physical pain would lessen the horrendous turmoil revolving sickeningly inside.

**xXxXx**

Lily's eyes travelled again to the Portrait Hole. The Gryffindor Common Room was curiously calm for a Friday evening thanks to the flagrant absence of four rather boisterous boys. It was very peculiar, for they had missed dinner too. Lily had noted that Severus had not shown for dinner, either, although she suspected that was more to do with cleaning himself up after falling in the lake… Still, she had learned from experience that it was never a good sign when those five were missing.

Lily sighed, struggling to get down to finishing her Potions essay, but found herself checking the Portrait Hole once more in case James, Sirius, Remus and Peter had returned.

"Lily, you should just put your books away. I can see you're not in the mood to work."

Lily turned at the sound of Alice's voice. "Where are the boys?" she asked anxiously.

Alice laughed, closing Lily's textbook for her. "Why? Are you missing James?"

Lily didn't join in with the levity and instead fiddled with her quill. "They weren't at dinner… And it's getting late…" She checked her watch for the umpteenth time that evening. "It's after nine o'clock…"

"Relax, Lily," Marlene said languidly from where she was stretched out the sofa, tilting her head back over the armrest and smiling serenely. "Hey look – they're back now."

Lily dropped her quill and jumped to her feet. Sirius, Remus and Peter were climbing through the Portrait Hole – but James was not with them.

"Hello there, ladies!" Sirius said, grinning when he realised the girls' attention was upon him. Marlene blushed and scooted up to one end of the sofa.

"Sirius, where's James?" Lily found herself asking.

"Honestly, Lily," Mary giggled, "One moment you can't stand to be in the same room as James, and the next you can't wait to see him again!"

Lily ignored her friend, watching intently as Sirius exchanged significant looks with Remus and Peter.

"He's – err – he's in the Hospital Wing," Sirius answered, not quite meeting her eyes.

"James is ill?"

"Err–" Sirius glanced at his friends again. Lily could tell something strange was going on and it only fuelled her qualms…

"He's not ill, he just had a bit of an accident," Remus equivocated and gave her a reassuring smile.

"An _accident_?" Lily repeated doubtfully. Since when was James Potter, the most agile Chaser in the school, clumsy enough to have an _accident? _The boys could not pull the wool over her eyes and she could read between the lines; James had had a scuffle with someone, and she had a massive hunch she knew with whom. She had witnessed Severus' temper on many occasions and she suspected that she knew only the tip of his stockpile of curses; she would not wish _anyone _to be on the receiving end of such a thrashing…

"He'll be fine soon, Lily," Remus assured her, and beside him Peter nodded vigorously and looking delighted that she was taking such an interest in James.

"Don't worry sweetie," Alice said, squeezing her hand. "Come and sit with us. You heard Remus; James will be fine soon."

But what had happened to James? Was Severus okay too? Lily could not be swayed to give up so easily. "I think I'll go and visit him…" she sighed, making to move. The girls began to smile and say what a wonderful idea that was, but the boys could not have reacted more differently.

"No, don't do that!" Peter gasped. Their faces filled with horror so suddenly that Lily blinked in astonishment, and Sirius quickly leapt in front of her, barring her way. She frowned at their bizarre behaviour.

"Why not? I'm sure he wouldn't mind a visitor…" Beside her, the girls were quick to back her up. Since when would James turn her away?

Panicked, Peter glanced to Remus for help. "I don't think that would be the best idea right now," Remus said diplomatically. "James has been through a lot… He needs some time to himself."

"But-"

"I mean it, Lily. Don't go. It would only make his condition worse." Lily hesitated. She had never heard Remus remonstrate with her so sternly before, and if she admitted it to herself it was already nearly curfew. So she sank down onto the sofa and resigned herself to the fact that she would have to talk to James tomorrow to find out what had happened and to see for herself if he really was alright.

**xXxXx**

Snape's damned potion had meddled with his mind and now James couldn't stop thinking about the dream – the dream where Lily had been teasing him, playing with him, _wanting _him…

He shook himself abruptly and glanced around with caution. He felt as if he was caught in such a tight pickle. He desperately wanted to forget the dream, to shut it away forever in some dark corner of his memory where it would not interfere with everything going on around him – but any of the _tiniest_ thoughts of Lily engendered such vivid images from the dream crashing back into his mind and the sameself soaring pleasure he had felt came blazing back into his body… And he couldn't stop himself, it was so addictive, he couldn't deny himself a chance to relive the one glorious moment in his life where Lily had shown him some kind of affection – affection that even exceeded his most hopeful dreams.

But this was insane, this was wrong! He couldn't let himself do this when he could bump into Lily at any minute – they were in the same House for Merlin's sake – they lived and ate and socialised together – he should not keep thinking about her in this way!

Sure, he had been in love with her for a long time now, but he had _never_ imagined her _quite _how Severus had designed her in this corrupting potion… And he had to _stop!_ Lily would _know_, of that he was certain – if she saw him now, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from instantly imagining her as she was in that dream… advancing on him in nothing but lacy black underwear, her green eyes saturated with focused lust, her lips declaring her undying love before they sealed his own lips…

_But no! _He could not let himself think of such things, he knew he was totally rubbish at concealing his thoughts and then what would Lily think of him when she found out how he was picturing her? She would be appalled, of that he was sure, she would hate him forever, and yet it was not even his fault!

James tried desperately hard to make himself a resolution to stop thinking about Lily so sexually, to even stop thinking about her at all. But that tiny potion had sown the seed of desire in his mind and now it had rapidly flourished into a great tree, bearing beautiful flowers and delicious fruit, and filling all of his thoughts – it was too great to move, too deep-rooted to shove into one corner of his mind – it was ever present, undeniably, taunting and flaunting itself and its enticing lure in front of his very eyes – and he could not escape…

Sweating madly while he had laid in the Hospital Wing, James had considered asking Madam Pomfrey for help. She could fix most things – she had managed to stop the bleeding from Snape's curse, although she had difficulty encouraging the wound to heal and had warned him that she did not know how to stop the scarring. So he expected that she would be able to whirl up some kind of remedy for the after-effects of the dreaming potion… But that would involve admitting what he had drunk and what kind of dreams he had had… which would be so excruciatingly embarrassing that he just could not bring himself to do it. James would rather lose a game of Quidditch than admit to any teacher he was addicted to watching Lily Evans behaving so naughtily in his head that she would definitely earn much more than just a detention for _those_ antics.

So he had gulped down his hot chocolate, politely thanked Madam Pomfrey and left quietly without mentioning a word about the dreaming potion. He made sure that by the time he crossed Gryffindor Common Room, it was two o'clock in the morning and everyone else – namely Lily – would be safely out of the way in bed.

He also made sure that he was the first down at six-thirty in the morning and out on the frosty Quidditch pitch before she even woke up.

A full day of Quidditch training came as a tremendous relief. It was great to be flying through the fresh autumnal air, putting his heart into the sport he loved, concentrating on catching and swerving and scoring. He was concerned about seeing Lily come lunch time, but Professor McGonagall brought them sandwiches and cakes down to the Quidditch pitch in her eagerness for them to practise hard and win the first game of the year, which was of course to be against Slytherin. Then later in the afternoon Sirius, Remus and Peter came to watch him from the stands, cheering him on encouragingly. And so, while images of Lily still hovered on the edges of his thoughts, for a few blessed hours they no longer dominated him.

But by the time James landed on the ground, his body aching and his hair wildly windswept, he couldn't ignore the nudge of fear that poked him persistently in the ribs, reminding him that he might very soon be forced to encounter Lily. Yet he felt safer with his friends, and so he gratefully hurried over to them as they came down from the stands.

"Well, how was I?"

Sirius flung himself at James in a big bear-hug and roared, "Brilliant, as always! I bet Gryffindor will flatten Slytherin in the upcoming game!" He pulled away and sniffed tentatively. "Mate, you smell."

"Oh thanks," James buffeted Sirius playfully over the head as they made their way back to the castle.

"Did you realise we had to put up with a very angry Lily today?" Remus asked conversationally. "She was furious that we let you play Quidditch today after you were in the Hospital Wing only last night. Did you know she wanted to visit you?"

James paled dramatically. "She – she did?" he asked warily.

Sirius gave a start. "Jeez, Prongs, I'd have thought you'd have been happier to hear that," he exclaimed. "It looks like she's been taking more of an interest in you recently."

James let out a huge groan. "Great…! That's just what I need right now!" he whimpered as they climbed up the marble staircase. "She – she won't be in the Common Room, will she?"

"Bloody hell, was the dream really that bad?"

James fidgeted uncomfortably in his dirty Quidditch robes, finding it awkward talking about Lily in _this_ way with his friends. "It wasn't a _bad_ dream," he assented. "It felt bloody good at the time, but now I can't get it out of my head!"

"Is that so bad?" Sirius chuckled.

"It fucking well is!" James yelped. "I can't stop imagining her like that, if Lily realises she'll never come near me again! Listen, if Snape had made her do those things to him in real life, he would be in _serious_ trouble."

"Couldn't you get the bottle?" Peter piped up. "Then we could take it to McGonagall!"

"Nah," James sighed. "I drank all of that blasted potion. And I'm sure Snape will have removed all of the evidence by now."

"You've still got the book, though," Remus reminded him. "When are you going to take it to Dumbledore?"

"Not yet… I want to show it to Lily first, so she realises Snape's true character… she won't be able to refute it after she has seen what is in that foul book. But – but not tonight. I can't see her tonight. I need some time first…"

"Well don't hang around too long, Prongs," Sirius warned him as they reached the entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room, "or else Snape might try and get that book back from you. _Nova lux._"

"Wait-!" James grabbed Sirius' arm as he made to go through the opening Portrait Hole. "If you – if you see Lily in there – give me a signal, and – I won't come in."

"James, aren't you overreacting?" Remus ventured, but he quickly shrank back from the defiant ferocity in James' eyes. "Sorry…" he muttered wisely.

Chuckling, Sirius casually sauntered into the Common Room, followed keenly by Peter. James hovered just out of sight and peered around the frame, watching as Sirius stopped, looked about the room, and then turned back. He shook his head, smirking all the while.

"Phew…!" James leapt exuberantly through the Portrait Hole, feeling more at ease than he had in nearly twenty-four hours. He grinned as he joined Sirius, who had raised his eyebrows comically. "Thank Merlin she's not here!" he whispered delightedly.

"Err, James…?!"

Confused at the look of complete shock on Peter's face, James followed his line of sight over towards the fireplace, where he saw the girls sitting in the squashy chairs – and _Lily_.

"What are you playing at, Padfoot? _You said Lily wasn't in here!_" James hissed furiously, rounding on Sirius who had thrown back his head and was laughing wholeheartedly.

"I shook my head, James, obviously that signal meant 'it's not safe to come in'…!"

"Argh!" James tore on his own hair in frustration at the blunder and ducked down behind the nearest sofa.

"James-?"

_Oh no. No, no, no…_ He knew that voice…

He slowly straightened up, wishing he could ignore the girl; but it was _Lily_, how could he ignore her, no matter how much he was afraid of what would happen when he set eyes on her?

"I, err…" He gulped, trying to come up with some excuse for why he was hiding behind the sofa, but his brain had frozen. His eyes were drawn to Lily, who was standing there watching him curiously, and as he met her gaze he felt as if he had suddenly lurched back into Severus' lubricious dream and he shuddered involuntarily.

"I – I didn't – I mean –" He couldn't even speak now, his mind was so stuck inappropriately on Lily – even now as he stared at her, watching him so innocently, all he could focus on was how her lovely red hair had tumbled down onto his skin and tickled him, on how those eyes had drawn close to his, on how those lips had parted with yawning desire… James could feel the moment stretching out – his heart was racing frantically – Lily was staring at him – his cheeks were burning as if he had been blasted by a dragon -

"S-sorry – don't think that – it's not that – you –"

All of a sudden James realised he was spouting complete rubbish and ran a hand through his ruffled hair. Lily was looking at him in such a becoming, enquiring way, with her almond-shaped eyes filled with confusion, that she was sending unbearable tingles rippling out of control throughout his entire body. He blushed an even deeper shade of red than the Quidditch robes he was wearing and feverishly tried to work out how he could escape from this painfully awkward situation.

As his Animagus instincts took over, James did the first thing that came to mind: he bolted over to the boys' staircase, mumbling something about a shower, and scrabbled up the stairs. He was so desperate to reach the safety of his dormitory that halfway up he tripped over on the steps, and while he was clambering shakily to his feet he heard Lily's voice diffusing up from below as she turned to her friends for an explanation –

"Have I – have I done something wrong…?"

**xXxXx**

Severus remained in the dungeons of the castle for the duration of Saturday, occupying his mind and his time with the tuition of several of his Slytherin classmates as the Dark Lord had requested. He did not trust himself to show in the Great Hall for meals; he could imagine Potter gloating at his success in stealing his treasured Dark Arts book and he knew that it would take very little for him to half murder the thief, irrespective of whether the whole school was present.

Instead he channelled his fury and plots for revenge into instructing his friends; it was strangely satisfying, watching them pick up his spells. Not only did he have the profound entertainment of observing them practise on each other, he was able to lead them and correct them; _he_ was the one in control for once. For the first time as a lowly half-blood, he had the other Slytherins looking up to him, listening with respect and admiration.

But it was also satisfying for a third reason. He knew that some day, these curses of his own cunning invention would find their way to the very target that had first inspired his experimenting – the arrogant blood traitor Potter. And Severus knew that by obliging the Dark Lord's insistent request, he was well on the way to becoming one of his most trusted, respected followers – and once he was an imperious Death Eater, James Potter would never dare to cross him again. James Potter would rue the day he was foolish enough to steal Severus Snape's most treasured book and lay his hands on his private letters from Lily.

**xXxXx**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please let me know what you think – comments, compliments and constructive criticism all welcome! Next time (which is already half-written): we find out what happens to the book, Lily's reaction to finding out about the potion, and Severus has a clash with James.**

**Just a few thank you's – **

**Kadjaclone100: so glad you enjoyed the last chapter, yes Severus can be quite scary but his volatile nature is what makes him such a fun character! Things will turn in his favour soon, don't worry!**

**IceQueen69: I really want to portray James fairly – neither as solely good or solely bad. I'm so pleased that you picked up on that :)**

**Guest: Thank you so much for your kind words! I can't tell you how this story will end, and we are not near the end yet, but I hope you will enjoy the story as it progresses!**


	15. The Secret is Out

**A/N: **_The next chapter – and another opportunity to laugh at James! I don't hate him really, but it is fun to laugh at him all the same, he does deserve it!_

**Chapter 15: The Secret is Out**

"Lily – could I – err – have a word?"

When Lily looked up to see James, pushing his glasses nervously up the bridge of his nose, she could not have been more surprised.

"Okay…" She scrutinised him intently, wondering if he was going to explain why he had been avoiding her yesterday evening and all of today. After spending much of yesterday searching for Severus – to no avail – today she had faced her large pile of homework and started to work her way through it in the Common Room, as was the custom for a Sunday; but apparently this mundane behaviour was sufficient to keep James bound to the boys' dormitory. The girls had been at a total loss of an explanation and the other Marauders had been as tight-lipped as clams. So what had sparked his sudden change?

Lily followed him over to one of the windows overlooking the grounds, out of earshot of anyone else – including the other boys, who she noticed had now appeared by the fire. It was unusual for James to be so secretive; normally he would bellow anything and everything across the Common Room, the Great Hall, even class. She turned back to look at him enquiringly and instantly his eyes flitted away.

"What-" she began.

James held up his hand and dived in. "I have something to show you."

It took Lily a moment to register what he had said, and then her expression turned to one of surprise. Whatever she had expected James to confess, it was not this.

"I had a – an encounter with Snape, and I came away with something of his." James shifted uncomfortably, and it was only then that Lily noticed he was holding something behind his back. "I understand that you are familiar with this book…"

A deep, horrible sense of dread seeped through her body as time slowed down to a crawl and she watched James hold out the ancient tome in his hands, which were trembling slightly. She stared transfixed at the cover, at those words that cut her so deeply, the words that Severus spoke with such a caress: 'THE DARK ARTS'. Her heart began to thrum wildly in her chest.

"The last thing I want to be is insensitive, Lily, but I really believe you need to have another look at what the book contains…"

"N-now?" Lily stuttered, glancing up at James in surprise. He was watching her warily, as if concerned that she would break down in terror at the sight of the book. If truth be told, she was scared, very scared; but there was also a tiny part of her that was excited, desperate to see if she had made a mistake – if all along Severus really had been doing nothing wrong…

"I understand if you are afraid, but you must be aware of what dark activities Sniv – I mean, _Severus_ – is engaging in – you can't go on ignoring it any longer."

"I know," Lily whispered, nodding ever so slightly. Severus himself had told her that she needed to confront the book and reconsider its contents – and here was the opportunity before her.

Gingerly James began to thumb through the pages, seemingly was worried that just by touching the terrible book he would be contaminated by it. A myriad of pictures and names began to fan in front of her eyes, things she had thought were forgotten – things she had _wished_ were forgotten, but were very much real here right now…

James was solemnly running a commentary on the various divisions of Dark Magic in the book that had belonged to Severus' grandfather. "Look at this: Inferi, necromancy, sacrifices, poisons, disfigurement, possession, mind control… These are not harmless subjects, Lily. These are dark, very dark."

Lily didn't need James to tell her how dark these subjects were. But it couldn't be – she knew Severus – she _knew_ he was good inside. There had to be a mistake… There had to be counter-curses and protective charms, healing potions and other ways to reverse and defend against such Dark Magic somewhere here in this book's pages – hadn't that been what Severus had told her? He was just learning how to defend himself, wasn't that right? He would not lie to her, surely…? And she alone had seen that under his spiky exterior and closed expressions, Severus had a sensitive heart just like her, he really did, so he could not possibly be so callously inhuman as to devote himself all these horrific, twisted arts, he couldn't be… He wouldn't ruin himself like this; he wouldn't do this to her; she _had_ to believe there was a mistake –

"_Stop!"_

Struck with panic, Lily cried out and hastened forward to shut the book – to stem the fear and doubt that was threatening to overturn the faith in her best friend that she clung to so desperately. As her hand brushed the tarnished, leathery cover an unexpected prickling leapt up her arm – a sensation strangely reminiscent of the thrill of excitement, tempered by nervousness, that Severus' power evoked in her whenever he was close. She gave a gasp and dropped the book. James looked up at her in surprise.

Lily took a deep, calming breath. She could not afford to let James know why she so urgently needed to read the book for herself, to assure herself that Severus was not the dark character James was ascribing him to, that there was nothing wrong in what she felt for him.

"I am confiscating this book," she announced finally in a deadpan voice.

"You're – _what?!_" James stared at her in alarm and grabbed the book. "Wait – you can't do that!"

Lily fired up defensively. "I am a Prefect, James, I can confiscate whatever I consider to be inappropriate!" she said shrilly and held out her hand.

"But-" James looked at her, aghast. When she stared back at him resolutely he finally admitted defeat. "What are you going to do with it?" he said glumly, his eyes wandering apprehensively to where Sirius, Remus and Peter were chatting by the fire, happily unaware of what was going on. Now she understood _exactly_ what was going on, and she felt incredibly angry on her best friend's behalf. She had no idea how James had managed to 'come away' so easily with Severus' precious book, when she herself had seen neither hide nor hair of it since they were aged eleven, but she would be very surprised indeed if Severus was idiot enough to parade about with such a controversial text in the corridors. She had been told enough to realise that the boys had plotted to steal this book to incriminate Severus and doubtlessly bring about his expulsion.

"Whatever I see fit," Lily replied tersely. But she would certainly _not_ let Severus get expelled, even if it was just for the reason that she did not want to condone James' conspiracy and for him to be rewarded for stealing another student's belongings.

She reached out and pulled the book from James' hands, striving to ignore the currents of tingling magic radiating continuously into her hands. Then, feeling as guilty as if she was carrying illegal articles, she rushed it up to her dormitory and quickly locked it in her trunk. She wouldn't dare let the other girls see it. They would no doubt tell her she was a fool for trying to find anything redeeming in that book, and Mary would be unable to sleep a wink knowing such a dark object lay in the very same room as her. No, only when the others were asleep would she bottle up the courage to take it out again and find out what exactly lay within Severus' most treasured book.

**xXxXx**

James walked down to the Quidditch Pitch alone and rather morosely that evening. A white full moon hung in the indigo sky, the incontrovertible reason why Remus was currently in the Hospital Wing, preparing himself for a difficult night. Sirius, Remus' partner for the Vallatus class, was with Remus on the pretext of giving him support, seeing as he could not partake in tonight's lesson on his own anyway. But James suspected that Sirius had refused to come to the class with him and observe Dumbledore's tuition for a significantly less noble reason.

Sirius had been absolutely livid that he had allowed Lily to take the book on the Dark Arts – their ONE ticket to securing Snape's expulsion. After accusing James of letting his perception become clouded by infatuation with a girl, and riling James into a particularly heated argument, Sirius had stormed out of the Common Room. Peter had also looked at him disappointedly before following Sirius.

Remus had been more understanding, assuring him that Lily would never excuse anyone for involving themselves in the Dark Arts, which was true, but the boy always grew rather tetchy the evening before the full moon and had snapped at James when he kept bringing the subject up. Subsequently they had lapsed into an awkward silence and when they met up with Sirius and Peter for dinner, it was a noticeably tense affair.

Sirius would get over it soon enough, James was sure about that – they still had enough ammunition from Friday's escapades with which to harass Snivellus delightfully – but he had a rather more pressing issue to contend with: two hours spent performing the Vallatus Charm with Lily. That in itself would be difficult enough.

But James _knew_ what kind of connection the charm opened up; he knew that it was not just each other's inner voice they could hear – every image, every sensation, _every single thought_ was shared.

This was a recipe for disaster! If Lily had not already worked out what was going on when he looked at her - what forbidden images and fitful yearning she sparked in him with a single glance - she soon would, once their minds were linked by the Vallatus Charm. What a _nightmare!_

James didn't even join Lily, Alice and Frank, who were chatting merrily on the pitch; instead he stood off to one side, trying not to lose his head completely in the dire sense of panic that was now consuming him like a sickness; he wanted to postpone all contact with Lily until absolutely necessary. Dumbledore's instructions for the lesson passed all too quickly and right over his head. Still, he only needed to know one thing: producing a joint Patronus Charm was not going to be anywhere near as easy this week compared to last. He groaned and turned to face Lily, wondering how in the name of Merlin's pants he would be able to stop his mind from betraying him to her.

**xXxXx**

After last week's draining adventure, Severus was somewhat unwilling to witness this week's Vallatus class. However he was conscious of his promise to the Dark Lord and the role he bore as a key informant, and thus he found himself dutifully sitting on a cold bench in the Quidditch stands, drinking a Pepper-Up potion to keep himself warm and alert in case of any more fun and games with Pettigrew, Dumbledore, or the Aurors – or, God forbid, a rampaging werewolf – for Severus was always highly aware of the lunar cycle now that he knew Lupin was transforming into a savage creature every month.

Yet Severus need not have worried. He was left in perfect peace to watch the spectacle going on in front of him – and it was so entertaining that he soon found himself enjoying it immensely.

Yes, Potter was having severe issues, and for Severus there was nothing more enjoyable to witness than that. He knew by now that to cast the Vallatus Charm, Lily and James would have to take each other's hand and hold eye-contact. But James was making a meal out of just those basics, dithering about pathetically so that he could put off taking Lily's hand, and then avoiding her eyes – consequently their attempts at the charm failed, for the first time in all their training.

It was instantly obvious to Severus what was troubling Potter so – the dreams about Lily he'd had after drinking the Dreaming Draught must have made him highly embarrassed to be in her presence. Severus was at first unsure whether Lily was aware of this, but it soon become clear that she was surprised at their unsuccessful charm and confused by James' behaviour. Severus was incredibly relieved – Potter was probably too mortified to admit to Lily the dream he had experienced, and that was all the better for him.

They had several more tries, which seemed to only worsen Potter's frame of mind, so that soon he was refusing to look at Lily altogether. Severus laughed softly under his breath, pleased to see that something good had come of the incident with the Dreaming Draught, and took another sip of his Pepper-Up potion.

"James, we need to look into each other's eyes when we cast the charm, remember?" he heard Lily say. James twitched edgily and shot her a nervous glance.

"Sure," he replied, although he did not sound very sure in himself.

Finally the pair managed to make a Vallatus, but Potter was such a complete mess and flinched so much when the golden bubble flew out from their wandtips to surround them that he shattered the charm within seconds.

By now Severus was in fits of laughter, wincing at the stitch in his side as he tried to stay silent. He admittedly felt sorry for Lily, who had to try to work with such a nervous wreck; she was looking more flustered and upset each time they failed. But it was exceedingly amusingly watching Potter create such a fiasco.

Potter continued to be absolutely hopeless each time they made a Vallatus, a slave to panic every time the connection was formed between him and Lily. Yet with each short-lived attempt, Lily seemed to pick up some idea of what was bothering James and eventually she stopped him.

"Listen, James… I know you've got something on your mind, but… can we just deal with it after?" Severus heard her plead. Her voice revealed nothing of how much she had guessed and so Severus was left in the dark, for he did not know exactly what kind of connection the Vallatus opened up and just how utterly useless Potter was at controlling his thoughts.

James nearly fell off his broom in shock, to Severus' absolute glee. He stared at Lily, mouthing wordlessly, then gulped and nodded in agreement.

From then on, Lily and James were more successful in creating their Vallatus, but it was noticeably less powerful than last week. James appeared to somewhat get a grip on himself, but he was still pretty dire all lesson, bursting the Vallatus every time Lily looked in his eyes.

By the time the class ended, Severus the most satisfied he had been all weekend. Watching Potter fail had to be the best mood-enhancer possible. Wondering how he could create a personal Pick-Me Up potion based on such a notion, Severus trailed Lily and James back up to school, this time not forgetting to check that he was still covered by the Disillusionment Charm. He was just about to descend to the dungeons when he saw Lily drawing aside James, who had been unusually quiet.

Frowning, Severus watched as they mounted the marble staircase and then went into the nearest classroom, instead of joining the others on their way back to the Gryffindor Tower. Overcome with curiosity, he darted up the staircase and put his ear to the door. As the footsteps of the other students faded away, he could hear Lily's voice from within. Then he realised the door was not quite closed; he tentatively pushed it so that it moved ajar a few inches. Inside an empty classroom, shrouded in grey shadows, he saw Lily and James standing between a row of desks, their broomsticks resting together on the end. Severus did not dare to open the door any wider so that he could slip inside, but from this vantage point he could hear and watch them well enough.

"Can you please explain?" he heard Lily ask. "I could tell some of what was going on in your mind but I'm rather confused… what has Severus got to do with all this?"

Severus' heart sped up at the sound of his name and he listened in more attentively. James was twisting anxiously on the spot.

"I – err –" He swallowed. "I drank this potion that belonged to Snivellus… and… well it wasn't what I thought it was…"

"Yes?" Lily pressed him.

James raised his head but Severus could see he was looking past her. "It made me dream… well…" His words dried up and Severus knew the shame that must be flooding over James at that moment.

"…It involved _you_."

Lily's voice was quiet. "And?"

James remained silent, unable to explain or even meet her eyes. However she didn't seem to need him to answer. She looked down sadly.

"It was a rather erotic dream, wasn't it?" Lily whispered and then bit her lip. "I saw it." James' head shot up in alarm. "When we were in the Vallatus. I could see what was bothering you," she explained.

Even at this distance Severus could see James' eyes widen in horror. Then his face contorted with pain.

"I'm so sorry, Lily! I couldn't stop it! I didn't know that it-"

"It's okay," Lily cut over him, her voice gentle and soothing. "I know." She sagged down onto a desk, staring at the floor. Severus was desperate to know what was on her mind – what she thought of him now she knew what he had done – but her face was a unreadable mask. He wished she would say something.

After a long time she sighed. "I'm sorry… that must have been awkward for you…" she said, looking up at James.

"What do you mean?" he asked in surprise.

"Well…" Lily spluttered. "Seeing what Severus wanted to dream about…"

Severus got the impression that, at the time, James had very much enjoyed the dream. But the boy did look rather uncomfortable now, standing there in front of Lily. She looked highly uncomfortable too. She fingered her wand and looked away, out through the window, lost in thought.

"Aren't you – aren't you cross with him?" James blurted out.

Lily looked round at the sound of James' voice.

"Cross? Why would I be cross?"

James studied her incredulously. "Because-!" But Lily's enquiring look made him falter and he did not elaborate any further. "Never mind," he muttered dejectedly.

They lapsed back into silence, Lily's gaze lowered to her wand, which she was rolling pensively between her fingers, and James gazing at her, his expression morphing from disbelief into something much more profound. Severus watched in surprise as James' eyes filled with solemnity and a grievous pain riddled every inch of his features, in such haunting contrast to his usual carefree air. Lily was unaware of this revelation but Severus truly thought the boy was about to keel over from some kind of chronic internal pain.

James continued to cling vainly to the very sight of Lily with a tangible atmosphere that Severus knew well – a feeling that he was about to sacrifice the one thing that mattered most to him in the world. He appeared to be was summoning up every ounce of his courage for what he was going to do next – what, Severus had no idea. His voice trembled as he spoke.

"Lily – I – I also saw –" Her eyes met his and James rapidly blanched, leaning weakly against the desk behind him.

"James, are you alright?" Lily asked, her voice full of concern.

"Well… it's just I – oh, nothing, I'm probably wrong…" he gave up despondently. He sent her a weak smile but Severus was not convinced and neither was Lily, who appeared even more anxious at the way he had tightly closed up.

"You know… I think I dropped something as we were walking back, I think I'll go back and look for it," James announced, gesturing vaguely. "Would you mind taking my broom back to the Common Room?"

"Oh–! Of course not, but – don't you want some help looking?"

Severus saw James' eyes flicker to the window and gleam with the silvery moonlight than hovered in the still night air. "No thanks Lily, you go to bed… I'll be fine…"

James gave Lily one last look of longing then walked over to the door, leaving his broomstick next to Lily's on the desks. Severus only darted to one side just in time; a second later James had opened the door and was hurrying out down the staircase, running a hand nervously through his hair as he did so. Severus crept over to the balustrade and looked down to see James sneaking out through the great oak doors into the night. Surely the idiot had enough sense to know it was suicidal to wander the grounds alone when there was a bloodthirsty werewolf on the loose…? Severus didn't doubt for a second that Potter had made up the story of having lost something, but he couldn't fathom what else the boy would be up to at this time of night, particularly on his own.

He was just debating whether or not to follow Potter, to see if he could catch him getting up to mischief, when he heard a soft voice cast a spell. He spun round and saw Lily through the doorway – a gleaming silver doe stood before her and her face was illuminated with its soft white light. She had cast her Patronus again – and Severus' breath was taken away, all previous thoughts evaporated. He stared, mesmerised, as she knelt down and whispered to the doe.

"Tell Severus I have his book, and that it is in safe hands."

The doe looked at her peculiarly for a moment and then walked slowly over to the doorway. As the meaning Lily's words registered in his brain, Severus suddenly realised his mistake of remaining there – that omniscient doe was going to reveal his presence again! Hissing in frustration he tried to creep quickly and stealthily down the corridor, hoping he could whip around the corner in time, but he had not got far when he realised the Patronus was right behind him. He turned warily, his spine tingling with fear. The doe stood there, looking up at him knowingly with great big grey eyes; and then, to Severus' shock, it vanished.

He sighed heavily, not realising until then how long he had been holding his breath. Thank goodness the Patronus had known that he had heard the original message it was meant to convey, otherwise Lily would –

A movement distracted Severus from his thoughts and his eyes flickered to the doorway. Lily was standing there, looking right at him in puzzlement. But he still had the Disillusionment Charm upon him! She must have seen the doe vanish! Severus nearly yelped in fear. Yet perhaps, if he stayed perfectly still, she might not think he was there…

But Lily didn't move. She continued to watch his spot on the hallway, as if _knowing_ he was lingering. Her lips twitched.

"Severus?"

_Damn it,_ Lily had such a quick mind, of course she would have deduced the reason why the Patronus vanished! But he just couldn't bring himself to admit he had been spying, to face up to the truth – to look Lily in the eye and confess that he had brewed the potion so that he could spend the nights dreaming of her loving him so perfectly. No; he would pretend he was not there, he would wait out all night if so be it – and he would make Lily think she had been wrong.

After a moment of still silence Lily sighed and went back into the classroom to fetch the brooms. Severus remained as motionless as a statue. When Lily came out again and turned to head back to Gryffindor Tower, her eyes hovered for a moment on the spot at his feet where the silver doe had vanished.

This time her smile was unmistakeable.

"Oh, Severus," she laughed, and she headed down the corridor, leaving Severus standing there wondering what on earth he had done that was so funny.

**xXxXx**

After a night of Padfoot and Prongs keeping their ailed friend company in the Shrieking Shack, James and Sirius trailed wearily up through the castle back to their beds for an hour's sleep before the day started. All disagreement was forgotten in the face of their friend's suffering and their united desire to help him.

"I hope he's alright," James said worriedly, for the umpteenth time.

"He'll only be on his own for a few more minutes before he transforms back," Sirius reassured him. "We'll visit him in the Hospital Wing before breakfast, make sure he's comfortable and has enough chocolate to get through the day."

James couldn't hold back a smile that rapidly morphed into a yawn. "Poor Moony."

"He'll be fine. He bites and scratches himself less when we stay with him. If he's feeling down then… we'll promise him that we will remind Snivellus of his little tumble in the lake and then describe to Remus exactly what his face looks like… that's bound to cheer him up."

"Yeah," James laughed.

There was a sound of clicking heels up ahead and the boys' eyes rounded. They each flung themselves behind a suit of armour and watched as Madam Pomfrey appeared and bustled past them towards the staircase they had just climbed up. Luckily, with her expecting that all the students would still be in bed at such an early hour, she did not notice them.

"Phew, I bet she'd go nuts if she knew we were playing about with Moony all night," James said as they hurried on their way again.

"You're right on that one," Sirius agreed before yawning. "Merlin he wears me out. I'd kill for a lie-in – but I s'pose if we can have some fun with Snivellus at breakfast, it won't be so bad…" His grey eyes twinkled and met James' gaze. The boys grinned mischievously.

**xXxXx**

Of course, Severus was wrong to hope that Monday morning would be as dull and mundane as every other Monday morning usually was. He was minding his own business, reading over his potions essay while he ate breakfast, when he heard some shuffling behind him. As he closed his eyes, praying his suspicions were wrong, someone leaned over him and taunted him loudly in his ear.

"_Someone_ fell in the Lake the other evening, isn't that right Snivellus?"

The other Slytherins sitting around him looked up at the owner of the lofty voice curiously. Severus bent his spoon in uncontained frustration and twisted round to glare at Potter, failing to keep an ugly blush from suffusing his cheeks under the stares his housemates were giving him. Potter smirked as he stood back up and Sirius voiced his view on the matter before Severus could even snap a reply.

"I bet you felt right at home in there, snake; just look at you, you're even colder and slimier than the Giant Squid! Pity you didn't decide to stay in there," he jeered.

Next to him Pettigrew laughed loudly, his eyes alight with glee. Potter nodded wisely. "So true, Snivellus; I can't believe you had to be _rescued_ by a wild animal!"

At this the other Slytherins began to mutter amongst themselves, indignant at the insults directed towards their house as well as intrigued to learn whether there was truth in the accusations. It only served to fire up Severus like a wild Hungarian Horntail forced in captivity.

"Scarring nicely, Potter?" he returned with a sneer. Around him the Slytherins sniggered.

James' smile faltered. "I could get you expelled for that – and _more,_" he replied, his voice low but very much threatening. Severus took his meaning instantly, for he knew that his book on the Dark Arts in the hands of a teacher would most definitely earn him an expulsion, and he leapt to his feet, lowering his voice to a poisonous whisper.

"I could get you expelled for trespassing and thieving, so there is no need to take that superior tone with _me_, Potter. Besides, I know the book to which you are referring to be no longer in your possession."

Something shrank in James' eyes and Severus felt a surge of exultation at witnessing the Gryffindor's waning confidence, particularly as he could also feel the attention of many of the Slytherins upon them.

"Lily will do what is _right_ with that foul book," James hissed warningly.

"Certainly, she will return it to its rightful owner," Severus calmly replied.

"You-!" James balled his hands into tight fists, but before he could launch himself at Severus, there was a heavy scraping noise as several Slytherins, including Rosier, jumped up in defence of their housemate, while Sirius latched himself onto James' arm, making him list to one side. Severus met Rosier's eyes and inclined his head in thanks, and they both smirked at the tousling Gryffindors before them.

"He's not worth it, Prongs," Sirius was whispering.

"You should take heed of that, Potter," Severus said silkily. "It's not worth fighting, you know who will win in the end."

"The ones who have the courage to fight for what is _right!_" James snapped angrily, straining against Sirius' hold.

"Oh, no," Severus purred, his voice dangerous. "The ones who have the brains to _think _before they plunge in will succeed in the end." His eyes travelled to Professor McGonagall, who had just appeared behind the wrestling boys, and he could not hold back a triumphant leer. He knew the draconian principles that the Gryffindor Head of House cleaved to, and there would be no favouritism here when her students were causing trouble.

"What on earth is the matter with you, Potter, Black?" she asked disapprovingly, making the oblivious boys jump out of their skin. Pettigrew skulked behind, trying to not be noticed.

"Potter was trying to assault me, Professor," Severus leapt in before the Gryffindors could get a word in edgeways. As Potter sent daggers at him, McGonagall tutted and shook her head.

"Indeed." She frowned upon the boys, making Potter and Black disentangle themselves sheepishly. "I shall take five points from Gryffindor for such ridiculous behaviour – and at this time of day-! Honestly, your behaviour is only made worse when Mr Lupin is not with you. Now go and sit at your own table or head off to class, enough of this stupidity."

Severus sat down smugly, watching Potter and Black skulk over to the Gryffindor table with rather less swagger than usual. Potter turned back to glare at him, infuriated by the turn of events, but Severus just raised his eyebrows and smirked. It was high time Potter realised that he would not be cowed into giving way, regardless of what the jerk knew about his intense feelings for Lily following his consumption of the potion; it was high time he realised that he would have to fight much more cleverly if he wanted to win the battle for Lily.

**xXxXx**

**So – now you know Lily's initial reaction to the book and the heated dream in which she was so heavily involved. Next time we'll see more of her thoughts as she begins to comprehend how Severus really sees her. Sorry if the story seems a bit slow-moving at the moment – there's so much more I want to write, I just don't have enough time! But I do hope you're enjoying it. As always, please review, your comments mean the world to me, and if there is anything you would like to see in the next few chapters, please do tell me! I'll try to oblige if I can!**

**Just a few thank you's –**

**Kadajclone100: You're right, Severus and James are fairly evenly matched and they both left the dungeons with severe problems of their own. But now that Lily has Severus' book, and she didn't appear too appalled when she found out about the Dreaming Draught, things aren't going too bad for him. He's not one to give up easily :D**

**Icequeen69: Yes, Severus does have a tough life. But hopefully Lily can take the edge off it for him :)**

**On another note, has anyone else seen The Hobbit? It was great fun and it's making me want to write another LOTR fanfic… argh I wish there was more time!**


	16. The Triangle of Tension

**Chapter 16: The Triangle of Tension**

It was unavoidable.

It had been playing on her mind all morning, incessantly.

This class was the first time since learning about Severus' Dreaming Draught that Lily would be confined to the same room as James – and Severus.

Every inch of her tingled at the thought as she slipped into the Charms classroom behind Alice. She found herself shivering and she immediately knew the reason. No matter how hard she tried to refrain, she could not stop her eyes from sliding towards Severus' direction. She knew exactly where he would be – and unfortunately, he knew exactly where she was, too. His dark eyes locked onto hers and instantly she snatched her eyes away, scurrying to sit down next to Alice on the opposite side of the room and shyly letting her hair fall forward to hide the deep blush of embarrassment now annoyingly flooding her entire face.

She methodically took out her quill and parchment, taking great care to appear normal and unaffected, but instantly became aware of where James was sitting a few seats along and let out a whimper. How in Merlin's name was she meant to concentrate when she was forced to be in the same room as two boys who had envisaged her in such erotic ways?

Lily tried desperately to listen to Professor Flitwick, who was giving them a particularly heavy lesson that was difficult to get to grips with at the best of times. He had decided to instruct them Memory Charms, usually a seventh-year subject – apparently he believed that they might come in useful in the war. It seemed that the Charm was handy to perform once you had successfully subdued an attacker, to make them forget that they had seen you and even what they were meant to be doing with you. Lily thought that this seemed to be a reasonable theory, for she did not know what else she would do with an incapacitated Death Eater at her feet – she would certainly not have the inclination to kill them – but the wandwork was very complicated. The incantation – _Obliviate!_ – was the same each time, but the wand movement was slightly different depending on whether it was short-term or long-term memory you were trying to erase. That was why they were spending an entire lesson on how to accurately and reliably make someone forget varying degrees of information before they practised on animals in the next lesson.

But Lily was finding it extremely difficult to concentrate while she was in the same room as two boys who had pictured her in compromising situations – at least, she knew James had for sure, since she had _seen_ such images during the Vallatus lesson last night; but she expected Severus would have done so too, for he had brewed the Dreaming Draught after all, and even if he had not drunk any, he would have certainly known precisely what he was brewing. Which meant he must have wanted to see her in a certain way, a way which made Lily come over all hot and fluttery and wish she could not see him out of the corner of her eye, staring at her so pensively.

She pushed her chair back and glanced over her shoulder at the Slytherin, pretending to be looking for some more parchment in her schoolbag. Her heart pounded painfully hard as she met those strikingly black eyes and comprehended the apprehension whirling so endearingly in their depths; and then as fast as lightning his eyes flicked away to the blackboard, his face devoid of any emotion, as if he had never been looking at her.

Rocked, Lily looked down at her blank parchment. Had Severus really brewed that potion which would have enabled him to have such erotic dreams of her? …Something inside her was pleased by the idea, but she simply found it immensely difficult to believe. This was _Severus_ – he was always so serious, so focussed – he hated anything suggestive, like giggling; he despised any physical contact whatsoever; he refused point-blank to speak a word about how he _felt_, as if it was a terrible weakness. This was why she always made such an effort to be sensible around him – and even though she wished they could become something more intimate that their current friendship, she would never turn into one of those swooning, tittering, hair-flicking girls. What she felt for Severus was something much more profound than bodily lust and girlish infatuation…

Suddenly Lily was struck by an idea. Was her reserved behaviour why Severus had made the potion in the first place? Because she had always acted so unaffected in his presence, so bent on keeping his advances at bay, had he concluded that they would never be something more – and so, filled with self-doubt and lack of hope, he had resorted to dreams instead-?

As this realisation dawned on her, Lily was overcome with compassion and regret. For she had led Severus to believe he stood no chance with her, and yet it could not be further from the truth. A restlessness consumed her and she felt an urgent need to show him the _truth_, that he had no reason to despair, that she too longed for the same desire, that she too was desperately in love…

The only thing holding her back was fear. She was afraid that if she let herself admit she loved Severus before he left his road to Voldemort, he would never change his ways and she would be left heartbroken to see the one she loved so intensely throw his life and talents away into such darkness and hateful deeds. It had been painful enough in June… She did not believe she could take much more pain from Severus…

But it also occurred to her that she must be hurting him too, for him to despair and resort to such extreme measures like this. And she knew that Severus had already had enough pain in his young life. As Dumbledore had said, only she could spare him from more…

Suddenly her thoughts were disturbed by a prickle, as of someone watching her. Lily looked cautiously down the row and saw James slumped over his desk, his glazed hazel eyes hovering over her. Seconds later, he sat bolt upright and lowered his eyes to the books on his desk, ruffling up his hair guiltily. Lily could tell from the incriminating way his eyes kept drifting back to her and away again over the next few minutes that he was embarrassed by how the potion was making him think of her, but his embarrassment could by no means match hers – and yet she knew that neither of them could possibly feel anything like the mortification Severus must currently be subject to. Her heart swelled with empathy and she glanced back at him with concern once more.

She blinked in surprise. Severus' gaze was no longer directed at her – it was centred on James – with all the intensity of a murderer. She twisted round to see what James was doing to deserve this adjudication, only to find him glaring back at Severus superciliously and cracking his knuckles. Lily was taken aback by the exchange between the boys that, while silent, seemed weighted down with more hatred and malcontent than she had ever thought was possible to carry. Severus' black eyes were mere slits, so intimidating and yet so mesmerising, that Lily only tore her eyes away when Alice nudged her and she realised Professor Flitwick was asking her to pay attention. Apparently she had just missed out on hearing that they would be given a test on the term's work so far next week. Lily winced at the added worry and strove to pay more attention for the remainder of the lesson, vowing not to let her various sources of stress get the better of her.

**xXxXx**

Severus watched Lily thoughtfully, a heavy frown upon his face.

Just what was she thinking? He had been on edge all morning, uncomfortably aware of this class where they would be together. He had been both dreading it and desperate for it, convinced he would be able to determine Lily's stance after she had learned that he had brewed that wretched potion. But for once he couldn't tell. He just couldn't read her.

Perhaps it was due to the tug-of-war going on inside his head. Desperate to be forgiven. Terrified that she would hate him. One minute he was rooted in one emotion, the next, a fleeting thought yanked him in the other. He hated being subject to such confounding, distracting emotions, but where Lily was concerned, he could not always control them, and if he could, it was only on the exterior. He wondered now what was concealed below her unrevealing exterior. It frustrated him immensely. He quietly prided himself on his ability to read people, the unnerving knack of picking up his subject's current mood, obsession, belief. Lily was like his favourite puzzle, but after all this time he still did not know what the final picture was. What would the scene look like when he finally put the pieces together? Or had he lost a piece for good, so he would never be able to work her out?

From the corner of his eye, Severus spotted Professor Flitwick drawing near, so he idly wrote down some succinct notes until he had passed, and then he returned to dwelling on Lily, unable to take his eyes off her when he _just did not know_ what she was thinking. Thanks to the link the Vallatus Charm had opened up between her and Potter's mind, and that swine's blatant admission, Lily was now fully aware of the Dreaming Draught and the rather risqué role she had unwittingly played in it. He just prayed to God she was not repulsed by what he had done and would have the graciousness to deal with the matter maturely. He was so contrite over what had happened – his idea seemed so blatantly foolish and entirely reprehensible now that he looked back on it – but the past could not be changed.

And now Lily _knew_ just how much he adored her, just how much she meant to him… How he _yearned_ for her to submit to him… but with a deep-seated sense of dread, he suspected that would not be happening any time soon – it would take some time for her to forget this cringeworthy affair, if indeed their relationship was not permanently scarred by it. Merlin, he had not felt this sick for a long time, not since he had nearly lost her the last occasion, when he could barely eat for the way his heart was in his mouth. This was so excruciatingly painful, waiting for a chance to speak to her, to _explain_ before Potter collected his marbles and made up some deleterious account that chipped massive flaws in his reputation. He could hardly contain himself for the nerves twisting inside him like a pit of ravenous snakes, but he was nearly shaking from the fear of confronting her, of confronting the truth. The naked, throbbing truth, and its petrifying ramifications.

Severus suddenly inhaled sharply and shuddered, not realising that he had forgotten to breathe in his deep-rooted anxiety. His eyes dropped to the desk, but as they did, he noticed someone staring at him. Someone else whom he found unbearable to be in the same room with.

Potter was glaring at him, seemingly rankled by where his eyes had been lingering. Immediately hot anger boiled inside of Severus, fuelled by the glowering embers of hate that remained from Potter's tormenting at breakfast, of the furious indignation that he would _dare_ enter his Slytherin dormitory like he had some _divine _right to do as he so chose, to rifle through his belongings, to lay his undeserving eyes on Lily's precious letters and to _steal_ his grandfather's book on ancient magic – his goddamned impertinence and unfounded air of total superiority was beyond belief and restraint!

Severus glowered back menacingly, his eyes narrowed with hatred. He loathed the fact that James knew about the kind of dreams he had wanted the potion he made to elucidate – no, not just knew of, had _experienced_ – it was as if the very core of his heart had been cut out and given to Potter on a golden plate. He could sense from the aloof way Potter was giving him such an accusatory glance, that he felt triumph at holding this over him, at knowing that Severus Snape desired Lily Evans _desperately_ and had resorted to such dire measures. But he would not lose face. He would _never _lose face to that arrogant, bullying clown.

And so he stared down James Potter, with a look that would banish him to hell if he had such power. And if he semi-accidentally made the Quidditch hero's ink bottle explode right in his face as a result of his uncontrolled fury, so much the better. It would release some of the unbearable tension that was stretched out, unvoiced and trembling, between him and Lily in this endless lesson.

**xXxXx**

James wasn't listening. He had given up listening when he had seen Lily was in the class. Embellishing her current, modest appearance with the rather more racy details from the erotic dream was a far more scintillating activity.

To be fair, he did feel as if last night he had taken a huge weight of his chest by admitting what had happened with that potion to her – and he was mightily relieved that she did not blame him for the lecherous scenes of her that currently filled his head to bursting point – but he still felt somewhat uncomfortable in her presence. Naturally he felt as if he was doing something wrong, seeing her in that way, but he couldn't help it, could he, if he was not able to shut it out of his mind? It was not his fault that slippery Snivellus had dabbled in a rather off-syllabus branch of potions and chosen to brew the most erotic type. He did not believe it was folly to presume the potion had been a pain-reliever, he had not _knowingly_ chosen to dream about Lily that way, it just so happened that she was the girl he fancied like mad and so the dream was even _more_ pleasurable than it could have been otherwise…

And yet, even now that he knew Lily forgave him, he still felt uneasy and wary of meeting her eyes. There was something else, something deeper and more disturbing than a Dreaming Draught that was concerning him. While she had learnt what was tarrying in his mind, he had also gleaned what – or rather, _who_ – she had been dwelling on in hers.

Not that she had realised. In her innocence, Lily was still blissfully unaware that every time her thoughts had drifted back to Snape (which had been rather too often for James' taste), he saw that ugly git's face materialise before his eyes and he felt her accompanying emotions, the swell of hope, the rush of urgent excitement. It was becoming too frequent to ignore or assign to harmless friendship. The gushing sensation was too powerful to dismiss as nothing.

Even now as he looked at Lily, her green eyes watching their droning teacher with a hint of miscomprehension, he relived the traces of emotion he had detected when her mind had wandered to Severus… a soft, gentle warmth that fluttered excitedly, if a little timorously. He knew that feeling. _Shit, _he knew that feeling so intimately_. _And it pained him so harrowingly to find it so badly misdirected.

Oh Merlin, Lily was in love with him! James suspected that Lily did not even know herself quite what it was that she felt for Snape! He had tried, he had tried so damned hard to admit to her that he knew, he _knew_ how she felt for the snake – but the words just would not come out. He could not bear to think that the girl he loved was in love with someone else, someone who he hated so vehemently. Admitting it to her would make it real, would condone it…

And a trace of hope within him had reared its head, propelling doubt into his mind… perhaps he was wrong, perhaps it _was_ just friendship between them, a misconstrued need to hold on to the past, to simpler, freer times. He had reached the conclusion that he would not risk mentioning anything to Lily unless he was _wholly_ sure it was love that she felt. But how he resented Snape for clawing his way into Lily's precious heart…

James twisted in his seat to glare at the sneaky Slytherin. The bastard was currently running his greedy eyes all over her again – how dare he! Wasn't that potion bad enough? Where the hell was he going to stop? He had even persuaded Lily to read that freaky Dark Arts book – he was corrupting such a beautiful, good-natured girl! He had to put an end to this dark debauchery!

Perhaps Snivellus had felt the fury behind his glare, for he shivered and suddenly met his eyes, which instantly narrowed to thin slits. Well, he had a lot more coming to him than a formidable glare! He was wrong if he thought he could get away with making such an indecorous dreaming potion about such a sweet girl and corrupt her mind with dark magic! He, James Potter, knew it all, and he would find a way to make Snivelly's life hell for practising such skulduggery! So what, if he had not succeeded in getting him expelled? Torturing the slimeball until he learnt his lesson would certainly be more rewarding in the long run.

**xXxXx**

The classroom felt far too hot and confining. Just as Lily thought she couldn't handle it any longer, the bell rang. Gladly she shoved her haphazard notes into her bag and stood up, impatiently urging Alice to get a move on so that she could escape James' and Severus' presence and actually be able to concentrate on sensible matters. Like the _Charms test_. God, she still couldn't perform the _Orchidia_ charm that Professor Flitwick had instructed her to practise two weeks ago, and now with her failure in this class too, she was miles behind! Everything that had been going on recently – the Vallatus lessons, the rumours, the Dark Arts book and trying to work out her feelings for Severus – it seemed to have completely sabotaged her usual dedication to studying. She would have to try to ignore the strange mixtures of feelings those two boys were evoking within her, and she would begin by avoiding eye-contact, for a start!

Studying her shoes intently, Lily bowed her head and followed Alice out of the classroom, wishing she was invisible. She was just beginning to feel lighter as they proceeded away from the boys, but they had not gone far when someone cried her name.

"Lily-! Lily, wait! Please!"

Alice looked behind to see who was calling, and if she had not recognised Severus' voice, the note of fierce urgency it rang with, she would have known it was him from the glower that now settled upon Alice's rosy face. Lily turned, her heart doing a somersault as she came face to face with Severus. She smiled invitingly but could not stop a pink blush from blossoming over her cheeks as she immediately thought back to what he had done…

Severus' eyes darted to Alice, clearly seeking privacy, but she was anchored defiantly to the ground and clearly had no intentions of leaving her. Severus looked back at Lily, his breathing rapid and shallow, quickly making the decision whether or not what he wanted to say was so important he would share it irrespective of Alice's presence. Lily watched with interest and held his wide, ever so dark eyes steadily as he stepped closer to her.

"Lily – I _swear_, I never drank any of that potion! Not once! I never dreamt it would fall into anyone else's hands – least of all Potter – it was never a reasonable possibility to expect that damned swine – that snooping imbecile – to come anywhere near it – to so idiotically drink an unmarked potion – I never meant for _anyone_ to know – least of all – "

His words, which had come out in a rush, suddenly ceased and colour flooded his sallow cheeks. He urgently sought her eyes, which had been darting curiously over his face, and his voice fell to a tremulous whisper. "I was foolish; please don't hate me. Oh god Lily, please believe me – ?"

He gazed at her warily, seemingly afraid of how she would react and yet unable to look away. Between the curtains of his hair that hid much of his face from Alice, his dark eyes unusually soft and begging, tacitly offering her an unspoken but most heartfelt apology. Lily noted that his jaw was clenched tightly, his brow furrowed, as if bracing himself for a scornful reaction – whether an outright slap and a crippling verbal onslaught – or a painful rejection.

Her heart went out to him. He clearly expected her to condemn him to eternal perdition, but that could not be any further from the truth.

"Oh, Sev," she said, unable to hold back a laugh, "you don't need to be so serious about it all…"

Confusion pooled in those black eyes and his brow knotted even further.

"What do you mean, Snape?" Alice asked impatiently. "Lily, what is he talking about? What potion? What happened to James?"

Lily's eyes had not left his. She saw something shift within the depths of his eyes, a fragile insecurity, unsure whether she would humiliate him in front of Alice as a retaliation for the humiliation he had made her feel.

Lily finally tore her eyes away and looked at Alice. "It was just a mistake, Ali," she said quietly.

Alice frowned, unsatisfied with this explanation, but Lily did not see – she was once more analysing Severus, pondering him in her mind. Had he really brewed that Dreaming Draught so he could dream of her? She could not quite believe that Severus, her best friend – who was always so serious, so devoid of any emotions lest they be bitter or vindictive – could have wanted dreams of her like that. It just seemed so uncharacteristic. While he had asked her out, it had never occurred to her just _how much_ he wanted her – except –

Except when she had kissed him, that fateful day in Hogsmeade. Only then had she felt, like the flaring heat surrounding a fire, the stirring desire within him, burning fiercely for _her_ alone. Perhaps he really did feel more for her than his words had suggested… it was just so hard to believe. He was her _Sev_. She had thought she knew him… but what was he really concealing inside…?

"Lily-?"

Severus' soft voice shook her back to the present. Overcome with embarrassment at the direction in which her thoughts had headed, Lily bashfully glanced away from the enquiring look he was sending her.

"I – I'll see you around, Sev," she said, hitching her bag more comfortably onto her shoulder and beginning to walk away with Alice.

"The Library? Tonight?" she heard him blurt out, unsure of where he now stood. Compassion rushed through her and she turned. A smile hovered around her lips.

"I'll see you there," she said warmly.

And then Severus knew – there was nothing to be forgiven.

**xXxXx**

"What was Snape talking about? Lily? What did he mean? Lily! Tell me!"

Lily sighed as Alice persisted in pestering her on their way to drop their bags off in the Common Room before lunch. As much as she valued Alice as a friend, she did not feel it was her place to spill all of Severus' secrets to her.

"It was nothing," she replied evenly.

"That didn't look like nothing!" Alice half-shouted, tailing her closely up the spiralling staircase to their dorm. "What was he saying?"

Lily walked over to her bed and dropped her bag next to her trunk. "You won't want to know," she said sagely, turning to face her friend.

"I do!" Alice insisted, shutting the door. They were the only ones in the dormitory. "You tell me right now what is going on, Lily Evans, or I will make it my business to take this book on the Dark Arts you have when you're not looking and hand it straight in to McGonagall, like it should be!"

Lily gaped. "How-?"

"I overheard James and Sirius bickering about it yesterday," she explained. "Now _tell_. There can't possibly be a good reason why you are holding onto that accursed book, so if you don't want me to tell McGonagall and get Snape expelled, then enlighten me _now_: What in the name of Merlin was he so uptight for?"

Lily groaned and sank down onto her bed, knowing she was beaten. She covered her eyes with her hand, not wanting to see Alice's reaction.

"Severus… he made a Dreaming Draught so that he could have… rather interesting dreams in which I played the, err… lead role… and James accidentally drank it, so I realised when I saw the… explicit images in his mind when we were in the Vallatus lesson on Sunday."

There was a moment of silence. Wondering what was going on, Lily chanced a look at her friend, and saw Alice's face was contorted into one of such horror, she couldn't even spit a single word out. Finally, as she processed the information –

"Eww! _Snape_ wanted to have sexual dreams of _you_! Yuck yuck yuck! What would he want them for? – Oh no, _bad mental images_. Argh!" She jumped around on the spot, shaking her head to try to dispel the thoughts that way.

When Alice had recovered, her gaze came to settle on Lily and she sighed, sitting down on the edge of Mary's bed. "Oh, _Lily_, that must be _horrible_ for you! Merlin, you must be so creeped out! Ergh."

"Why? Don't you think it is rather flattering?" She had meant to say exciting, but had stopped herself at the last moment, guessing that it would not go down well with Alice.

"Hello-_o_, this is Snape we are talking about!"

"So? Severus is my best friend. So what if he made that potion and James drank it by accident?"

"So what?! Doesn't it freak you out that he sees you that way?"

Lily hesitated. When she saw this, Alice clapped her hands to the side of her face, her eyes widening more and more by the second.

"Oh no, oh no, no, no… Lily, please don't tell me I'm right in thinking what you're saying…"

"Why?"

"You can't seriously want to have a fling with him? He's an aspiring Death Eater! And you can do way better than him, with regards to looks for a start! And pretty much all of the rest of the male population in Hogwarts is nicer than him!"

"He's still nice, even if he has a few rough edges. And there is _nothing_ wrong with how he looks! I think he's – Well, whatever – I never even _said_ I wanted to have a fling with him!"

This didn't seem to comfort Alice in the least. She clutched her lower neck as if the scruples she had were strangling her. "Oh god, then don't say you're in love with him, please, I think I might have a heart attack!"

"What?! Don't be so silly, Alice, of course I'm not!" Lily snapped quickly. But as she heard herself say those words, an echo of doubt rang in her mind. She began to wonder if she _was_ lying – if she had really been lying to herself all along.

Yet Alice seemed satisfied with her denial; she heaved a huge sigh of relief and looked quite drained. "Well, that's something. But honestly, Lily, how can you even consider becoming… more than friends? You yourself told me you're afraid of what he's getting up to and with whom he is associating. God, you refused to speak to him for three whole months after he called you that horrific name. What's encouraging you now? What's making you so keen to try and convert him? You can't claim it's all for friendship…"

"Well… maybe not… But I just know he's _good_ inside, it's just all the wrong things have happened to him! I've been thinking a lot since he said that thing in June… and I understand now how humiliation and anger and all the things his friends talk about led to him saying it, even though he didn't mean to. He's had a tough time growing up and he believes he can get what he wants for so badly by joining with the other Slytherins, but I can show him that he can find hope and an escape in another direction."

All the while Alice was shaking her head. "Lily, he's not good! He's striving to be a Death Eater, and he will not be dissuaded! He called you that name because, under all these lies and false pretences he shows to you, that's the way he truly feels – and in a moment where his control was broken it slipped out! He's not the friend you think he is."

Lily jumped to her feet. "I know Severus far better than you or anyone else!" she said angrily. "So don't pretend to understand him! I made a mistake in June and now I know I was wrong, I won't be doing the same thing again. I don't want to argue with you, Alice, and I know what you believe, but I _know_ I am right on this, so please do _not_ try to change my mind, because it won't work! I will only believe Severus is beyond saving when I see a Dark Mark on his arm!"

With that flourish Lily ended, breathing heavily. Slowly Alice's expression fell from one of adamant dislike, to one of resignation and pity.

Suddenly the door burst open and Mary and Marlene toppled in, giggling loudly and unaware of what they had interrupted.

"Hi there, girlies! Are you up for some lunch?"

Lily waited until Alice nodded, promising not to tell what had just passed between them, and then she smiled brightly at Mary.

"Definitely, I'm starving." And she led the way out, embracing the path laid out before her.

**xXxXx**

**Please embrace the festive love and review - consider it a belated Christmas present and I will be so happy ;) ****I****f there is anything you would like to see in the next few chapters, let me know, I now have some room for leeway!**

**Here are a couple of thank you's –**

**Icequeen69: Thanks for your view on the pace of the story, that is really reassuring :) Yes, Lily has a good heart that is full of compassion for others, even when they themselves believe that they don't deserve it. And I think, considering Lily's feelings for Severus, the dreams he wanted would only have excited her. You're right, Sirius knew it was stupid to attack the Slytherins when they were outnumbered and there were teachers around. Thank you for all your lovely comments, I'm so pleased you're enjoying the story! It's a real achievement for me.**

**Kadajclone100: I hope you enjoyed finding out more about Lily's feelings and reactions to Sev's dreaming potion. Considering how she feels for Severus, I think you're correct to believe that she would be flattered and not disgusted. Ah, you're so right about Severus and James! They both have good and bad qualities, and Lily heightens both of them as the boys fight to win her over. Thank you for all your insightful comments, I love hearing from you!**


	17. Of Flowers and Fears

**A/N: **_YES, I have updated! And yes, you can all tell me off for being so slow. I am so sorry and painfully aware of how long it has been. SORRY! We should be going back to fortnightly updates from now on so please don't give up on the story! We are soon going to reach a turning point, so I am just working out how to do it. Until then – enjoy _:)

**Chapter 17: Of Flowers and Fears**

When Lily slid into the seat opposite Severus in the Library, having just completed her Prefect patrolling duty, she felt as nervous as if she was about to stand up and address the entire school. Yet Severus was unaware of her arrival and carried on scribbling away, his eyes lowered to his work. Smiling at his intense industriousness, for a moment Lily simply watched him, with his curtain of black hair brushing over the parchment as he got sucked deeper into the essay he was compiling.

Soon though her shoulder began to ache and she let her bag – which was crammed to bursting point with the books of all the subjects she had homework for – slip off her shoulder and onto the floor with a heavy _clunk_. At this an irritable frown formed over Severus' expression and his eyes flicked up, but when he saw her they suddenly widened in shock and all hostility in his expression instantly melted away into confused introspection.

"You – you came – "

Lily became puzzled as Severus continued to stutter and stare at her in utter disbelief, all interest in his essay abandoned. Wondering if perhaps her friends were behind her, sporting heavily disapproving faces or pulling rude expressions at him, Lily swivelled round in her seat to peer down the aisle; yet it was deserted. She turned back, even more perplexed.

"Of course I came, I – I said I would…" she reminded him, proceeding to take out all her books and rolls of parchment. She worried over Severus' words… Perhaps he thought she had not forgiven him for the lamentable incident with the dreaming potion and had only agreed to come here as a subterfuge to get him to leave her alone. Or maybe he thought she had changed her mind – after all they had not set a time, he may have expected her here straight after supper. Heaving her last book onto the mountainous desk, Lily let out a sigh, deliberating over what to start with. "I'm so sorry I'm late, Severus, I had Prefect duties to do after dinner," she explained, keen to put him at ease.

He inclined his head. "Naturally," he murmured, appearing unsurprised. "Were you burdened with any miscreants?"

"Oh, only a couple of insolent first-years…" Lily replied airily as she selected her half-written potions essay to be the first task for completion. "But they weren't even _half_ as difficult as you could be at that age…" She glanced up at him with a cheeky little smile.

Severus took in a deep breath and drew himself up to his full height, gazing at her calculatingly. His lips were pursed tightly together but the corners of his mouth were twitching upwards suggestively. "Is that a complement or a criticism, _Lily Evans?_" he said finally, his voice dangerously low.

Lily giggled, happy at the brightening atmosphere. "Just you wait… I haven't even _started_ on how exasperatingly difficult you are _now_, Severus Snape-!"

One look at the expression on his face was enough to send her into fits of laughter. It was followed by the threatening sound of a book being slammed onto a table and the clicking of heels, making Lily clap a hand hastily over her mouth to stifle her laughs. She doubled over the desk, shaking uncontrollably but trying to look as if she was being as studious as a Prefect should be while Madam Pince prowled threateningly past them.

Only once the Librarian had rounded the corner, still on the hunt for an unruly student, did Lily dare look up at Severus again. Wiping away the tears that were still leaking from her eyes, she saw that, though he was quite silent, he was wearing a one-sided smirk and his eyes twinkled captivatingly at her. She smiled back, holding his eyes, until suddenly the notion that Severus _wanted_ her darted unbidden into her mind. All of a sudden she couldn't hold his steady gaze for one second longer and she tore her eyes down to her Potions notes, feeling a warm blush flooding her cheeks.

"I'd better get started on all this or I'll need a time-turner to get through it in time…" she said, deciding it would be better not to mention the dreaming potion. "I haven't even finished that Potions essay yet."

"I can check through it once you're done, if you like," Severus said suddenly.

"Really-? Wow, that would be amazing, Sev! Thanks!"

A soft smile formed over Severus' face. "You're welcome," he said faintly.

They worked together quietly, occasionally asking the other for their opinion on an answer, or if they could decipher a particularly protracted paragraph in a textbook. At times like this, Severus would draw closer to her and speak in rapid, hushed words, fervidly explaining how this particular root was used, or why a certain spell was so important.

Lily found herself listening but not quite hearing the words, centring on the irresistible controlled excitement with which he spoke, as he always did when reaching deep into the intricacies of knowledge. She would imagine him speaking to her in that way – not about potions or charms, but about _them_ – what they could be. It must have given her a glazed sort of look, for several times Severus would suddenly stop and ask her if she understood. She always nodded fervently, encouraging him to go on, even though she was often startlingly unaware of what he had just been describing.

But Severus was a brilliant teacher, he gave learning magic a thrill that could not be resisted; she was just being an impossible student today, only half-listening while she dreamt up all sorts of far-reaching fancies! What would he think, if he knew how her mind was wandering while he was teaching her? If he really _was_ her Professor, he'd give her detention for certain! An enforced hour under his strict surveillance… the punishment was beginning to sound rather appealing…

**xXxXx**

Severus glanced up from the musty old book _'From Pond to Cauldron: A herbologist's account of water-plants in potion-making'_ and surreptitiously observed Lily, who was burrowed deep in her homework.

She had come! He was both astounded and delighted. Lily was acting like the dreaming potion had never even happened and he could not begin to put into words how immensely grateful he was. The way they had slipped back into easy conversation, even breaking into laughter, made him truly hope that his situation was not as futile as he had first thought. She had not shied away from him even though she knew what he had done being so desperate for her, but had shown him warmth and understanding. Could she possibly feel something for him, then?

His pulse raced and he quickly lowered his eyes. He would just have to see, but for now it honestly looked as if he might have a chance with her. Instead of her shunning him, she had actually covered for him and protected his book. He was itching to have it back but he was not idiot enough to ask her so soon, in case it annoyed her.

Yet did her safekeeping of the book – and his reputation – mean that she was finally warming to the Dark Arts-? It seemed too good to be true, though he was anxious for that to be so. Time was ticking; he knew the Dark Lord would want to hear that progress had been made with Lily by the time they met again in December. If she was looking upon him favourably, _now_ was the time to renew his attempts to convert her. He could only hope that it would bring her right into his arms and not drive her away.

**xXxXx**

Gradually Lily grappled her way through the subjects, driven by the thrill of having Severus working opposite her. Sometimes she would catch him, watching her broodingly, and she would wonder what he was thinking. Of course, as soon as he realised his eyes would be focussed back on his work again, ignoring her as if nothing had happened. But Lily could not help but think he was mulling over something, something that worried him and involved _her_, and was quite separate from their schoolwork that camouflaged the table between them. Whatever it was, he gave to sign of enlightening her. Any attempt to coax him into conversation not related to schoolwork was carefully dodged and they lapsed back into studying.

They had worked for some hours now and it was nearing on ten o'clock. Lily had not been so productive all term. The authoritative air that hung about Severus as he scribbled away in silence, brow furrowed with intense concentration, was incredibly conducive to studying. She had successfully completed an exercise on adaptations for Care of Magical Creatures, a set of taxing questions from Professor McGonagall, a Potions essay that Severus was now reading through, and she had gone over this term's Charms notes in hope of preparing for Flitwick's dreaded test. Lily secretly vowed to persuade Severus to join her more often in the Library, if only on the pretext of its work-related benefits.

She was starting to not mind the curious looks people were giving them, wanting to find out for themselves if the rumours that she and Severus were an item were true. Their expressions of disappointment when they saw her studiously working rather than snogging Severus behind a bookcase were incredibly entertaining. Severus seemed less impressed by the coming and going of these 'brainless onlookers', but at least he had shed his pretence of ignoring her in an attempt to keep them away.

Lily watched him now, hunched over her essay, jotting down notes here and there in the margins, and she couldn't help but feel special. She knew she would have to come up with a way to remove his annotations before she handed the essay in, but for now she didn't care if she would have to write the whole thing out again. Severus had read _her _writing and was evaluating it… she felt far more touched by the gesture than any other keen potioneer surely would…

At that moment Severus finished scrawling a lengthy paragraph at the end and put down his quill, stretching. He suddenly saw her watching him and his cheeks coloured.

"Here; I've added some comments here and there. It was good, there were just a few other things you could have brought in. Do that and you're guaranteed an _Outstanding_."

Anxiously Lily took back her essay and read over what he had added, all of a sudden afraid of not doing well enough. _Hang on, what was she thinking?! Severus was not even her Potions teacher!_ But his little words of praise still touched her heart and she treasured every word he had written. She was saddened that she would have to erase them.

"Thanks, Sev. You've got some great ideas. Sorry, I forgot about that potion we did in fourth year…" How was his memory so good? He had such a brilliant mind… Sure, she did well in her studies, but she could never compete with Severus' raw intelligence and astuteness. It regularly held her in awe. She found herself running her thumb over his words of wisdom, trying to engrave them in her memory and absorb some essence of his brilliance.

"So, did you want something, Lily?" Severus asked, referring to when she had been watching him. When she did not immediately reply, still immersed as she was in reading his comments, he pulled a half-written Herbology essay and a textbook towards him and carried on working.

"What? Oh, I was wondering if – if perhaps you could help me with this _Orchidia_ charm from Flitwick… It's ridiculous but I just can't seem to do it, and I'm sure it will crop up somewhere in that test!"

Severus looked up at her and an eyebrow slowly quirked its way upwards.

"What's this? Flitwick's top student can't perform a simple _Orchidia _charm?" he teased.

Lily blushed profusely. "I'm _not_ his best student!" she said crossly. "And I just want to see how you do it!"

Severus leaned back in his chair, watching her amusedly through half-closed eyes, and smirked. Infuriated, Lily folded her arms and let out a huff of impatience. He shook his head condescendingly and, with an air of utmost leisure, took up his wand. He merely gave it a cursory flick, not even bothering to speak the incantation aloud, and a magnificent bouquet of roses with rich red petals bloomed out of the end. Nudging the flowers lazily, they drifted over to rest on the desk right in front of Lily.

There was silence as she stared, first at the fine craftwork of Severus' non-verbal spell, and then at him. The corners of his lips twitched.

"I don't remember asking you to show off," Lily grumbled in annoyance, fingering one of the velvety flowers and eying it pensively. It was one thing to perform the charm with such ease, it was quite another to do it non-verbally. She couldn't even do it at _all_. What was _wrong_ with her? She hated having a stupid mind block, especially when it humiliated her in front of Severus!

There was a derisive snort of laughter from across the table. "Trust me, if I _was_ going to show off, I wouldn't conjure up a silly bunch of flowers!"

Lily's eyes travelled up to Severus' face. "What _would_ you do?" she whispered, half intrigued, half hesitant, afraid of whether he was insinuating some dark and terrifying curse. His eyes hovered over hers for a moment and then he glanced away, dipping his quill back and forth into the ink well. He began to write unaffectedly.

Lily started to think he was not going to answer, but then she heard it, barely a murmur –

"Legilimency…"

Severus stopped writing and heavy frown sank over his eyes as he stared at the glistening words he had just written. A chill of fear descended over Lily's shoulders and crawled down her spine. Severus was suggesting that he could _read her mind_ – pick out all her thoughts – oh God, he hadn't done it on her before, had he? Did he already know exactly what she thought about him? Could he tell now exactly what was passing through her thoughts – how her mind ran a continuous commentary on how attractive she found his unfathomable eyes and his slightly parted lips – how she strained to pick out any sign that their friendship was becoming as steadfast as it had been when they were eleven – how she kept wishing that he would abandon his Death Eater friends so that they could be together without her living in fear of another heartbreak, of seeing him in a Death Eater mask, of confronting him in a battle between the Order and Voldemort's followers… What she would do to stop it coming to that…

Lily swallowed a hard lump in her throat and fiddled with one of Severus' roses. "Severus – have you – have you ever done it on me?" she asked, the pitch of her voice rising nervously as she fretted over what he might have seen in her mind of the way she felt about him.

"Of course I haven't, Lily," he replied. "You would know. Only the greatest Legilimens would be able to enter your mind without you even realising…"

"But – " She thought back to those uncanny moments when Severus just seemed to pick up what she was thinking, to images of his black eyes boring into her very soul, to that strange probing sensation that made her feel so vulnerable to his mercy…

"_No_," Severus said, so firmly that it made her look up at him. He looked straight into her eyes. "Your face may often be an open book, Lily, but I would _never_ practice Legilimency on you without asking for your permission first."

Madam Pince bustled past, snapping at them, "The Library is closing in ten minutes!" Once she had gone, Severus stood up and began to pack up his things.

"Can you _really_ practice Legilimency?" Lily gushed, instantly feeling embarrassed for voicing her doubt. Severus paused, one hand in his bag, and fixed her with a smirk.

"You need only say the word and I will prove it to you…"

Lily thought she would die of shame. She hastily began to shove her books back into her bag.

"As we have five minutes until curfew, let's save your crash course in the _Orchidia _charm until tomorrow, shall we?"

Lily glanced up at him entreatingly, mortified at his teasing but knowing he had the full right to do so. Severus smirked even more widely before directing his wand at her Potions essay and wiping all of his comments off its surface. A pained expression passed over her face, something Severus appeared to notice with interest. She could feel his eyes burning into her as she dolefully stuffed the vestigial essay and other parchment into her bag and swung it onto her shoulder, summoning up all her courage to look him in the eye.

"I hate you, Severus," she muttered.

He rolled his eyes and headed over to the exit, Lily tailing him and clutching his roses to her chest.

"I don't believe you," he replied, glancing casually back at her over his shoulder and slowing down to let her join his side. She let out a long-suffering sigh but ended up smiling.

"I suppose I don't either," she admitted, raising her green eyes to his. She was so absorbed in the humour in his eyes that she drew nearer and their hands brushed against each other. As quick as lightning Severus recoiled and clenched his hands, his expression recovering its usual sangfroid. He met her enquiring gaze but kept his eyes carefully guarded.

Taking a deep breath, he said, "Goodnight, Lily. I'll meet you in the Room of Requirement at eight tomorrow evening."

"G-Goodnight, Severus," she replied tentatively. He backed off and then marched down the hallway, his robes billowing imperiously behind.

Left on her own with only minutes until curfew, Lily hurried back to Gryffindor Tower and pondered over Severus' sudden change in behaviour. Given what had happened with the dreaming potion, she would have expected anything _but_ coldness and indifference. She was getting so assured that he was enjoying their playful banter and encouraging her to become more intimate with him…

He must have just been afraid of abusing her trust after all that had happened, she decided. Knowing Severus, he would want to prove to her that he did have some self-restraint (which was in fact far greater than sum of the minute quantities that all the other boys in Hogwarts had) and was above the image of a hormonal teenager that he no doubt thought she viewed him as.

Oh, to hell with his bloody self-control! His secrecy and hidden emotions made everything so complicated! In that millisecond they had touched, she had not possessed a modicum of willpower, and nor had she wanted any either, in herself or in Severus. The one thing she had wanted was for Severus to kiss her – of that desire she was wholly and inexcusably guilty!

**xXxXx**

Lily lay rigid in bed, straining her ears in an attempt to work out if the other girls had fallen asleep yet. She was not at all tired; she could smell the distracting fragrance of Severus' roses on her bedside table and the manner in which he had left her was weighing heavy on her mind. What if she was unwittingly driving him away? What if they lost more and more common ground, and everything became empty and awkward, with nothing left to say or feel?

The thought frightened her. She did not know Severus' true feelings for her – the contents of his dreaming potion suggested he found her attractive and he had asked her out – so she supposed he desired her. But was it all lust? After all, she was the only girl he had been close to. What if his yearning was unfounded, based not in love but in vague happy memories and uncontrollable teenage passion? What else was there to keep them together if one day he realised his desire was misplaced and he saw her as she was – a Mudblood under Dumbledore's wing? Everyone and everything was pushing them apart. Someday he might realise their companionship was ridiculous, for they no longer shared any common interests, and he might abandon her forever…

Lily sat up quickly, determined that she would not let that happen. If only she could bridge the gap between them… And she knew now that she had more reason than ever to read his book on the Dark Arts. She needed to find out more about the ancient magic Severus was so devoted to, because if she had been wrong all along, it was down to her to repair the damage she had invoked. She had adamantly shunned the subject he was so passionate about for years, without any reconsideration, and this stark disparity had been a ferocious driver of the gulf that had opened up between them as they had grown older. If she really _had_ been wrong, living stoically by a false prejudice, then it was all her fault that they had grown apart.

She had to embrace the subject _now_, for if she took an interest in it and showed that she cared about what excited him, maybe he would be pleased with her… maybe he would give her a real chance. She hoped desperately that if she at least _tried_ to understand his point of view, he in turn would be more willing to entertain her perspective on the War, and then she could finally give herself over to him…

Moving slowly and carefully, Lily slid out from between the hangings and unlocked her trunk in search of the hidden Dark Arts book. This hour of the night was a rare opportunity for her to have time to herself, something incredibly hard to come by in a castle filled with hundreds of inquisitive students. She couldn't risk reading it in the daytime, for if anyone saw the subject there was a high chance that they would swiftly inform the teachers and that would put not only her in trouble but also Severus. This had to be done in secret.

Grasping the heavy book in her hands, Lily withdrew it and climbed back into bed. Once she had closed the hangings she wriggled down under the covers and dragged the ancient tome with her. Cocooned in a warm tent, she hoped that a bit of wandlight would not be visible from outside and whispered _lumos!_ '_The Ancient Magical Lore of: THE DARK ARTS'_ flared into life.

Instinctively Lily shivered and closed her eyes, praying to God that whatever she found within would restore her faith in Severus.

Summoning up her Gryffindor courage, she stoically opened the front cover. Chapter one: cursed objects. Well… she might not be very educated in dark magic, but that didn't sound anywhere as bad as Inferi or possession. Propping her head up on her elbow, Lily turned the page and began to read.

**xXxXx**

"Where's Lily?"

It was breakfast and James was checking over the girls at Gryffindor table curiously, noting that the object of his affections was absent. Mary just shrugged and focussed on her cornflakes, becoming used to what was one of James' well-worn catchphrases, but Alice met his eyes looking shifty. "Err – she overslept. She'll be down in a minute."

"That doesn't sound like her…" James said uneasily.

"I – I saw a red glow coming from Lily's bed last night. I think maybe she stayed up late, reading," Alice confessed and gave him a meaningful look. Oh – Merlin! Lily wasn't reading Snape's book was she? He'd seen what was in there and it was _dark_… enough to put him ill at ease for the rest of the day. Lily would be scared out of her mind! She wouldn't survive the first page!

He was about to voice his fears when Alice quickly busied herself with her toast. James twisted round to see Lily sitting down next to him on the bench. She had dark shadows under her eyes and did not look her usual cheerful self.

"Are you alright, Lily?" James asked, trying to keep the anxiety out of his voice. Lily took a sip of tea and then closed her eyes momentarily.

"Yes, I'm okay… thank you… just a bit tired. I didn't sleep very well…"

Alarm bells starting ringing frantically in James' head. Snape's stupid book could have been giving her nightmares – they had once before, they could easily be doing it again! He squinted sideways at her as she ate her cereal, struggling to deduce whether she was just sleepy from staying up late or whether her thoughts were occupied by something. He was hopeless at telling what other people were thinking though and he soon gave up in resignation. He would have to draw the truth out of her by some other means. Their first lesson was together in Herbology so he accompanied her on the way down to the greenhouses.

"Are you _sure_ you're alright, Lily?" he asked after they had walked some time in silence. "I heard you were up late reading last night."

Her head turned and she stared at him. "What? Who told you I was reading that book last night?"

"So it _was_ Snape's book on the Dark Arts, then?" he said triumphantly.

Lily groaned as she realised he had conned her into revealing what she had been reading. "Thanks, James."

"No problem," he said cheerily, pleased that he had managed to wheedle the truth out of her. His face soon fell though. "So… did you read anything _enlightening_?"

"Please don't ask me, James," she said as wearily as if she bore the weight of the world on her shoulders.

"I know I'm in no position to stop you from reading that book, but – just promise me that you won't let any of that stuff get to you. It's not disrupting your sleep, is it?"

Lily's eyes flickered to his and then down to her hands, guiltily. "Look, I didn't have any _nightmares_, if that's what you mean," she justified, throwing her eyes up to the sky. "I'm fine. I just need to sort out some… things."

James sighed in frustration. "Why are you putting yourself through all this, Lily? He's not worth it."

Lily turned, fixing him with such profound sadness that his heart felt paralysed until she released him from her gaze. "Everyone is worth saving, James. I thought you would understand that."

"_Innocent_ people are worth saving, but not those people who are – are voluntarily evil," he replied emphatically.

Lily shook her head. "There are very few who are truly evil. If only it was that easy – the good and the bad. The War would be so simple. But even the good are susceptible to the wiles of the bad, and many of the bad don't end up where they are voluntarily, or knowingly. Everyone makes mistakes – it doesn't mean they're bad. It means they're human. And if Severus had made big mistakes – well, lots of bad things have happened to him. Who can blame him? …In moments of desperation I suppose even the most abhorrent option can seem appealing, if that's the only way out of the horror of their life…" Lily's voice trailed off quietly and a heavy concern settled on her pale face.

James eyed her warily, wondering what in the name of Merlin Lily was talking about. Mistakes and tragic events… what was all that rubbish? It had nothing to do with Snivellus! Snivellus was as black as black came, there was no greyness hanging about him. He was descended of the Prince family who, so his parents had told him, had always been gifted in the Dark Arts and sinister branches of potion-making. He had been sorted into _Slytherin_, the house of pureblood fanatics, by the Hat that could read everyone's character – no one could hide. He'd made his own friends, he'd made his own choices. Snivellus was someone who was _innately_ bad – he'd proven it time and time again. He'd even had _Lily_ as an enviably close friend for seven years – and still he had not been reformed. Lily was _completely_ misconstruing him. That git didn't deserve her friendship or forgiveness. He deserved every miserable hex in his imagination, for what they'd get back in return, whether by his hand or bloody Voldemort's, was sure to send them off to St Mungo's in goddamned coffins!

"Lily-? You don't need to put yourself through this." Lily looked at him woefully but said nothing. He wondered suddenly if Snape was forcing her to read that book, if he had somehow subjugated her and was slowly drawing her over to the dark side through blackmail. "…_Nothing_ good can come of reading that foul book."

They had reached greenhouse six and Lily came to a standstill, letting others pass through the doorway first. She studied her feet as she began to reply. "But you're wrong, James. I must read it – if only to ease my own conscience – I – I have to know. And anyway," she said, her voice growing stronger, "it will make me more prepared for what we'll be up against when we leave Hogwarts." She looked at him meaningfully and gave him a faint smile. "…When we're in the Order and finally putting our Vallatus into practice… right?"

_Lily would still be with him after Hogwarts. Oh Merlin, she was planning to stay with him and not join Snivellus in the Death Eaters… Those Vallatus lessons and fighting for their freedom, she believed in it all as much as he did! How wonderful those words sounded in his ears! _He nodded, too relieved to be able to speak, and her smile widened, brightening up her green eyes like the promise of springtime. "See? It's all fine, James. Don't worry about me. We'll be okay." She reached out and squeezed his hand.

James' heart nearly burst with joy – he was filled with the beautiful way she had looked at him – the exquisite softness of her hand in his – not a dream this time but here, in wondrous _reality_ – and yet all too soon Lily had let go. He moaned softly, gazing at her with longing as she walked into the greenhouse, greeting the Hufflepuffs with amity. He followed her in slowly, unable to tear his eyes away, aching for her to hold him again. He heard nothing Professor Sprout's words; there was only Lily in his world –

– But it wasn't only Lily anymore, was it? He could not ignore Severus' part any longer. He began to feel sick, regretting eating so many eggs at breakfast, as he contemplated what he would do if Lily's heart really did belong to the Slytherin rather than him. It made him scared – not just to imagine her in the arms of his most hated nemesis, but to picture her so far out of his grasp that he would not be able to keep her safe. Who knew what lies and propaganda would be whispered to her in the depths of the night? Who knew how far Lily would follow Severus, blinded by her great capacity to trust, by her love… or by her fear. If she fell in love with Severus, she might never be the same again.

At that moment Lily lifted her head and her eyes met his. James searched them urgently as his deepest fear of losing her to Severus echoed agonisingly between them. Her emerald eyes sparkled, green pools infused with every emotion in the world. And then, with a gut-wrenching looking of regret, Lily turned away, nearly bringing him to his knees.

**xXxXx**

**Thank you for reading! Next time we will see more from Severus' POV and Lily's struggle with comprehending the book on the Dark Arts, as well as James reaching a monumental decision. Please leave a comment, I love hearing from you! Concrit and suggestions for what you'd like to see are both greatly appreciated.**

**A few replies:**

**The-Delectable-May-Reach – excellent idea, thanks! I am working my way towards bringing Lily and James closer… Within the next two chapters we shall see it happening! ;)**

**Siaha17 – thank you so much! I normally update every 2 weeks… I just had a lot of important work and an interview this month! I will be writing more frequently from now on. I hope you continue with the story!**

**Gotenberry – thank you for reviewing! Yes, Alice would be in trouble for spreading the truth about the dreaming potion! But while she may be brimming full of Gryffindor courage, but she's not stupid enough to provoke Severus like that!**


	18. A Lascivious Lesson

**A/N: **_My mood may have coloured the greater part of this chapter… This scene was not intended to be this long but it was so much fun to write and I liked the end result, so I decided to keep it! Therefore you'll have to wait for more on the Dark Arts book I'm afraid. Still, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it (particularly you, Maritza Chan, you made me feel bad about not letting more happen in the Library!) and let me know if you would like more of this ilk in the future! _;) Have fun…!

**Chapter 18: A Lascivious Lesson**

Severus paced around the Room of Requirement, feeling restless as he waited for Lily to arrive. He'd seen her at breakfast and he knew immediately that something was wrong. Such dark circles around her eyes… those didn't come from one night's lost sleep. Her friends, even though they lived with her, seemed unbothered by her appearance – the fools – and though that buffoon Potter had been fussing all over her he was patently too dense to see that Lily was worrying intensely about something.

He had been brooding over it all day, concerned that it was his fault.

When they had parted last night he had been a little frigid, but it was just so damned hard to hold himself back when Lily touched him! He had made a devout promise to himself that he would not make any physical advances unless she expressly asked for it. He was not going to mess things up again for the sake of satisfying his own arousal. Lily was too precious.

He sat back down onto the sofa and picked up some homework that he had been attempting, but after one glance he discarded it again.

"Sod it all!" he snapped. He stood up irritably. He couldn't work out how to persuade Lily to open up to the Dark Lord's ideas – she had utterly revoked all his previous arguments – but he seriously needed to come up with something quickly. He couldn't concentrate on anything when there was so much at stake.

There was the relieving sound of the door opening and Severus turned to see Lily coming in. He was glad to note that she no longer looked so strained. Her lessons must have sufficiently distracted her from whatever had been troubling her, and for that he was grateful. Perhaps he should not have been concerned for her, after all.

"Hi, Sev," she said, dropping her bag and cloak on the floor. "I see you've been getting ready." She indicated to several vases in alcoves around the room with a wry smile. He looked around.

"That was the Room's doing," he answered, taking out his wand in order to begin their 'crash session' on the _Orchidia_ charm. "I hope it's not too presumptuous in predicting your success." A smile crept its way over his face.

Lily faced him a little indignantly. "Well, that depends on how proficient _you_ are at teaching," she threw back. "Go on," she said triumphantly, when he had not come up with a retort, "class has commenced." And she looked at him expectantly.

"Lily – " he began, wondering what she was playing at.

"It's Miss Evans, actually, _Professor_ Snape."

He narrowed his eyes. So this was how she wanted to go about it? Fine. But he would not let her have the upper hand for long.

"Miss Evans, I will not tolerate impertinence in my class. Now take out your wand and show me what you can currently do with the _Orchidia_ charm."

"But I can't do anything!" Lily cried helplessly.

Severus' expression was unrelenting. "You will show me."

He heard the tiniest whine as Lily took out her wand, realising she had lost control on the situation. She sucked in a deep breath, noticed that he was watching her closely, and then let it all out again in a shudder. He gave her another moment, and then she suddenly closed her eyes and waved her wand wildly, clearly trying to get over her perceived humiliation as quickly as possible. "_Orchidia!"_

The faintest wisp of green smoke curled up from the end of her wand, but there was no conjured bouquet of flowers. Lily appeared unsurprised and lowered her eyes to the floor in resignation.

"You are hurrying the charm too much," Severus observed, ignoring her discomfort. "If you could speak it more fluently, rather than shouting at it like a demanding child having a tantrum, you might have more success." Lily nibbled her lip, looking puzzled.

"Like this: _Orrr-CHID-i-ahhh…"_ he purred, and some blood-red flowers slowly unravelled themselves from midair. He caught them and carried them over to a vase, speaking as he did so, "Do you see? Let the incantation flow. Now, you try."

Lily nodded and tried again when he had his eye on her. "_Orchidia…"_ There was nothing. "_Orchidia!"_ she repeated, a little more emphatically, and as she brandished her wand a cloud of petals and shreds of leaves exploded right in front of them, leaving them temporarily blinded and coughing from all the pollen.

"I'm sorry!" Lily whimpered and hid her face in her hands while Severus vanished the remains of her failed charm. "I'm so rubbish! I'm going to fail!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Severus snapped sharply, making her look up in surprise. He knew Lily could do the charm; if he was adamant that she could do it, she would trust in herself. "Just stop rushing the wand movement. Here – hold out your arm – "

As Lily did so, trembling slightly (whether out of fear from his change in tone, or embarrassment, he did not know), he moved close behind her and his chest lightly grazed her back.

"A bit higher," he said, a little more softly as he edged nearer in order to stretch over her and put his hand around hers. He found himself gently pressing against her warm body and breathing in her meadowy perfume, delighting in their intimacy. A distant part of his mind remarked that this was pushing their pretend teacher-student relationship to its limits, but Severus was taking too much pleasure in it now to care.

"Now try," he said right next to her ear, only realising too late how husky his voice had become. He tried to concentrate on their joined hands, a sight which gave him instant gratification. He heard Lily take a shaky intake of breath.

"_Or – orchidia!_" As she cast the spell he guided her hand and a tingling of magic rushed down his wand arm, condensing into an intensely pleasurable sensation where their hands touched. Suddenly roses with black petals appeared flowering everywhere and were falling down to litter the floor all around them. Lily gasped.

"It – it worked!" With his hand still enclosing hers, she looked keenly around at all the black flowers; and then as she seemed to realise the compromising position they were standing in, she stilled and swallowed. Her eyes flickered up to his face, inches away, while his body still pressed against her. He could see every fleck of colour in her green eyes and taste her warm breath on his lips. It was sweet torture.

"You know how it feels now," he said softly. Miscomprehension flickered in her eyes. "The charm," he clarified. He slowly moved away, gritting his teeth and using all of his willpower to peel his hand off hers even though it wanted to stay caressing her skin all evening long.

Lily kept her eyes trained him, but she performed the sweeping wand movement that he had just shown her. She had barely finished murmuring the charm before a burst of colour erupted before them. Elegant, tall irises of purple and yellow bloomed in the air, finally drawing Lily's attention away. Yet Severus did not mind; he was too satisfied that he had enabled Lily to accomplish the charm and too engrossed in the delighted smile on her face.

"Oh – I've done it!" She excitedly did it again, conjuring up more and more flowers. Then she gathered them into her arms and darted about the room, filling up the crystal vases with the bright irises and black roses. Soon the Room of Requirement was alive with colour – purple, yellow, green and black – and Lily was beaming up at him.

"Thank you, Severus! You're an amazing teacher! I couldn't have managed it without you."

"You're exaggerating," he scoffed, but secretly felt very pleased at her praise. He stuck his wand back into his robes and then went to sit on the sofa, picking up a book he needed to read to complete a Transfiguration assignment. He half expected Lily to pick up her things and go now that she had achieved what she had come here to do, but after a moment he heard a rustling and a strange chinking noise. He looked up curiously, only to see her pulling two bottles of Butterbeer out of her schoolbag.

"Come on, Sev, we should celebrate your success at teaching a dunderhead like me!" she said, shooting a fleeting cold look at the book he had open on his lap.

"You are _not_ a dunderhead," he mumbled. "And I'm not sure this is such a good idea," he protested as he found the book being swept of his lap and a bottle being pressed into his hand. "We've got work to do…"

"Oh, lighten up!" Lily said. "It's just one drink!" She pointed her wand at the fireplace in front of them and merrily dancing flames appeared, instantly radiating warmth. Lily sighed and sat back on the sofa, her arm gently nudging against his. Well, this wasn't so bad, Severus thought shrewdly as he gave in and took a sip of the frothy drink. Perhaps he could forgo one evening's worth of work this week…

After all, if Lily was in a good mood, perhaps she might let him have his book on the Dark Arts back. Though she had proclaimed that she would never let him get expelled for the culpable tome, he could not help doubting how long her resolution would last once she actually realised what it contained. It seriously concerned him that she might read it alone – or in the company of mule-headed, self-righteous Gryffindors who sniffed at anything remotely thrilling.

If only Lily would look at it when she was _with_ _him_, he might have a chance of coaxing her into seeing the text as he did. A wealth of precious, powerful magic composed of intricate complexity – an intellectual challenge, a source of strength and power, to be respected and admired. It made him incredibly uneasy to be without it, to put his faith in someone else to look out for its safety. He would trust Lily above anyone, but he suspected that it would not occur to her to guard it as well as he had – well, he thought snidely, until that day he had left his trunk open for Potter to pry… The memory still made his blood burn hot.

He took several big gulps of Butterbeer and glanced sideways at Lily, who was smiling and humming as she looked at the welcoming firelight.

"Lily," he started, plucking up his courage, "I was wondering whether I might have my book back…?"

She looked at him with an expression of surprise – that then muted into one of discomfort. "Actually, I – err – I was planning on hanging onto it for a bit longer," she confessed, analysing the label on her Butterbeer.

Severus' expression hardened. "Why?" he bit out.

Was Lily hoping that by separating him for his grandfather's book he would lose interest in the Dark Arts? He nearly snorted at the absurdity of the idea.

"It's just – well, James and Sirius are determined to get hold of it – and currently it's safely locked in my trunk, but as soon as I take it out of there I'm at risk of them taking it and – well, you know as well as I do what they want to do with it."

_Get me expelled_. "Predictable," he muttered irritably. "So, when can I have it?"

He watched as Lily took a sip and then turned to him, the firelight dancing prettily in her eyes. "I had thought – perhaps during the first Quidditch game of the year – I mean, the whole school will be out on the pitch, and James and Sirius will be safely distracted. We can –"

She trailed off as she saw his lips twitch with the hint of a smirk. Severus beheld her appraisingly; Lily did come up with the most brilliant ideas. "Agreed."

Lily glowed. She drank some more and then put her bottle down, resting her head on his shoulder and snuggling up to him.

Severus stiffened, one part of his body in particular. _Shit, not NOW! _he thought in alarm. Why did his body have to interpret Lily's innocent intimacy as a hopeful sign, and in such an awkward situation? He frowned. Highly embarrassed, his eyes swung down to Lily, afraid that she might notice. He quickly grabbed his book and held it in pretence of reading, shielding his lap from her eyes. He fought desperately to appear unaffected by her close proximity, but it was phenomenally difficult to do so when his body was demanding to have notice taken of it and was craving attention… particularly a girl's. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, hoping that he wouldn't bother Lily while trying to lessen some of the tightness that his underwear seemed to have impressively acquired in the last minute.

"Severus, what are you doing with that book?" Lily said, noticing the pages of complex Transfiguration open above his lap. Severus groaned inwardly. "You're meant to be enjoying a drink, not _studying!_" Her hand closed around the book, but as she pulled Severus kept his tight grip.

"Leave it, Lily," he growled.

She giggled, giving another tug. "Oh Sev, must you always be studying? Can't you be interested in anything _other _than magic for just a few minutes?"

"You _know_ how much I appreciate magic and take pleasure in learning all its mysterious intricacies. But _yes_, of course I can think about other subjects, if I feel so inclined." _Like you_, his brain thought, making him sweat.

"Well, come on, then!" Lily said, using both hands now to pry the protective book out of his long fingers. When he refused to relent, she asked, "What's wrong? Why is this so important that you need to read it now?"

Severus glared at her, not feeling amused at the sight of her buoyant smile, and lowered his eyes to the book. She was being bloody persistent and wearisomely light-hearted. If he didn't know better, he would have said the Butterbeer was making her merry.

In confirmation of his suspicions, Lily suddenly launched herself at him, chuckling and trying to wrestle the book out of his hands. Knocked to the side onto some cushions and trying to keep the last few drops of his Butterbeer from sloshing out of the bottle, Severus was unable to prevent Lily from jerking the book playfully out of his hand.

Upon seeing the murderous look in his eye, Lily laughed aloud in glee and draped herself over his lap, making Severus freeze in terror. Things had gone from risky to utterly treacherous! She was pressing against him, making him even harder even though that was the _worst_ possible reaction right now! He let out a hiss, barely managing to suppress himself from arching into her. Her body was shaking as she struggled to speak, she was laughing so much – "Sev-! You should've – seen your face – !" Her bubbly voice came out muffled as her face was smothered by the cushions.

Severus swigged the last drops of Butterbeer and dropped the bottle on the floor, now having his hands free to remove Lily before she realised that what she felt beneath her stomach was even more inappropriate than the position they were currently in. Jaw set, he pulled Lily up by her shoulders and set her back on her side of the sofa. She was completely limp like a boned fish, and giggled again when she saw his face. He scowled.

"Lily, that Butterbeer has gone _straight_ to your head," he said sternly, glancing critically over at her half-finished bottle.

"But I haven't even drunk it all!" Lily protested, putting his Transfiguration book on the cushion beneath her and sitting herself cross-legged on it. She looked as satisfied as a cat that had just got some cream, and its silliness made Severus very nearly snicker.

"Nevertheless," he said, standing up and lifting her to her feet, glad that her head was so far in the clouds that she would not notice any protrusion that signalled his improper arousal, "my point remains. You are being… silly and uncontrollable, and excessively merry. I think you should return to your Common Room before you consume any more Butterbeer and become an entirely hopeless case."

Lily grinned and this time did not dispute with his accusation. She moved away from the sofa and looked once more at the colourful flowers they had conjured up that evening.

"Thank you so much for helping me, Sev," she sighed. Her imploring eyes now turned to his, clearly begging for him to let her hug him. The amusing sight made him smile softly.

Taking this as permission, she rushed forwards and wrapped her arms around his torso, tightly holding him in an attempt to express her gratitude. Severus, very much enjoying her close contact, laid his cheek on the top of her head as she nestled into his chest and gently put his arms around her. It felt good to be Lily's best friend again, the one to look after her and share jovial moments such as these with her.

But the moment stretched out and he was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable. Lily's once exuberant hold had now slackened; it was starting to feel like something else… something dangerous. On the rare occasions Lily had hugged him before, she had darted away again quickly, as if she sensed his awkwardness and was afraid of provoking his anger. She knew he wasn't a touchy-feely person. She was the only one he let into his private space…

…That intimate space in which she was now pointedly lingering. He felt himself tense, afraid of what was happening. Lily began to stir and Severus watched warily as she moved her head, her eyes slowly trailing up from his chest, to his neck, to his mouth, to his eyes…

It was too late when he realised her fingers were travelling up the front of his jumper and his hands had gravitated to her waist. Her mouth was on his – he did not know how it happened – but suddenly he was kissing her! Her mouth was sweet and warm and immediately had him yearning for more, reacting in ways he shouldn't – this was wrong – this shouldn't be happening – but it felt bloody brilliant – like everything he had dreamt of and _more_… mmm… more…

It took Severus a while for his sense to return and remind him exactly what was going on. _Lily was tipsy_. The liberties of the Butterbeer had stripped her inhibitions away and she was not kissing him in her right mind. As much as it felt insanely good… he had to put a stop to it.

His body instantly protested, his hands pulling her body against him, but Severus forced his mind to become detached and his hands to obey. He gently pushed her away and caught his breath as her lips left his. Lily looked up at him, breathing rapidly, her glazed eyes revealing some of the lust simmering beneath.

"Lily… we shouldn't be doing this…" Severus said thickly, overriding the furious objections from his body that he should _shut up NOW_ and just take whatever Lily was clearly so willing to give!

To make matters even worse, Lily's expression turned into one of fitful longing, one that instantly had him highly aroused. "Why not?" she asked innocently, sneaking her arms around his neck and in doing so bringing them closer.

A growl escaped his throat and Severus closed his eyes, trying to keep a cool head even if the rest of him was going mad at what she was doing. "Because – because you're very tipsy, Lily – you haven't got an ounce of sense left in that head of yours."

"I'm just fine!" she said, her green eyes shining brightly, _persuasively_. "If _you_ had any sense, Sev, you would stop talking this instant."

With that she pressed her lips against his. He was so startled by her courageous action that his lips parted in shock and he found her velvety tongue moving urgently against his. He moaned with pleasure and instinctively responded. Bugger it all! This was _not_ how it was meant to be! He didn't want their first real kiss to be when Lily's mind was befuddled with Butterbeer. He wanted to hear honestly from her lips that she loved him, he needed to see the truth in her eyes. He had waited so long for her… if he had to wait a few days longer, he would, for he wanted so acutely for their first real kiss to be something so special, something so treasured that neither of them would ever forget it…

Severus allowed himself one moment more of indulgence and then pulled back, tuning out his body's vociferous remonstrations. He kept his eyes closed and breathed deeply, searching for the control he knew he had somewhere within him. Finding it at last, he opened his eyes to see her looking at him in confusion, making him feel guilty for stopping.

"Lily, _please_. You're going to end up making me break the confounded vow I made to myself."

Her expression turned curious. "What vow?" When he did not reply her lips pulled up to one side.

"Oh come on, Sev, would that really be so bad…?"

A prickly snarl rumbled in his throat, keeping her from advancing. She stopped and slowly looked up at him, her green eyes quivering. "You – you don't like-" Her voice wavered.

"Don't be a dunce, Lily!" Severus said crossly, annoyed with the excessive effort it was taking to constrain his arousal and stop himself from pouncing on her when she was all but begging him to do so – he had never felt so much hot frustration bottling up within him in his life. How could she even bloody _entertain_ the preposterous notion that he did not enjoy her kissing? "You know I like – that I – I want – I mean – "

The swirling desire in her eyes was extremely off-putting, as was the urge to seize her in his arms and flatly ignore the instructions of his brain. Exasperated, he pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes again, so as to be able to school his thoughts back onto the straight and narrow.

"You – you've been holding back for some reason recently, Lily, and I know you will regret this in the morning. You won't thank me for taking advantage of you." There was a throbbing pause.

"And – and what reason is that?" Lily said timidly. Severus stopped pinching his nose and studied her. He noted she was biting her lower lip nervously, something that made his gaze flicker to it for a moment before he shoved it back up to her eyes.

"I am not yet aware of the reason," he said, fully conscious of the sharp edge to his voice due to his irritation of being kept in the dark. "But I believe it is just _one_, and I shall make it my business to find out its nature very soon."

Lily quaked. "How do you know it is just one?"

Severus smirked, secretly pleased that she had confirmed his suspicions. "Because," he said, picking up her cloak from where it lay pooled on the floor and draping it around her, letting his fingers skim over her shoulders just enough to make her breath hitch, "because, it has taken not even _one_ bottle of Butterbeer to remove whatever obstacle that was standing in your way. And trust me, once I know what this last feeble impedance is, I will seek to undermine it without delay, using _every_ power I have."

He sought her eyes and was amused to see a flicker of unease that had not been there in her previously brazen advances. It was good to let her know where they stood. He had seen that underneath her calm, sensible exterior, Lily was drawn bewitched to him. He knew now that she at least found him attractive and was most definitely not repulsed by his kissing. But did she love him? He would get no answer that he could rely on tonight, what with her brain being all over the place. But he would make sure that, once he knew for certain that her feelings for him were as deep as those he writhed with for her, he would sabotage any reason holding her back and claim her as his. He was getting impatient with waiting, and he'd be damned if Potter got in first!

Lily lifted her bag over her shoulder and turned to scrutinise him once more before she left.

"Your self-control really _is_ made of steel, to be able to pull away from a kiss when I know that doesn't even begin to cover what you really want…" she said teasingly, a mischievous twinkle returning to her eye. She held his gaze invitingly and began to smile, her lips parted just _so_.

Severus felt his body tauten as her implication hit him with the force of a Blast-Ended Skrewt. God, the way she behaved with an infusion of alcohol in her blood was driving him utterly insane!

"Oh, fuck it, just one more kiss," he snarled, descending on her with a near-feral purr and crashing his lips on hers. She gave no sign of resistance; he easily claimed her mouth, his tongue diving in and utterly ravaging her, compelled to seize one last glorious pleasure that would be enough to allay his raging desire for a little while longer.

"Mmm…" he murmured, skimming his tongue over her lips a touch more gently before giving her a final sweet kiss and drawing back. "Damn that alcohol."

Lily smiled softly. "Thanks for the – uh – lesson, Severus," she reiterated her gratitude, the way her voice slipped over the syllables of his name threatening to be his undoing. "You're a great teacher, you know. You helped me to learn so amazingly quickly."

She headed over to the door, Severus' eyes lingering on her slender legs. _Shit! What had got into him? One drink-driven advance from Lily and he was all in a mess!_

He cleared his throat and Lily turned, halfway through the door.

"You won't get away so quickly next time," he said warningly, his eyes suffused with the burning fire Lily had kindled within him.

A rosy tinge crept over her cheeks. "I'll be careful," she whispered, and then she left.

**xXxXx**

Lily walked happily down the hallways back to Gryffindor Tower, a definite spring in her step and feeling a smile tugging at her lips. She felt as if she could dance all night long and sing out to the world, she was filled with such pleasure. She had been dreaming of kissing Severus ever since their lips had first touched that day in Hogsmeade, and although she could honestly say that she had not at all been expecting anything irregular to occur in the Room of Requirement, that most definitely did not mean she was unhappy that anything _had_.

A giggle broke out from her lips as she alighted on the thought of her snogging Severus only minutes ago and she found herself skipping down the final hallway, not caring if anyone was around to see their Prefect behaving so improperly, and the alcohol probably had something to do with that. Although she had not had the motivation in mind of getting them both tipsy when she lit on the idea of asking the house-elves in the kitchens for a couple of bottles of Butterbeer – she had just thought it would be nice for the two of them to share a moment together not studying. Anyway, Severus seemed immune to the alcohol's effects, despite it being rather potent in her.

She knew the Butterbeer had made her more carefree, as Severus had said – although she would never admit that to him, of course. Yet she was not completely headless and hopeless as he seemed to believe – she had experienced _that_ sensation at one of the Gryffindor Tower's most raucous parties last year, and was not eager to be revisiting that state any time soon. It had merely augmented her bright mood and made it clearer to her what she yearned for, when the stresses of work and fierce disagreements and profound fear of what was going to happen in the War were all brushed aside.

She wanted _Severus._

She had been fully and blissfully aware of what she was doing, kissing him – but Severus was right, she needed to make her choice before anything else happened, if only to save them from further heartbreak. She needed to decide whether she should go out with him now, in the hope of coaxing him over to the light, or whether she should promise him that pleasure if he made the leap first. Somehow she did not expect Severus would be game for that kind of bargaining, but she was scared that if she gave herself over now, he would believe there was nothing further to gain by considering changing his stance in the War.

Well, that decision was for another day. She was too content right now to dwell on such troubling matters. Lily clambered through the Portrait Hole and sought out her friends. The boys were absent, Remus of course still being in the Hospital Wing following the full moon, but the girls were over by the window, attempting to get some work done. Yet Lily wanted to wallow in the sweet aftermath for a little while longer before doing her homework and so she settled herself in an armchair by the fire. She gazed into the flames, reliving the soaring joy she had felt as Severus had kissed her back so eagerly, unaware of one corner of her mouth quirking up – the only sign for the world to see of the secret pleasure that had taken place that evening.

A squeak interrupted Lily's reflections and she looked round to see Mary dashing over, closely followed by Alice. Mary had that light in her eyes that warned Lily that she was about to be interrogated about the latest snippets of gossip. She was not to be proven wrong.

"So, Lily, _who are all the flowers from?_" Mary asked enthusiastically, hurriedly climbing into the chair closest to Lily and looking at her with rapt attention. Lily smiled, realising this was all about the roses on her bedside table – the roses that Severus had given her last night in the Library.

Alice had come up with her own conclusion. "Was that your doing, James?" she asked, and Lily looked up to see James and Sirius standing there, back from their evening visit to Remus in the Hospital Wing.

"Uh – flowers?" Despite Alice's appraising smile, James looked uneasy and his cheeks coloured. He was running a hand through his hair when Lily decided to step in and save him from the embarrassment.

"Oh – Severus was just showing me how to do the Orchidia charm," she explained. Mary's expression fell and Alice wrinkled her nose.

"_Snape_ gave you those roses? Those lovely _red_ _roses_?"

"Snivellus? _Roses?!_" James spluttered, hardly able to believe what he was hearing. He was so shocked that he lapsed into a coughing fit and Sirius had to slap him hard successively on the back.

Lily was puzzled by her friends' aversive behaviour. "So what if they are roses? You know I was struggling to do that charm – Sev offered to show me how to do it and look – I can do it now!" She waved her wand, remembering how Severus' hand had guided her and felt tingles down her arm, and a bouquet of colourful irises erupted in the air. She presented them with a beaming smile, but the girls seemed almost insultingly impervious to her success at conjuring the flowers.

"Are you sure they're not cursed roses?" Mary said warily. "Perhaps that's the reason you didn't sleep as well…"

"Don't be silly, Mary! Why would Severus want to curse me?"

"I agree," said James weakly, emerging watery-eyed from his choking. The girls looked round. "Everyone except Lily can see that Snape is _infatuated_ with her, he wouldn't want to harm her."

Understanding dawned on Alice and Mary's faces. "Oooh, be on your guard, Lily, he's trying to win you over by giving you roses," Mary insisted, entirely seriously.

"Oh, leave me alone!" Lily snapped, leaping to her feet, upset at their attempts to mar her happy thoughts of Severus and slander him. "Severus was only trying to _help_ me, he did something perfectly innocent and harmless, and _still_ all you lot can think is badly of him, convinced he's about to kill us all, or something else that's just as barmy!" She made to leave, hoping to bail out before she lost her jubilant mood, but she found James standing in her way.

"Snape's done loads of dreadful things over the years that he deserves to be expelled for!" James was saying in contention. "He deserves his bad reputation and he does nothing to make anyone think of him otherwise or give us reason to not suspect him."

Lily planted her hands firmly on her hips, feeling so angry that she would not have been surprised if sparks were flying off the ends of her hair. "_You_ can't talk, James! I know what you and your friends have got up to, and _you_ could have been expelled hundreds of times! You know I could get you in _serious_ trouble for trespassing in the Slytherins' dungeon?" she reminded him.

James just gave her a lopsided grin. "Yeah, but you wouldn't, Lily," he said playfully.

Lily grew even angrier. "You would deserve it!"

"Yeah, well some things have to be risked in war," James replied. By now, their voices had risen and their friends were sending each other wary glances; but Lily was too vexed to care, too incensed by James to let anyone try to break the argument up.

"War? What war?"

"_The_ War, Lily!" James said, astounded. "Snivellus is consorting with the enemy, probably teaching the other budding Death Eaters all his monstrous curses right now, and using you to spy on our side! Everyone but you can see what he's up to! He _is_ the enemy and we are at war."

"_War?!_" Lily shouted, incredulity surging through her scathing tone. "Can't you see yourself? You two are so _stupid_, you're making everything ten thousand fold worse. If you could just stop being at each other's throats for one moment and try to get along and understand each other, you wouldn't be bringing the War inside Hogwarts. This is a school, war shouldn't be going on in here!"

At the insult, James' brown eyes narrowed behind his round glasses. "Yeah, well it _is_ going on in here, Lily, and you need to face that before anyone – including you – gets hurt. We should stick up for what is right."

"I'm not saying we should not stick up for what is right –"

James interrupted her, "You're reading that – that _book_!" he said in a deathly whisper, knowing the others weren't to know what kind of bed time material Lily was currently perusing. "You should be more careful!"

"Just because I'm reading about those things, it doesn't mean I'm going to _do_ them, you idiot! Were you not listening to anything I was saying this morning? What about preparing ourselves? What about realising that not all Slytherins are Death Eaters – and not all Gryffindors are necessarily good, for that matter? You can't make such blanket judgements. The problem with you, James, is that you're too focused on the big picture that you lose sight of the detail, of the individual people involved… Or maybe you're just selfish, and using the War as an excuse to manipulate your own ends!" she said shrilly, latching onto another revelation that had just popped into her head.

James tilted his head curiously to one side. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You just want Severus to be on the other side of the War so that I will go out with you instead of him – !"

With her shout, a tense silence settled over the Common Room. It was as if no one dared to breathe for fear of what was going to happen next between her and James. Faces everywhere were staring, her friends were looking worried, and James' expression was now unreadable as he held her gaze. Had her outlandish accusation hit home? Or was he about to attack her again, denouncing her for wrongly believing him to be so egocentric?

Suddenly, all the singing joy at Severus' kisses, all the light that had filled her mood, all the nonchalance that had been granted by the Butterbeer – everything good in her mind had vanished, to be replaced by something abhorrent. Lily felt bare, wounded – and extremely upset.

She spoke to James once more before leaving. "You're a self-absorbed prat, you know that? You've gone and ruined what was _such_ a good evening!" Her words were quiet but she was unable to keep her voice from breaking. She turned and hurried up to the girls' dormitories, only just getting out of sight before she collapsed into tears.

**xXxXx**

**Well, that was an emotional chapter! Please tell me if you liked it and would be glad to have similar playful happenings in the upcoming chapters…! Hehe! ;) Also, are my chapters too long? :S**

**Just to clarify a point, when Severus wanted their 'first **_**real**_** kiss' to have meaning, he was referring to a kiss that would signify the start of a relationship between them – of course they first kissed in Hogsmeade :P But after that it all went a bit pear-shaped very quickly!**

**Pleeeeaaaase review and make me exceptionally happy! :D**


	19. James' Admission

**A/N:**_ I just want to thank you all SO INCREDIBLY MUCH for your encouraging reviews! I can't believe this story has got over 150 – that's broken my record. Thank you so much and I hope you continue to enjoy. [The naughtiness will be returning soon!]_

**Chapter 19: James' Admission**

Lily awoke on Wednesday feeling groggy and confused. Distantly she heard the shrill ringing of an alarm clock and Mary's swearing even after it ceased, but though she was aware of the other girls' groans, her mind was still lodged in the dream she had just had.

It was very strange, both frightening and yet morbidly fascinating. In the dream, the Death Eaters had captured her, and she was sitting at a large round table with ten or so other captives – mainly students she was friends with at Hogwarts, including a few like James Potter who were in Dumbledore's private class. They were waiting to be interrogated by the Dark Lord and his inner circle, when she would be forced to confess whether she would ally with him or suffer the consequences. They were waiting in a silence so stifling Lily had felt herself shake. Faced with death, she had reflected on what she would say in a new light and she had not known what to decide. She would hate herself for eternity if she joined them, but if she refused she would die – she would never see her parents again, never feel the embrace of warm arms she loved so much, never walk free under the blue sky. She had wondered how it had come to this – this dire end, where even if she caved in, true freedom would not be her liberty to enjoy. And suddenly, she had burst out angrily,

"I hate propaganda and lies–!"

…For in dreams, the usual rules and constraints were distorted. The Death Eaters watching them did not seek to silence her.

Lily had not expected to hear anything back. But then, a few seats to her left, James spoken boldly, "Me too."

"So do I," another person whispered.

"And I."

And from these select voices that spoke up, Lily knew which of them would stand up for what was right. An indescribable warmth had filled the whole of her heart and she knew then she would _never_ join Voldemort. They had managed to show their unity and an unspoken vow hung between them, bringing courage through their solidarity. She was no longer alone. And as, one by one, they had been taken from the room, led to a haunting room lined with instruments of torture, poisons glowing eerily from glass bottles and Death Eater masks leaping out of every corner, Lily had felt no fear…

It was a bizarre dream, primarily for the intense emotions she had felt, truly believing she was facing death at the hands of Voldemort. Lily couldn't stop thinking about it as she lay there, wondering what had prompted it and whether it meant anything. She supposed that Severus' book had tapped into her subconscious, for she had been reading it in bed again last night – as well as her fear of what was going to happen after she left the sanctuary of Hogwarts and openly fought against Voldemort. Mostly it was her parents and friends she was afraid for, but every so often she was plagued by doubt, wondering if in the face of death she would have the courage to stay true.

Lily pushed herself up in bed, trying to rouse herself and stop her mind from dwelling on such an odd dream. Instead her thoughts travelled to the chapter on cursed objects she had been examining the night before.

So far there had been nothing horrendous enough to drive her away, but what had startled her from the outset was the _style_ in which Severus' grandfather had written the Dark Arts book. Instead of delivering a brief, oversimplified description in the way dark magic was covered in their Defence Against the Dark Arts lessons, _always_ accompanied by a glaring warning, here dark objects were intimately described – every detail was elaborated on with a flourish, nothing was omitted or skimmed over, and the reader was not pushed away but brought right in. The narration went miles beyond the typical simplistic representations of dark objects which Lily was accustomed to, and which she had begun to realise were totally unfounded. They were anything but simple, both in their bewitchment and their method of exacting pain or death. The book unearthed such depth to the subject that Lily had never previously believed to exist.

In a tone reminiscent of the hushed and excited way Severus spoke when enthused about a recent potion he had discovered, Lily found the author almost lovingly portraying the ultimate cursed articles and fervidly writing out precise instructions for how to perfectly accomplish such dark sorcery. He had meticulously enlarged on every step and was clearly willing the reader to take up their wand and join in, rather than urging them to steer well away. The shocking resemblance to Severus' persuasive language was enthralling and despite the book's disconcerting intentions, Lily found herself enticed in, as if she had been given a private window into Severus' so well hidden mind.

Across the weathered pages, the objects themselves were drawn out and annotated, as precisely and artistically as the diagrams she had seen in Severus' schoolwork. Some things came as no surprise, being the stereotype dark object that had even pervaded Muggle fairytales – bewitched goblets that turned any liquid into poison, and deceptively alluring jewels that, once put on, drove the woman out of her mind. But others shocked her in their complete ingenuousness – blankets that suffocated the unsuspecting person in their sleep, kitchen knives that stabbed the first person to touch them with bare hands…

Lily read about these gruesome objects and their uses with distaste, but she did not allow herself to stop; she knew she should be on her guard and aware of what traps could be lying in wait to catch the innocent and easily beguiled. Yet she could not help but wonder at the wizards and witches who had created such bloodthirsty devices in the past and reel at the sickening pleasure they clearly took from ensnaring their prey. It was with great sadness that she reflected on all the innocent people that had so needlessly died at the mercy of such curses – for die they most certainly had. The author clarified how, when performed correctly, these curses were most adept at bringing death, and launched into the most morbid examination of the corpse as if the cool stillness of death was something beautiful and to be revered.

She was fascinated by this ardent manner of writing and could not comprehend it – yet she sought to do so, keeping in mind that by opening herself up to this treasured book, she would be earning her way into Severus' heart, and ultimately his trust.

**xXxXx**

While Lily began to get dressed, she noted the occasional glances the other girls were shooting her. Mary, Alice and Marlene had been openly bewildered by her argument with James yesterday and were unsure whose side to take. Their confusion was still so considerable that it now spurred Lily into questioning herself too.

Was it just the alcohol that had made her speak like that to James? Lily doubted it; she had only been a mildly tipsy after all and she was sure its effects had worn off by the time they had argued. He was a daft prat, that she knew for sure, but she was perplexed at why she had lashed out at him quite so callously – Lily hated arguments and she always strove to evade them, even though James seemed to make it his business to defy this principle. Looking back on it now, it was the fact that he had been _so_ unjustifiably angry about Severus giving her roses that she had caught his anger like wildfire. It seemed with every flash of those brown eyes, her own temper had flown up a notch. She regretted yelling at him so accusingly but he was just so damned short-sighted, and it would clearly take far more than glasses to amend that affliction!

Lily sighed and headed into the bathroom. They would have to seek some sort of reconciliation, or they would never be able to work together in the Vallatus classes. And they meant so much to her. They were her lifeline, the symbol of hope in all the bad news she read each morning in the Daily Prophet. They signified to her the chance to stand up for what was right, to defend Muggles like her parents, whose safety she worried about far more than they would ever realise, to protect the rights of other abused Muggleborns, and to ultimately do something worthwhile and _good_ for so many people.

And Lily knew that James felt the same way. Perhaps he did want to paint Severus blacker than he was to wipe him out of the picture, but he also cared about Muggleborns' right to magic and held steadfast to Dumbledore's side; even though as a Pureblood he could have chosen the much easier route and settled himself comfortably under Voldemort's wing.

James was bloody annoying, but they would have to forgive and forget. Much more important things were at stake than pride or grudges, and Lily knew neither her nor James would want to forfeit their chance to work together in the Order of the Phoenix. The magic they shared was too valuable.

There was banging on the bathroom door. "Lily? Hurry up, I need to pee!" came Mary's desperate voice. Lily stopped dawdling in thought and hurriedly exited the bathroom as Mary all but dived in. She and the other girls waited, still yawning, before clattering downstairs to go to breakfast. James was hanging around by the Portrait Hole, and, in spite of her recent resolve, Lily's desire to reconcile with him absconded as soon as he opened his mouth.

"Hey, how's my little firecracker doing?" he called out, folding his arms casually as he leant against the wall.

Lily glared at him as she drew nearer. If _that_ was James' way of making everything okay between them, he was even denser than she had previously thought! She would not bother trying to settle their differences now when he had clearly not reflected on _anything_ she had said. She was certainly not going to put up with any more rubbish until he apologised for being so possessive, and if that left him stewing in his own boiling water for a few days until he got the message, _so be it!_

"I am not _your_ firecracker," she snapped and pushed past.

Even more irritatingly, James seemed unruffled by her rebuke. "Well, I've got one hand on you and I'm not about to let you go just yet," he replied with a grin.

Lily ignored him and climbed out of the Portrait Hole, frowning as she realised who else had a hand on her… And it dawned on her that, like two boys pulling hard on a firecracker, one day she would be unable to hold in the secrets of her heart any longer, and with a bang one of her admirers would win… while the other would lose.

**xXxXx**

Severus' eyes twinkled in the half-light of the Potions classroom as he watched Lily head over to join him. His mind was engrossed in memories of the playful kisses she had given him only last night, closeted away in the Room of Requirement, and his heart pounded painfully hard in his chest, craving more. He raked his eyes over her beautiful face, taking pleasure in remembering how her eyes had locked onto his, so full of want, and how those lips had sought to claim him… He shivered. Someone was watching him. He noticed over by the door Potter was glowering bad-temperedly, and Severus could not resist letting a hint of smugness hover around his lips, just to remind the jealous Gryffindor that ever since the first Potions class of the year, Lily had chosen to be with _him_.

Smirking, Severus turned away and watched Lily take out her potions kit, laying it next to his on the workbench. He was sorely tempted to tease her a little about last night; finding her behaving unaffected in his presence, he decided to go for it in the hope of eliciting a reaction. He slowly leant in and whispered, "Good morning, _Miss Evans_."

Lily's hand, which had been halfway to her quill, halted in midair. He was near enough to hear her breath hitch and see her squirm. It inflamed him powerfully.

"Good morning, _Professor…_" Her eyes swung up to his, startlingly rich with emotion. Severus had a hard time not letting her know how breathless she made him.

He inclined his head and gave her the smallest of smiles before turning his gaze away and allowing her to continue settling down. He knew for sure now that she enjoyed their little game – heaven knows _why_ she liked him pretending to be her teacher, but he most certainly relished her reactions to it. He had almost expected her to behave shyly around him, given her brazen advances the night before, but surprisingly she seemed relieved to be spending the lesson working by his side.

The reason was soon made apparent. Potter and Black had abandoned their usual seats at the back of the dungeon and had taken up seat at the other table in the front row, on the other side of the classroom. Such a stark and voluntary change, given their usual desire to plot mischief while tucked out of earshot of Professor Slughorn, was highly suspicious in itself without the two of them whispering away and shooting furtive glances in their direction.

Severus observed this colluding behaviour cautiously, intuitively sensing that it could only signify trouble. Slughorn however seemed unconcerned. He ran them through today's potion – a Seer's Brew that was said to encourage clarity of the Inner Eye – and brought their attention to the parts where students often slipped up, before setting them to work.

Severus had noted in a previous class that morning and between classes how Lily was distinctly giving Potter the cold shoulder, and though he was irrefutably pleased with this, he could not help but wonder what had brought it on. Even now, Lily was refusing to acknowledge Potter's ongoing attempt to catch her eye, and Severus could discern from her slightly reddened cheeks and frequent mutters that while she was aware of his intentions, she was actively striving to ignore him.

With a soft chuckle, Severus took up his pestle and began grinding away at some beetle wings. "What happened with you and Potter?" he asked softly, glancing sidelong at her.

Lily gave an irritable sigh. "He's a complete arse," she said brusquely, as if that finalised the matter. Severus smirked and continued grinding with newfound vigour; he suspected that some trivial disagreement had set them both on edge, but Lily's answer was more than satisfactory for him.

Feeling somewhat light-hearted, Severus contentedly stirred away at his Seer's Brew, enjoying his favourite class and making subtle adjustments to Slughorn's instructions as he felt the potion commanded. Despite his suspicions, he was uninterrupted by Potter and Black, who did nothing more than whisper animatedly, their heads held together over the off-colour vapour that rose out of Potter's cauldron. They kept staring at his and Lily's table, but seeing as Lily seemed pretty firm in her stance of ignoring James, he could not deduce what they were hoping to achieve.

Dismissing them from his thoughts, Severus completed his potion in record time and bottled up a little vial. He glanced over at the contents of Lily's cauldron – so far it was looking just as the instructions described, but by failing to make any addition of aconite she would be stirring for quite some time before it made the penultimate colour change.

Feeling proud of his achievement, Severus clasped his potion vial and walked up to Professor Slughorn's desk, presenting it to him with a barely concealed smirk. "Sir…?"

"Have you finished already? Goodness, m'boy, but you could not have been brewing for more than forty minutes! We still have another half-hour left to go."

"Would you mind if I compared my potion to your own specimen, sir, while I wait for the others?" Severus was keen to see if his shortcut had made any difference to the qualities of his Seer's Brew, and he knew that it was one of the perfect samples that Slughorn kept in his glass-fronted cabinet at the head of the classroom.

"Go ahead, examine away!" Slughorn boomed, waving a hand nonchalantly before heading over to see how Lily was progressing with a twinkle in his eye.

Pleased, Severus opened the prized cabinet and lowered his eyes to the faded labels, hunting for the correct vial. When he spotted it in the second row, he put his own vial down on the shelf and stretched his long fingers to the back, reaching out to take the specimen vial.

He was suddenly startled by a voice right behind him. "What are you up to, _Snivellus?"_

Severus whipped round, but before he had even seen James Potter's face twisted with a mischievious smile, a sharp stinging sensation struck his hand and he instinctively flinched back, knocking several glass vials clean off the shelf.

_SMASH!_

They shattered loudly on the floor, peppering his hands and face in shards of glass and smatterings of tingling potions. The soft hubbub of chatter that had filled the dungeon immediately ceased, the ominous silence only to be broken by the rushing, heavy footsteps of Slughorn.

"Merlin's beard, Snape, what is going on here?" he exclaimed, gazing at the wreckage Severus had caused.

"Snape was trying to swap his potion with the specimen sample, sir," James barged in, speaking so quickly it was almost as if he had rehearsed his line. "I caught him at it and of course he jumped." His eyes flickered to Severus' and he discerned the faintest smugness tugging at the boy's falsifying mouth.

_The_ _absolute_ _bastard!_ Seething fury swelled in Severus' chest at Potter's outright lie and his glittering eyes narrowed to deadly slits.

"You lying swine! I was doing no such trickery!" Severus hissed, sorely tempted to pound the Gryffindor to the ground; his right hand was stinging so much that he doubted whether smashing it into Potter's face would make it hurt any more.

"I saw him, sir!" James said defiantly, turning back to face their teacher and putting his innocent mask back on.

"You – or Black – struck me with a Stinging hex!" Severus snarled, brandishing his red, swollen hand in front of Potter's four-eyed face. Angrily Potter swatted his arm out of the way.

"What harebrained excuse is _that?_" James jibed, not even trying to conceal his dislike any longer. "All the stinging is just from the potions _you_ covered yourself in. Stop trying to move the blame to me and Sirius, we did nothing _wrong_."

Severus began to shake with fury but Slughorn laid a restraining hand on both of their shoulders before he launched himself at Potter's throat. "Silence, boys! I've heard quite enough. Potter, return to your brew, I can smell it burning from here. Severus…" Slughorn's eyes travelled to the desecrated shelf and the mess at his feet. "…I am very disappointed in you. I cannot say how dejected I am that you would try to break my trust. I am afraid you must spend detention with me and help me brew some potions so that I can make a start on replacing this… catastrophe."

"But, sir-! It's not true!" Severus complained, hearing the sniggers that were now emanating from the front row of the class. "Potter ambushed me!"

"Severus, you have completely destroyed half of my finest potions. Surely you must agree that it is not unreasonable for you to help me replace them?"

Severus hung his head.

"Now, I shall be out of Hogwarts on Saturday – attending a most prestigious conference in London – so let's say we meet in here on Sunday evening at six-thirty after dinner? That should give us over three hours to repair some of your damage."

Severus' head shot up, alarm filling his eyes. _Sunday evening?_ But that was when Lily's Vallatus class took place! He couldn't miss out on that!

"Now, no bargaining, Severus," Slughorn said perspicaciously. "I know how Slytherins work. I shan't be back until Sunday afternoon at the earliest, so that must be our arrangement. Now I suggest you go and find some Mertlap essence before your hand swells up to the size of your head."

Dejectedly Severus returned to his workbench, his shoulder being jolted hard by a superior-looking Sirius Black who barged into him as he took his intact potion vial up to Slughorn's desk. Cursing both Potter and Black fiercely under his breath with many expletives he felt did not even begin to cover their characters, he flung himself down on his stool and smarted at the injustice of it all. Just as he was wondering what he could do to seek vengeance and was examining his blistering hand, cool fingers came to rest upon it. His heart gave a jump.

"It's hurting you, isn't it? Come on, I've got some Mertlap essence in a bowl…" Lily pulled a half-filled bowl off the desk and knelt down, proffering it to him. Shocked by her kind thoughtfulness, Severus stared at Lily even as a blissfully soothing coolness enveloped his stinging hand.

"It wasn't my fault-!" he whispered earnestly, leaning forward and pleading for her to understand. "One of them sent the hex at me, so I'd knock over the bottles! It was all Potter's idea, I'm certain of it!"

"I know," said Lily gently, turning over his hand for him so that the back of his hand would be soothed as well. "I didn't see it but – I know you would not swap over your potion with Slughorn's. Yours was probably better, anyway." She met his eyes and they both smiled.

The sweetness of the moment did not last long. "Slughorn gave me detention – brewing with him, on _Sunday_ night." There was a hint of bitterness in Severus' voice.

"That's not so bad–" Lily began, but broke off when she realised what was bothering him. "Oh! Were you going to come and watch again…?" she asked softly, looking a little surprised. "Why…?"

Severus just tipped his head to one side and held her gaze, his black eyes burning into her with heat. "I think you know why…" he breathed as he finally lowered his eyes to the bowl and turned his hand over again.

Lily was quiet for a moment as she stood up. His eyes followed her, ready to pick up any cue. "I can meet you outside Gryffindor Tower after we've finished, if you'd like to hear how it went," she said softly, wiping down the workbench but sending him a fleeting smile. Such an arrangement was not perfect – the Dark Lord had specifically asked that he observed Dumbledore's secret classes – but it was better that he found out what had happened than miss out altogether. Besides, he could not forgo an opportunity to meet up with Lily alone, late at night… who knew where it would lead…?

Severus' eyes twinkled mesmerizingly. "I would like that very much."

Lily smiled and began packing up his belongings too, much to Severus' shock.

"Let me-" he started, standing to his feet. But Lily shook her head and told him to keep soothing his hand in the bowl.

"Besides… I think it's my fault why James sneaked up on you," she said uneasily. In answer to his questioning eyebrow, she admitted, "I should have hidden the roses from the other girls. Thanks to them, James found out that you gave them to me and he got upset at what they inferred."

Severus propped up his elbow on the desk and rested his chin in his free hand. _"At what they inferred…?!"_ he repeated quietly, a threatening edge to his tone. So _that_ was Potter's problem? He was intrigued to hear that people were reading so much into the roses he had conjured up for Lily, but particularly her views on the matter.

Lily finished packing his bag for him and tilted her head to one side, meeting his gaze. "And what did they infer?" she asked cheekily.

Severus lowered his eyes and removed his hand from the bowl; thanks to the Mertlap essence, it now felt cool and a little numb. "I believe you know what they inferred," he replied calmly, though inside his heart was bounding wildly. He one-handedly poured the Mertlap essence back into its flask and Lily saved him from struggling with the cap.

Feeling strangely well cared for, Severus made for the exit with Lily by his side. "I think you are being deliberately evasive, Severus," she noted perceptively and laughed as they climbed the stairs.

Severus glanced down at her and smiled, daring to give her a near-imperceptible wink. "Indeed? Perhaps I am…" he assented.

**xXxXx**

"Ha! Did you _see_ his face when he heard he got detention?" Sirius gloated and let out a barking laugh. Peter chuckled away but James walked along in silence, somehow feeling even gloomier than he had before pranking Snape.

"It was priceless!" Peter was saying keenly. "Good on you, Padfoot. I knew you could pull it off without even getting involved!"

"All thanks to you, old chap," Sirius said cheerfully, throwing an arm around James' shoulders and ruffling up his hair fondly. "What say you? Time for a celebratory lunch? I think you definitely deserve second helpings of treacle tart today for your great achievements."

James shrugged out of Sirius' embrace and flattened his hair back down as much as it would go. "I'm not really hungry…"

"What?" Sirius yelped incredulously as his tummy rumbled.

"I think I'll go visit Moony… I know he will be discharged this evening, but every minute drags by for him when he's stuck in there…"

Sirius nodded, momentarily sombre. "Yeah, poor guy. Well, Wormtail and I will grab some lunch, and then if there is time we'll join you? And recount our lively tale to Moony," he finished with a wink.

However James felt like doing anything but laughing about the prank. "Take your time, I'll see you in Transfiguration at two." He parted from his two friends in the Entrance Hall and then began trudging his way up to the Hospital Wing.

He couldn't remember a time when he had got less satisfaction from pissing off Snape. It used to be the surest way to get an emotional boost and have them grinning like loons all day (well, all of them except Remus, who would just shake his head and smile). Today though… sure, it was fun when they had managed to drop Snivellus in trouble and elude any kind of blame, but everything had backfired when he saw Lily down on one knee, caring for that git's injured hand with blatant tenderness. He had felt so sick, he'd considered throwing up into his cauldron.

And he _knew_ Lily would blame him for Severus' injury and she would be even more furious with him than she was already. She never seemed to doubt Severus' character – how, James could not begin to fathom. But trust she did – and even though James knew Lily had been preoccupied with adding her final ingredient when he had cornered Snape, even though it was in fact _Sirius_ who had sent the Stinging Hex, and even though much of the swollen, stinging hand could be attributed to the spray of potions and shards of glass, James _knew_ she would blame him alone.

What could he say? He was jealous? He was scared? He wanted to take out his anger and frustration on the one person who was the source of all his problems?

Those would not be reasons to Lily. They would be pathetic excuses.

James sighed. It had been a stupid idea. Lily already had a low opinion of him. Now she would look at him as if he was dirt. He fidgeted uncomfortably as he thought about what she had accused him of last night. When he'd gone up to bed, he had still been angry, thinking she was mental. This morning, he hoped they could just gloss over it, yet Lily was having none of that. He'd got frustrated again and lashed out on the best possible target – Snape. Yet now he played back what she had said and a great twist of guilt squeezed his intestines.

Was he really that selfish? He had not consciously wanted Severus to be a Death Eater just to get him out of the way, but perhaps, underlying all their feuds, he had. Lily was the one girl who presented a challenge and it seemed that until Severus was out of the picture she would not set eyes on him properly. But Lily wasn't just the object of a silly bet or game – he loved her fiercely and he would do anything to win her heart. Perhaps that did go so far as to condemn Snape for being worse than he actually was. He just found it hard to look at the snake from Lily's perspective. Five years of hatred had coloured his vision so extensively that it was bloody difficult to see the git as anything but black. Yet he would have to try. There had to be something that made Lily treat him so kind-heartedly and he would have to find out what it was.

Sighing wearily, James pushed open one of the great doors to the Hospital Wing and entered into the long room lined with white beds and filled with sunlight. Immediately a head popped up in one of the nearest beds.

"Prongs? I didn't know you were coming!"

Smiling, James hurried over to the bed where Remus was now shuffling himself up eagerly. He grabbed a chair and sat next to him, glad to see such delight on his friend's scratched face. However he had barely sat down when Remus began to look concerned; something in his expression must have given his mood away.

"Is something wrong?" Before James could even begin to contrive an answer, Remus' face was overcome with dismay. "Don't say I'm not allowed out of here tonight. I can't stand being stuck here for any longer! I've been counting down the hours ever since Monday morning!"

James gave a brief laugh and shook his head. "Stop jumping to conclusions Moony! Madam Pomfrey will still let you go at eight o'clock as she promised. You're fine."

"Phew." Remus visibly sagged back into his pillows. "So what's bothering you? Let me guess – you asked Lily out again and she said no? Or you had a tangle with Snape?"

"Oi!" James swatted Remus' head playfully, annoyed that he was apparently so predictable. "Neither! Although you're not far off…" His voice dropped. "I had an argument with Lily…"

Remus' eyes filled with pity. "Oh James…" he said softly. "What was it this time?"

Chagrined, James buried his face in his hands. "I don't know why… I just got so angry that Snivellus had dared to give her a bunch of roses! I flipped out and it escalated from there…" He was claimed by silence, wallowing in misery as he reflected on what Lily had said. "…She said I just want him to be on the other side so that she'll go out with me instead of him…" he admitted, his voice pained.

A warm hand closed around his knee. It was comforting. "I'm sorry," Remus said consolingly. "But you shouldn't worry. I doubt Lily was _really_ implying that she'd want to go out with Snape, unless –" Remus broke off; James had lifted his head and, for the first time, he revealed the dreadful turmoil he had been carrying around inside but trying to conceal for the last week.

"Oh Merlin, James, what is it?" Remus asked urgently, looking worried.

James grimaced and threw his gaze out of the window, barely seeing the Quidditch hoops winking in the cool October sunshine for the mixture of tears and memories glazing over his eyes.

"You know the connection the Vallatus Charm opens up?" he whispered. "When Lily and I are together I can – I can see – and – and feel – what she feels for him – " He gulped and screwed his eyes tightly shut, reliving that last lesson.

An image of Snape had materialised in his mind, intimate and scarily precise in its detail, and he had seen a strange fire kindled in those black eyes, a heat James had never before witnessed or believed possible, when those pits only ever held intense hatred and bitterness for him. He would not have deemed it real or significant, were it not for the myriad of backdrops that morphed behind like a blurry slide-show – in a dark passageway, under the willow tree by the lake, outside Scrivenshaft's in Hogsmeade, inside an unrecognisable room in the castle – time and time again, Lily had picked out these memories and lingered over them, inadvertently delivering them to his mind too.

But it was the emotions that had ebbed into the very fibre of his being that really undid him – no hatred and repulsion as he would have felt, but a swelling joy that had nearly flung him off his broom, a fluttery excitement that filled him with unbearable nausea, and a longing so full of ache and yawning desire that it seemed to draw his heart right out of his chest. Ever since then, when he had spied the two of them together, every little thing had flashed at him wildly like a blazing warning sign, eating away at his hope and flooding him with dismay. The moment Lily had taken Severus' hand into hers – it was worse than if she had snogged him on the lips. Somehow it was the final straw, the small but intimate gesture that showed James what his mind had refused to believe.

It was real. And he could not shun it any longer.

"I think Lily's in love–"

His voice broke as he realised just what it was he had confessed. He frantically sought Remus' eyes, begging an outright denial. But this was Remus, not Sirius, and he had come to Remus because, out of the four of them, he knew Lily best and he was realistic – Sirius, although highly supportive, was often foolishly positive in face of the evidence.

Remus' face was overshadowed with sadness and his eyes dropped down as he fiddled pensively with the bed-sheets. "Are you sure?" he said finally.

James twisted uncomfortably. "Yes. No. I don't know!" he wailed, throwing himself dramatically onto Remus' bed and smothering his incoherent rambling with the blankets. He gave a rumbling groan and then turned his head to one side so he could look at Remus through crooked glasses and splurge all his insecurities. "I can't believe it! I don't want to believe it! It can't be possible but I don't know what else could explain it. And she doesn't even realise I can feel what she feels! Should I tell her? I don't even think _she_ knows what it is she feels for him."

"You shouldn't say something unless you are absolutely sure," Remus said carefully. "See what happens this Sunday. You might realise you were wrong."

James sat up slowly and nodded, but he couldn't help feeling that it was empty hope. "And if it confirms what I suspect…?"

Remus heaved a sigh and looked him straight in the eye. "You should do what is right, James. What is _right_, not what is easy, and not what you want. You should let Lily go."

James quailed. "But-"

"_Let her go_," Remus said firmly, holding up his hand to silence him for a moment. "You can try warning people, teaching them, presenting them with as much evidence as you like – but ultimately the best way they learn is by making mistakes. I know you're only trying to keep her safe but this is a time when you need to let Lily make her own mistake. If you hold her back, she will always resent you for it and believe her preconceptions about Severus were right. She needs to find out she is wrong herself. It's no good you telling her. And it won't make any difference if I try, either," Remus added as James made to interject. "Lily knows better than all of us the prejudices that Gryffindor and Slytherin have against each other and nothing any of us say will be any great revelation to her with any great weight behind it. It's time for her to see for herself what Severus is really like, if that is what she truly wishes for. And when she realises it was all a bluff, she will accept you wholeheartedly, Prongs, you have my word."

James sat there, recoiling from Remus' every word and feeling as if the whole world he had built around him was crumbling in on him. How could he let Lily go out with Snape? How could she even _consider_ it? When she _knew_ he was an aspiring Death Eater – it was madness. How could he hand her over like that to his mortal enemy? Lying down and letting her walk into the dragon's den – it seemed so folly.

Yet it would appear that Snape, with all his snarls and glares and horrific curses, was what she wanted – she had a real death wish to play with fire. And James knew Lily's stubbornness, how nothing he could ever say would dissuade her from proving Snape's worth. Only when she had the evidence in her hands would she finally admit she was wrong… Perhaps there _was_ reason in Remus' madness.

There was just one problem holding him back from agreeing.

"I love her," James croaked.

"I know," Remus whispered sympathetically. "But if, come Sunday, you realise her true feelings for Severus, you must let her go and stop being her protector. It is the only way that you will ever bring her closer to you."

James frowned and rubbed his head; it was hurting like hell and making it exceedingly difficult to make sense of such divergent reasoning.

"If you can do this, you will show to her just how strong you are. It is by letting the ones we love go, in order to make them happy, that we can truly show how much we love them."

"But he's a budding Death Eater!" James protested, clinging onto Remus' sleeve desperately. "If she's alone with him, she's – she's so at risk! Think of what could happen to her when she is consorting with Slytherins! Slytherins who are in league with You-Know-Who!"

"James," said Remus gently, "I think you know how Severus really feels about Lily. He's going to change sides before he lets another Slytherin lay a hand on her. You need to stop panicking and let Lily see that you're not denigrating Severus just so she will go out with you."

Remus had said it nicely, but James still felt awkward knowing that Remus believed Lily's criticism had been true. Her accusation was rubbing on his conscience like sandpaper over his skin. It was painful, but he deserved it. He knew now what he needed to do to prove to Lily how much he loved her, and if he really did have to let her go… well, all he could say was he was glad he had three good friends who would be there to help him pick up the pieces of his broken life.

**xXxXx**

**Thank you for reading! Here are some thank you's (rather a lot this time) – **

**siaha17: Thank you so much for your praise, I really don't feel that talented but I am so touched that you think so! I am fairly sure who Lily will finally end up with, but the journey there is not going to be smooth, and I'm afraid I don't want to give the ending away, I like to keep you all in suspense ;)**

**Holy-Diver616: Thank you for leaving your comment, I'm glad you liked Lily's voice of reason. I think James is starting to realise what a numpty he is, but we'll have to see if he can change!**

**Kadajclone100: It's so good to hear from you again! Haha, James-bashing. Yes, it was good for James to hear that criticism from Lily's mouth and I think it's right that she stands up for Severus. We'll have to see if James will stop bullying Severus or if some old habits die hard.**

**Guest: I'm so pleased you liked the naughty bits :P More of them will be coming, all in due time! If something goes 'pear-shaped' it means it's gone awry or disastrously wrong – I hope that makes more sense now. Thanks for reviewing!**

**Kitty: Thank you so much for your review! Yes, the previous chapter was fun..! Severus and Lily will get together, but I can't reveal whether it will stay that way just yet. Still, more fun times are coming up soon :)**

**Snily lover: Thank you, it made me so happy to hear you enjoyed those naughty bits too! They were soooo fun to write ;) More is coming for sure, don't worry. And your comment on Severus' character means a lot to me. I'm so glad you find him incredibly realistic. Keeping him true to canon is what makes him such a pleasure to write.**


	20. The Gates to Paradise

**A/N: **_Here's the chapter you've been waiting for!_

**Chapter 20: The Gates of Paradise**

Over the next couple of days Lily noticed a change in James. After he had framed Severus in their Potions class, she had expected a spate of further truculent incidences and hexes to be thrown between the boys, but James was strangely subdued and docile. Instead of messing around in the Common Room and spouting hundreds of stupendous Quidditch stories, she had seen him quietly helping Remus catch up with the lessons he had missed, and she had even witnessed him revising studiously for their Charms test. He had held his tongue when she walked past him in the Library with Severus; in fact, she had not heard him speak a word about Severus since. Despite her decision to pointedly ignore him, she found herself watching him out of curiosity, trying to figure out whether Remus had finally managed to have a positive influence on him, or whether something else was afoot.

His eyes often sought out hers, too, but when she met them there was none of his usual panache and twinkling flirtatiousness. Those hazel eyes just gazed at her, so solemn and crestfallen, and she began to wonder if he was finally feeling some remorse for being such a jerk, to both her and Severus. It was disquieting. She knew he was trying to speak to her but she made sure she evaded him before he got the chance. She wasn't sure how she should react to this new James Potter and if it was in actuality all a guise, part of some master plan.

Thus, when he caught up with her and Alice after Charms on Friday, Lily was uncertain of how to treat him. He was definitely being less obnoxious, but she was still indignant at the childish way in which he had lashed out at Severus in a fit of envy and made it his business to try to break up her friendship with him.

"Hi, Lily." He gave her a faint smile that did not brighten his sombre eyes. "How did you do in the test?"

"Fine…" She did not mention how she had miraculously come top of the class, no doubt thanks to the help Severus had given her. She turned away from him in the hope of chatting to Alice and prompting him into leaving her alone, but he persisted.

"Actually I wanted to speak to you –"

"And I don't," Lily blurted out, linking her arm with Alice's and whisking them both away down the corridor. James remained where he was, looking after her.

"So you're just going to ignore me for what, three months? Like you did to Snape? And then you'll make up with me?" he called out.

A cold grip closed around Lily's heart and she stopped. Her eyes fell shut as the pain of the words Severus had snarled at her struck her once more, quickly outstripped by a wave of guilt. Yes, it had hurt, but she understood what had provoked Severus into blurting out that profanity and he had begged for her to accept his apology. She should never have refused to forgive him. She felt sick even now remembering how she had held that self-righteous grudge against him, in doing so hurting both of them. And here was James, wanting her to listen while he said sorry for something far more trivial and inconsequential.

"Lily?" Alice said worriedly.

She turned to face James. He approached her uneasily, seeming afraid that he had overdone it. But she could not berate him for speaking the raw truth, no matter how much it discomfited her. She had to endure the past – from that she could not escape – but she would ensure that she did not make the same mistake in the future.

"Go on," she said hollowly.

James blinked in surprise.

"I just wanted to say sorry for being – uh – well, I guess a 'self-absorbed prat' as you so eloquently put it the other night." Lily couldn't resist a one-sided smile. "You were right. I was stupid to let –" his voice shook "– let everything get the better of me. And I shouldn't have made up that rubbish about Snape to Slughorn. I'll admit there's no excuse for it."

Lily listened carefully to the words he chose, noting what he failed to mention. "What about sending a Stinging Jinx at him?" she asked, aggrieved on Severus' behalf for the injustice he had been forced to suffer because of James' inability to control his resentment.

"I didn't do that!" James yelped, his eyes pleading. "I promise! Look, I'm sorry about it all, but at the end of the day there was – " he suddenly broke off.

"I shall have to purchase a Pensieve…" mused a smooth voice from behind Lily's shoulder. She spun round to see Severus there, his eyes glittering faintly as he looked at James, an eyebrow cocked in mild surprise. "Am I really hearing you apologise? This is exceedingly unlike you, Potter."

James glowered but continued.

"As I was saying… there was no _lasting_ damage," he said slowly, fixing Severus with a gaze that showed he clearly wished there had been. "Nothing serious enough to leave a _scar_, was there, Snape?" He put weight each word suggestively, seeming to allude to something that Severus was privy to but, judging by her expression, Alice was no more wiser than Lily.

She watched Severus' eyes narrowing to thin slits, feeling apprehensive. "What are you saying?" she asked.

"Oh, so Snape conveniently forgot to mention that he most _generously_ gave me a scar the other day when he finally lost control and tried to hex me into oblivion?" James said sardonically. With a sinking feeling that she was about to hear something she frankly did not want to know, Lily looked between the boys. Severus' jaw was tight and his hands were clenched into white-knuckled fists, but he remained resolutely silent.

James carried on, "He didn't tell you that he put the Cruciatus curse on me? Or that he slashed me with some demented curse that even Madam Pomfrey couldn't fully heal?"

Severus' eyes had never been blacker. His stare was deadly.

"You deserved it," he hissed through clenched teeth.

"You used an Unforgivable? Severus-?" Lily gazed up at him, aghast, while Alice glowered at him and yet did seem not so surprised by this advancement.

"If all of your most private possessions had been read and ravaged and mutilated or stolen by some worthless, thoughtless, spiteful pile of _shit_, who takes some twisted kind of vindictive pleasure in plundering your most precious belongings as if they mean _nothing_, as if you have no kind of heart whatsoever, as if you deserve no deserve not one ounce of respect, _you_ would not be so quick to judge, Lily!" Severus said sharply, not taking his eyes off James for one millisecond."I suppose you read them _all?_" he snarled, his eyes glinting furiously.

James smirked. "Such a _tragic_ story of unrequited love, hoarded away in there… Isn't it pitiful," he taunted. Lily hesitated, wondering at the implication of his words; but she had to file that information away for later, because at that moment Severus began to actually _shake_, like a volcano on the brink of breaking into an eruption. In alarm she pulled him backwards by the arm; it took a few seconds before he allowed her to succeed.

"Just stop this, now! Both of you! You are _both_ my friends! Why can't you two _ever_ stop fighting?"

James and Severus glared at each other, equally incredulous at her request.

"Surely that is obvious? Come on, don't be daft, Lily," muttered Alice.

Severus raised his eyebrows and for the first time in the conversation took his eyes off James. "For once, your friend has said something sensible. There will be a _house-elf_ as Minister for Magic before Potter and I will become friends."

"There's no need to try to flatter me, Snape," Alice snapped.

"Trust me, I take no pleasure in it," Severus replied equally.

"Severus, will you _please_ stop being mean to my friends!" Lily exclaimed, crossing her arms.

Severus' black eyes slowly glided over to focus on hers, staring at her penetratingly.

"May have a word with you in private, Lily?" he said silkily, only his eyes glittering revealing his true emotions.

There was silence for the space of a leaping heartbeat. "Fine," she snapped, before turning on her heel and marching away.

**xXxXx**

Of course, it was always him, the _Slytherin_, to take the blame… He was an idiot to think that Lily would stay cross with Potter for long, Potter who stood loyally on her side of the war with her friends, Potter who had Dumbledore's favour, Potter who was brilliant at everything, Potter who aspired to be an honourable Auror, Potter who was good looking and well-loved by his family, Potter whose charm and charisma attracted girls and friends alike, Potter who always won matches and battles and girlfriends… While he was _nothing_ in comparison! Furiously he yanked open the nearest door and strode into the classroom, slamming it behind Lily. He turned to face her, barely able to suppress his anger.

"What fabrications that so completely excuse his despicable behaviour did Potter offer to you before my arrival?" he hissed. "I see you are now all _friendly_ again and quite ready to blame _me_ when it comes to a quarrel involving me and Potter and all your other friends!" Severus held her eyes, his voice lowered and deadly. Lily made an exasperated noise and planted her hands on her hips.

"I didn't mean it like that!" she protested. When he did not lessen his stare she cried out in frustration. "Honestly, when it comes to James, you are both as bad as each other at being civil!" she said heatedly.

Severus scowled but remained silent, allowing them both time to calm down. After a minute Lily bit her lip and looked up at him, looking troubled. "Why didn't you tell me you used the Cruciatus on James that day he stole your book?"

"You never asked," Severus replied tersely. Lily closed her eyes as if calling on her reserves of patience and shook her head.

"I suppose that was why he ended up in the Hospital Wing that night…" she murmured to herself.

"Although it would appear that his visit was not _wholly_ satisfactory," Severus added, unable to stop himself from feeling proud that his _Sectumsempra_ was something that had eluded Madam Pomfrey's proficient skills. The thought that Potter would forever bear a scar inflicted by him was incredibly satisfying – although Lily looked less impressed.

"I thought he just stole your book… but did James do something else when he was in your dorm?" she asked softly.

Severus' expression hardened. "He crossed the line," he said sharply, a wave of intense pain once more washing over him as he remembered how Potter had severed open his treasured collection of notes and letters from Lily, read them and then crumpled them as if they were worthless rubbish when he _knew_ how much they meant to him…

"But what-"

"_Leave it_, Lily," Severus bit out, his voice harsher than he had intended. Lily's cheeks pinked. Severus found himself breathing heavily and turned away from her, trying to regain his composure. He began to question how much she had picked up from his brief clash with Potter, feeling rather hot and unsettled. Was she conjecturing the possibility that he had kept all her notes and letters to him with the care and tenderness that only love-letters deserved?

"Shall we – shall we go to class?"

Cautiously he turned. Lily was smiling at him warmly. There was no disapproval or disgust. If she had worked out that he had treasured all of the notes she had given him over the years, she did not mind. The tension that had coiled itself around his heart like a constrictor snake gradually eased. Severus nodded and led the way out of the room.

**xXxXx**

_She was running down the road, a dire sense of fear pulling her on faster. She had to get back home quickly. The Death Eaters were coming to kill her parents!_

_It was a dark night, but between the trees and houses Lily caught sight of the orange glow of the streetlamps gleaming off Death Eater masks. She felt sick with dread and pushed herself to run harder, not knowing what she would find at home and petrified she would not arrive in time. When she reached the front door to her house, Petunia was standing there._

"_They're gone," she announced. "They're dead."_

"_No-!" Lily heard herself crying, buckling before her sister. "No, don't say that, please, Tuney-!" She reached out but Petunia flinched away from her hand._

"_It's all your fault, Lily!" Petunia shouted accusingly, no hint of sisterly compassion in her voice. "If YOU hadn't got mixed up in all this magic – and made friends with the likes of HIM, we would still be safe, our parents would not be DEAD!"_

_Lily turned round sharply to look at who Petunia was pointing at._

"_Severus?"_

_He was standing there, perfectly silent. He watched her for a long moment. The orange light glittered strangely in his eyes and Lily began to feel uneasy. Why was he here? What were these long, black hooded robes he was wearing? Why was he holding something that was gleaming in his left hand? Other figures started to emerge from the darkness, surrounding their house._

"_Severus-? What's going on?" A note of panic broke into her voice._

_Petunia brandished her finger at him. "He killed them!" she shrieked. "He's going to kill us all, like I knew he would!"_

_Lily stared pleadingly at Severus, begging him to say that it was not true, but he was unnervingly cold and his eyes were empty. "You're a filthy little Mudblood, Lily…" he whispered, drawing his wand and slowly advancing on her. Skeletal figures emerged from between the Death Eaters and converged behind Severus, as if having been summoned by him._

"_Severus, please!" Lily sobbed, backing away, so wounded by his betrayal that she did not even have the strength to fight back. She couldn't understand what was happening, why everything was going wrong, why she was losing everyone who meant so much to her… She was crippled with the utter shock and howling pain… and as she looked into Severus' eyes, finding no warmth, no emotion, only cold-blooded purpose, she was instilled with a deep sense of foreboding that she began to understand signified her own impending death and she was rooted to the ground._

_Suddenly someone shouted out her name. "LILY!" James Potter burst into the scene, determined to save her. He had his wand pointed at Severus, but before he could cast a spell, a jet of green light erupted from the ring of black figures and struck him down._

"_NO!" Lily cried. "James!"_

_Severus laughed, a cold, mirthless sound that rang coarsely in her ears and made Lily cowered away from him and the Inferi, closing her eyes and wishing that all this was not happening. Everything hurt so much… despair was consuming her, all will to live had rotted away… and the feel of Severus' breath upon her cheeks chilled her as if she was succumbing to a Dementor's kiss._

"_Please…" she whimpered._

_A cold hand closed firmly around her wrist and Lily started, terrified that it might be an Inferus. Her eyes flew open and she saw it was Severus, holding a phial out to her. "Drink this," he said coaxingly. Lily eyed its dark, glutinous appearance warily, convinced it was poison, and shook her head, tears running down her cheeks. But Severus' cool fingers tilted her chin up, forcing her to meet his eyes – and she suddenly found herself face to face with gleaming red eyes with narrow slit-like pupils, evil leering out at her. In her shock, Lily gasped and the poison was tipped into her open mouth. The liquid ran down her throat, choking and stifling her – _

With a great gasp of chill air, Lily abruptly awoke. She found her heart drumming as incessantly as if she had just been running for her life. Coughing and spluttering, she pushed herself up, only distantly realising that it was her own tears she was choking on, not the poison she had thought dream-Severus was plying her with. The sensations and images were so real that she was unable to rid the horrid scene from her mind, and as she thought back on what had happened, she felt the tendrils of the dream reaching out to claim her again. With a jolt she jerked herself out just in time and scrambled out of the bed sheets in an attempt to rouse herself. She stared at the hangings of her bed, willing her mind to take in the real world, the world where she was _safe_.

Yet she could not distract herself. The dream persisted in creeping out from all corners of her mind, endeavouring to take her over. Frightened, Lily pulled back one of the curtains to look for her friends and she shivered as she met the chilly night air. It was little consolation to see the hangings drawn around all of her friends' beds – she was desperate for a friendly face, for someone to dispel the shadows of her dream, but how could she wake one of the girls? She knew this dream had been triggered by stupidly reading Severus' book before she went to sleep, but none of the girls knew she was reading it! When they realised what she had done, they would not appreciate having been woken up because of something that was, in their eyes, quite clearly 'asking for trouble'.

Lily shivered violently and felt around for a jumper on the floor. Even with it on she was cold; it didn't help that she had been sweating madly in her sleep. She had no idea what time of Friday night it was, but struck by the appealing thought of a warm fire in the Common Room, she extracted herself from the damp, tangled sheets and made for the door, almost in a daze.

Yet when she reached the Common Room there was no welcoming fire to warm up by. There were no cheery faces, no heartening laughter that filled the room during daytime – only a cold abandoned room, full of empty chairs and grey half-light and lonely _silence_ that opened up her mind to the images that had haunted her.

Lily trembled. Her thoughts flew instinctively to Severus, but within a second she had dismissed the idea of running through the deserted corridors to seek him out. He was at the other end of the castle, fast asleep in the labyrinthine Slytherin dungeons. Even if she _did_ manage to wake him by sending him her Patronus, she knew he would not be impressed that she was bothering him just because of a nightmare, like some silly five-year-old. Severus was not the type of friend one went to for a hug and a piece of chocolate at the best of times. As he was unaware that she was reading his book on the Dark Arts she knew he would be particularly unsympathetic. Lily knew that if she admitted what she had been doing he would be softer with her, but he would insist that she return the book to him that instant, for the sake of her own wellbeing. She couldn't do that when she had barely progressed past the first chapter. And then surely Severus would ask what had been disturbing her in the dream, and how could on earth could she explain that it was _him_, and the way those damned Dark Arts had been corrupting him against her and were tempting him over to Voldemort's side?

Lily winced and looked back up at the staircase. She couldn't wake the girls. But – but _James_ knew about the book. If he was awake, he would understand…

Uneasily, Lily began to climb up the boys' staircase, the stone steps cool and unfamiliar to her bare feet. She felt unsure whether she was right to be seeking out James – but she was desperate for company, for that indescribable _warmth_ that filled her up when they were united by the magic of their Vallatus – soft and melting like a Butterbeer, bright and mesmerising like glittering sunbeams at sunset, but also strong, _strong and_ _trustworthy_. She longed for such comfort with painful need.

Tentatively she pressed the latch and with a soft _click_ the door swung slowly inwards. Lily hesitated, her eyes adjusting to the unfamiliar shapes growing out of the gloom in the dormitory. Snores filtered through the still night air and coaxed her inside. As she took a few steps forward she tried to recollect from her rare visits to see Remus which bed was James'. She walked carefully past one bed, which smelt curiously of wet dog, and then trod on some clothes encrusted with dry mud. Looking up, she saw that the hangings had been torn off both beds, leaving most crumpled on the floor while some still dangled by a few scanty threads, like the remnants of a furious pillow fight. Lily stepped over the dirty Quidditch robes and squinted down at the boy lying in the bed, trying to discern if he was awake or not.

She stood there very quietly as the rhythmic snores palpated the air, wondering what on earth to do. She was scared of waking James but equally scared that he was asleep and would not come and comfort her. The darkness crept around, making her shiver with cold and the Inferi of the dream advanced on her again. She felt prey to the nightmare once more…

Lily stifled a sob and quickly stepped backwards, trying to evade the images of Possessed-Severus and the Inferi. A sudden movement within the bed startled her. James' tousled head moved on the pillow, but in the shadows she could not tell whether his eyes were open or closed. She held her breath.

"Lily?" he slurred confusedly.

She gave a great sniff and two great hot tears leaked out of her eyes, running trails down her cheeks.

James flung a hand around for his glasses, no longer looking at her questioningly, and once they were on he leapt out of bed, dressed only in a plain T-shirt and boxers. He hopped into a pair of jeans and yanked a jumper over his head while hurrying over to her.

"Lily? What's wrong?"

She shook her head, wiping her tears away with her hands. All her fear seemed to have constricted her throat so tightly that she could barely breathe, let alone speak.

"Shh," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her. She just stood there helplessly, feeling more tears running down her cheeks and pattering onto his jumper. His body heat was nearly scorching her skin but it felt nice to have someone's arms around her – foreign, but nice.

"Come on, let's go downstairs," he whispered, taking his arms away. He guided her to the door and she obliged, walking dazedly down the steps as she sniffled and wished she had brought a tissue with her. He followed close behind and when they reached the Common Room he took her hand and led her over to the sofa by the dead fire. She sank awkwardly onto the cool cushions while James cast _Incendio_, lighting a small, crackling fire in the hearth. As he tossed in some scrunched-up bits of parchment and discarded newspapers the flames began to grow, giving out a warm yellow light. James sat down next to her.

"I'm so sorry," Lily mumbled, once again succumbing to crying and being unable to stop it. "I'm so – stupid."

"Hey, what are you sorry for? Don't be silly," James said, digging around in his pockets. "Here, it's half-used but I'm guessing you won't really care right now."

Lily smiled weakly, taking the tissue and dabbing at her sore eyes.

"It's just… I was so scared of going back to sleep and… and seeing…" She screwed up her eyes tightly, trying to rid the image of Death Eater Severus from her mind. James put his arms around her and held her to him as she began to sob. "Sorry," she said again.

"Don't apologise, I was already awake," James said softly as she clutched his jumper, burying her face into his shoulder.

"I think I'm just scared of what's going to happen to us, after we – after we leave here," Lily tried to explain though her strangled voice was muffled by his jumper. She pulled back and wiped her nose. "I'm scared of… you know…"

"You-Know-Who?" James supplied with a half-smile. Lily lowered her eyes and nodded.

"It's only natural to be scared," James said softly as she fiddled with the tissue. "I know I'm scared. But I know we have something worth fighting for, and that we're a brilliant team together. We'll make it through."

Lily cringed uncomfortably, once again seeing the James in her dream leaping up to save her and being struck down by a Killing Curse. "But it's not _me_ I'm scared for," she whispered. "It's my mum and dad, Petunia and all the other innocent Muggles, and you and all our friends and – and – " And she kept trying to say Severus' name, but it kept catching in her throat as if it bore too much pain to be voiced.

"I'll be fine," James said, rubbing her arm consolingly. "Me and Sirius and Remus – we can look after ourselves, and Peter too. Don't worry about us. But you and me – we can make sure your family is safe, Lily. And if we join the Order of the Phoenix, we'll be doing all we can to protect the Muggles."

But Lily kept thinking about Severus. What would happen to him in this war? What would happen if – God forbid – she found herself drawing wands against him, finding his dark eyes burning from within a Death Eater mask? How could she ever gather the strength to fight him? How could she back away, when everyone was pushing her forward, even her own _mind_, telling her to do what was right, but her heart could not hold the pain…?

"Do you ever think about what we might have to face?" she whispered, fighting with her demons.

James sighed. "Sometimes," he admitted. "But it doesn't scare me. It angers me and only makes me want to fight more."

Lily closed her eyes, trying to rein in the tears. The image of Severus advancing on her, removing his shiny new Death Eater mask did not anger her – it saddened her, even more than imagining that he had died. She already grieved for his soul even though it had not yet been mutilated and lost; she was frightened that she would be unable to keep it safe, no matter how much she wanted to. She wanted to so much it hurt.

"Lily? We still have hope – we'll gather enough strength to resist You-Know-Who. We still have some time."

_Time._ Those precious few days and weeks to show Severus the kind of life worth living and fighting to save, not destroy. She nodded, looking up at James through red-raw eyes and sighed, feeling slightly daunted by the great tests that lay ahead.

"And – maybe leave that Dark Arts book alone for a few days," James added deviously, his eyes slightly apologetic.

"It's okay, I know," Lily said, feeling as if a weight had been offloaded from her mind, for now at least. She would take up that cross again later…

She was overcome by a yawn and James chuckled.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?" he asked.

"Yes, but…" her eyes travelled unwillingly back to the staircase, betraying her fear. James noticed this and pointed his wand at the archway, summoning his blankets from the dorm. He stood up just in time for them to soar into his arms like a great white cloud, and then he spread a couple over her to keep her warm. Lily was surprised by his thoughtfulness and felt strangely guilty at the tenderness with which he tucked the blankets around her shoulders.

"What – what about you?" she asked, suddenly afraid that he was reading more into her want for his company.

James smiled down at her wryly and he gave her a knowing look that made her shrink under the blankets. "Don't worry, I'm going to burrow down over here," he said, indicating pointedly to a separate sofa not too far away. He cloaked himself in the remaining blanket and then wriggled down for the night, taking off his glasses which winked in the low firelight. Lily watched him from her position on the cushions, shame creeping over her. There was definitely another side to James, when he was not flaring up at Severus. It was just that, until now, her friendship with Severus had been so prominent that it had prevented her from seeing much past that recurrent, vicious firework display of animosity and vengeance. But as Remus had told her, he was a very loyal and caring friend. She appreciated now how he strove to do the best for those that meant a lot to him. It made her even sadder that she could not give him what he so wanted from her, but she knew there was only one way she could reach out to Severus.

James gave a yawn and shut his eyes. "Night, Lily."

"Goodnight," she replied and closed her eyes too.

The next thing she knew, the Common Room was filled with sunlight and there were the sounds of people rising in the dormitories above. Lily turned her head on the cushion, anxious to warn James that they should head back to their beds before anyone saw them there and inferred things that really had not happened… but he had already gone.

**xXxXx**

It was Sunday night and Severus had just finished detention with Slughorn. He swept through the castle towards Gryffindor Tower, filled with anticipation. He expected that Lily and the others would not be back from their private lesson yet, which just as well – he did not want the irksome Marauders to see him and spoil his time with Lily. He carefully concealed himself in the shadows at the other end of the hallway that led to the portrait of the Fat Lady and waited.

The flame torches burnt down low, their reflections glinting on the dark mullioned windows, and Severus watched the shadows flickering upon the stone walls. Distantly, the sound of chattering voices echoed up from the floor below and grew louder. With his heart fluttering excitedly like a caged bird, Severus leant back against the wall and melted into the shadows, waiting to see the Gryffindors appear.

First came Potter, Black and Lupin – the sight of them instantly made Severus tense, a habit that had developed over his time at Hogwarts, but he slowly relaxed as they turned and made for the Fat Lady. Lily and Alice appeared too and Severus instantly noticed Lily's eyes flickering around the hallway, searching for him. He smirked and remained stationary, well aware of how he blended into the shadow of a suit of armour.

Lily began to dilly-dally, letting Alice go inside first. Severus was about to emerge from his hiding place when he realised with dismay that they were not alone; Potter had remained behind, exchanging significant glances with Remus who was closing the portrait behind him.

Lily seemed unaware of his presence and gave a start when he spoke to her.

"Lily? Can I talk to you out here for a minute?"

"Err… Can it wait?" she asked, fidgeting restlessly and scanning the hallway. It seemed she was as impatient as he was…

James looked at her pleadingly. "No," he said quietly. This caught her attention.

"Oh."

Severus smiled mischievously. Lily seemed highly uncomfortable knowing that their conversation was not private, that he was likely to be somewhere there, listening in, but with the corridor apparently deserted she had no choice but to let James go ahead. "What is it?" she asked tentatively.

"It's about… Severus." James choked out his name as if it was something prickly and painful lodged in his throat. Quite astounded, Severus wondered what had prompted Potter into using his Christian name rather than that horrid _'Snivellus'_ he was so partial to, or even '_Snape'_. He crept a little closer, interested to discover which atrocities Potter was undoubtedly about to accuse him of this time.

"Oh…" Upon hearing his name Lily's gaze had dropped to the floor and she was scuffing her shoe nervously in the dust, her embarrassment evident. The sight made Severus' lips curl up into a smile. He found it incredibly endearing when Lily suddenly came over all coy, but to know it was because of _him_ – it made a delicious thrill course through his body.

The pause became more prolonged and, puzzled by why Potter had not already dived into a tirade of abuse directed towards him, Severus' eyes now hovered over the boy. For some reason he was looking upset. Severus couldn't fathom why; yet shouting out nasty lies did not seem to be on the boy's agenda. Instead he was incredibly subdued. Severus was suddenly reminded of the last time he had spied on the two of them and wondered if Potter had finally found that Gryffindor courage he harped on about and was going to admit what was bothering him.

James closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Lily?"

At her name she looked up. Anxious, James ruffled his hair. "You remember how you saw into my mind last week?" he said quietly. Hesitantly, Lily nodded.

James gazed back at her with an overwhelming sadness. "I – I've seen into your mind too," he professed softly.

Lily was silent. Severus stared at her, intrigued beyond words at James' disclosure. She almost frightened, like an animal caught in headlights, at a loss for where to go. He bore his eyes into her, wishing that it was possible to perform Legilimency without eye-contact, he was so desperate to learn what had been on her mind that was so consequential.

James was still clinging onto the sight of Lily, clearly caught in a horrific war of what he felt compelled to say but what he was terrified of revealing. The corridor was deathly quiet; Severus heard James' juddering intake of breath as if he was standing right beside him.

"I know you still… _like_ him."

The world seemed to stand still for Severus upon hearing these words. He was totally awestruck. Lily was paralysed too, unable to tear her eyes away from James but afraid to hear what he was saying.

James had clearly deliberated over his choice of words, unable to vocalise anything more than the term 'like', but from the sound of his unsteady voice it seemed to Severus that he had felt something a thousand-fold stronger when he had been linked to Lily's mind. The pain on James' face was evident. It was as if he had gauged out his heart, strung it up on a cross to be crucified, and let his soul pass into the opened hands of the devil. He looked haunted, agonised; a stranger.

And Severus could barely believe it. _Potter_ was admitting that the girl he loved had affections for someone else… for _him_. It had to be true, there was no other explanation… but the revelation was so amazing, so impossibly brilliant, that it left him reeling like a drunken man… He grasped onto the suit of armour with sweaty hands, trying to calm down his throbbing heart before he inadvertently let out the moan of joy that was welling up inside him.

James began to speak again and Severus latched onto every word, thirsting for more information. "…Why else would you forgive him so quickly…? After what he's done…" The words seemed to be dragged up out of his throat with immense difficulty, for his voice was husky and raw, as if in the clutches of stifled tears. But Severus didn't care; he only had eyes for Lily. He studied her in a wondrous light, trying to make himself understand the miracle. Could she _really_ be in love him? It was insane, but wondrous!

He followed the upsurge of sadness over her face and the sparkling of her eyes, marvelling at how beautiful and fragile she looked, like the first pale flower of spring laden with dewdrops.

"Oh, James… I'm so sorry!" she wept, gazing up at the broken boy imploringly. "It doesn't mean… it's not that… I don't… Oh, I don't know anymore." Her voice broke. "I don't know what I feel." She closed her eyes and tears squeezed out and ran glistening down her cheeks. James looked heartbroken and stood there utterly helpless, as if he had just shattered the most precious thing in the world.

"I'm so sorry!" Lily mumbled again, wiping her eyes hurriedly, but more tears kept spilling out. "I didn't realise you could hear so much of what I was thinking… I didn't mean to hurt you!"

She was looking up at him, her eyes full of regret. James nodded but clearly didn't trust himself to speak. He looked as if he was about to pass out.

Now Severus did not know what to surmise. It was obvious that Lily knew the pain she had unintentionally subjected Potter to and that she hated herself for it. But he had noted that she had not dismissed the idea of having feelings for someone else… for _him_. Perhaps seeing some of the erotic dream from James' mind had stirred some emotions deep within her that she had been trying to repress… Or perhaps she had felt something for a while now, and he had caught glimpses of it rearing its head when she had kissed him desperately in Hogsmeade, and then again with gay abandon after half a Butterbeer…

He had never seen Potter look so weakened, so desperate for mercy. If the Gryffindor had realised who was watching, he would never have bared a slither of the feelings he had shown today. Severus detachedly observed his vulnerability, mildly humoured by his ruin and only interested in what it meant for him.

"I'll let you go and find your boyfriend," James was saying tonelessly.

"Severus – he's not my boyfriend – " Lily started but was cut off by an intense look James was giving her. Severus knew, though he might not be her boyfriend, for some time now he had felt – he had _known_ – that they had long been something much more than a mere romance. It seemed that James had picked that up too, perhaps even before Lily had.

Lily's eyes were quivering. And then – to Severus' horror – she closed the distance between them and stood up on her tiptoes to press a light kiss to his lips. Severus growled venomously and gripped the handle of his ebony wand tightly, despising the sight but unable to stop devouring it with a kind of demented compulsion.

James looked as if he had melted into bliss. Severus felt chilled to the core. _Lily_ was kissing James Potter – he could not possibly hate any person more! Instinctively he began to question where Lily's affections lay – but a moment later the calm voice of reason returned to him. He could only marvel at Lily's profound ability to sympathise with others and desire to ease their suffering, irrespective of what they had done to her in the past – such was her capacity for forgiveness. James' hands slowly moved up to hold Lily, but he was gentle and courteous – he evidently knew that this was borne out of compassion, and it would be the first and last kiss she would give him. This knowledge was just enough to stay Severus' hand – but he was a _hair's_ breadth away from firing off whatever hex sprung to mind; he would not be choosy if James made any sign of taking advantage of the situation!

Yet when Lily slowly pulled away, James' hands fell off her like sand; he did not dare to trespass any longer. His eyes fluttered open behind those round glasses and he looked at her with a mixture of anguish and deep gratitude.

"Thank you," he whispered, his eyes lingering on hers.

"I'm sorry, James," Lily replied softly. Severus could see in her face how wretched she felt for hurting the Quidditch champion, and somehow, perhaps because it showed him that she had feelings for him instead, Severus couldn't bring himself to resent Potter that one kiss. It seemed to have given James just what he needed to gather himself together and accept the difficult truth. He headed over to Fat Lady, gazing back at Lily and sighing wistfully.

"Just be careful if you take things further with Severus, Lily," he said, very seriously. "He's hurt you time and time again, and still you can't let go, _still_ you've given him another 'second chance'. I swear, if he hurts you again, he's going to regret the day he first set eyes on you."

Lily smiled wanly. Severus frowned; he knew full well the pain he had caused Lily over the summer. He would do all he could to heal her wounds, or forever live in atonement.

"Thank you, James… for your graciousness and sincerity."

Severus could hear from her seriousness that she was not thanking Potter for the threat, but for honestly admitting he knew that she was not in love with him – and perhaps something more – perhaps for elucidating her own feelings for _him_-!

James spoke the password and the portrait swung inwards. He climbed through but turned back, giving her one final look of longing before the Fat Lady hid him from view and the hallway descended into silence.

Severus watched Lily standing there alone in the guttering firelight, the tall stone arch of the mullioned window rising above her, and as he slipped out from his hiding place, he felt as if he was looking into the gates of paradise.

**xXxXx**

**Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Sorry for the semi cliff-hanger ;) Thanks for all your lovely reviews, they are really inspiring and they make me _very_ happy. Please do tell me what you think about the story and what you'd like to see more of!**

**Anna: Thank you so much for your praise, I'm really touched and glad to hear that you think so highly of the story. Your review truly made my day! I can't say thank you enough :)**

**Kitty: Thanks for reviewing! I'm really happy that you're still enjoying the story!**

**LXS: Thank you for reviewing! Haha, it's not my intention to torture the characters, but I guess it may appear that way now and again ;) As a heads up, there will be more joint magic in future chapters. You're the first to interpret the title that way (kudos to you), and I will feel very guilty for making you so upset if the pairing falls through, but as you probably expected I won't give the final pairing away until right near the end! :)**

**Anotherboarduser: Thanks for reviewing, I agree with you on James but we'll just have to see whether Lily thinks the same way as time passes.**

**totalreadr: Since 'we're all here for fun' as you said, I'm not sure why you felt the need to say you're a 'professor' :P I don't know what you were trying to achieve by throwing that out there, whether it's true (and in a relevant subject) or not… All I can say is, I've met plenty of professors here at Cambridge, and none of them would be caught dead reading fanfiction! :P If you are a professor, I'm surprised you didn't know that constructive criticism consists of positives, negatives and suggestions for improvement. Not 100% condemnation. But I am glad to hear that you actually like the story, that was not inferred from your previous reviews. And so you know, I'm not a graduate student, I'm an undergraduate :)**


	21. A Whirl of Feelings

**A/N: **_Sorry for the delay in updating! I assure you that I want to write, but I have to study a lot at the moment because I have exams in May – so I am afraid that from now on I cannot write as regularly as I have since I first started this story. My usual fortnightly updates will resume near the start of June. Please understand this story is not abandoned! There is lots still to come. I really hope you will bear with me and stay with the story _:)_  
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**Chapter 21: A Whirl of Feelings**

Lily gave a great sigh and ran her hands over her eyes as a myriad of thoughts flashed through her mind. She felt as if she had aged a hundred years this evening – she did not even recognise herself any longer and she did not know what to think or how to feel. Everything was a mad confusion of emotions – shock at James' revelation – pain upon seeing his hurt – disgust at herself for causing it – trepidation at recognising how she truly felt for Severus – and a tentative flicker of joy. How could her heart contain so many conflicting emotions, all in one contracting heartbeat? She could barely breathe from the weight of it all…

She wandered tiredly over to the tall, narrow window and leaned on the stone sill, pressing her forehead against the cold glass as if it would help steady her thoughts. She looked out into the dark, fathomless night, trying to comprehend where she now stood.

Though she had not meant to, she still felt terrible for hurting James. All those times, when their minds had been linked by the Vallatus Charm, she had been unaware of what she was doing to him… of how she was slowly cutting away at his hopes and replacing them with pain and anguish. She did not even understand what it was she felt for Severus – and still she could not even allow herself to even consider what it was – but James had known, he had _felt _it, and he had recognised it for what it was…

She knew now it was not just friendship that bonded her and Severus, nor a passing fancy that was alight one day and burnt out the next. It was strong, deep-seated; an everlasting whirlwind of fire that burnt from her very core. It was powerful enough even to shatter James' pride like nothing else had before and leave him humbly laying his pursuit of her aside. It was this glimpse of respectful deference that first made the realisation dawn on her that she cared for Severus, in spite of his increasingly dark interests, more than she could admit in words – more than she had ever dared to admit to _herself_. Nothing else could have swayed James so powerfully.

And he had had the guts to admit this to her – Lily was astonished. It would have taken mounds of courage to not only accept that the girl he loved had feelings for another, for a _mortal_ _enemy_, but to _tell_ her, when she _herself_ did not even realise! She had been unable to stop the tears of compassion from falling when she could almost feel every fibre of his being crying out for her, yet being forced into silence out of the benevolence of his heart. Never before had James shown such bravery as this, such utter disregard for his own feelings in order to show her the road down which she could find her own happiness…

Lily found it incredibly ironic that the moment he was no longer trying to impress her and persuade her into going out with him, she had never looked at James in a better light. She was tremendously glad to have a friend like him as her duelling partner; someone she could trust, someone who would always look out for her, someone who cared. Yet she felt a pang of guilt, for she had stricken him to the core by her inadvertent rejection; and he still had the courage and goodwill to let her go… It left her feeling undeserving of such kindness, which she had scarcely repaid with a fleeting kiss, and lamenting the pain she had inflicted on someone who cared for her so strongly that he was willing to put her first, whatever the cost.

Yet she did not love him.

That was the crux of the matter. She could not love James – not in the way he wanted, at least – not when she felt a flare of fierce, deep-rooted emotion every time her mind strayed to Severus. Its profundity and repercussions were so great that she had hardly dared acknowledge it until now; instead she had closed her eyes and let herself be blindly carried on the brink of a towering wave, desperate to ride it but frightened that at any moment she could fall and lose Severus forever…

This was the reason why she had kept such thoughts and unnerving feelings tucked away, in the darkest recesses of her mind. With the trauma of last summer, she already experienced more than any sixteen-year-old rightly should, and that was because she had been _in love_. Lily had known it then, and felt all too keenly the pain of a breaking heart and a lost love. From that point on she had vowed never to let Severus capture her heart again, out of fear of the same deleterious pain engulfing her a second time. It had been bad enough once, when they had not even been boyfriend and girlfriend! If she should lose him again when they were something more, her heart might be so broken and bruised that it would never heal… She was so afraid…

Severus was all secrets and double-meanings. Nothing was ever straight or clear. What if she was wrong in believing he now loved her? Or what if his feelings for her were simply eclipsed by his devotion and veneration for Voldemort? She could not let herself open up her freshly-healed heart to him, only to have it gashed open again – no matter how much she wanted to give him the chance to love her properly. She _could_ _not _risk that happening, not when the consequences were so crippling! No matter how much she wished to let herself go, she had to hold on until she _knew_ he trusted her with the secrets of his heart, until she was convinced he would take her hand and let her lead him away from Voldemort.

Otherwise she would suffocate under the immeasurable grief of losing him.

She knew she could not recover from such a wound again. Even the memory of that time under the beech tree, when in his humiliation and rage he had sought to hurt her to her very core, sent her heart bounding in wild, frantic beats, as if struggling to escape from the frightening visions that descended once more in front of her eyes. If she let herself love Severus and he hurt her again… she would never be the same. She could never be the same. She would be hollow, a shell, able to feel nothing except pain and despair. For what was kept inside that floundering heart of hers was a secret hope, a wild desire, even _love…_

Absorbed in deciphering the forbidden feelings that were now rising within her, Lily was unaware that a figure had slipped out of the shadows that now flooded the dark hallway. She did not even stir from her contemplations until someone breathed right behind her ear,

"Good evening…"

A shiver ran down Lily's spine and she spun round, startled out of her thoughts. Even in the darkness, she would recognise that aquiline profile and those inky black eyes anywhere. It was Severus!

_Oh god! _She felt woefully underprepared to face him, and even worse, she had let the catch off her heart, allowing all of her mad, fluttering emotions to spill out in one great tidal wave!

"Oh!" she cried as her eyes became captured by his, which gleamed like dark coals in a dying fire. Her heart gave such a leap it was as if it was trying to launch itself right at him. There could be no way he would not realise-!

Consumed with disquiet, Lily summoned up the determination to tear her eyes away, all the while struggling to recall if she had seen Severus in the hallway at any point in her conversation with James to work out what he knew.

"How long have you been here?" she murmured uneasily, feeling her cheeks burn under the heat of his gaze.

Severus' hesitation drew her attention but his face was impassive. "Long enough…" he said, and once again held her gaze. It was only after a few moments that Lily realised his intentions, that he was trying to subtly invade her mind and glean something from its surface! – although what, she did not know, for she had no idea whether he had eavesdropped on everything or nothing – and the not knowing was maddening! She urgently needed to find out just how much he had heard – and seen.

"Did you…?" she began unsurely, losing her grasp on speech as she craned forward in an undisguised attempt to read the answer to her unfinished question in his eyes. Yet his expression was closed and she could not glean any clue whatsoever.

"Did I what, Lily?" Severus said, any humour in his voice masked with impatience.

A moment later Lily gave up. "Nothing," she muttered and looked back out of the window, annoyed that she was unable to discern his thoughts. Damn Severus and his impeccable Occlumency! She was always left in the dark, whether _'for her own good'_ or because he found toying with her was too enjoyable to resist… He was impossible! And though, it made him even more enticing…

"So, was it a good evening?"

Severus' words took a while to filter their way into her head.

"Err – yeah… It's given me a lot to think about," Lily said distantly. _That was an understatement and a half, _she reflected.

"That much I had surmised," Severus said dryly, having noticed her distractedness. Lily blushed but he persisted, "What happened in the class, then? Did Potter _behave_ himself?"

Shocked, Lily's eyes flew to his and her mouth opened wordlessly. Yet if Severus was knowingly insinuating James' kiss, he did not openly reveal it.

"Err – yes, he did…" Lily replied finally, thinking back on James' recent behaviour in all respects, "he was much better than the last week."

Severus searched her eyes as if he suspected that she was not just alluding to the lesson. Lily hurriedly changed the subject, knowing it would take little probing for Severus to unearth her recent thoughts about him.

"So, how was detention with Slughorn?"

Severus shrugged nonchalantly. "A breeze. I sneaked in a couple of extra ingredients to speed up the process and gave him a shock when the potions were completed ahead of time."

Lily grinned. "Oh Sev! You are such a tease. Poor Slughorn… I bet he was bewildered."

"He thought his pocket-watch was half an hour behind time," Severus affirmed. Lily laughed, amused to hear stories that Severus was running circles mentally around someone else other than her for a change. As she was wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes, she leant back against the wall and realised that Severus, despite his usual reserve, was actually smiling at her. Her laughter faded to a gentle smile, lingering on her lips and around her warm eyes as she drank in the precious rare sight.

Without warning she found herself feeling an echo of the emotion stirring behind those dark eyes – a flutter of caged hope joyfully awakening, tempted out by some promise unbeknown to her. Its unexpectedness left her breathless.

"I haven't seen you smile like this for a long time, Sev…" she murmured quietly, thinking wistfully back to innocent times they had shared by the river, years ago.

At her words, fear fleetingly passed over Severus' face. Seconds later he contorted his expression into a sullen scowl, and she knew he was frustrated with himself for letting his tight mask slip.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said dismissively, yet the tightness of his voice suggested otherwise and a second wave of panic darted into his eyes.

Lily smiled brilliantly, searching his face and wondering what in Merlin's name could prompt Severus into forgetting himself and wearing a soft, genuine smile. "You don't need to hide it, Sev. I'm just curious as to why you're so happy…"

"Hmmph." Severus grouched, crossing his arms in annoyance. Another flare of anger that was not hers hit her, and Lily stumbled as if she had been slapped in the face, clutching her hand to her eyes.

"L-Lily?"

Her head was swimming but she felt two strong hands grab her just as she was about to reel over. In the aftermath of the extreme emotions that had surged through her in the last hour, she felt so giddy that she barely detected the concern in Severus' voice, or the fact that she was sagging completely in his arms.

"I'm – okay –" she gulped, taking in deep lungfuls of air and fighting to keep hold on her consciousness. She had never fainted before, but god she had come close to it then. She opened her eyes to find Severus looking at her anxiously and she felt shame for worrying him needlessly. He felt her struggling and let her find her feet, yet he kept close.

"What happened?" he whispered, frowning at her worriedly.

"I'm probably just tired from the Vallatus class," Lily murmured dismissively, "you know how draining it is to forge a mental connection with someone and maintain it for a long time…"

"Hmm." Severus appeared unconvinced and she knew his mind was working fast, yet if he had any other theories he did not say so.

"I think you should go and lie down," he said at last. Lily bit her lip and nodded, letting him lead her over to the Fat Lady. He did not touch her, and the pensive frown did not leave his brow, yet she knew he was poised to catch her should she fall again.

"Will you be alright from here?" he asked when they reached the Portrait Hole. She noticed his eyes were carefully devoid of any kind of emotion and her lightheadedness subsided a little.

"Of course," she replied bashfully, even though in truth she really had no idea if she would black out again. She lingered for a moment in the open Portrait Hole, unwilling to leave. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow…"

Her eyes travelled to his face while her heart pounded, wondering whether her words would goad Severus into embracing her before they parted. His eyes burned into her and immediately she felt a rush of giddy yearning quickly followed by one of embarrassment, for by the twinkle in his eye she knew he had read her intentions with effortless ease. He took a step back and gave a tiny shake of his head, smiling.

"Goodnight, Lily. Get some rest." And with that he backed away and left.

Lily sighed and climbed wearily into the almost deserted Common Room. As she dragged herself up to the girls' dorm, she supposed it was for the best that Severus had left when he did, for his searing gaze had been enough to make her feel giddy again. If he had put his arms around her, she was sure she would have passed out completely, and she had already experienced quite enough drama for one night-!

**xXxXx**

He was stunned. Utterly stunned.

Severus sat on his bed in quiet stupefaction, his arms draped over his knees as he rolled his wand idly between his fingers, replaying the moment over and over again in his mind as if he couldn't get enough of it. He couldn't even _believe _it, for a start.

To hear, from _Potter's_ _mouth_, that Lily had _feelings _for him… _She_, Lily Evans, the prettiest, cleverest, most popular girl in the whole school… How was it even conceivable? He was well used to being the worthless, loathsome scum that was _never _good enough for anybody. If he hadn't heard the words proclaiming it to be so passing from his adversary's own lips, he would never have believed that _any_ girl could like him in _that _way. But for it to be Lily – when she knew all about his miserable family, and was intimidated by his friends, and scandalised by the Dark Arts he delighted in flirting with – how could it be possible? How could she _want _him as anything more than a friend? That she still trusted him enough to forgive him was amazing in itself. Most people would not even go near him with a broom pole; instead most favoured a solid Shield Charm and turned their heads away rather than endure the sight of him.

_How?_ he kept asking himself. _When? _When did all his dreams start weaving their way into reality? When was the moment Lily had started looking at him differently…?

The thought that Lily might just be in love with him left him quite breathless and for a moment he just closed his eyes and savoured the thrills of excitement that erupted through his body. Slowly his lips curled into a soft smirk.

He was delirious. There was no other word for it. Madly, unstoppably, brilliantly delirious.

This was a hundred times better than a Cheering Charm – although that one time he had taken a sip of his Elixir to induce Euphoria to attest whether it was effectual and been singing most uncharacteristically like a lunatic for an hour did come fairly close. He hadn't even used a drop of Felix Felicis, and Lily was a breath away from being his! And if she gave him her heart, and her trust, he would be able to slowly guide her towards accepting their future in the War, and finally open her eyes to the path that would ensure their success and safety once it was all over.

Severus Snape would get his happy ending and prove to the world just how phenomenally wrong they were about him…

A low, soft chuckle slipped through his lips and Severus' eyes opened, glimmering ebulliently in the darkness.

Soon, no one would _dare_ to look down on him and say he wasn't good enough. When the most beautiful witch alive was in his arms, how could they possibly proclaim that he was so hideous that no one in their right mind would want to touch him in a million years? No longer would there be rumours that his hooked nose was gargantuan enough to scare away not only girls but every species of animal, that his greasy hair emitted such a stench that it would make any girl vomit, and that his eyes were so cold that they couldn't possibly warm anyone's heart… When they realised Lily Evans wanted none other than Severus Snape, those fresh-faced soppy-eyed Ravenclaw boys would choke on their disbelief! His Slytherin housemates would look upon his conquest in dazed admiration, wondering just how he managed to get the most desirable girl in Hogwarts, and Potter would not be wearing his usual and exceptionally annoying cocky smile for a long, _long_ time.

Severus could hardly contain himself – the thought that he would have to wait at least another nine hours before he saw Lily again and had the chance of hearing her finally say _'yes',_ in that soft voice of hers that made the hairs prickle on the back of his neck, was _utterly_ insufferable, and he itched with fitful anticipation. He had wished that Lily would requite his love, prayed that she would feel _some_ fraction of what he felt for her, hopelessly dreamed of it for _so interminably long_, that to know it was _real_ and it wasn't all a cruel trick made him soar on such sweet ecstasy he'd never before thought could even exist! He found himself quivering uncontrollably from the overdose of adrenaline now flooding his blood as he fought to resist the urge to break his way into Gryffindor Tower, to take Lily into his arms and tell her that _he knew_, to look into her verdant green eyes and see for himself that it was possible to drown oneself in love – to die of pure happiness.

If only it could be tomorrow _now_… for by then she would have had time to address her feelings for him, to understand what it was, what they shared… and then she would be his. Whatever flimsy constraint had been hitherto making her reluctant to confess they were more than friends – that they had been much more than friends for a long while now – would crumble and perish.

The knowledge that she beheld him in this way was gave him all the assurance he needed to step up his advances – Severus could picture it now, looking piercingly into her eyes, murmuring in that soft, compelling tone she could not resist, running clever arguments around her until there was no way left to evade him and she would at last admit the words he was aching to hear…

The only thing holding him back was his fear that he would somehow, inexplicably, make her faint again.

Severus' half-smile faltered and he frowned at the gloom that huddled within the tent created by the four curtains of his bed, willing himself to make sense of Lily's near-faint. It concerned him more than he had shown her for he was convinced it was not an innocuous accident. Lily had never once fainted in all the years he had known her.

Magic was the only feasible cause.

But what could it be?

Severus stopped fiddling with his wand and instead focussed all his energy on rooting around in his mind for the missing link. There had to be a concrete reason and he knew he would not get a wink of sleep until he had determined what it could be. Not when it was endangering Lily… for not only could she hurt herself by collapsing, her mind was being meddled with – and that was a _serious _matter. If he had not known her movements that evening, he would have suspected that someone had hit her with a dark curse – perhaps even had an attempt at possessing her. But Lily had spent the previous two hours in Dumbledore's company, and then he had been with her! It was not possible.

This was _so_ infuriating! He was so intent on solving the mystery, but at that moment Wilkes' gruff snores from the other side of the room disturbed his train of thought and Severus cursed in anger. He snatched aside his curtain and sent a non-verbal _silencio! _in the direction of Wilkes' bed, finally securing the calm silence he needed to _think_…

The only other potential clue he had garnered was that Lily's giddiness seemed to have coincided with the angry moment he had berated himself for getting his hopes up too soon, foolishly believing that Lily might declare her love for him that very night. He knew, as sure as Lupin was a Werewolf, that Lily was wholly incapable of Legilimency – but perhaps she had reacted to him through some other means? It was a tenuous link, but he had noted that she seemed to be more grounded when, later, he had guarded his thoughts from her with Occlumency. The brief instant he had realised she was hoping he would hug her and had been unable to prevent desire from consuming him, however, he had noticed her lilt to one side and grip the picture frame more tightly. So could it be that she was reacting to his emotions?

Severus shook himself. What was he _thinking?_ – The notion was preposterous! Lily had no knowledge whatsoever of the Mind Arts. To suppose that she had somehow managed to tap into his every feeling, without even realising how she was doing it, was ludicrous!

He was just about to dismiss the preposterous thought when an idea sprang into his mind.

The _Vallatus Charm_ was not a Mind Art. But Severus knew that it opened up a link between the casters' minds… He recalled the begrudging astonishment he had felt upon seeing Lily and James' perfect co-ordination in the tasks they performed in their lessons, and Lily's ability to see some of the erotic scenes that his Dreaming Draught had planted in James' mind. Hell, this mental link had been the reason Potter had learned that Lily had _feelings _for him! Perhaps their ongoing practice of the Vallatus Charm was enhancing Lily's pre-existing ability to discern others' feelings and was making her hypersensitive to those around her… If so, she might have noticed a gradual change over the last few weeks. He would have to ask.

If his suspicions were right… fuck, if he was right, he was going to murder Dumbledore and jinx the shreds of his remains into next week! Angry red sparks burst out of the end of his wand and Severus fumed. How could the Headmaster advocate a Charm that was fiddling with students' minds? A Charm that the Dark Lord suspected was of the Headmaster's own sodding invention! And he, Severus, knew from his own experimentation how risky creating new spells could be. How in Merlin's name could Dumbledore justify putting students at risk for his own ends – putting _Lily_ at risk? He'd bet all the galleons he had that the Ministry didn't know this was an unauthorised spell with unknown, potentially debilitating side-effects when they sent Dumbledore two Aurors to help train up students. Furious, Severus gave a snarl and shoved his wand under his pillow before he accidentally set his bed alight. If Dumbledore's stupid Vallatus Charm was to blame, _hell_ would come his way. He would make sure of that, most industriously.

Severus sighed and closed his eyes. If he was right, he would also need to keep an extra-firm grip on his emotions when he was around Lily or he would be vulnerable. With that worrying thought he decided to practise Occlumency right away. He took a deep breath and lowered himself beneath the covers, and as he sank into the mattress and slowly let out his breath, he cleared his mind until it was cool and bare and perfectly featureless. All remnants of anger at Dumbledore and excitement about Lily dissipated, and Severus descended into the calm Occlumency state, allowing a dreamless sleep to claim him.

**xXxXx**

Not long after dinner, Lily was to be found in a quiet corner of the Library, working through an exercise they had been set for their DADA homework. It was one of her favourite subjects and so, thanks to her enthusiasm, she was racing through the question. She was just about to write the final few lines of her answer when someone slid into the seat beside her.

"Lily." Severus gave her a half-smirk and then began to methodically take out his work. Lily was surprised; carried away in her enthusiasm she had forgotten that Severus might be joining her. Recently they had worked together most evenings in the Library, but on occasion Severus did not appear. It was on these evenings that Lily suspected Severus was teaching some of his Slytherin friends intriguing off-syllabus spells that had aroused their interest – whether from his Grandfather's book or his own inventions.

But so far Severus had always sat opposite her, with a solid table in between the two of them. Lily felt flustered by his sudden closeness and attempted to busy herself with the last sentence, although now she had quite lost her train of thought. She was delighted that he had joined her, after spending all day longing to be with him, and yet now he was actually here she felt twinges of nervousness. All she could think of was how obvious it must be that she was in love with him, and it was ridiculously difficult to pretend that she was not when his sleeve was brushing against the back of her hand, making her envision other ways he could touch her there… caressing the skin with his fingers… letting his breath skim over it before he kissed the inside of her wrist…

"How are you feeling?" Severus' concerned voice shook her out of her reverie.

"Fine," she muttered. Lily knew Severus was referring to her embarrassing near-faint the night before and his scrutiny of her only made her more self-conscious. She was about to change the subject when he cut over her.

"I need to ask you something."

Her heart juddered in her chest, but when she looked up at Severus he hesitated.

"What is it?" she prompted him gently.

"It wasn't just tiredness that made you come over faint last night, was it?" he said, looking her straight in the eye. "Am I right in thinking it was… something you felt?"

Lily twisted uncomfortably. Was it plausible that he knew of her feelings for him? "Maybe, but it wasn't that unexpected…" she prevaricated until she saw the look of grim concentration Severus was focussing on her. "Do you think there was something wrong?" she asked, surprised.

Severus swallowed and averted his gaze. "You could feel what I was feeling, couldn't you?" he whispered, as if he was afraid to reveal this information to her.

Lily was shocked, because nothing at the time had made her aware that this had been happening – but just as she was about to contradict him she remembered the way she had felt hope stir within her when she had looked into his soft, dark eyes – and had not known why. And – her mind raced with the ramifications of it all – the gush of anger she had felt following Severus' unintended smile had most definitely not belonged to her-!

Lily sought his eyes, filled with alarm. "Yes," she breathed, her mind whirling. What did this mean? She didn't understand. How could she suddenly be so perceptive of what other people were feeling that she could feel their very emotions herself?

Severus clenched his hands. "Has this happened before? – Have you been aware of other people's emotions too?" he elaborated, in answer to her blank look.

"No," she replied at once.

"Are you sure? Think…"

Lily frowned. What did Severus think was going on? She thought back, trying to recall a situation where she had felt something incongruent. Suddenly she remembered the argument she'd had with James last week – when he had been furious upon learning that Severus had given her a bunch of roses. Before the roses had come under examination, she had been soaring on euphoria after procuring several pleasurable kisses from Severus… Now she looked back on it, perhaps she had only flown into a temper because she was feeding off James' soured outrage. And the next day, she had felt confusion emanating from the other girls and saturating the air – it had been so evocative that she too had started to question why she had lashed out at James…

She bit her lip and met Severus' eyes, but it seemed she did not need to answer – he already knew.

"When was it?" he asked, his tone heavy with resignation.

"A few days ago…" she replied. "Sev, what's going on?"

He turned his head away from her. "I'm not sure," he said crisply and scowled ahead at the nearest bookcase, but in spite of the intense look of concentration on his face Lily knew he was not trying to read the titles along the book spines. She recognised the way his eyes were alive with a purposeful energy, and how his lips set in a grim line, signifying the ferocious driving force that was propelling his mind onwards, hungering insatiably for answers.

"But you have an idea."

Severus slowly turned to her and raised his eyebrows. "And what makes you believe that?"

"I just – know. I recognise that look. And you wouldn't have interrogated me like this without a great deal of thought beforehand."

Severus did not say anything, but one corner of his mouth twitched and his eyes were alight with humour. Lily smiled. She knew him well, and he knew it!

Severus turned back to face the bookcase. "I do have an idea… but it is incomplete. I feel like there is something missing…"

"Couldn't I help you work it out?"

Severus appeared reluctant to acquiesce straight away and seemed to be teetering on the verge of speech, as if he was holding an internal debate. With a ripple of panic, Lily discerned the wary way his eyes hovered over her and how he was slowly withdrawing behind the closed expression that meant he was hiding something.

"Sev, please…?" she begged him, her voice constricted with emotion as she pleaded for him to trust her.

He closed his eyes and said softly, "There's – there's a book. It _might_ help. But it's in the Restricted Section."

Lily's heart sank. "Oh. Couldn't we ask a teacher for permission to take it out?"

Severus smiled at her wryly. "Not when the book is entitled _'Demystifying the Mysteries of the Mind Arts',_" he said smoothly.

Lily blinked, somewhat startled by the subject matter which was way beyond the magic covered in the classroom. "How do you know of this book?" she asked curiously.

Severus smirked. "I 'borrowed' it three years ago when I was intent on learning Legilimency… It was not easy to get my hands on it with that confounded Sensor charm Madam Pince sets on the Library every night. Needless to say, I returned the book once I had gathered what I required from it before she – or worse, _Dumbledore_ – realised it was missing. But I dimly recall something that _may_ encompass what you are experiencing…" He trailed off, his eyes narrowed as he stared through her, clearly endeavouring to picture a page he had glanced cursorily at years ago. Lily desperately wanted to find out what his suspicions were, but she knew Severus would not say until he was sure. The sooner they procured this book, the better! And this time, she would be there to help him. A devious plan occurred to her…

"I'm sure together we can get hold of it again without being caught," she said, her eyes suddenly twinkling. Severus raised his head.

"Is a Prefect – a noble, virtuous Gryffindor – plotting on stealing a book from the Library?" he whispered, his eyes glittering with amusement. Lily blushed. "I see… And how do you propose we go about this?"

She smiled mischievously. "I think we could borrow James' Invisibility Cloak for one night…"

Severus seemed far less thrilled that she had expected. "As if he would help me, Lily!" he snorted contemptuously.

"You don't understand; he doesn't need to find out," Lily insisted eagerly. "I'll just borrow it from him, while he's asleep-!"

Severus twirled his quill in his hands; the idea of being the one wielding the Cloak of Invisibility for once, instead of being the sorry soul duped by it, appeared to be exceedingly tempting.

He finally looked up at her, revealing barely suppressed excitement glowing on his face. "Which night is good for you?"

Lily grinned.

**xXxXx**

**Thank you for reading and please leave a review, it makes me really happy to hear your opinions on the story!**

**Here are a few thank you's – **

**Death: Thank you for your praise and encouragement, it really helps me to write. I'm guessing you enjoyed the duel in chapter 13? That was one of my favourite parts. Severus and James will definitely be coming head to head in battle towards the end of the story, but I'll see if I can squeeze in another duel before then ;)**

**LXS: Don't get me wrong, I love how you exuberantly strive for everyone to have a happy ending – and I am definitely like you when I read stories! But they have a long and winding road to get there – if they get there at all ;) I'm a little confused about what you meant about the 'two lauded houses' – sorry if I'm being thick – but if you could explain what you meant that would be great :) Thanks for reviewing!**

**Saint Snape: Thank you for your review! I'm sorry Lily's behaviour with regards to James annoyed you. It's that desperate Gryffindor trait of wanting to save everybody rearing its head again. She felt so guilty for hurting James that she wanted to give him something that might help allay his pain and his desire. It definitely didn't mean she's in love with him. We all know who she likes right now ;)**


	22. Near Breaking Point

**A/N: **_I am BACK! Yes, you may faint in shock, it has been a very long time. Going without writing for two months for the sake of revision has not been fun and I am really looking forward to being able to write again. All except one of my exams are done now, so life is looking up! And – over 200 reviews – wow. Thank you all so much. I really mean it. I am still amazed and overwhelmed by all your lovely comments, and when I'm feeling down I go and read them and feel so surprised and happy. When I started this story a year ago I had no expectation that it would do so well, only vague ideas and aspirations! So thank you all for reading and sticking with the story. You have made it such an enjoyable process and I am really grateful to have you as my readers _:)

**Chapter 22: Near Breaking Point**

Lily and Severus made an attempt the following night to procure James' Invisibility Cloak in order to break into the Library and steal the book that Severus wanted from the Restricted Section, but unfortunately it seemed that fortune was not in their favour. Instead, fortune was having a good laugh at their expense.

The mission was somewhat of a disaster right from the outset. She and Severus had agreed to meet outside the portrait of the Fat Lady at midnight, so with ten minutes to go Lily slipped out of bed and crept into the boys' dormitory, but it was immediately clear – if only from the scarcity of snores – that the room was devoid of the two of its occupants who should have been asleep in there. Hence it came as no surprise to Lily when her summoning charm failed to bring her James' Cloak.

Thus thwarted and very disappointed, Lily hurried back down to the Common Room and out into the hallway, where she shamefully told Severus that they could not go ahead with their plan that night. Neither of them was willing to risk the adventure without an Invisibility Cloak – although Lily suspected that Severus was just reluctant to pass by his one chance of getting his hands on the Marauders' most prized asset, rather than afraid like she was of being caught out by Madam Pince's alarms, or Mrs Norris, or Filch, or Peeves, or any of the teachers who patrolled the castle at night – and so they quickly ended their whispered conversation and made to return to their respective dormitories.

Severus had not long been out of sight when Lily, climbing back into Gryffindor Common Room past an irritable Fat Lady, was suddenly startled by a loud crash and the sounds of spells and expletives being shouted at top volume on the floor below. She was tempted to run back to see if Severus was okay, when she heard footsteps clattering up the staircase and a frantically whispered conversation. Not wanting to be caught herself, she darted in and concealed herself behind the Portrait Hole, expecting two Marauders to follow her any second.

Sure enough, the portrait of the Fat Lady swung inwards for the second time in under a minute, along with the sound of Remus' highly agitated voice.

"What did you do that for, Padfoot? You sent Filch running after us! Do you _want_ to get us into detention? Or are you really that fearless?"

Lily realised that it was Remus and Sirius who had been under James' Cloak; they must have been out on a night of 'marauding', and had probably tried to jinx Severus but got more than they had bargained for.

There was no visible sign of anyone, but Sirius' voice chipped in over Remus', affirming her suspicions. "Oh, there's no need to be so keyed up, Moony! You can't deny that it was exciting, dodging Snivelly's curses and nearly being caught by cranky old Filch." Sirius suddenly appeared halfway across the Common Room, sweeping a hand through his long mane of hair. Neither boy seemed at all aware of Lily standing against the wall, watching.

"Besides…" Sirius continued, his voice turning beguiling, "wasn't our little escapade earlier such fun?"

Remus shrugged off the Invisibility Cloak, and silhouetted against the dark grey light of the windows Lily thought he looked rather self-conscious, fiddling with the silken cloak in his hands. He mumbled something she couldn't catch, and Sirius walked back to him. Their outlines merged into one and there were more whispers and silences. Lily stared uncomprehendingly at them.

"Come on, we'd better get back to bed, or I'm going to be relying on your note-taking all of tomorrow," Sirius muttered, appearing to lead Remus back to the boys' staircase.

"You know I don't _really _mind, don't you?" Remus said, sounding anxious.

Sirius laughed. "Of course I know, Moony. But I can't be having you tired tomorrow, can I? At least one of us needs to look awake." They began to climb up the staircase and Lily edged out of the shadows, watching them curiously.

"I'm not at all tired!" she heard Remus protest, before Sirius let out a snort that carried across the Common Room like a gust of wind and was followed by some muffled shushing that soon disappeared out of earshot.

Lily stood there for a minute or two, wondering what in Merlin's name Sirius and Remus had been up to, and whether she ought to go and check on Severus in case Filch had caught him or he was stuck in a body-bind. But by the sounds of things, Severus had got away unscathed and, with the noise Sirius and Remus had been making, the caretaker would have most likely charged after them rather than her quiet friend.

The next day in Potions, as they took down notes on the day's potion, Lily asked Severus in an undertone what had happened. He insisted that Black's jinx had been thrown with such careless exuberance that it had completely missed him, hitting a suit of armour instead, and that he had escaped from both the Gryffindors and Filch totally unharmed. Severus suggested that they wait a few days before trying to venture to the Restricted Section again and Lily agreed.

But while Severus resumed his note taking, Lily couldn't stop her eyes from travelling from the blackboard to where the four Gryffindor boys sat on the other side of the dungeon, James and Remus dutifully writing down the instructions, while Peter copied off James and Sirius' head was buried in his arms on the desk, not even bothering to look as if he was paying attention. She couldn't help but wonder whether it was the usual mischief that Sirius and Remus had been up to in the night, or whether it was in fact something else altogether.

**xXxXx**

James craned his neck to scan the crowd filling the corridor, once more doubting whether he was doing the right thing. He had shaken off Sirius after Charms on the pretext of having an impromptu lunchtime Quidditch practice to warm up for this evening's session. Now, as unlikely as it sounded, he was on the hunt for Snape, with honestly no intention of hexing him.

Gritting his teeth, James shoved his hands in his pockets, strengthened his resolve, and made his way up to the next floor, feeling not at all keen about seeking out the Slytherin. It would be agonising to face up to Snape, knowing that the bastard had somehow swindled Lily's affections and left him with a crippled heart.

The memory of his encounter with Lily a few nights ago was still very fresh and painful. Lily's kiss had been as beautiful as it was heartbreaking. He had longed to kiss her for so many months, even years, but _never_ had he come close to dreaming that it would feel anything like it had – such joy mingled with gut-wrenching pain.

He had thought he'd known Lily, yet she had still managed to surprise him. He could still not believe how kind she was to offer him such a token of peace, when he knew she was in love with someone else. He understood now that, in spite of the aloof manner in which she usually behaved around him, Lily did not hate him. She had shown him compassion and warmth he had only believed possible between steadfast friends. And though she didn't love him, but she certainly did care a great deal about him, that much was clear. She just happened to care for Snape more.

He had known instinctively the moment they had cast the Vallatus Charm on Sunday, through the connection that it instilled between their minds, that Lily was in love with Severus. Stoically following Remus' advice, he had all but revealed to Lily that he knew this and was letting her go.

Yet he would have to suffer in silence. The wound was still too raw for him to admit to Sirius and Peter what he had done, particularly when he knew Sirius would declare that he was a complete and utter imbecile for letting Lily walk freely into Snape's arms and insist that he intercepted their union without delay. James knew deep down that he had to go through with this and endure the ensuing ache with a brave face, but he would probably not be getting much more sustenance than the odd reassuring smile from Remus and a sneer from Snape.

All he could do now was to ensure, as best he could, that Lily would be safe during the next few weeks, which she would surely spend increasingly in Snape's company. And as she would no doubt be returning to Snape's hideous book on the Dark Arts in her attempt to descry some trace of what went on in the clutches of that Slytherin's elusive mind – irrespective of the distress it would certainly bring to her, for she was completely blinded by faith and hope – James knew what he needed to do to make the process as least distressing for her as possible. And that meant confronting Snape.

Finally, James caught sight of his target's scowling face among a cluster of sixth year Slytherins who were on their way down to lunch. Snape's companions – Rosier, Wilkes and Avery – were guffawing over some lewd joke and scattering frightened first years before them. James wrinkled his nose in distaste and kept his head bowed as he tried to reach Snape without the others spotting him among the bustling students – he wanted to speak to the Slytherin in private, and preferably without sporting any of Wilkes' notorious bruises.

"Hey, Snape!" James hissed as he popped up out of the crowd at Severus' elbow. The instant Severus saw him, a fire of animosity flared in his eyes. Why, James could not fathom, seeing as Lily clearly favoured this snake over him, but nevertheless the Slytherin had stopped. James glanced over to the other sixth year Slytherins, but they had continued on unaware that Snape had lagged behind.

"I'm glad I've caught you, I wanted to ask you something," James began, eager to get this unpleasant conversation over with.

"The pleasure is all yours, I assure you," Severus growled, seeming to regret that he had stopped.

James continued as if he had not heard. "Can you make a Dreamless Sleep potion?"

Severus snorted derisively. "How dare you insult my abilities, Potter! Of course I can," he snapped.

"There's no need to be so prickly, I _know_ you're able to make it!" James cried in frustration. "What I meant was, will you make some? _Please_," he added, a mite scathingly.

"I wouldn't make _you_ some if you offered me fifty galleons."

"It's not _for_ _me!"_ James said emphatically, beginning to feel rather annoyed with Severus' lack of cooperation. "It's for _Lily_," he whispered.

Severus' attention was immediately captured and his eyes narrowed. "Why?" he asked softly, suspicion infusing his voice.

"She needs it," James said evasively, knowing that once Lily started delving into the dark book again this would be the only way to prevent the disruptive nightmares that sprouted from her deepest fears from returning. "Will you do it?"

"Why does she need it?" Severus persisted.

"Look, it's not my place to tell you why! Just do it, will you?" James said, irritated. Lily had confided in him alone that she had been having nightmares from reading Severus' book, and he was not about to betray her trust so easily.

Severus eyed him distrustfully. "How do I know you're not just having me on?"

James felt like yelling in exasperation. "For fuck's sake, Snape! If you have her best interests at heart, you'll do this for her!"

Severus pursed his lips. "Why don't _you_ do it, Potter, if you're so well-informed of her requirements?" he retorted silkily.

"Because I don't want to risk getting it wrong and making her ill! Besides, I know how adept you are at brewing this class of potion…" James said deviously, sending Severus a meaningful look that made him scowl furiously.

James couldn't hold back a grin. If there was one way to make Severus feel ill at ease, it was by bringing up the incident with the Dreaming Draught. It always worked wonders.

"Get lost Potter," Severus snapped, pushing past him.

"_Thank you so much_, Snape!" James crowed loudly, in mockery of Severus' non-committal behaviour.

Severus' edgy walk stopped and he twitched round. "And what gives you the impression I will comply with your request?" he said coldly; and yet the contempt did not quite reach his eyes.

James shrugged and gave him a wan smile. "You'd be mad to let Lily down so soon."

Then suddenly he realised that he had revealed how Lily was opening her heart to the Slytherin and his expression fell. Would Snape leap at the opportunity to gloat over him? If he had not yet realised that Lily was falling in love with him, he would surmise as much from what he had just let slip.

But Severus did not smother him with some sneering remark. A strange flicker of insecurity passed across his face before the usual inexpressive mask took its seat once more. He gave James a curt nod of assent and then swept down the corridor, vanishing with a swirl of his cloak in a few swift, silent strides.

James sighed in relief. If he was not mistaken, Snape would brew Lily the Dreamless Sleep potion and she would not suffer during her desperate quest to understand his morbid fascination with the Dark Arts. He had done his part.

**xXxXx**

In spite of his well-honed reflex to distrust everything that Potter came out with, later that evening Severus found himself seated in the Room of Requirement, obediently preparing a Dreamless Sleep potion. The lithe teenager stared broodingly into the spirals of silvery vapour rising up from his simmering purple potion, periodically sprinkling in ground lavender that filled the air in the Room of Requirement with a sweet fragrance. Yet its soporific properties were having no effect on him; he was becoming more frustrated by the second.

He knew _why_ he was here, brewing Lily a Dreamless Sleep potion – because Potter had told him to, and he was cautiously opening up to the idea that the Gryffindor was requesting the potion out of honest concern for Lily. If there was a thread of truth in Potter's request, he couldn't risk letting Lily suffer when he could prevent it from happening.

But he didn't _really_ know why, and this bothered him immensely. Why might Lily be in need this potion? _Why?_

Severus' eyes darkened, appearing like smouldering coals behind the curling ribbons of steam. He hated the very idea that Potter knew something important about Lily while he did not. He hated it like the acrid stench on his drunken father's breath.

A horrible, writhing sensation awoke in his gut; he was jealous, and Severus knew it. Once again he cursed the popular, arrogant brat for having the unfair fortune of being sorted into the same house as Lily, for having the privilege of sharing a Common Room with her, for being in her company more than he physically could by living at the opposite end of the castle. He was _missing out_, and Potter's lofty refusal to explain anything was like a cold slap in the face, a sharp check to put him back in his place, in second class… As if he didn't _deserve_ to know what was up with Lily.

A glossy lilac sheen was beginning to form over the surface of the potion and Severus quickly extinguished the fire, extracting the empty glass bottles that he had brought with him from his schoolbag while the potion cooled down. He was taking a risk brewing the potion in here, when there was a chance that Lily could walk in at any time, but where else could he do it?

He wasn't even sure how he should get the potion to her. How could he possibly hand it to her face-to-face and insist that she drank it each night before bed, when she would inevitably launch hundreds of questions at him, questions that he was totally unequipped to answer? _Damn Potter!_ Severus cursed as he decanted the purple liquid from his cauldron into the bottles lined up on the small worktable.

Was Lily not sleeping because of something to do with her newly found receptivity to other people's emotions? Surely it must be exhausting to have her heart tossed from one person to another. But he would have expected her sleep more soundly, not the opposite… He could not conceive a reason for how it might trouble her dreams. Perhaps the book on the Mind Arts would illuminate the matter… But should he really be dragging Lily off to the Library in the dead of night when she was already having trouble sleeping? He didn't want to make matters worse.

Yet the idea of having Potter's Invisibility Cloak at his own disposal was too good to pass by so easily. The deep-seated resentment and bitterness he had reared over the years demanded a chance to turn the tables, to have a glorious chance to laugh in the Gryffindor's face. Oh, the vindictive pleasure of having that Cloak in his own hands, after years of suffering at the mercy of its owner! How priceless was the very thought of Potter's face, should he find out that his worst enemy was using his most prized possession! For once, he could glory in the power that the Cloak bestowed on its wearer, and rejoice in the ability to be completely undetectable in a way in which the Disillusionment charm could simply not compare.

No… he would go ahead with their plan. He wanted both the Cloak and the book too badly. Perhaps after Lily had procured him the Cloak, he would give her the chance to turn back to bed and let him go it alone, to put his conscience at rest; but he knew that his own selfishness would be pleasured if she decided to join him under the Cloak, having no other option but to enter into his most intimate bubble of personal space for a secretive night-time journey in the castle. And how delightful that would be.

**xXxXx**

With the violet bottles of Dreamless Sleep potion carefully packed into his bag, Severus cleared away all visible evidence of his brewing and decided to return to the Slytherin Common Room, to study and simultaneously somehow contrive how he was to get the potion into Lily's possession without implicating himself in the matter.

He headed over to the door, and was just about to reach out for the handle when suddenly it flew open of its own accord and whacked him square in the face. A sharp pain seared through his nose and he let out a loud groan, doubling over in pain as tears sprang into his eyes. _Fuck_, even if it wasn't broken, it was bloody painful!

Distantly, above the whoosh of blood in his ears, he heard Lily's voice. He should have guessed it was her, but his heart still fluttered nervously at the realisation.

"Oh, god, Sev! Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry!"

Slowly, Severus straightened up, trying to blink back the tears of pain before Lily caught sight of them. He arched an eyebrow above the hand that was currently cradling his aching nose.

"No, I'm just standing like this for _fun_," he replied in his best attempt at a scathing tone as he could manage at this point in time, but it came out rather muffled.

Lily looked mortified. Only in her eyes had he ever seen something like concern directed towards him, and in spite of the pain Severus found himself quite pleased by her attention.

"Let me see – " Lily prised his hand away and Severus watched interestedly as her eyes turned sorrowful once she had observed the damage that she had inflicted upon him. He grabbed a particularly shiny jar off the nearest bookshelf and inspected his distorted reflection, giving a snort when he saw his inflamed, swelling nose. As if it wasn't already bad enough. He quickly hid it behind his hand once more.

"Don't you have some salve in your potions kit?" Lily was saying, pulling his schoolbag from his shoulder. "Come on, let's put some on…" She led him over to the sofa, her hand tugging on his. Wordlessly he obliged.

He sat and watched as Lily rooted around in his bag and extracted the salve from his potions kit, trying to detach himself from the piercing ache in his nose. Lily sank onto the little worktable in front of the sofa, dabbing her finger in the waxy salve that they normally used for cauldron burns, and then made a movement towards him. He flinched and leaned away.

"Don't worry, I won't hurt you again…" Lily murmured, looking incredibly guilty. "I am very sorry," she apologised once more. Severus stared at her, astonished that Lily believed him reluctant because he did not trust her. But he would rather let her think that, than tell her the reason why he instinctively recoiled away from a hand raised above him, why it felt alien to have someone who wanted to care for him when he was hurt. He didn't want to see the understanding and pity fill her eyes.

This time when she leaned towards him, he allowed her gently pry his hand away. He stiffened at her touch but he said nothing; he just gazed at her, so close now, as an intent concentration pervaded her face. He found himself holding his breath, savouring the feel of her fingers skimming over his bruised skin, so light it was barely there, but leaving behind a sensation that was cool and soothing.

Lily bit her lip and reached for more salve. When she moved back, her eyes flickered to his momentarily and his heart gave an almighty thud. She quickly turned her attention back to his bruises, giving him the happy chance to gaze at her up close. She was so near that he could see each tan freckle stippled on her cheeks and scattered flecks of gold amongst the beautiful green of her eyes, and he never, never wanted to look away.

Severus felt Lily's fingers running across his left cheekbone, which he had not realised until now was also bruised, and as he considered what it would be like if she were to cup his cheek as if to kiss him, he leaned subconsciously into her touch and let out the faintest sigh.

Lily's hand began to tremble, and as she slowly lowered it her eyes moved up to his, cautious as if she had been aware all along of his fixated stare upon her face.

A lump rose in his throat and Severus swallowed uncomfortably, turning away.

Already he could feel the pain and swelling lessening in his nose. He hoped he didn't bear too much resemblance to a troll – or one of those times after his father had broken his nose.

"There, you'll be good as new, in a few minutes," Lily said bracingly, breaking the silence. Severus gave a snort, and then winced as a fresh wave of pain coursed through his nose. He had to remember to not do that again, he rebuked himself sternly. He pointedly tried to ignore the mixture of amusement and sympathy he saw on Lily's face out of the corner of his eye.

Half smiling, Lily turned and looked around the room. "You've been brewing, haven't you, Severus?" When he did not immediately answer she said, "Wait – let me guess…" Severus smiled wryly, his eyes sneaking back to her face, which was screwed up in thought as she tried to work out what he had made.

"Hmm – lavender – so it must have been some kind of sleeping potion – like – like – "

Her glowing eyes met his, and Severus found himself magnetised to them, unable to look away even though with a flare of panic he suddenly knew _exactly_ what she was thinking. Something seemed to contract tightly between them, urging him to relive the seductive scenes that had been conjured in his mind from just _smelling_ the Dreaming Draught, this time bringing them gloriously to life…

He hurriedly dropped his gaze to the pot of salve, with which he began to fiddle. He cleared his throat. "A _Dreamless Sleep_ potion," he corrected her, his tone harsh.

Lily blushed. "Yes, of course." There was a brief silence. Her eyes travelled to his bag, where underneath the flap the tops of a few bottles were visible. "May I-?" She indicated to the bag. He gave a terse nod.

"I just thought – now we're in sixth year – with NEWTs and everything going on outside Hogwarts – stress levels are bound to rise, so we ought to be prepared…" Severus found himself rambling as he watched Lily hold a bottle of the violet coloured potion up to examine it, the light shining through and throwing dappled purple patches across her cheeks and in her hair, like petals. All of a sudden he couldn't remember what he had been trying to say.

"Yes, it is more stressful this year, I've noticed too," Lily said absent-mindedly, pulling out the cork and inhaling deeply. Her eyes fell shut and she smiled blissfully. Severus tried to resist a satisfied smirk.

"Would you like a couple of bottles?" he pressed, eager not to let the chance pass him by.

Lily looked up at him and corked the bottle. "Oh no, Sev, I couldn't," she said, returning the bottle to his bag. "Some of the ingredients don't come cheap…"

"It doesn't matter," Severus shrugged it off quickly. "Anyway, I have several, so if you have a couple I wouldn't miss them." He hoped he didn't sound too keen.

Lily hesitated. "Well, if you really don't mind, I suppose they might come in handy…"

Immediately Severus seized two bottles and pushed them into Lily's hands before she could change her mind. If she was confused by the insistent manner in which he was plying her with a Dreamless Sleep potion, she did not voice it as she stowed away the bottles in her schoolbag.

Severus watched her, in two minds as to whether to ask why James believed she was in need of the potion. "Are you – are you sleeping okay, Lily?" he ventured. "Only, you looked rather tired last week."

Lily seemed quite surprised. "Oh, yes! I'm fine, thank you. That was – nothing. I'm sleeping fine. But thank you for this, Sev, thank you so much! I know how wonderful your potions are – this is really generous of you. Are you sure there isn't something I can do to repay you?"

A smirk began to creep up his face and Severus slowly leaned back, draping his arm over the arm of the sofa. "I had not yet given the matter any thought…" he said teasingly, his dark eyes smouldering at her from under his black hair.

Lily smiled. "But now that you have…?" she said softly, tilting her head to one side curiously.

"I suppose there _is_ one thing that you could do…"

"Yes?"

He looked her straight in the eye, feeling daring. "There is something I would like from your lips…"

"My – lips?!" Lily's voice became higher but she did not look away from his burning gaze. Her knuckles were white as she gripped the edge of the table she was sitting on.

"Yes, Lily. I would like to hear one word."

"A _word_." It was said almost with relief. Severus smirked inwardly.

"Yes, a word Lily, what else?" He lingered for a moment, revelling in her mortification. "A word in answer to a question. A question that I believe you have had quite long enough now to think about. It is time you answered me."

Lily stared at him, transfixed, her chest rapidly rising and falling.

"However," he added, standing to his feet, "if there is something else that you wish to give me, I would not be disinterested… The first thing that sprang to your mind _is_ quite appealing, I must say…"

Lily's eyes widened. "How did – " she began breathily, looking up at him half-fearful, half-deferential.

"I do not always need Legilimency to glean your thoughts, Lily," he answered, standing right over her. "In this case, your thoughts were abundantly clear."

Lily turned the colour of a beetroot.

"Now, I believe we agreed that you owed me something," he said in a business-like manner. "An answer. Now." He stared at her expectantly and she quailed.

"Will I have to settle for second choice, a kiss, then?" he said in response to her silence.

Lily quavered, her eyes fixed on his. Severus rapidly approached her and placed his hands flat on the table on either side of her, leaning over her imposingly. He heard her breath hitch and she leaned back marginally, yet the way her eyes fluttered shut gave her true feelings away.

"Now… how can you say that you do not desire to kiss me?" Severus whispered, letting the warmth of his breath play upon her skin. She arched her neck expectantly. "See, even now I can see that your body wants me…" He drew even closer, pushing his weight gently against her. "How can you possibly try to deny it?"

Lily gave a faint whimper and tilted her head to the side, exposing her throat. He could almost smell the sweet hot blood coursing through it erratically, just beneath the skin. He ran a finger down the pale skin, parting her lips with a pleasing moan, and then turned her head so that she would look at him.

"It's not that I don't want to, Severus…" Lily whispered shyly. "It's just that I'm not in the right position to do so…"

"Hmm." Severus leant back, rather amused. "That is easily rectified. What position would you like to be in? Would you like me to lay you down on the table? Or push you up against the wall?"

Lily blushed profusely and he realised then that he had misinterpreted what she had said. "No – not _that_ kind of position… I meant – I'm not yet in the right situation…"

Severus stood up and crossed his arms. He looked down at Lily, thoughtfully choosing his words. "Well, tell me what situation you are awaiting, and I will ensure it is brought about without delay."

Lily lowered her eyes to the floor. It seemed she was afraid of her thoughts being read. "If I told you, I think you would hate me," she confessed honestly, in a small voice.

"Is that so…?" Severus' voice was quiet and perfectly steady, despite the thrill that was crashing through him at what he was about to do. "I doubt it would be worse than seeing you kiss _Potter_ right in front of me…"

He dropped this revelation with the weight of a ten-tonne Hungarian Horntail and let it hang in the air, watching Lily in anticipation.

Her reaction was even more satisfying than he had hoped for. Her eyes flew to his and her jaw dropped open in shock. "You – _what?_ You saw – But I thought – _You didn't say_ – " she stammered, her eyes full of horror. His eyes twinkled as he rejoiced in holding this over her.

"Now," Severus said matter-of-factly, "seeing as you, of your own accord, suffered yourself to kiss that arrogant toe-rag, what possible excuse is there to not let yourself kiss me? What ill-founded reason is holding you back from admitting to me the answer that you have known you want to give all along?"

The culmination of weeks' worth of sickening waiting and repressed yearning were filling him up with a blazing desire that suffused his eyes with heat. Severus looked straight into her eyes, willing her to give in at last and just confess that she would go out with him. He could tell from the expression on her face that, although she was frightened of something, she was finding his proposal highly tempting and was on the brink of succumbing. Excited, he drew nearer and threaded his hand through Lily's hair, tilting her face up so that she could not avoid looking right back at him. How close they were, how very close to kissing…

"Please – Severus – you're making me feel – " She couldn't finish.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Indeed?"

He withdrew from her and sat back down on the sofa, casually draping one arm over the armrest and resting one foot over the thigh of his other leg in a self-assured position. "I'm making you _feel_, am I, Lily? I consider that an achievement."

She nervously hid behind her hand and moved to join him on the sofa, tucking her legs beneath her as she knelt facing him. "Severus, you know what I mean…"

He looked at her sidelong, at first assuming that she meant she was feeling torn. But then he saw, without even consciously employing Legilimency, that even as they spoke she was experiencing the storm of impatient desire that had been stirred up within him. She was referring to the strange ability she appeared to have developed.

"You are tapping into my emotions again," he said softly, trying use his Occlumency to detach both himself and Lily from the feelings clamouring deep inside him.

"It's – it's not like that." Lily sighed and tried to explain, all the while staring at his left hand, which was resting on his thigh. "It's not like I'm _trying_ to pick up how you're feeling… I just need to be around you and without even realising I am feeling things that I wasn't feeling before, things I later understand aren't my own, but at the time it is so real that I can't discern whether they are your feelings or mine… I mean, it's not just you, Severus – I feel more receptive everyone else's emotions too. Now I can just look at them and discern their mood, and what they're feeling inside. Do you understand? I feel it _myself_, like it's part of me. Like it's my own pain, or my own hopes – or – or longing…"

She trailed off, now gazing at him, and Severus knew to whom she was referring at the end. He sighed. This magical ability seemed more powerful than he had first suspected. He frowned when he realised what she must have felt when she was around him, and could only pray that his fierce desire did not frighten her. But it was clear that it was confusing her, and that it was unfair to pressurise her into giving an answer when she could not tell how she felt.

"I think it's time we tried to go to the Restricted Section again," he adjudicated. "This is getting out of hand. We need to find out how to put an end to this – or at least how to help you discriminate between your feelings and those of others."

"It's not all bad," Lily said placatingly, "I like to be aware of what others are going through. But I really want to understand what is going on, and make sure that I really feel how I think I do, too. Then I will give you my answer, Severus, I promise."

He nodded comprehendingly, and then teased, "You know I will hold you to that, don't you?"

Lily smiled. "Of course. Now, James has Quidditch practice all evening, and the others were going to watch. Judging by our lovely wet October weather, they will all be cold, wet and tired and dying for bed when they come back at nine, so we should be safe to try again tonight."

Severus smirked. It was time to get some answers. "Excellent."

**xXxXx**

**Thank you for reading! Please do review, it will make my day :) Next time is the Library scene, which should be rather more successful than this abortive attempt! It will be written within 2 weeks - back to the usual schedule, yay!**

**Here are some thank you's to some lovely people:**

**Anotherboarduser: Thanks for reviewing! I haven't got as far as planning Lily's child, but as for whether she will end up with Severus – that is still a surprise. I think the question is not whether Severus values his Pureblood friends over Lily, but whether he can put aside all his desires and ambitions to become powerful, respected and in control, after the way he has grown up. He will do all he can to get both his ambitions and Lily at the same time.**

**Guest: Thanks for all your exuberant reviews! They really made me laugh and I am delighted by how real you feel the scenes are and how much you love the story. I hope you continue to enjoy it :)**

**LXS: I understand fully what you meant now, thanks for the elaboration! James might be quiet, but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing at the moment. Now, when Sirius finds out, THAT is when the trouble will arise! Keep an eye out for that ;) Thank you for reviewing!**

**RestlessInsomnia: Thank you so much for your review! It came just before my exams and it really boosted me up :) I'm so happy to be making your nighttimes enjoyable, and to hear that you find the story beautiful… And yes, tacos ARE amazing :P**


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